Blood Promise
by vampfreak290
Summary: Rose Hathaway is off to kill the love of her life and then she come across a dhampir and Moroi who need a travelling compainion. What will Rose do with these two teenagers and how will she keep them safe? It all plays out in my story. read and review!
1. Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds

**CHAPTER ONE – TIME DOESN 'T HEAL ALL WOUNDS**

**Hey, people. Well, this is my first fanfic so don't be expecting too much. I'm just learning how to use the site. So this is my version of BLOOD PROMISE the next Vampire Academy book that will be coming out in August. So this is my version and I'm going to stop talking and get on with the story.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE ACADEMY IT IS RICHELLE MEAD'S NOT MINE NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WISH IT WAS. I ONLY OWN THE NEW CHARADETERS I ADD INTO THE STORY.**

I WAS SITTIN ON THE inside seat of the plane and next to me was a reasonably cute boy, but I didn't care. I would never care for any boy again (except in friendship type of way). The boy had sat beside me and started to flirt with me but I kept it curt and just nodded and said I had a boyfriend. Not to mention that that said boyfriend was the undead. A Strigio. But obviously I couldn't tell this human that so I just said I was flying off to meet my boyfriend and he backed off.

I stared aimlessly out the window feeling absolutely terrible. I'd felt terrible since _his _body was not returned to the Academy, but I'd felt worse ever since I'd left Lissa. Part of me died when _he _didn't come back, and another died when I left Lissa. Hell, I wasn't sure there was anything left in me. The only thing I thought about now was making it up to _him_.

I pulled my legs up on my seat and turned my face into my legs. It felt like I was breaking apart. When I closed my eyes, another pair stared right back at me. A pair of eyes I knew too well. I thought about _him _every eighty percent of the time and the other twenty percent was spent thinking about Lissa. I hardly slept anymore, too worried to let my guard down or crying. I'd cried in the last week more than I ever had in my entire life. I had only cried this hard when I'd made my first Strigio kills and when I'd witnessed one of my closest friends get murdered. But even then, I hadn't cried this long. I just wanted to be numb and not pay any attention to the world outside. I just wanted to be timeless and untouched by the world around me.

Well, you are probably wondering who _he _was. _He _is Dimitri Belikov. It ached when I thought his name, but I'm tough. I always have been. Dimitri Belikov is-was his name. Dimitri was my mentor when he'd offered to be the one to "set my back in line" when the Academy's guardians had found Lissa and me in Portland two years after we had broken out of the Academy.

At first it had just been a student-teacher relationship – that is until Victor Dashkov came along. Id had a little crush on Dimitri, yeah, he was incredibly hot, and who didn't? But then, it became more than his looks that I liked about him. It was his dedication and devotion to the cause of being a guardian. I'd never met anyone who was as serious about being a guardian as I was, and Dimitri was. That enforced my feelings for him, but obviously I wasn't open about my feelings.

I'd always thought that Dimitri didn't like me that way, he'd sometimes drop hints like he thought I was pretty or that he liked how I was wearing my hair. I'd never really thought that he actually liked me that way and just thought he was being nice to me. Until Victor had put the lust charm on us the night he'd kidnapped Lissa from the Academy. We'd been all over each other, then Dimitri had figured it out and then he pretended like nothing had ever happened between us and we went back to the strict student-teacher act and our feelings only shown in the meeting of our eyes.

Then in the winter, while it was sort of a vacation, but not, Christian's (Lissa's boyfriend) aunt showed up and was in pursuit of Dimitri's love. It had pissed me off when ii heard so then I became a real bitch around Tasha Ozera. Then, after my friends and I had gotten ourselves captured by Strigio, after I'd killed the two Strigio and after I'd seen Mason die, Dimitri had held me and comforted. It was so sad watching Mason die- it broke my heart, just in a different way than it was broken now. When we got back to the Academy, Dimitri told me that he could never love anyone else but me. I was so happy that I'd finally got a claim on him, that he was mine.

Then the Academy was attacked by Strigio during the middle of our field experience and the Strigio had taken some of our people. Morio and dhampirs alike and one of the dhampirs that was taken was Eddie Castrol. One of my closest friends and Eddie was one of the people who was with me in Spokane when we were captured. One of the Strigio had used Eddie as a feeder and had taken blood from him every time he came into the room. Eddie had nearly died, and I wasn't going to let it happen to him again. I'd talked to Mason's ghost (I'll get back to that little detail later) and got the location of where the Strigio were and I'd gotten the guardians to launch a rescue mission for our people.

We'd saved all our guys but one that was already dead when we got there. As we were retreating, a Strigio caught Dimitri, who was running beside me, by surprise and taken him down. It was the same Strigio I'd fought on campus with Christian the same Strigio that said he was going to kill Lissa. But he'd gotten away when another Strigio had bumped into me from behind. But he hadn't gotten away without a present from me: I'd raked my stake down his face, it wound be my mark on him. The way the Strigio's eyes had flicked up to meet mine, like he wanted me to see it.

That image of the blond Strigio over Dimitri, drinking his blood still haunted my dreams and lingered in my thoughts while I was awake. It was painful, leaving him behind, but you can't say that I didn't try to go back to him. My least favourite teacher, Stan Alto, had to restrain me so I didn't run back to the Strigio and my love. I was screaming and crying as I thrashed against Stan's hold. My mother had to slap me across the face to get me moving, I saw her worry and fear of her daughter, me, being killed and I ran with them back to the Academy, tears streaming down my face. I cringed back into myself remembering that night.

When Dimitri's body wasn't brought back to the Academy, I'd asked Mason's ghost if he was dead, alive or…Strigio. And my answer was Strigio and I felt…I can't even begin to explain. I'd decided to do one last thing for Dimitri, to kill him. To do the only thing that he'd want. He'd want to be killed. And that was what I was going to do.

But there was one small flaw with my plan: I needed some money. And I got it from another friend of mine. This friend was Adrian Ivashkov. Adrian likes me and I mean _likes _me, as in actually having feelings for me. I'd always thought that Adrian just wanted me for a toy like all of the other girls he'd been through, but as it turns out, that wasn't the case. So Adrian told me that he would give me all the money I wanted- if I gave him a chance when I came back. He'd made me promise him, and I did. Honestly? I was still trying to find a way out of this little mess. It was a lie that I'd give him a chance, but it was necessary.

I'm a dhampir, half human half Morio. Morio are the good mortal vampires and the Strigio are the evil immortal vampires that need Morio blood to survive. That is why they hunt us: to drink our blood. Some think that dhampirs are better than Morio, but most prefer Morio. And that is why they need guardians: to protect them from the Strigio. I have been trained at St Vladimir's Academy in Montana to become a guardian and protect the Morio race. So there is no surprise there, which is normal.

Something that _isn't _normal is that I'm Shadow Kissed. This is something that is very uncommon because to be Shadow Kissed, you would need to be brought back from the world of the dead. And I was. Lissa, who has been my best friend since we were kids and I'd swore at our kindergarten teacher for trying to make us spell out our full names. Like come on, how are kindergarteners going to be able to spell Visalia Dragamir and Rosemarie Hathaway? Yeah right. We were in a car accident, with Lissa's family Mr and Mrs Dragamir and Lissa's older brother Andre. Lissa was the only who was able to stay alive. I died along with her whole family. But that had somehow triggered Lissa's element (all Morio can control an element: fire, earth, water, air and very rarely, spirit) and she healed me. She brought me back from the world of the Dead. Ever since then, I've been able to read Lissa's mind, tell what she's feeling and sometimes, I slip into her and experience things that are happening to her from her point of view. That is one thing I hate about our bond, especially when she spends time with Christian.

Being Shadow Kissed, I can also sense when Strigio are near or approaching. I get nauseous. And I can also see ghosts because I'm Shadow Kissed. I'd never seen ghosts before Spokane, but I guess the more death I weald and witness, brings me closer to the world of the Dead. Now there was always a hum around me, reminding me what I am and what was around me.

By the way, my name is Rose Hathaway, I've just had my eighteenth birthday, dropped out of my academy, have a best friend who is going to change the whole Morio world, love a dead man and I'm off to kill that man. I'm also completely on my own.

Life isn't easy. Not one bit.

**Well, what did you think?? Is it good, bad, terrible? Please review and post your comments on my story. I know this isn't really THE story this is the introduction. You know, the first chapter in all the VA books is the intro, so I just thought it would be cool to go with it. So please, please, please review my story and I LOVE constructive criticism. **

**REVIEW PLEASE!!**

**~ALICE~**


	2. New Compainions

**Okay, guys, well, that was just the intro and kinda boring I know, but now this is the REAL story!!! **

**But before I get on with the next chapter, I'd like to throw out a HUGE thank you to **sk8tergrl700 **because if she hadn't told me how to work this, my story would never be up. SO THANK YOU SO MUCH!!**

**Now, on to the story.**

"ROSE. BE CAREFUL, WHATEVER YOU'RE doing, please- just please- don't get yourself killer." A voice said shattering my dreamless sleep. The blackness suddenly changed to a beach, mid-day (for humans) with the wind blowing through my hair. My dream-walking friend usually preferred this setting.

I looked down and saw that I was wearing a black bikini top, jean shorts, black flip flops and the _nazar _my mother had given me for Christmas hung on a chain around my neck. I stared out over the sea watching the waves roll gently onto the sand.

"Adrian, nice of you to visit. I was wondering when you might stop in." I said softly, not turning to face him. It did not surprise me that Adrian had chosen to visit my dreams, I'd been expecting it.

He came to stand beside me and his expression is what _did _surprise me. His face was strained, lined with worry and compassion. It hurt to see him care for me that way, it reminded me too much of what I had with Dimitri.

"Glad you're well. Nice to see you too, Rose." Adrian said. "Where are you now?"

"On a plane." I said quietly, still watching the waves.

"Where are you flying to?" Adrian asked, his questions were only polite and I could tell that he didn't mean to be offensive.

"I don't really want to talk about it now. I'll tell you everything when I get back." There was no need to mention that there was a very large possibility that I might _not _come back.

"Alright." Was all he said. Great, I'd pissed him off in not even the first five minutes.

"Adrian, I'm sorry, I just can't talk about this now. When it's all over, we'll talk. I promise." I sighed, finally turning toward him. Adrian's face softened and he put a gentle hand on my cheek.

"Rose…" His voice was pained and my brow furrowed in confusion. "Promise me something else. Promise me you will be careful." When I didn't answer Adrian stepped closer so I could feel the heat coming from his body.

"Promise me, Rose." He murmured his lips only inches from mine. What was keeping me from saying anything was that I was wondering if I really wanted to be careful. Did I even want to come back? Wouldn't it be easier if I just finished my duty and died? I'd put everything behind me and wouldn't have to worry about one single thing. It would be so easy…

"Remember Lissa." Those words were like splashing cold water into my face. They shoved my thoughts of dying away and were replaced with new ones of how hard Lissa had cried when I left her at the Academy, just one short week ago.

Then suddenly the dream started to face, taking Adrian with it.

"I promise." Were the last words said before I was jolted awake by the pilot's voice over the intercom: "Please put on your seat belts we will be landing in Siberia shortly." I obediently buckled up and then sighed as I stared out the window into the night. With my enhanced dhampir sight, I could vaguely see the lush green of the trees in the distance. Siberia was nothing like I thought it would be. I thought of Dimitri's childhood here, happy and content, growing up with his two sisters, mother and grandmother. I could just imagine him bickering with his siblings, it made my lips pass a small smile. But my smile quickly vanished as I remembered why I was here and what I was going to do or die trying. I had to end his life, to set him free. I had to kill him.

But he already lost his life; I wouldn't be taking anything from him. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to handle this. I wasn't even sure I could handle _seeing _him let alone fight him. But I've _got _to. I promised.

The plane landed smoothly and I grabbed my duffle bag (which was the only bag I ad and it was my carry on) and climbed down the steps. As I made my way down, I remembered the dhampir boy who had been in front of me when we were going through the metal detectors. The machine caught onto my _nazar _and when the guys pulled it out of my pocket, they had also pulled out my silver stake. The boy in front of me had gotten me out of that little stick by persuading them that it was of no harm, but what struck me as odd was that his friend, a Moroi boy, had used compulsion on the guard. I didn't get a good look at the Morio because both boys sped away before I could even say thank you.

I'd been confused but wasn't going to waste my time chasing after somebody who helped me once.

"Hey you!" a voice behind me called. I instinctively turned to the sound and saw the dhampir boy who'd helped me with my stake loping towards me. I pointed to myself and raised my eyebrows. The boy nodded eagerly and grinned. Okay…

"Hey," the boy said when he finally reached me. I cocked my head to the side and studied him. He looked about my age, probably a year younger, but definitely not older; he had unruly blond hair and hazel eyes. He had a kind face and looked really sweet, but considering that he was a dhampir, that would probably change in a fight.

"Yes?" I asked politely. Then he looked kind of uncomfortable and kept glancing over his shoulder at the other boy, the one who had used compulsion on the guards.

"Um, do you have someone to travel with?" he asked hesitantly and it seemed as if he was going to add more when the Moroi boy came storming up. I raised my eyebrows higher and watched them in amusement.

"What did she say?" the Moroi hissed.

"Calm down, I just asked her." said the dhampir, shooting me a worried glance.

"You can't get anything done- at least not right. I'll just compel her. Move." The Morio said, rudely shoving around the dhampir to face me. Then I got a good look at him and I was taken back. This Moroi boy was about two or three inches taller than me and had black hair and cold eyes. Ice blue eyes. I'd recognize those eyes anywhere, but right now, this boy didn't seem very friendly.

"Don't," I warned. "Don't you dare try to use compulsion on me."

"Or what?" he sneered, yes, he definitely had Christian's attitude. He _must _be an Ozera.

"Or I'll kick your asses." I said curtly as I glared up at him.

"My guardian will beat you first." The Moroi retorted. I saw the dhampir shoot him a frantic glance which told me that he was afraid to fight me… or he was afraid to lose.

"What about having someone to travel with?" I said changing the subject, not so subtly. I really didn't need to start a brawl at the airport and nor did I want to.

"Can we travel with you?" the dhampir said quickly before his friend could get a word in.

"Why…would a Moroi and dhampir randomly be asking others to travel with them? Especially a royal…?" I mused aloud and saw them both stiffen noticeably at the word "royal". Hmmm.

"How did you know I was royal?" demanded the Moroi tightly.

"I know one of your relatives. Another Ozera," I said slowly as I gauged their reactions. The Moroi's eyes narrowed dangerously and danced like blue fire- just like Christian's did when he was angry. That told me something else about this odd boy.

"Let me guess, you element is fire." I said slyly as I watched both boys' eyes widen in disbelief.

"How did you… who are you?!" the Moroi screeched. I rolled my eyes and turned around and starting walking motioning for them to follow.

"Not here. I'll explain later." I murmured to the two boys as they lugged their bags after me.

"How do we know you're not going to kill us the moment we turn around?" the Moroi growled.

"Shut up," groaned the dhampir. "You're lucky she's even talking to us. I'm Blake Macy and this is my friend Tory Ozera, which you already know so much about because…"he trailed off probably expecting me to answer.

"I told you – _not here_." I repeated then walked to the side of the road and flagged down a cab. I glanced behind me and saw that both boys only carried a duffle bag each. "Is that all the luggage you have?" I asked sceptically.

"Yes, we wanted to travel light." The dhampir- Blake- responded. Why would they want to travel light if they had graduated from their academy?

"Is that the only luggage you have?" the Moroi- Tory- asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Yes." Was all I said. It's not like I was going to give them any answers for my life. A cab pulled up and I ushered the two boys into the car and tossed their bags in the trunk. I slipped in beside Blake and gave the cabby directions to a hotel in a city near the dhampir commune Dimitri grew up on. Blake gave me a confused look, which I pointedly ignored, and then he sighed.

No one spoke the entire way to the hotel and as the boys retrieved the luggage, I paid the cabby a hundred dollars. I smiled at his shocked expression. "Keep the change."

Neither of the boys said anything as I led them into the hotel lobby which was large and buzzing with the chatter of the occupants and the white marble floor contrasted with the black marble fountain in the middle of everything. It was graceful and elegant I wanted to stop and admire it, but I remembered that Blake and Tory were with me. I mentally scolded myself as I walked up to the counter. I booked a room called an _Adult Sweet _which included two king size beds, a couch, a balcony and a master bathroom. Neither of the boys commented on this either. The room was three hundred per night, which didn't seem too bad, but I didn't know how long we would be staying here. Hopefully not long, because I needed to take care of my own business, but wouldn't it be the wrong thing to leave them unprotected?

I mulled over this as we rode the elevator up to the room and I silently led them down the hallway. I slipped the card in and the door unlocked. Stepping aside, I let the boys in first and locked the door behind me. I took my shoes off and ran straight into Blake's back.

"Where do I sleep?" he said.

"On the bed." I grumbled as I walked past him and dropped my bag at the end of the couch before settling myself down.

"Well, that's not-" he started but I cut him off as I marched over and tossed his bag on the bed to the right, the one on the left had already been claimed by Tory.

"Are we all nice and cozy now?" Tory said sarcastically as he leaned back on the pillows at the top of his bed. I rolled my eyes and plopped back down on the couch. I fixed the boys with a stern stare.

"How old are you?" I asked

"We're both seventeen. You?" Blake answered calmly. What the hell? _Seventeen? _They should be at an Academy.

"Eighteen," I said absent minded. "If you are both seventeen, why aren't you at an academy?" I demanded sharply.

"We broke out." Tory shrugged nonchalantly like it was not big deal.

"_Why?_" What reason could they have for breaking out of their academy?

"No. We're not telling you anything else until you tell us something." Tory said glaring at me from across the room. _Oh, I'm scared_, I thought sarcastically.

"Still think I'm going to kill you?" I joked, but his glare didn't waver so I rolled my eyes, seriously. I'm a dhampir, not Strigio. "What do you want to know?"

"Who the hell are you?" Tory hissed.

"I'm Rose Hathaway." I answered bluntly. I heard Blake gasp and saw Tory's eyes widen, what the hell? I turned to Blake.

"Are you…fucking kidding?" he said in a shocked voice. I threw my hands up exasperated.

"Why the hell would I lie about who I am?"

"No way." Tory mumbled. Both boys looked at me with a new respect for God know what.

"What?" I said after about five minutes of silence. What was their fucking problem?

"You're _the _Rose Hathaway? The one who broke out of St Vlad's Academy for two years?" Blake asked, staring at me like I held all the answers to the world, right, like I could even pass advanced Culinary Science. Christian would definitely kick my ass in that.

I nodded. "Yeah, that's me." I said quietly, remembering all the fun me and Lissa had had in Portland before Dimitri and his badass crew caught us. For a moment I wished that they _hadn't _found us. I immediately shoved that thought out of my mind; if they hadn't found us, I would have never met Dimitri.

"Whoa," I heard Tory mumble as he shook his head. Then I felt the atmosphere in the room become less tense and more relaxed.

"How do you know me?" I asked slowly.

"Who _doesn't _know you?" Blake retorted, grinning from ear to ear. "You're famous! Especially with the novices." Oh. Of course. This was the Moroi we were talking about; I should have expected that there be gossip about me.

"Where did you and Princess Dragamir go?" Tory asked, he was sitting up straight now, all his attention focused on me. Great, now they were going to be shooting questions at me non-stop.

It was going to be a long night.


	3. What Am I To Do?

**CHAPTER THREE – WHAT AM I TO DO?**

**Hey, in the last chapter, Rose meets Blake (a dhampir) and Tory (a Moroi) and they are now staying at a hotel in Siberia. ENJOY!**

"Is it true that you killed two Strigio in Spokane when you were captured and that you earned two _molnija _marks?" Blake asked, staring at me like I was some kind of oracle.

"Yes, I killed two Strigio in Spokane, but not without the help from a friend." I murmured as I remembered how Mia had come back for me and broken the fish tank. It saved my life.

"Can we see your marks?" Tory asked excitedly.

"Yeah," I said, rising from the couch and flipping my hair up as I walked toward the two boys. "One is for Isaiah and one is for Elena." I explained.

"Who are they?" Tory asked and I could feel a hesitant finger tracing my marks.

"What is this one for?" Blake said as I felt a finger repeatedly trace over the same spot.

"Isaiah and Elena were the two Strigio who had captured me and my friends. The other mark, I forget what it's called but it means that the barer has been in a battle and has killed many Strigio." I flipped back my hair answering both their questions and turned to face the boys again.

"That is too cool,"

"Rose Hathaway…" they marvelled staring at me in awe. I blushed at their praise, I didn't even expect them to know my story let alone my name, but the way they were looking at me made me uncomfortable.

"So, um, would _you _two like to explain _your _ story and why the hell you broke out of your academy when you could have just filled out the drop-out papers?" I asked in a not-so-subtle change of subject. But still. Braking out of your academy with a Dragamir princess is something you actually need to do without people knowing. But leaving with and Ozera wouldn't be that big of a deal- no offence to the Ozera family, of course.

"Well, we just hadn't thought of filling out the forms and we didn't actually brake out." Blake admitted sheepishly, I raised my eyebrows and he sighed. "We just tossed a rope to the top of the gate at the back of campus and climbed the fence and went to the closest town." He didn't meet my eyes, like this was an extremely embarrassing thing to say. I couldn't help it. I laughed.

"You guys must have had so much fun!" I said enthusiastically, grinning.

"It was," Tory said grinning back at me.

"How long have you been out?" I was still grinning when the actual reality of the situation hit.

"About five or six months, I think." Blake said thoughtfully.

"Have you kept in practice?" I cut him a stony glance and he shifted uneasily.

"With my guardian training?" Blake squirmed, visibly uncomfortable under my hard stare. "Yeah, um, about that…"his voice trailed off, not meeting my gaze.

"You haven't." I said blankly.

"No," he said in a small voice. I was about to lecture him about how easily his Moroi would get killed, but then I remembered how much I had hated it when everyone ripped on me because I was "irresponsible and reckless". I felt my face soften and I gave him a kind knowing smile.

"Well, we'll be fixing that." I said primly. Blake's and Tory's eyes widened to an impossible size.

"_You are going to train me?_" Blake squeaked, an enormous grin lighting his entire face. I nodded.

"Tory is as good as dead with the way you would be now, if you've been out of practice for six months."

"I've still got some!" protested Blake as he started to remove himself from the pillows he'd piled around him.

"Blake, shut up. This is Rose Hathaway. The _best _guardian out there. Listen to her." Tory said, sounding completely sure of me.

"I'm not the _best _guardian." I quickly, saving Blake and also trying to defend Dimitri's pride. "I don't eve have a charge right now." I added quietly.

"Where's Princess Dragamir?" Blake looked confused, as if he just noticed that Lissa wasn't here.

"At the Academy." I stared out the glass door to the balcony, not meeting their questioning gazes.

"Why aren't you with her?"

"Because there is something I have to take care of now." I replied curtly, cringing back on myself. I plopped down on the end of Blake's bed and put my hands in my pockets.

"Seriously? You're on a top secret guardian mission that's too dangerous for the Princess to accompany you on so someone else is guarding her until you get back?" Tory seemed impressed. Probably because he thought I was assigned to coming here, not by my own will. Don't get me wrong, this _is _dangerous, but I needed to do it.

"Something like that," I mumbled softly, as I pushed off the bed and walked over to the glass doors. I stared out into the increasingly dark landscape of Siberia. I couldn't go out looking for Dimitri tonight and leave Tory and Blake unprotected. I couldn't leave Tory and Blake until Blake was back up to guardian standards. Then, suddenly, I had a brilliant idea.

"Don't unpack. We're leaving tomorrow morning." I said abruptly, turning to back to the two boys who were watching me with a curious confusion. A slow smile crept across Blake's face.

"Where are we going?" My guess was that as soon as I told him where we'd be going, that smile would disappear very quickly.

"The Siberian Academy," Yep, I was right: his smile was immediately replaced with a shocked and frantic expression, it was almost funny. I probably would have laughed and teased him about how he looked if I was the same as I was when I first returned to the Academy. I didn't think I'll ever be able to go back to my old self; the easy going party girl who broke every rule and challenged every limitation, the girl who was famous for her unstable reputation. No, I could never go back to that Rose and I needed to stop pretending that once everything was done with Dimitri that I could go back. Because I can't, and it's that simple, so I needed to stop kidding myself.

"We need to go somewhere safe and I need to have a word with the headmistress. It might just save that academy. And we also need somewhere where you can get back to the guardian you need to be." At that last part, Blake's face transformed from shock to a sure determination. Once I got this boy back into shape and cut down on his friendliness, he'd be a great guardian.

"Then what will I do? What if the headmistress won't allow us to stay at her academy?" Tory challenged. Just like Christian. I'd never thought the say would come when I would actually miss _Christian_. After we'd been paired for the field experience, we'd broken up some of the tension and were brought even closer when we fought against the Strigio on campus. I winced at the memories and closed my eyes as I hung my head.

"Rose?" I heard Blake say and felt a light hand on my arm. I opened my eyes and gave him a kind smile then turned back to the window and crossed my arms.

"The headmistress will let us stay. We are no threat and she has no reason to reject us." I said sternly.

"Tory. Drop it, Rose knows what she's doing." I imagined Tory opening his mouth to protest again and Blake cutting him off. But the question was: do I?

We were quiet for a while and I could feel them watching me, but I didn't turn to answer their stares.

"Tory, do know a Christian Ozera?" I said speaking quietly with my back still turned.

"Christian Ozera?" Tory said thoughtfully. "Oh, he must be the kid who's parents disgraced my family." His voice turned cold, which bugged the hell out of me. Nobody talks about my friends like that. _Especially _that issue, they got enough talk of a Dragamir Princess dating a disgraced Ozera. I spun around with my hands balled into fists.

"Do _not _speak against the Ozera name. Do _not _speak against Christian Ozera. And you, of all people, an Ozera, I would think that you would have enough respect to keep some of your own pride as to leave that issue alone!" my voice was low and menacing and I could tell by their shocked faces that they were extremely surprised, but they weren't afraid of being hurt. Damn it! I needed to control my temper. Now that I'd lost my temper, I'd also lost my control over the ghosts so they were no longer at bay. It felt like my head was being beat on with a hammer over and over again in the same spot. I sank to the ground and pinched the bridge of my nose between my forefinger and thumb. I squeezed my eyes shut and mumbled for them to go away.

If you've been shot before, imagine that pain, just a million times worse. That's how bad my head hurt. Then, finally, with a forceful order, I reclaimed power over myself and the ghosts went back to the dull hum around. I groaned and covered my face with my hands.

"Rose…" I heard Blake say in a concerned voice that was coming closer. "Rose, are you okay?"

"Um, yeah, I am now." I said curtly as I shook my head.

"What happened?" I opened my eyes and saw Blake kneeling beside me and Tory was on my other side, looking at me warily. Staring into their worried eyes, I knew that they wouldn't take 'it was nothing' for an answer. Time to bullshit.

"I just get these really bad headaches from time to time. They hurt like hell, but I'm fine now." I said as I wiped my forehead.

"Um, Rose? No, you aren't okay. You're shaking. Look at your hands." Tory said, making a show of staring at my hands that were, as he said, not just shaking, but shaking violently. I fisted my hands and shrugged.

"Yeah, it does that to me."

"Are you sure-"

"I'm sure." I cut Blake off and stood up. "Okay, now you two need to go to bed. We have a long day tomorrow." When neither of them made a move to get up and just kept staring at me expectantly I made my voice steely and firm.

"Now."

**Okay, so what did you think?? Was it good? There is going to be some action in the next chapter and guess who she finds when Tory, Blake and Rose are on there way to the Academy?? And Rose also gets some new privileges…. Hmm. Well, you'll find out. Please review!!**

**~alice~ **


	4. Oh No

**CHAPTER FOUR – OH NO**

**Hey guys, this is chapter four. I hope you like it. Okay well here it is! **

**ENJOY!**

I WAS SITTING OUT ON THE small balcony, staring out into the dark night, when I heard someone approaching from behind. I could hear them stubble, curse and I had to hold back a smile. Moments later, Blake was beside me on the balcony adopting my same pose: leaning his elbows on the railing and intertwining his fingers.

"Hey, Rose," he said. I glanced at him and took in his profile: his blond hair was sticking up all over his head which made him look pretty cute and innocent; he wasn't wearing a shirt, but was wearing red and black plaid pyjama bottoms.

"Hey, what are you doing up?" I asked politely, turning back to the scenery.

"I was kind of uncomfortable last night and I couldn't sleep." He mumbled and blushed, which obviously meant that it was more than the problem that he was uncomfortable, but I just smirked and didn't pry.

"We're going to need to leave soon," I informed him quietly.

"I'll go wake Tory up." Blake said immediately, pushing off from the rail and as he was just about to open the door, he hesitated. "Rose… are you okay?"

I wasn't facing him so he couldn't see my face twist in pain. I closed my eyes and answered as quietly as Blake had asked. "Yeah, I'm just worried." I confided.

"Why?"

"Well, I guess you two are sort of my charges now, seeing as you can't fight and Tory's a Moroi. I'm just worried about my new crew." I teased. "Go wake up Tory. We're going to be walking- we can't take a cab to the academy and walking will be hard on him." I said before Blake could reply to my other comment.

"Right," he mumbled and I turned gently pushed past him inside. Blake picked up a pillow and I wondered what he was doing, but I got my answer shortly when he launched it at Tory's sleeping form.

"What! What's going on?" he said looking around frantically.

"Get your ass up," Blake smirked before he walked into the washroom.

"Jackass," I heard Tory mumble as he dragged himself from his bed. He fumbled around for a bit then just fell back onto his bed and rubbed his eyes. Blake came out of the washroom shortly after and flicked Tory's knee as he passed. Tory's leg stuck out to either kick or trip Blake, I don't know, but Blake caught his leg and tugged on it so Tory fell to the floor in a heap. Both boys laughed and I shook my head at their easy going banter.

Tory gathered up his things and went to the washroom. I'd already changed about an hour ago while they were sleeping into a pair of lose fitting sweat pant, tank top and a pull over sweater. I walked over to my bag and recovered my stake and slipped it onto the satchel on my belt that would conceal the stake and then, finally, I put my sweater over it.

I looked up to see Blake staring at me in shock. What did I do?

"What?" I asked irritated.

"You have a _stake_?" he was looking at the lump at the bottom of my hoodie where the stake was.

"Yeah…you saw it at the airport, remember?" I said slowly. Did Blake have memory loss?

"I know that but… I guess it's just more shocking now that I actually know who you are. It just seems too real, you know? You're deadly." Oh, boy, did I ever know how some things didn't seem real, but when you were thrown into a situation, they seem almost _too _real.

I nodded soberly. "We all are."

We stared at each other in silence for a bit then Blake suddenly said, "You have a plan. I can see it in your eyes. You wouldn't just walk out there unprepared. What is it?" Just as I was about to say that we should wait for Tory, he walked out of the washroom and saw the excited expression on Blake's face and groaned.

"What's got him worked up now?" he said as he put his neatly folded clothes into his duffle bag.

"I've got a plan." That was all I said and suddenly Tory was down to business. He quickly stuffed everything into his bag, heedless of his belongings. When he finally packed all his things away, he fixed me with a serious stare.

"Spill," he said and that was all the encouragement I needed, so I launched into my stagey, which I knew would work- I had tried it before.

"Alright, you have control over fire, yeah?" I received a curt nod and continued. "Right, so I can sense Strigoi and I'll be able to stake them fairly quickly, but I don't want any casualties. When I tell you that there is a Strigoi, you will light it on fire. But do not use a consuming spell. Got that?" I added quickly, remembering how much of Christian's energy it had used. "I'll only need a little distraction. Set his hair on fire or something. Just something small."

"What am I going to do?" Blake said pouting.

"You'll need to watch Tory at all times. Make sure he's safe, and if a Strigoi jumps you, well…" I trailed off, and then I was suddenly digging through my bag again. "Do you know how to use a stake?"

"Um, no."

"That's okay, you'll only need to distract it for a few short seconds, then I'll take care of it from there." Then I found my extra stake and held it out to Blake. He stared at it in astonishment.

"A-are you sure?" he stuttered.

"As long as you can take this seriously." Wow, who would have ever thought the day would come when I would sound like my mother. "We need to protect Tory." As soon as I mentioned the thought of Tory being in danger, the reality of the situation hit Blake full force. And in the short time I'd known him; Blake actually looked like a real guardian. Now, he was getting it. Finally, some progress, he needed to learn that this was the real world and we could very well die.

"I can do this." Now Blake looked as determined as Tory did. He reached out and slowly gripped the handle of the silver stake and pulled it toward him. It reminded me of the first time I'd held a stake. It was one of my training sessions with Dimitri, before my life got so messed up. I wished things could go back to the way they were before. _Yeah, well, we can't go back, Rose. Suck it up and go forward. Live your life. Finish what you need to do here and then go back to Lissa. _I told myself sternly. I have to stop getting caught up in my memories, it's like I'm reliving everything. And I didn't want to. I wanted to _forget _everything not _remember_. Forget the world. All my troubles. I wanted to just curl up somewhere, close my eyes and just lay there for eternity and not be bothered and forget everyone and everything.

_But I can't._

I shook off all my thoughts; I didn't have time for them now. I needed to protect these two runaways. Blake caressed the stake and finally tore his gaze from it to stare at me in awe. I grabbed another satchel and walked over to him and clipped it onto his belt. I secured it and placed his stake inside. Patting his belt, I hoped he didn't get the wrong idea, and then I turned back to Tory.

"You can do this?" I asked and he nodded, completely serious, it also looked like…like he's been waiting to do this for a long time. Tory wanted to hunt Strigoi. He wanted them to face death and he wanted to be the bringer of it. Huh. Maybe he'll want to join me and Blake while we training.

I grabbed my bag and set out the door, down to the elevator and the boys followed suit. The man at the desk looked alarmed at the sight of us (well, it _was _three AM) and I brushed his questions away with vague answers. Once I'd finished paying him for our stay, we marched out into the early morning. A sharp gust of wind greeted us but we bowed our and hunched our shoulders and kept going. I was fairly sure that no Strigoi would attack us while we were in this little town, but if any were out there, I was positive they would attack once we hit the trees. But I was on my guard anyway. There were no chances I could take.

We were silent as we trooped towards the trees and when we reached them, I felt Blake stiffen – he was afraid, that was obvious. I bet the kid had never seen a Strigoi before. Hey, if I were him, I'd be scared shitless too. But I couldn't comfort him, not now at least, and I couldn't tell him everything was going to be okay- because that'd be a lie, because I didn't know what was going to happen. We went about twenty miles without an encounter and I let myself hope that we could get to the academy without seeing any Strigoi, which was completely foolish. I would never get that lucky as long as I would ever live.

I sensed them a few moments before they made them selves known, and those few moments gave me enough time to whisper a warning to Tory and Blake. I threw myself in front of Tory just as one Strigoi leapt at him. I vaguely felt a pressure against my upper arm, but thought nothing of it because my adrenaline was on high. The Strigoi's hair caught fire and I staked him in under five seconds. I exchanged looks with the boys and then started off at a brisk jog. I felt so much nausea and couldn't tell where it was coming from. I was about to voice another warning when my nausea spiked and I was grabbed from behind. I didn't even think about it, I took my stake and stabbed backwards beside my head. I heard a pretty scary scream and the Strigoi's hold loosened and I turned around and almost came to a stand still.

It was the blond Strigoi.

The one I'd seen over Dimitri. My heart stopped beating as I remembered how this Strigoi had looked crouching over Dimitri and sucking his blood.

I launched myself at him, but he was quick and blocked my attack and ran his nails down part of my forearm before I could move it away. I saw his eyes widen in recognition as he got a full look at me when I backed away.

"So," he said in a mocking voice. "We meet again, dhampir." I grunted in response and jumped at him again; he blocked my attack once more.

"Do you remember me, dhampir?" he taunted me.

"Yeah, I remember you." I spat the words at him and narrowed my eyes. Everything in me was burning with rage and my vision tinged red. There was only me and this damned Strigoi. I hated him so much that I wanted to make his death slow and make sure he was in pain, but as much as I wanted to do that, I couldn't because I had an idea.

I launched myself at him once again with as much force as I had and it made him stumble, and that was all I needed. I shoved him hard and forced myself down on him as I pinned him to the ground. He struggled under me but I held my ground.

"You think you can kill me, dhampir? Do you seriously think you can? Don't you remember what I did to that friend of yours? Or was he more than just a friend?" the Strigoi said, not seeming worried.

"Yeah, I think I can kill you because I'm going to. Yeah, I remember what you did to Dimitri and I'm going to make you pay." I growled back, then I raked the stake across his shoulder, just enough to cause some pain. But what surprised me was that he laughed.

"Now, tell me where Dimitri is."

"Why would you want to know that?" he asked, but from the glow in his eyes, I could tell he knew exactly why.

"Where is he?" I held the stake over his arm threateningly.

"Where is Dimitri? Hmmm. Well, the last time that I saw you, you were in Montana when you came to raid our hide-out. And now we are both in Siberia. Guess whose idea that was. I was prepared to keep Dimitri under watch, to make sure that he was getting strong. But I didn't need to. When he was awakened, he was stronger than any other Strigoi I've ever known." His eyes shined with wonder, but I didn't attack him, I was absorbing this information with everything that I had. "Dimitri is now leading our coven by my side. We rule together and all the others bow to our every order and will. He's doing quite well, actually. I'm very glad I had awakened him, it was the best choice I've ever made." He paused thoughtfully. "Well, other than being awakened, it was the best choice I've ever made."

"Dimitri is here? In Siberia?" my voice cracked, making me sound like a weak little girl who couldn't believe what she was hearing. I distantly heard Blake shouting at me to kill the Strigoi, but I paid him no attention, I was focused on my enemy.

"Yes, he is. But you won't stand a chance if you plan to kill him. He's stronger than me even." The Strigoi sounded completely proud, like he'd made some big accomplishment. It disgusted me, but he gave me the information that I needed. I suddenly gasped in pain as the Strigoi freed one of his arms and dragged his nails into and down the length of my thigh. Fuck that hurt.

"Liking the pain?" he growled. "You'll never stand a chance against Dimitri."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." I spat sarcastically before I staked him. "Bastard." I shoved myself off the ground and faced Tory and Blake who were staring at me in pure shock.

"Let's go." I started off at a limped run and clenched my teeth as pain seared through my entire body, but I didn't stop, I couldn't. As the boys ran by my side, I could see that they were both worn and breathing very heavily liked they'd fought Strigoi themselves. I glanced back and got my answers as I saw a burning body and I imagined Blake fighting a Strigoi and getting pinned to the ground but Tory used the consuming spell to save him- just as Christian had for me. Then, glancing at Blake, I now took in his ripped shirt and the ugly bleeding gash down the right side of his chest. Oh no. No, no, no! I couldn't let him die, no way.

Then the academy came into sight, we were about a hundred yards away. Yes! We're going to make it! Wrong. My nausea kicked in letting me know that there were more Strigoi approaching. Fifty yards…forty yards…thirty yards…

"Open the gate!" I screamed. Twenty yards…ten yards…and the gate was open! I shoved both boys through just as my nausea spiked so high it killed.

"Close the damn gate." I growled before I spun around to face…not cool. About ten Strigoi.

Shit.

**So…what'd ya think? I know it's a cliff hanger here, but I just had to do it. Please review, pretty please and don't be shy to give your input- I'm sure I'll need it! Thanks!**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

**~alice~**


	5. Keep Fighting, Never Back Down

**CHAPTER FIVE- KEEP FIGHTING, NEVER BACK DOWN**

**Hey, guys, thanks to all the people who reviewed my story and I really appreciate it! I was watching WANTED last night and I thought the ending was really good, because Allan kills Sloam. Hee hee. Anyway… here's my story.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE ACADEMY- I JUST OWN THE NEW CHARACTERS.**

"_Behind you!_"

There was no need to warn me. I already knew. _Well, I guess I'll be dying earlier than I expected. _I thought sarcastically. The Strigoi moved in on me and they all had cruel smiles on their faces. These assholes won't be smiling for too freaking long. I didn't waste any time and lunged at the one closest to me. I staked him and shoved his lifeless body backwards knocking two other Strigoi down and I staked them in no time. Alright, three down. Seven to go. One of the Strigoi tried to sneak up on me from behind, but I saw his attack in my peripheral vision and I spun around connecting my foot to the side of his face. As he tried to grab at my foot, my stake caught the back of his hand and he yowled in pain. Then, suddenly, I was tripped and when I fell to the ground, I saw five of the Strigoi fleeing into the forest. Stupid pussies. I kicked the legs out from under the Strigoi and then was yanked up from behind. The stake was hit out of my grasp and my hands were being held behind my back. The Strigoi got up and brushed off his pants casually as I thrashed against the other's hold. He looked at me and smirked.

"Danny, this was the one that was having a nice little discussion with out leader, not Dimitri. But she was talking to Kyle." He sneered never taking his eyes from me and I looked away quickly in fear that he would use compulsion on me. Huh. Kyle was his name and he was their leader with Dimitri. Such a normal name for such a disgusting creature.

"I know she was. And we are going to kill her for that, aren't we? Isn't that right, Jack?" the Strigoi behind me- Danny- said, tightening his grip on my wrists so it hurt. And it hurt a lot.

"Yes, we are. Dimitri won't be very pleased with this, not at all." The one in front- Jack- clucked as he studied me like I was some type of science experiment. I met his gaze and scowled as I kept struggling. Then he laughed. "You're a little feisty, aren't you, dhampir?"

"If you're going to kill me, just do it." I growled.

"No, I don't think I will. You're very strong, and very good at fighting. You would certainly make a great addition to our coven." He wanted to make me a _Strigoi_! No fucking way. I'd rather be dead.

"There is no way, you're going to make me Strigoi." I spat at him.

"Oh really?" then Jack's leg snaked out and hit me right in the ribs and I'm pretty sure he broke one of them. I cried out in pain and ground my teeth together to keep from passing out. This was worse than losing control over the ghosts. My vision swam and I knew that I'd have to do something and fast. Either that or I wasn't going to make it.

"How about now, dhampir? Do you want to reconsider you choice? I think you should." He advised like he was some Strigoi shrink. I took a deep breath and centered myself. Here goes nothing, I thought. I stomped as hard as I could on the Danny Strigoi's foot and his grip loosened enough for me to brake free, grab my stake and kill him. Jack, on the other hand, was ready for me.

"What did Kyle call you?" he mocked as we circled each other.

"He didn't call me anything."

"Yes, he did. Kyle said you knew Dimitri. You were asking a lot about him." Jack said, then his eyes widened. "You must be Rose Hathaway!" what the hell?

"What's it to you?" I ground out through my teeth as I lunged at him.

"Dimitri still talks about you, you know? We were sharing stories of what we remembered from our past lives and Dimitri mentioned a Rosemarie Hathaway. That must be you. I'm right, aren't I dhampir?" I didn't answer him, I was too confused. What should I do? Ask more or kill him? _Kill the damn Strigoi Rose! You have to! _ My brain yelled at me. Right. Kill the Strigoi. I can to a dead stop and the Strigoi was surprised, which is what I intended, so I jumped at him and staked him.

"Don't worry, Rose. The others will tell Dimitri and he'll come for you. Don't worry one bit. You'll be dead." Jack said before I twisted the stake in his heart. I pushed away from him and limped toward the gate. It opened for me and I stumbled through.

"Rose? Rose, are you alright? Rose!" I heard Blake's voice calling to me, but he sounded so distant. That's strange.

"Rose, damn it! Can you hear me?" I just want to rest, yes, that sounds like a good idea. If I sleep, maybe all this pain would go away. Now _that _was a pleasant thought.

"Oh shit. Man, we need to get her to the clinic." Some voice that wasn't familiar said. Oh well, I didn't need to worry about it now. The pain was too much, and I thought the ghosts were bad. My vision stared to go gray and I couldn't see properly. My adrenaline slowly drained out of me and my heart soon was the only thing I could hear. I could only feel the pain now; it was all I could think about.

Then everything in my world vanished and I was sucked into complete darkness.

I woke up to a stupid bright light shining right into my eye. What the hell? I groggily tried to sit up but pain shot through my body and I gasped. Gentle hands pushed me back down onto the bed I was lying on. I looked to my left to see a female doctor I didn't know, hmm.

"You're awake. Now what is your name?" the lady said, looking concerned.

"Rose Hathaway," I mumbled and closed my eyes against the bright light. "Can you turn that thing off?"

The light clicked off. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"Do you know where you are and what happened?" the doctor was taking notes on a clip board. I glanced down at my body to see that I wasn't wearing my sweat pants, my tank top was pulled up revealing my stomach and there was some kind of brace around it. My leg was all bandaged up and there were red dots of blood soaking through, my right wrist was also bandaged up and I remembered how the blond Strigoi had dug his nails into my thigh and ran them across my wrist. Then I remembered the Strigoi and how I thought he had broken my rib. Well, obviously I was right. I groaned and rested my head back on the pillow.

"Miss Hathaway?"

"Yeah, I'm in Siberia at the Siberian Academy and I was fighting Strigoi and I got hurt and then I blacked out after I got in the school gate." I said; my throat felt parched so I tried to clear it, which only made it hurt more.

"Yes that's right, Miss Hathaway." She said smiling proudly.

"Please call me Rose. So, what's the damage?" I said, trying to sound brave, which worked pretty well.

"Well, your leg is cut up pretty badly and so is your wrist, you have two broken ribs and lots of bruises. But other than that, it's not so bad." Ah, okay, I can deal with that.

"Right, thanks for fixing me up. Oh! How are Blake and Tory? Please tell me they're okay." I begged. I would feel forever guilty if they weren't okay.

The doctor chuckled. "Yes, yes, they're fine. I had some trouble getting them to leave you alone so I could work." She smiled kindly.

"Thank you so much. But what's their damage, doc?" I asked anxiously.

"Well, Blake had a nasty cut on his arm, but it's bandaged up tight and the bleeding has stopped. And Tory, well, he just needed to see a feeder and some rest."

I sighed in relief. "How long have I been out?"

"About one whole day; you were banged up pretty badly, Rose."

"Yeah, I can feel that." We both laughed a little, but I needed to make sure that my friends were okay. "Hey, doc, would you say I'm free to go?" I asked hopefully.

"Well, as long as you don't involve yourself in any physical activities you would be. Just take it easy, Rose."

"Great, that's perfect. Um, can I have my pants back?"

She laughed and I blushed. "Well, here's the thing: I'm not allowing you to wear _your _pants because there is blood all over them and they are ripped all over and you wouldn't be able to wear pants anyway, because that would put a strain and pressure on you bandage. So I've got you some shorts and a sweater." She turned around and pulled a pair of white cotton shorts and a white designer sweater out of a bag. She'd give me those?

"Here you are." She handed me the shorts and sweater and smiled at my shocked expression. "They're mine, but we don't have anything else around here right now." She paused. "Well, unless you want to wear scrubs."

"I'm good thanks. Do you want me to return them?" I asked politely.

She shook her head. "Not at all, you can keep them. Well, I better leave so you can get changed. Just holler if you need anything."

"Thanks!" I called after her, and then I hesitantly slipped down from the bed and winced as I put pressure on my leg and my ribs were throbbing. I hastily (but carefully) slipped on the shorts and gently put on the sweater over my tank top. I saw my shoes on one of the chairs and I slipped them on and walked out of my room.

"Rose!"

I glanced up and was immediately engulfed into a huge bear hug from Blake. I winced and gently patted his back, leaning away slightly. Blake pulled back to see what was wrong and I gave him a kind smile.

"I'm a little battered up here, Blake." I smirked and he automatically pulled away and stared at me with what obviously was genuine worry and compassion.

"Are you alright? How bad are you hurt? Where are you hurt?" he shot the questions at me. I was about to reassure him that I was okay when chuckle came from behind Blake.

"Calm down, Blake. Just because you have a crush on Rose now doesn't mean you're her mom." Tory stepped around a now beat red Blake and gave me a look over. "How're ya doing, Rose?"

"It's all good, just a little beat up, you know." Then I gave him a stern stare. "What about you? I saw that you used a consuming spell, even though I told you not to. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"That's good, next time, don't use the consuming spell."

"There isn't going to be a next time. And I wasn't going to let my best friend die! The Strigoi was _on top of him!_" he protested.

"Yeah, okay. My friend did the same for me." I messed up his hair and turned back to Blake. Who was staring at my leg, or more precisely, my bandaged leg.

"Y-y-your hurt!" he stuttered as he finally ripped his gaze from my leg and met my stare.

I smirked. "Yeah, I just told you that and you saw me when I got in the gate. That's what happens when you fight Strigoi. Oh, um, we won't be starting training as soon as I hoped because of my ribs, I can't really fight or train right now." I added. Blake was nodding furiously before I'd even finished talking.

"Yeah, yeah, that's okay. No problem, you broke your ribs and you need to heal."

"Thanks," I paused. "Now we have to go talk to the headmistress. Do you know what time it is?"

"Um, yeah; it's been a day since we got here and you've been out for all that time. So it's, um," Tory glanced at the clock behind me. "breakfast time for all of campus."

"Great, this school is probably laid out the same as St Vlad's so we should be able to just cut through a quad and go through the cafeteria and get to her office from there." Both boys agreed and we headed for the door of the clinic.

"Take it easy, Rose!" the doctor called after me.

"I will, thanks again, doc!" We walked out the door and there was a nice breeze blowing, which cooled off my hot face. It would still be cold for Moroi, but for dhampirs it was spring time. I breathed in the cool air and we walked in silence for a bit then abruptly, Blake broke into it.

"Damn, Rose, I just realized! You killed six Strigoi!"

"Yeah, I did. And you killed one yourself." I threw my arm around his shoulders so my elbow was at the back of his neck.

"So that means you get six more marks!" he exclaimed.

"No, where am I going to get the marks, kid?" I tightened my elbow briefly.

"Well, you should get the respect you deserve. So we could ask the headmistress if you can get your marks done here!"

"Yeah, Rose! A battle like the one you put up needs some memorial." Tory agreed nodding.

"Guys, I'm perfectly okay without the marks. I don't need them. You'll find that out someday, Blake. Marks aren't everything."

"You have a lot of marks, and I don't have any at all. You got two when you were seventeen and I don't have any."

"Don't worry, kid. You'll have more than me someday. And I'm not the normal type of dhampir, if you know what I mean." I smirked. "And if you think I need some marks, than you definitely need yours for _your _kill."

"Yeah, Blake, you need a mark too." Tory said, now on my side. We walked into the building and Blake was gushing about getting a mark of his own when we walked into the cafeteria.

Every single head in there turned our way. Perfect.

I held my head high and kept walking straight through the cafeteria. Some kids met my eyes and others quickly looked away. One boy, who was about my height, give or take an inch taller, and had dark brown hair that came down in front of his eyes. He seemed to be studying me and then nodded appreciatively, then decided to greet us- or, well, I thought he meant to greet us. Just in a different way than most people would.

"Is he your boyfriend?" the kid said nodding to my arm that was still around Blake's neck.

"Nope. We're just good friends." I smirked.

"Oh, so you're still free?" he said in a falsely innocent voice.

"Nope, not to you, at least." I retorted and the cafeteria burst into laughter. The boy narrowed his eyes.

"Who are you?" he demanded rudely.

"Is this your academy?" I shot back. I'm sorry, but I'm not cool with stupid jerks who think they own everyone. The boy was taken back by my snappy comment and I took that as an advantage to shove around him, dragging Blake with me and Tory following as he smirked. We left the cafeteria in an uproar of laughter and once we were out Blake and Tory laughed outright.

"How'd you think of that so quick?" Blake said.

"It's my nature, kid, just pure instinct; I'm unique." I grinned while the boys laughed. We finally made it to the headmistress's office and I took my arm off Blake, knocked and waited politely.

"Come in," a shrill voice said and I pushed open the door to see a stout little woman with gray hair peering over the tops of her glasses at me. She placed a book mark in her book, closed it, placed her glasses to the side and stared at us. I also took note of the two guardians standing silently on either side of the door.

"I don't believe that you three are students here, how may I help you?" she said politely. I smiled and matched her tone perfectly.

"No, we aren't students here. I'm Rose Hathaway, this is Blake Macy and Tory Ozera." I said motioning to each of the boys in turn. "My friends and I were in the area and I wanted to take them somewhere safe." She sat up straighter and leaned forward, fixing me with an interested stare.

"Rosemarie Hathaway? Janine Hathaway's daughter?" she asked, smiling slowly.

"Yes, that's me," ever since my last encounter with my mom, some of the tension eased and now, I didn't hate her so much. With Dimitri's-wince-help, I had figures out that I never had. I was proud to be her daughter- she was one of the best guardians out there.

"Of course you can stay at my academy, Miss Hathaway. Your friends as well," she added smiling at Blake and Tory. Then her gaze found my attire and zeroed in on my bandaged leg.

"What happened?" she gasped.

"We, um, had a little mishap with Strigoi on our way here." I said quietly. I didn't think I needed to go into detail- nor did I want to.

"She needs six _molnija _marks. She killed six of the Strigoi we ran into and some of them ran away and two of them trapped her and one gagged her and broke her ribs. So I think that she needs some marks." Blake suddenly said. I blushed.

"Yeah and Blake should get one too, he also killed one of the ones we ran into." Tory spoke up.

"No, that's really not that necessary. I don't need the marks." I said quickly before either boy could go into more detail, but the headmistress seemed intrigued with this information.

"No, no. You made the kills, you get the marks. I'll have an appointment set up with Charles for you two." She said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Feel free to use anything on campus, anything at all. You may have the rooms in guest housing as well."

"Thank you so much," I said then turned to follow Blake and Tory out the door when the headmistress called to me.

"Rosemarie?"

"Yeah? No, go ahead, I'll catch up with you later." I said to the boys and walked into the office again.

"You've been out in the world, and that mission at St Vladimir's in Montana with the Strigoi. You know quiet a bit, yes?" she said, with a knowing smile and glint in her eyes. I wasn't sure where she was going with this but I decided to be truthful.

"Yes," I nodded slowly. The look and her smile became more pronounced as she said her next words.

"How would you like a position as a guardian here at my academy?"

**So… how'd you like it?? Loved it, hated it or was it okay? Read and review please! The next chapter Rose runs into an old friend who knew her from her academy days. Wonder who it is?? I need you guys to keep reviewing because I might just stop updating if I don't get enough reviews. Naw, I'm just kidding! I'd like to give a shout out to all the people who added my story to their lists and the people who have reviewed. Thanks so much, luuuuurve ya'll! Hahaha.**

**~alice~**


	6. Too Good To Be True

**CHAPTER SIX- TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE**

**Hey there, this is chapter six of my version of Blood Promise and well, you know how it goes. So in this chapter there's a little hitch to being a guardian so young- as Rose soon will find out. I'm so sorry it took so long to update. Okay, here we go and thanks to everyone who's reviewed my story- I luuuurve y'all and you rock! Okay- here's the story. Really.**

I stared at the headmistress in shock. There is no way I could have heard her right. She _couldn't _have said that.

"Excuse me?" her smile grew to a full grin.

"Rose, I would like you to be a guardian at my academy. If you approve, of course." She added quickly.

"I'm only going to be staying temporarily, headmistress. I don't even know how long I'll be staying. I just had some business here in Siberia I need to take care of." She was offering me a position as a guardian. Holy shit.

"Oh, that's quiet alright, we have guardians come and go all the time. What do you say, Miss Hathaway?" she persisted and I sank down into one of the chairs in front of her desk.

"I'm only eighteen," I mumbled. I don't know why I was turning this down. I've wanted to be a guardian all my life and I was turning down the opportunity.

"I know, but I think it will inspire some of the novices here, all of them, to be honest. You know more than a lot of guardians older than you." The exact same thing had come from Dimitri's mouth more than once. I wanted to be like Dimitri. And I knew he'd be so proud of me if he knew that I had made it to his level. That realization was all I needed to push me over the edge.

"Yes," I raised my chin and declared. "Yes, I can be a guardian here."

"Wonderful!" she said delightfully. "Now, to other matters; since you've accepted the position, I'm going to ask you take on a job. All the other guardians have turned it down." She said wearily, like she was worried I might turn her down as well. My motivation- perfect. A chance to prove myself to people I didn't know. And, anyway, I'm all about first impressions.

"I have a novice here; he doesn't quite like to abide by the rules. He causes a lot of trouble and the teachers have a short tolerance around him. Guardians even have trouble keeping their composure with him around. Would you be willing to take on the responsibility of mentoring him? He's been asked to leave in almost every class so he's very behind." She added. This kid sounded a lot like me…or, well, like I used to be.

"Of course, the same thing was done for me when me and Lissa, I mean, um, Princess Dragamir, got back to the Academy." I said, almost forgetting to use royal terms.

"Wonderful!" she sighed in relief. She was clearing starting to like me more and more. I smiled back at her.

"Guardian Tanner, can you please retrieve Mr Hays from his class?" she said, and it completely shocked me. I spun around to see Mikhail Tanner pull himself from the shadows of the door and grin at me. I grinned back. Guardian Tanner had been at the Academy before Lissa and I had taken our "vacation".

"Mr Hays is deprived of social activities other than classes and church for a recent, um, incident," the headmistress said, uncomfortably.

"I can go with Guardian Tanner, if that's okay?" I added quickly trying not to push anything. I quite liked this headmistress; she was a much nicer improvement to Kirova.

"Oh, of course, thank you, Rosemarie." She sounded grateful, like I'd gotten rid of one of her biggest problems. Maybe I had.

"No problem, you can call me Rose, by the way." I added.

"No, not anymore," she said knowingly before I followed Guardian Tanner out.

"Good to see a familiar face, how are you doing Guardian Tanner?" I said grinning, my spirits now higher.

"Not bad, it's good to see you too, _Guardian Hathaway_." He said with extra emphasis on the "Guardian Hathaway" part, which only made my grin grow.

"I'm good," I said happily.

"You've made it all the way, kid," he reached over and messed up my hair.

"Hey!" I protested, playfully elbowing him. He just got me in a head-lock and gave me a nugie. If I was worried about him messing up my hair before, it wouldn't matter now- it probably looked like a disaster. Once I wrestled out of his hold, I stuck my tongue out at Mikhail and he grinned back. We came to the front desk of the school and Mikhail smiled politely at the receptionist.

"Excuse me, Kristina, but would you mind telling us what class Dereck Hays is in right now?"

"Of course, Guardian Tanner." She said and immediately began surfing though things on her computer. "Who is this young woman you have with you, Guardian Tanner?" she asked glancing up at me.

"This is Guardian Hathaway; the headmistress just assigned her to the job." Mikhail said proudly. I smiled kindly and nodded.

"You can call me Rose, if you like." I offered and she smiled back at me.

"Ah, here we go; Mr Hays would be in the gym right now for his combat class- first thing in the morning."

"Thank you, Kristina," Mikhail said and began to lead me away to the gym. I tried combing out my hair, but it felt pretty messed up. I flattened it as best as I could, then gave up and pulled up the hood of the sweater the doctor had given me. Mikhail noticed what I did and chuckled as we made our way out onto the quad and to the gym.

"So, Rose, why are you in Siberia?" he said politely, but I could here the curiosity in his voice.

"Why did you leave the Academy?" I retorted.

"None of your business." He said tightly.

"Then mine is none of yours," this was one discussion I didn't want to have, not just with Mikhail, but with anybody who didn't know. So that would be anyone other than Lissa and Adrian, oddly enough. Mikhail groaned.

"Rose…"

"I'm fine and I'm safe, I got the boys here and they are fine. It's all okay and nothing is a problem now, at least not yours." The words were sort of rude, but the way I delivered them: polite and tiredly; made them less harsh. Mikhail stared at me in astonishment, which I didn't really like, so I tried to change the subject. "So this Dereck Hays, he sounds exactly like me. What I used to do, remember?" I grinned.

"Yes, I do remember you taking a certain amusement in challenging all the rules you could- the dress code and curfews were yours favourites." He said drily, then his expression and tone changed…almost hesitant. "But you've changed." Everyone kept saying that about me, even Mai Ronaldi had commented on it. But…they were right, and that's what bothered me.

"I'm still the same old Rose Hathaway," I said playfully, punching Mikhail lightly on the arm. I didn't like it when people worried about me- I could take care of myself. "Just a little altered," I added quietly. Mikhail gave me an odd look and seemed to be pondering what I said as we silently entered the single floor gym building; he held the door open for me. Seriously, I could hold my own, but that didn't appear to be quite so obvious to everyone else- at least to those who knew me. We stopped at the edge of the room and Mikhail seemed to be searching for someone. I hadn't seen the kid before, so I just stuffed my hands in my pockets and observed the room. Mikhail obviously found who he was looking for because he took my elbow and started around the room. We stopped at a pair of two boys in the corner who were fighting, but like everyone else in the room, they had stopped and stared at us. I recognized the one of the boys; it was the boy who tried hitting on me in the cafeteria. The other boy was tall and about two inches taller than me, with dark brown hair and bright excitedly interested green eyes that seemed to be checking me out. Those bright green eyes stopped at my leg and zeroed in on the bandage on it.

"Dereck Hays this is Guardian Hathaway; she will be your new mentor." Mikhail said and I noticed how his voice was guarded. Dereck Hays sneered at me.

"We've met," then his eyes widened as he really processed what Mikhail was saying. "Whoa, back up; _she's _going to be my new mentor?"

"Yeah, I am, is there a problem?" I said in a falsely polite voice.

"No, your hot and all, but it seems like you've got a fast mouth if I remember right." He said.

"Well, I would hope you'd remember right, unless you have memory loss." I snapped; I didn't appreciate him making a show out of what he thought of me in front of everyone here. All the novices here burst out laughing and Dereck Hays glared at me.

"Guardian Hathaway, mind your mouth." Mikhail snapped at me and I shrugged and turned to him. Even though he was acting like he disapproved, I could tell he was glad that I was teaching this kid a lesson.

"Whoa, wait; back up." Dereck stuttered. "Did you say, _Guardian Hathaway_?" he asked in a hushed tone. I could see Mikhail was about to answer, but I elbowed him. I didn't want this attention, at least not now, I was super tired.

"Come on, Dereck Hays, lets go for a walk." I said quickly as I practically dragged him away. "If you tell anyone who I am, your ass will be mine when my ribs are healed, got it, Tanner?" I hissed as I passed Mikhail, but he didn't heed my warning, he looked amused but he nodded.

"Are you seriously _the _Guardian Hathaway." I was going to say 'No, you would be talking about my mother' but he said, "The _Rosemarie Hathaway _from Montana?" I gave him a sidelong glance to see that he was watching me too.

"Um, yeah, that's me, but please call me Rose." I mumbled. "And, yes, I'm going to be your mentor." I added.

"Wow, I've got the _best _guardian ever to be my mentor,"

"I'm not _the best guardian_. Yes, I am Rosemarie Hathaway. Yippee. I'm going to be your mentor, deal with it- and if you go all idol on me, I will tell the headmistress that I cannot be your mentor. Got it?" I crossed my arms, stopped walking and stared at him expectantly.

"A hot badass mentor, sweet," Dereck nodded like he approved and I rolled my eyes, resisted the urge to punch him and kept walking. We made our way to a bench, not talking along the way, both lost in thought.

I sat down and motioned for him to sit beside me. "I've heard some about you, they describe you exactly like they described me at St Vlad's. So what haven't I heard? Give me a background check,"

"What do I start with?" he seemed amused.

"Your full name would be good."

"My name is Dereck Hays, I'm seventeen- eighteen next week." He added smugly. "I'm on suspension-"

"For what?" I interjected.

"Apparently my attitude was wrong in my theory class and I was said to be 'too much of a nuisance' so they suspended me for a week and I'm already on probation and banned from any fun stuff." He seemed really annoyed.

"For what?" I interrupted again.

"For being kicked out too much, mouthing off, breaking rules, not obeying curfews, drinking on campus, take your pick. It's all bullshit." Dereck said calmly and I laughed.

"What?" he asked regarding me curiously as he leaned his head onto the back of the bench.

"This is exactly everything I did while I was at my academy." I chuckled. "And the exact same thing happened. I got a mentor and had to practice with him before and after school- but that was when I got back to the Academy after Lissa and I ran away." I grinned.

"Lissa is Princess Dragamir?" he guessed and I nodded. "So tell me about yourself; what's your full name and how old are you?"

"My name's Rosemarie Hathaway- you can call me Rose- and I'm eighteen."

"Are you serious?" Dereck asked astonished.

"About what? Everything I said was true," now I was confused; what did I say?  
"You're the same age as me." he mumbled "How the hell did you manage to become a guardian? Aren't you still supposed to be at your academy?"

"I've done and seen more than you, you won't be able to pull it off. You need experience."

"What have you seen and done?" he challenged sitting up straighter. I fixed him with a stare and he levelled it; I flipped my hair and pointed to the back of my neck.

"The marks on my neck, _molnija _and the other one, those show what I've seen and done. I am getting six more _molnija _marks soon and the other mark means that I've been in a battle and killed many Strigoi. And there is other things in my life that you wouldn't even dream of." I said sharply and flicked back my hair. Now Dereck looked at me in a new way- respectfully. Ha. Not even my real first day and I'm shaping him up.

"Why are you getting six more?" he asked, straight-faced.

"We ran into some Strigoi on our journey here and my friend is determined to 'get me the respect I deserve'" I rolled my eyes as I quoted Blake.

"When were you in a battle?"

"My academy was raided; it was during the field experience and I was walking in the forest with my mentor when they attacked. Dimitri told me to run, leave him behind and get help." I flinched, I could remember everything so, so clearly- I was reliving it.

"And so I ran, leaving him to fight the Strigoi alone, I got help, told the other guardians of the attack. Alberta, the head guardian, told me to take care of the other novices…she gave me a real stake." As I said that, I pulled out the stake Alberta had given me. "The other guardians who were guarding the novices told me to watch by the second floor window; they wanted me out of the way.

"Then I found out that my field charge wasn't in his dorm, I couldn't leave him out there unprotected; he was _my _charge. So I climbed down out through the window and made my way to the chapel because that's where Christian was supposed to be. Half way there, he came out of a bush and the hell out of me, I almost staked the kid.

"Then two Strigoi came on us, I staked the first one and was pinned by the second, but Christian consumed him with fire. Christian convinced to take him into the battle, I could sense Strigoi and he could distract them with fire. We were going hunting.

"Almost all the way to elementary campus, a Strigoi grabbed Christian, he lit up his hair and I staked it. It took under a minute; we could take out a whole ton of Strigoi like that.

"Once we reached the elementary campus, it was really scary to see. There were about twenty Strigoi and half as many guardians. Christian and I didn't waste time; we got right into it and ploughed through them. Then, once there were no more left, Christian and I were ready to keep going but the sun was coming up so they would either be dead or running. My mentor complimented Christian and me- he said we had at least taken half of the Strigoi that were there.

"The school went on lookdown and at lunch that day, I found out that one of my closest friends was taken with the Strigoi. I was so fucking pissed off it wasn't even funny. When we'd been captured in Spokane, another one of my friends came back for me. Mason really liked me so he cam back and the Strigoi had killed him in seconds. That tore me up, seeing him die right before my eyes." I cringed remembering Mason's limp body falling onto the floor.

"The Strigoi had used Eddie to feed off when we were being held, he was so close to dying and I couldn't let anything like that happen to him again. So I purposed a rescue mission and the guardians agreed; I also got my mother to bring up the matter of bringing novices and Moroi- fire users. They agreed to the novices but they only let Moroi teachers come.

"We raided their hide out cave and freed twelve of the thirteen that were captured; they had taken one novice before we got there.

"Some of our party fell, but as we were retreating, a Strigoi grabbed my mentor. Dimitri was running beside me and the Strigoi caught him by surprise. Stan Alto, my least favourite teacher, restrained me when I tried to run back. My mother had to slap me to get me moving again. So I ran, feeling the worst I ever had in my life. I'd always believed that Dimitri was invincible and I hurt to see that…" I let my voice trail off and a tear escaped my eye; I hadn't talked to anyone about what happened that night and I really didn't want to, but I just had even though I hadn't planned on it. We sat in silence for a bit, Dereck watching me and I was looking across to the gym, avoiding his gaze- I didn't really want to see was on his face. I probably scared the kid.

"You loved him." Dereck said suddenly and I whipped my head around to face him. He stared at me, not mockingly, not scared, but completely serious. He actually took me seriously.

"You loved this 'Dimitri'." he repeated and I could see there was no use denying it. Dereck wore an expression that said _'I know I'm right and so do you' _expression.

"Yes, I loved Dimitri." I whispered, not meeting his eyes. After a few minutes of quiet, I got off the bench and turned my back to him.

"We can't do hard core training because of my ribs but meet me at the gym tomorrow and hour or so before you first class." I said and started walking away.

"Rose, are you okay?" Dereck called after me, his voice was hesitant.

"I'm fine," I walked stiffly away from him.

How could he know?

I sighed. I had a lot of work ahead of me.

**So how did you like it? Review please. The next chapter is going to be sort of boring, but it will build up to the one after that which will have some action.** **Anyway… sorry again that it took so long to update. I think I'll be updating a chapter a week, one each weekend or maybe more, depending on what's going on. Please review. The button is screaming at you. Hahaha!**

**P.S **

**Sorry if I spell things wrong or get scenes from the other books wrong, okay? Like if I spell a name wrong, it isn't a big deal. I'm sorry I don't carry my books around with me all the time so I'm not going to get everything right. Okay? So if you have a huge issue with my little mistakes, go take it up with someone who really cares, because I'm sorry- it's a mistake, everyone makes them. **

**Anyway, review please.**

~**Alice~**


	7. 7 First Time's Always The Worst

**CHAPTER SEVEN- FIRST TIME IS ALWAYS THE WORST**

**Hey there, this is chapter seven (obviously) and well, this one gets into more of Dereck Hays's character. I'm so sorry it took so long to update the last chapter because things have been kind of hectic- I GOT TWO KITTENS!! I'm so happy they are the cutest things you will ever see. I named them both: the boy is called Jack and the girl is called Tasha, like Tasha Ozera from Frostbite (even though I don't really like that Tasha was hitting on Dimitri, I still like her name ha ha) okay, okay. I'll stop talking now and let you guys read. I'm serious. Oh, one more thing- a shout out to Jess because I can't remember her account name. Anyway, she gave me a shout out so here's one back: HEY JESS!! **

**Okay seriously, here's the story.**

There was a pair if guardian clothes in front of my door (the headmistress had moved me from guest housing to the guardian building). So in the morning, I threw those on and made my way to the gym. My ribs still hurt, but I was planning on sparring Dereck anyway, and if I re-brake my ribs, so be it. I was there earlier than Dereck, which was to be expected, so I turned on the radio and turned it on loud.

_I think I'm drowning_

_Asphyxiated_

_I want to break the spell_

_That you've created_

_You're something beautiful_

_A contradiction_

_I want to play the game_

_I want the friction_

I recognized the song as Muse's Time Is Running Out, it was one of my favourites, and how fitting for my state right now. With music blasting through the gym I took off the guardian sweater and blouse so I was just in my tank top. I got the beat of the song and started beating on one of the dummies. I got really into it, so when I saw something move in my peripheral vision a spun to face it, braced for an attack.

It was only Dereck smirking at me and I straightened out of my stance and smiled back and him.

"Are you going to hit me or train me?" he joked slyly and I brushed a few stray strands of hair out of my face.

"Both. Next time, stay further away when you sneak up on me because next time, I just _might _attack you" I added dryly. He dropped his bag and looked at me expectantly.

"What do you want to do first?" I challenged.

"Fight, use a stake, learn new moves; pick one."

"Do you know how to use a stake?" I asked raising my eyebrows. My stake (the one that Alberta gave me) was by the radio with my guardian clothes. I suddenly became aware of the fact that I was standing in front of this kid in a light tank top and pants; I became panicked for a split second, and then confused. Why should I care? I'd worn less (much less, actually) in the presence of a guy before, so why should I care now. I decided that I didn't and focused back on Dereck.

"No! They won't let me near one!" he exclaimed angrily. I laughed and turned down the radio, shaking my head.

"I don't know your style or techniques; I need to if I'm going to mentor you- so we'll fight." I decided then I tossed him fighting mitts. I could see the excitement dancing in his eyes as he strapped on his mitts, watching me.

"Use the red lines," I commented; adopting an offensive stance, Dereck was quick to match it. It was like what my and I had done; but I'd be sure not to punch him out, no matter what he said. I almost laughed out loud as I remembered it, but my smile quickly disappeared and I remembered that that was when things were easy and some-what normal. I sighed sadly and returned my attention to Dereck.

"Regular fighting?" he asked when I didn't attack him.

"Yes, go for your usual way of fighting- just fight me. Don't be afraid to hurt me, I can take it; just watch my ribs, okay?" I added; I was pretty sure that the doc would be pretty unhappy if I re-broke them, because I _was _disobeying her rules.

I lunged at Dereck, my fist making contact with his arm, not that hard. "Point,"

"Point," he grunted as he rubbed his arm. Okay, I _thought _it wasn't that hard. I moved on him again, but this time he was ready. He blocked my attack and reached to get me into a hold, but I danced out of his reach and taunted him by circling him on the lines. I was doing this to see how he would do on offence. I'd already figured out that we'd need to clean it up and make it sharper and work on his techniques.

Then he did what I expected him to and I had a little plan. I saw his leg move toward my thigh and my right hand was out at the same time. I caught his leg and once I pulled, he was on the ground and I fell on top of him because he used his other leg to kick out both of mine. Jerk, I thought jokingly as my knees fell on either side of his hips. I didn't like this position- not one bit. _Oh well, just follow through with it, you started it. _I told myself and I pinned his arms down and looked at him expectantly.

"What was that?" Dereck grinned up at me.

I shrugged. "'Thought I'd mix it up a bit. You need to be faster and sharper. If I was Strigoi, I'd have broken your neck." I released his arms and took his head in my hands and gently "broke his neck". Dereck's hands slid up on the floor and up onto my waist. Okay, time to get up.

I took his hands from my waist and helped him up and put my lips to his ear and gripped his shoulders.

"Do _not _even try it," I whispered sharply and in the same second, I was across the room, staring out the window.

"There's no competition, your old guy is dead." I heard Dereck say snidely and I spun around to glare at him.

"Dimitri Belikov was a great man, and even if I _did _like you, we couldn't be together and I _don't _like you- so that problem is completely out of the question. I am your mentor now and a guardian and guardians don't date novices." I said sternly. For me, it was a different story and Dimitri and I weren't really dating- not at all. I'd wanted Dimitri, yes, but I wasn't so obvious about it.

"_You _were with a guardian." Dereck protested and I looked down.

"That's different,"

"Now, how would that be different Rosemarie Hathaway?" he murmured in my ear and I jumped; I hadn't been paying attention to where he was. I turned my back to him and he only slipped his arms around my waist. I stepped out of his reach, completely pissed off now.

"Yeah, well, it's different because I say it's different- and I'm your mentor now, so you will listen to what I say. And I say: Don't be a pain in the ass!" I ground out through clenched teeth.

"And if I am?" he challenged, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms.

"I'll kick your ass and then I will resign as your mentor." I retorted rudely. If I was his mentor, shouldn't I be more polite and less threatening? Oh well, I didn't care. I dealt with jerks trying to hit on me regularly, so Dereck wasn't a problem.

"Shouldn't you be more nice or something?" he asked voicing my thoughts.

"I've got a different method than the usual." I snapped. Jeez, this kid was worse than Christian. Dereck was going to be a lot of work _and _I needed to train Blake. What have I gotten myself into now?

"That's okay; I like the unexpected," he said grinning like a little boy. I rolled my eyes and decided to tackle this problem a different way. I sank to the ground and patted a spot in front of me and tossed the mitts aside. Dereck looked suspicious but he still sat down.

"Right," I clasped my hands together. "Since you're only interested in talking, we'll talk. Tell me about what you do in your classes; who are your friends? Do you draw attention to yourself? What do you do in your spare time? Who is your best friend? Stuff like that,"

But Dereck didn't seem too keen on talking about himself- he'd much rather talk about _me_ instead.

"Why are you in Siberia?" I just stared at him until he prompted me. "You know, this is where you answer my question…"

"None of your business." My words were clipped, curt and cold.

"Did you or did you not love this 'Dimitri'?"

"I'm not answering that."

"I already know the answer."

"So why are you asking?" I snapped at him.

"Because I want to hear you say it again." I looked at him for a few moments and he met my gaze without looking away. Okay, so he's got attitude, he's a smartass, and he's got a bit of courage.

"Yes, I did." I admitted quietly.

"Where is he now? Dead or Strigoi?" I thought his question was meant to be cruel, but when I looked up sharply at him, I only saw mere curiosity.

I winced as I answered. "Strigoi,"

"Where is Princess Dragomir?"

Again, I cringed. "In Montana,"

"Why isn't she with you?" he asked.

"Because,"

"Because _what_?" he insisted.

"There is something I need to take care of here."

"And that would be…" he said politely, leaning forward on his hands and I resisted a very strong urge to punch him out.

"Top secret guardian stuff," I smirked because I had a feeling that it would bug him as much as the guardians not letting him use a stake had.

"And I'm a novice so you can't handle it?" Dereck sneered.

"Exactly," I said loftily.

"Why did you take the mentoring position?" Dereck switched topics grudgingly.

"Because I didn't know who you were." I'm sorry-I just had to say it; he frowned.

"I'm not _that _bad; you eve said it yourself, you were exactly like me." he raised his chin.

"Yeah, that's true, I was kidding by the way." I added to make him feel a little better; I imagined that he got enough of that from his teachers. "Really, though? I took it because I know I can handle it, since I know how you feel; I'm going to try to do what worked on me. We're not that different-except your over-active hormones." I added straight faced and Dereck blushed from the roots of his brown hair to his neck and looked away.

"Well, if I'm getting this right, you were a little hot for your mentor yourself. Didn't you admit for falling for _your _mentor?" Dereck snapped, he seemed determined to discuss my relationships and I didn't really appreciate that.

"Right, we can stop talking about my love life thanks, especially considering you are not even remotely involved with it, and will never be." I added for good measure. He could ask as many questions as he wanted, I just wouldn't answer them. Dereck realized this and sighed as I smirked in satisfaction.

"Do you have someone who you want to guard, specifically?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't try to come back to my twisted life story.

"No, not really," he looked away and mumbled, which, of course, meant he was lying.

"Well, come on, you've got to have a good Moroi friend, don't you?" I pressed.

"Well…I do have a friend that is a Moroi…" he said uncomfortably.

"Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Do tell, what's his name?"

"_Her _name is Jane. Jane Ivashkov." I instantly reacted to the name, another one of Adrian's relatives. But the Ivashkov clan was very large and it could be just anybody.

Dereck still seemed uncomfortable; why? I decided to find out. I also made a mental not to mention Jane Ivashkov in Adrian's next dream-walk visit.

"Why so tense? What's wrong with Miss Jane?"

"Nothing, she's great, she really is. It's just the guy she's with…" Dereck's voice trailed off and he looked uneasy.

"Is he mean to her, or do I detect jealously?" I joked.

"No, I'm not jealous," Dereck blushed again- so he _was _jealous. "But the way he talks about her, behind her back. Like she'd just something he can throw away. A toy," Dereck's tone now reflected disgust.

"Who is he?" I asked merely curious.

"Riley Zeklos." He said flatly. Ah, another Zeklos, I thought bitterly. I have yet to meet one who _isn't _a jerk. I mulled this new information over as Dereck seemed to be lost in his own world. So a Zeklos was dating and Ivashkov that was friends with Dereck, and Dereck didn't like the boyfriend because eh talked about his friend like a petty possession. I repeated my train of thought out loud to Dereck and he nodded and then he made his own thoughts very clear.

"Yeah, I just don't want to see her get hurt. Zeklos goes through a lot of girls, but Jane says he's not what everyone thinks. She keeps telling me not to worry and that she and Riley actually have something going for them.

"I don't believe it, and neither does Leo or Tristan, but she won't listen to us. I swear, if Zeklos drops her, I'll be the one to kill him."

That was the longest speech I'd ever heard Dereck make, it also told me more about his personality: he was a good friend and he cared. And also he's very protective, because he said he'd beat the Zeklos boy.

"Whoa, slow down there, cowboy. If he hurts your friend or not, you won't be touching the Zeklos boy; at least not when other guardians are around." I grinned, and thought how I'd do the same thing for my friend. Dereck laughed at that and my smile grew.

"But you've got to at least pretend that I'm fixing you, because honestly? There's nothing really to fix, just sharpening up your moves, and I'm sure you know all the stuff they are learning in class. The only major thing that _needs _to be fixed is your attitude."

"You are probably the coolest guardian ever-no wait: you _are;_ there is no possibility." Dereck said admiringly, glanced at the clock and saw that I had five minutes left with him.

"I'm going to be checking out your classes today, maybe meet your friends, I want to meet Jane Ivashkov, if that's okay." I said to him. "Alright, so I also want to meet the rest of your group too."

"That is no problem, my friends won't mind," Dereck said happily as he got up. "They're going to flip when they know who my new mentor is!" I heard Dereck mumble excitedly to himself and I chuckled quietly. When he went into the change room I laid out flat on the floor and closed my eyes. I was remembering Dimitri so, so clearly it felt like he was still alive, staying with me, as if he were beside me right now. But he is _not_, I growled at myself. Shit, I need to get a grip. I pushed my memories away and thought of nothing at all.

"Um, Rose? What are you doing?" I heard Dereck say, his voice coming nearer.

"Nothing," I sighed, I longed to do something, _anything. _But I didn't know how to start, where to look. Now that I was in Siberia, I was completely lost. I hadn't planned that far ahead, I never did, I usually just went with it and played along, letting things take the course it would take without my interference. It usually worked, but right now, my mission was on hold.

"You must be doing something," he objected, his voice nearer still.

"No, not really," I self-consciously shifted my weight; he might be looking at me. I opened my eyes and saw Dereck standing not a meter away, studying me curiously.

"If you weren't doing anything, you'd be dead." He joked, but I didn't think it was funny, considering that a ghost had come back to me after he'd died, so I wasn't really sure what ghosts did.

"Well, I'm lying on the floor with my eyes closed, well, I was." I said loftily as I sat up and wrapped my arms around my knees.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to," I got up and brushed off my black slacks, not meeting his eyes. He could tell too much already and I didn't like it and I didn't want him to know more.

"Well, my first class is here, so we can just hang out until then." Dereck offered a shrug.

"Yeah, um, I've got to go check on something, catch you later, Dereck." I said inching toward the door. His face changed to the same annoyed expression from before.

"Top secret guardian stuff?" he scoffed. Did he _not _get it? Like, come on, was he totally oblivious to other things going on around him?

"Alright, I'm going to take you on my _top secret guardian mission_." I scowled as I took his arm and led him out of the gym. What was I doing? Suddenly the thought of my lack of clothing came to my mind. So what was I going to do? Take him shopping? Then it hit me. _My clothes! _That were in my duffel bag…that was still in the forest beside the academy. Okay, I can do that, it was still day, well, night for humans, so Strigoi could be out. But he'd told me the other guardians hadn't let him touch a stake. Hmm.

I spun around rapidly and faced Dereck, he looked shocked, excited and…a little scared. He had every right to be, don't get me wrong, it's just he looked vulnerable.

"Where is the heart of a Strigoi?" I demanded my rage still going on strong.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean: _where is the heart of a Strigoi_?" I growled, he still looked confused, so I sighed and my anger slowly decreased.

"Point to where the heart of a Strigoi would be," I instructed. "On you," I thought it would be a little uncomfortable if he tried to demonstrate on me. Dereck pointed to his sternum with his forefinger.

"Here," he declared.

"Right and what's in the way?"

"The sternum and ribs," someone's been doing his homework, I thought snidely. I nodded and walked him back into the gym and over to a dummy. Taking out my stake, I shifted into an offensive stance that would give me enough power to stake a real Strigoi.

"Do you see this stance?" it was a rhetorical question and Dereck knew it.

"Yes, Guardian Hathaway, I see the stance." He said dryly.

"Watch," I said sharply, less tolerant of his snappy jokes now. I demonstrated staking the dummy at different speeds: slow, medium, fast and Dereck watched eagerly. I remembered when Dimitri had been doing the same thing for me. And that say was when – no. I would _not _get caught up in my memories like I had with Dereck yesterday, and I was still kicking myself for being so stupid and telling some guy I hardly even knew everything there was to me. Focus, present, not the past. I motioned for Dereck to come forward and I guided him through driving the stake into the dummy. We worked until novices stared to come in and I called it to a stop.

"Seems like Dimitri taught you well; more than romance I mean." I fisted my hands behind my back to retain from beating him right then. I'd been contemplating my choice to take him with me to retrieve my things, but his comment set me off again.

"Do not talk about Dimitri Belikov like that ever again, if you do…well, let's say you'd be out of your classes for serious injuries." I said in a low voice. Dereck needed to learn some respect; and I was going to make him respect me.

"Do you want to know what Strigoi are like?" I growled dangerously.

"Of course, I'm going to be killing them for a living. Why wouldn't I?" he scoffed.

"No, you really don't," I said seriously. I now had come to two conclusions: he was either and arrogant asshole who was full of himself or he was completely clueless.

"Want to bet on that?"

"Oh, I don't need to bet on it- I'm going to prove it. We'll see how your witty mouth does in the heat of a battle." I spat the words at him and stormed out the door, not caring if he followed me or not.

**So…was it good. I know some of you think that I'm going to make Rose and Dereck fall for each other but that is a big NO NO; so don't worry. I know there is a problem with the characters speaking English in Russia, but I didn't really feel like getting that much into detail. Please review this chapter, pretty please. The button is actually begging you to hit it…so do it now! Hahahah.**

**~Alice~**


	8. 8 Unexpected

**CHAPTER EIGHT- UNEXPECTED**

**Hey there, this is chapter eight obviously, and so yeah. I really feel like putting music into my story, so there'll probably be some lyrics in here. This chapter is all about surprising Rose, one is just fun and games and the other is a "No fucking way, that is so not right." type of surprise. So enjoy this chapter, I really hated writing the last chapter because it was so boring, nothing really happened, but if you ask some of my friends who like to write, they tease me about taking too much time to build up to the punch lines in my story and they also tease about how I make things so dramatic. But I love drama; the first part of the story isn't really dramatic – yet – ha, anyway… I'll let you read the story now **

I fixed on a polite poker-face before I knocked on the headmistress's door. I was still pissed at Dereck, but that didn't mean I could take it out on her.

"Come in," I opened the door and the headmistress smiled up at me. "Guardian Hathaway, it's good to see you. What can I help you with?" she said pleasantly.

"I never got your name," I grinned falsely. She didn't seem to notice anything amiss and laughed.

"Headmistress Modia,"

"Headmistress Modia," I nodded. "That's not why I came, though. I came to ask your permission to take Dereck Hays off campus for an exercise. A very important lesson," I said politely, smile still in place.

"Ah, yes, Mr Hays, you need permission to take him off campus?" she asked raising her eyebrows.

"And to excuse him from his classes for the day," I added. I watched Headmistress Modia think this over. She seemed impressed that I was dedicated to my task. She might think differently of me if she knew why I was asking for the okay…

"Do you need an extra guardian?"

"No, that wouldn't be necessary; I wouldn't want to disturb anyone. It's okay, it will be no problem." I said quickly.

"Well, you seem so sure of yourself Guardian Hathaway. I give you my permission, of course…but, Guardian Hathaway, I'm surprised at you. Don't you find Mr Hays rather…difficult?"

I smiled tightly. "He's not that much from what I used to be; now I know how my mentor must have felt." Headmistress Modia laughed and I was only capable of a hard chuckle. "Thank you, Headmistress," I nodded as I inched towards the door.

"Not a problem, Guardian Hathaway. I'll have someone notify Mr Hays' teachers." She said, smiling at me kindly again before I slipped out of her office. I quickly made my way back to my room and grabbed the stake (I'd taken from Blake after we got back) before I headed to the gym to collect my little student.

8-8-8-8-8-8

When I got to the gym, I found Dereck in the middle of a sparring match, so I waited in the corner and watched. He was a fairly good fighter, matched with the other boy, I vaguely recognized as the boy who was sparring with him before, when I'd come with Mikhail yesterday.

I heard him the moment before he jumped me and I had no time to react. Someone had me in a headlock from behind and I jabbed my elbow back automatically into their rib cage, not hard enough to do damage, but enough for them to loosen their grip.

I spun around to see Mikhail.

Of course.

"Let's fight, Hathaway; don't go easy and show me what you've got." He challenged and I grinned at him.

"Gladly," I responded the second before I launched myself at him. Too bad he threw himself at me at the same time. We clashed into each other at full force and collapsed onto the ground. Mikhail had landed on top of me so he had the upper hand; but I didn't let that get me down. I struggled until his grip on one of my arms slipped and my fist snaked out and connected with his face. I felt him flinch and I rolled so that I was on top of him instead.

"Are we doing face shots?" I panted.

"Of course, we're fighting, Hathaway." His breath was as heavy as mine. Somehow he managed to get his knee high enough to make contact with the center of my back.

"_Damn_, Tanner," I hissed and he grinned predatorily. I rolled off him and lightly jumped to my feet, ready for anything. Mikhail was quick to his feet as well, and this time, he took offensive. I blocked most of his attack with my body, but the impact still made me stumble; and that was all he needed. He pounced, looking completely sure of himself, so he was surprised when I got my right leg up and pushed back against his chest, making _him _stumble. Ha. I rolled backwards and we circled each other: both our fists were clenched as we danced around each other on our toes. I was acutely aware that my ribs were throbbing and hurt like hell, but that thought quickly fled as Mikhail made his move first, but I was ready for it this time and I planted my feet, leaning forward.

This time, I didn't budge and gripped Mikhail's shirt and swung him up against the wall. My left forearm was pressed to his neck, my right arm holding down his left arm and the rest of my body pinning his exactly.

"I win." I breathed and Mikhail and I both burst out laughing. I released my hold on him and stepped away; I suddenly became aware of my surroundings again. Mikhail and I had made it all the way across the gym and all the novices were loosely gathered in a circle around us and they were clapping. It surprised me; I got lost in my fight and wasn't paying attention. Now that I became aware of my condition as well: my ribs and right leg were aching and aching bad. I'm sure the pain only added to the surprised expression on my face, so it probably looked really funny – which is probably why Mikhail laughed harder.

"Bravo, Hathaway, not bad at all," he praised.

"'Not bad?' What are you talking about? I just kicked your ass. That was _freaking amazing! _And even with two broken ribs and a banged up leg." I joked as Tanner put his arm around my shoulders and turned to the novices.

"Guys, for those of you who don't know who my friend is: this is Guardian Hathaway." Mikhail announced and I gave him an annoyed sidelong glance as the novices who hadn't known who I was (which was the whole class minus Dereck) burst into whispers. Mikhail only grinned in response. I couldn't make out all of what they were saying, but I heard a few:

"Rosemarie Hathaway?"

"- best guardian ever!"

"- killed two Strigoi in Spokane!"

Then, finally, one person spoke above everyone else to me- it was the only way he could be heard.

"Guardian Hathaway as in the Rosemarie Hathaway from Montana?" he yelled pushing his way to the front of the small crowd. He had dark brown hair and dark, dark brown eyes. Eyes that were almost black. Eyes that I would know anywhere. They were Dimitri's eyes. I tensed and swallowed.

"Yes, and who might you be?" I asked tightly.

"Kevin Belikov," Belikov. No. No way, this is not happening. Dimitri would have told me about a brother…wouldn't he? He told me about his sisters, but hadn't spoken of a brother. Could he have not known? I was positive Dimitri would know if he had a brother. He'd have –

"Rose?" Tanner's voice brought me back to reality.

"Huh? Oh, what?" I said brilliantly.

"You've got some questions," he grinned, nodding toward the cluster of novices converging on us now.

"Um, okay, one at a time," I stuttered; I'd gotten used to _not _attracting attention in the past few months. "Ladies first, let's start with you." I pointed to a brunette to my right who was practically glowing; she looked like she'd explode just because I'd picked her.

"Is it true you killed two Strigoi in Spokane?" she squeaked.

"Yes," I answered and pointed to the next novice distractedly. Even though my mouth was with the questions and I was acting calm, my mind was still with the Belikov boy. Tanner, sensing my discomfort, told them to go to their next class and that they'd be able to talk to me later. They looked disappointed, but didn't refuse his order.

"Kevin!" I yelled after the crowd and the boy turned around with some of his friends. I noticed that his friends included, Dereck, the boy Dereck was sparring with, two other boys and two girls. Hmm, I didn't want all these people to see my reaction to the answer I was sure to get. I saw Dereck's eyes widen as I jogged up to him and his friends. I stared into Kevin's eyes, those eyes…it hurt – a lot. But I sucked it up and asked the question I already knew the answer.

"Do you have an older brother?" I held my breath as I watched his face fall.

"Yeah, but he died in a battle at an academy." I closed my eyes and turned my face slightly, hoping that they couldn't see my face twist in pain.

"My academy – his name was Dimitri Belikov, was it not?" I murmured. I hung my head as I waited for his answer,

"Yeah, how did you know?" I glanced up and saw that he looked astonished.

"Your brother was a great name, a very, very great man." I whispered before turned and walking stiffly out the door. As soon as the door closed, I bolted. To God knows where but I really didn't care. I just needed to get the fuck away from there. I needed to think. Alone.

**What do you think? That last bit was the unexpected part, if you didn't get the title. So yeah…tell me what you think and please, please review. Anyway, the next chapter is intense (action). Review. Please.**

**~Alice~**


	9. I Should Not Have Done This

**CHAPTER NINE- I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS**

**Hey there, like the title? It means a lot to this chapter because Rose starts going through some serious remorse. Anyway…just a little Shakespeare note, some of my favourite plays are: **_**Romeo and Juliet, Midnight Summer Dream, Othello **_**and **_**Much Ado About Nothing**_**. So those are just a few of my favourite plays, I just felt like putting that out there. And I really like some poetry (well, some is an understatement, I like poetry with meaning- which is pretty much all poetry, professional stuff and I really liked the poetry one of my favourite authors friend put up. It was sad, but really good) anyway…here is the story! Enjoy!**

I found myself on the outskirts of campus by the trees. I stopped running and sank to the ground. Dimitri couldn't have a brother, Dimitri would have told me. But if Dimitri didn't know, if Dimitri had no knowledge of his brother…but Dimitri knew everyone so he would have found out somehow. No one could keep a secret from him, I was sure. He'd have found out one way or another. It was impossible; he would know, he –

"There you are," an exasperated voice said, I unburied my head from my hands and peered up. It was Dereck- why would _he _come looking for me?

"'Been looking everywhere for you, I had to lie for you too. Guardian Tanner was confused about why you left, so I told him that you'd said that you would run off somewhere to see how fast I was and if I could find you. I told him that it would help me become more open and get to know more people than just close friends if I don't get assigned to the Moroi I want. He shook his head and said 'only Rose'" Dereck looked at me amusement. "Your usual unpredictable-ness?" When I didn't answer, his amused look faded and his face became serious. "Kevin's name really got to you, huh?"

"Yeah, it did – I didn't know Dimitri had a brother." I muttered, recovering my head with my arms.

"Hey, what's up with his name – oh?" Dereck cut off as he finally registered what I was actually saying. I felt an arm go around my shoulders. "Hey, it's okay," he said soothingly and I looked up to see that he actually looked sympathetic. Maybe he wasn't the jerk I'd taken him for.

"I didn't know, I don't think Dimitri did either. He would have told me," I said quietly, taking comfort in having someone with me. Dereck didn't respond for a bit and I glanced at him and it looked like he was trying to keep his own opinion to himself and I'm pretty sure I didn't want to hear it.

"Are you still going to take me on your guardian stuff?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Um…sure, are you afraid to go off campus?" I asked hesitantly. If he was, I obviously wouldn't take him and go by myself.

"You're actually going to take me off campus?" he asked astonished.

"If you're okay with it, I've already cleared it with Headmistress Modia and your teachers." I added.

"Well, yeah, I'm cool with it." He said nonchalantly, but I could hear his unease and nervousness in his voice.

"Hey, it's okay; I'll protect you." I smiled as I removed myself from his arm. I extended a hand and helped Dereck up and we started walking back to the main part of campus.

"So. You reacted to Kevin's name because his brother is Dimitri Belikov? Your Strigoi lover?"

"Dereck, really; stop talking about Dimitri like that. You know, we're not going to talk about him at all." This subject still made me mad, but now that I knew a bit about Dereck's character, it just made me tired. Dereck sensed the firm note in my voice and didn't say anything more until we were nearly to the gate.

"Are we going hunting?" he asked excitedly. "Oh no. I get it now. _You are hunting Dimitri._" I stopped walking and turned to him, completely shocked. Dereck saw the look on my face and knew he was right; he looked immensely pleased with himself.

"How do you know that?" I asked coldly.

"It's easy, isn't it?" he said with confidence. "Kevin was brought up here, in Siberia, so was Dimitri, I'm guessing. So you thought you'd start looking for him in Siberia. And you're doing this because you love him and I bet you made a Blood Promise or something." He crossed his arms and gave me a look that said _I know I'm right so don't try to deny it. _

But something hit home much harder than I would have liked, something that hit harder than his knowledge of my journey.

"_Blood Promise,_" I murmured. It made me feel weird, like I was bound by something and I didn't like the feeling, it was like feeling helpless. So I shook it off and fixed Dereck with a stern stare. "We are not talking about this anymore." And started towards the gate again, this time at a brisker pace. Dereck kept pace easily and still looked proud of himself. The boy's got a brain, I'll give him that much.

When we reached the gate I informed the two guardians there, "We're going off campus,"

"Ah, so you must be Rosemarie Hathaway, then. A brave soul to take on this one." One of them said offering me his hand.

"Yeah, I'm Rose; who are you?" I said as politely as I could as he bent his head down and kissed my hand. Umm, is that some Russian custom that I'm unaware of?

I studied his profile as I tried to compose my face: he had a strong build, lots of muscles; dirty blond hair, that fell around his eyes as he bent his head; he was tall, about 5'9; he couldn't be that much older than me, twenty, at the highest; he had the brightest blue eyes that I've ever seen (well, except Christian's eyes), but even Christian's eyes didn't shine like this man's did. I think he saw my eyes widen at the sight of his and he threw me a dazzling smile, with his eyes dancing in excitement, which only made them that much more amazing.

"Mercutio Scot," he announced proudly, after he'd lifted his lips from my hand and my face turned a deep red; a fitting name, one of the characters from the Shakespearian play _Romeo and Juliet_.The other guardian cleared his throat and Mercutio winked at me before dropping my hand.

"Colin Meradov," the other says shaking my hand firmly a few times and I nod.

"Nice to meet both of you, I need to take care of my new other half now." I joked glancing slyly at Dereck who had kept uncharacteristically quiet this whole time.

"Have fun," Colin said as he started to open the gate.

"Wait, Rosemarie!" Mercutio called after me and I turned. "Do you want me to come with you? You know, for extra back-up, if anything should happen." He added, giving me another dazzling smile. I glanced at Dereck who was too busy glaring at Mercutio to tell me weather he wanted a third or not.

I took his glare as a no and shook my head. "No, I'm sure we'll be okay, thanks, though"

"Are you sure? I mean-"

"I made it here with a Moroi and dhampir and fought off a lot of Strigoi yesterday. Are you saying that you don't think that I can take it?" I challenged coldly. _I can take care of myself! _How come no one else can see that?

"That's my point, Rosemarie –"

"Rose,"

"Rose, then," he sighed. "I know what you're capable of, I'm not saying you can't handle it, you definitely can, from what I heard from TJ yesterday. But that's my point, Rose," he ran his hand through his blond hair and let out a gusty sigh again. "That was _yesterday._ Yesterday; and that's what I'm worried about – I don't think you'll be able to handle a lot today, after that. Aren't your ribs broken, too?"

"Your ribs are broken?" squeaked Dereck, finally ripping his hostile glare off Mercutio and fixing me with a concerned look.

"Yes," I answered Dereck, then to both of them, "I am completely capable of taking care of myself and neither of you know what I can or cannot handle. So therefore, I will make my own decisions, and I am deciding that Dereck and I will be fine without your help, Mercutio, _thank you!_" I huffed before storming away from him and out the gate. I heard Dereck quickly catch up to me, he still looked concerned.

"Are you sure that you want to fight with broken ribs, and your leg looked pretty bad yesterday."

"I. Am. Fine." I ground out, just barely glancing at him. "Here," I said in a more quiet and gentle tone, handing him my extra stake. I wasn't going to give him my stake because…well, simply because it's _my _stake. This stake and I had some memories; we'd both witnessed the happiest and saddest memories of my time so far. Suddenly, the Muse song that I was listening to this morning came back to my mind:

_I wanted freedom_

_Bound and restricted_

_I try to give you up_

_But I'm addicted_

_Now that you know I'm trapped_

_Sense of elation_

_You'd never dream of breaking this fixation_

_You will squeeze the life out of me_

That verse described my situation fairly well, I _wanted _freedom, I always have; but I'm bound by my promise. I haven't tried to give Dimitri up though, but you could say that I'm addicted. And Dimitri would probably never dream of trying to tell me to go away because he'd most likely want me to drink my blood – hence the '_you will squeeze the life out of me' _line.

"What are we doing?" Dereck's voice brought me back to reality.

"Getting the bags my friends and I left in the forest on our way here." I led the way into the dark forest and my guard went up. I couldn't sense any Strigoi near, but that didn't mean that they weren't in the forest.

"Mmm…" I heard Dereck grumble and I took that as a sign of acknowledgement. We finally reached the bags: there were strips torn off the sides and top but nothing too bad. I scooped up mine and Blake's bags and tossed Tory's to Dereck. Then I felt the nausea well up inside of me.

I instantly dropped my bags and threw my body in front of Dereck's before the Strigoi could touch him. I staked it quickly and was tensing for the next one – none came. This was weird because I didn't expect "Dimitri's coven" to attack alone. I glanced around and didn't feel any nausea. I waved Dereck forward and saw his shocked expression.

"We are going to jog; if any Strigoi come, leave me to deal with it and run to the school." I whispered and saw that he was about to protest about leaving me behind but I cut him off with a sharp look. Dereck still looked as if he thought leaving me behind would be wrong, but he nodded.

I picked up the two bags and we set off at a cautious jog off toward the school and didn't have any encounters yet, but I was not letting up.

I got this feeling that wasn't a regular Strigoi warning, it was like it was a _'hey someone I know is near by' _type of feeling, but a bad one. So that meant that someone I knew that was Strigoi was near by…which meant that only Dimitri could be near by. I glanced around every second, but there was no nausea and no signs of any Strigoi. I started to appreciate the scenery and then mentally slapped myself. I shouldn't be thinking about how pretty the dark forest looked while I was trying to get back to the academy and protect a novice –my novice- at the same time.

_Focus. _I kept scanning the area, but saw and felt nothing- but the feeling that Dimitri was near and watching was still nagging at the back of my mind. The school was in sight now and I picked up the pace- I didn't want to get Dereck hurt. My nausea suddenly spiked, not fifty yards from the gate.

"Open the gate!" I shrieked. Forty yards. Thirty. Twenty. Yes! We were going to make it!

Wrong.

Ten yards and the gate was open, I shoved Dereck through and chucked my bags in after him and just like I had yesterday, turned to face the Strigoi. Talk about freaking déjà-vu.

"Shit," I cursed and immediately started fighting. I remembered how the blond Strigoi looked grappling with Dimitri when we were retreating from the rescue mission. It made me furious all over again. My vision tinged red with rage and I staked two Strigoi in less than ten seconds. The others were now aware of my power and were tensing for my attack. I staked the one closest to me and was clawed down the front of my right leg again.

"_That _was for Kyle!" a Strigoi hissed and I spun around to face it. 'It' was a she, and her eyes shone with ire and she glared at me murderously. When my arm stuck out to stake her, she batted my arm away. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch!! I saw her hand coming at my face and tried to get out of reach, but I was a little too slow. One of her nails dragged down the side of my face: from the bridge of my nose, down to my bottom jaw. Oh shit! That was going to be one hell of a scar when it healed. And it was on my _face! _That bitch was going to pay for screwing with my face, not funny at all.

But to the Strigoi, it was hilarious; she was sitting there laughing her ass off while I watched her with blood running down my face and leg. It made me even angrier, and I didn't even think about it before I did it. I launched myself at her not even thinking that she could still grab me while she was laughing.

She grabbed my head and was about to break it, I could tell. I braced myself for the pain and how I was going to introduce myself to God. Then a deep voice cut through my thoughts and I froze.

"Amelia, don't kill her just yet, let me have some fun." All the Strigoi turned to the voice and bowed. 'Amelia' released her hold on me and vanished from behind me- I guessed that she went to bow at the Strigoi's feet. Huh, not so tough now that your boss is here, are you? I thought bitterly. Rubbing my neck, I turned to see who the leader was and I don't know why I didn't click into it earlier. I saw…Dimitri.

And, oh God, was I not ready for this. He was the same Dimitri body, but a different Dimitri inside. He had bright red eyes; both of his whole eyes were red, unlike most new Strigoi whose eyes were only rimmed red. The Strigoi that had been holding me, I now saw, had rushed to Dimitri's side and was getting all up on him.

"Oh, Dimitri, of course, I won't kill her. You can do all you like with this petty little dhampir, it's not like we'll have any use for her in our coven." Her voice was husky, but at the end, where she mentioned me becoming Strigoi, her voice turned hard which gave the unspoken implication that if I was turned, I would be killed. Dimitri wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her up against him. Then I got it. _No way!! _I thought shell-shocked. They could _not _be Strigoi lovers. How could something so lifeless feel something as powerful as love?

"No, Amelia, I think Rose would be a great addition to our coven, why don't you?" he asked politely, as if discussing someone's death was as perfectly normal thing to do!

"As if I'd want to turn Strigoi! There is _no fucking way _I will ever go Strigoi, I'd die before I'd even consider it!" I shouted at Dimitri.

He shifted his attention from the Strigoi girl, who was now running her hands all over his chest, to me.

"Really, Rose?" his voice was menacing and taunting at the same time, which I guess wouldn't be that hard to do if you were dead. "I am willing to bet that you're lying. I _have _considered it, going Strigoi. You have and you know it and so do I," he was right. I actually _had _considered it- _only once _though. Just _once_. I had only considered it for a second, when I was having one of my ghost headaches. I'd contemplated what it would be like, to just be with Dimitri forever, with no ghosts to interfere, no difference, undead…together. Forever. I immediately shook off the much too tempting thought and refocused on Dimitri's knowing look.

"No, I really wouldn't," I spat out.

"Well, if you won't even consider it…_again_," he added mockingly. "Then, they'll just have too kill you, I'll watch this time." He said to the Strigoi as they moved in on me. Assholes. I glowered at Dimitri and he just titled his head and leaned on a tree in the stance that I thought he pulled off amazingly well, even with his height. Now, it did, all the same, look very, very appealing, but also just mean. He was going to stand there and watch the girl he said that he loved and would do anything for, get murdered, by his own hand, basically. I prepared for the first attacker and swung out a very neat roundhouse kick to the side of the Strigoi's head. They were barely fazed, but my ducking down confused him so I had enough time to stake him.

"Nice technique, Rose, but you will need to be faster to kill everyone." Dimitri cat called from his tree. I staked two more and then heard a scream that didn't come from the ones I killed. I turned to see that someone else had joined the fray. It was Dereck. _What!!!! _I thought as I glanced at the two shocked guardians at the gate. I pain shot up through my leg and I returned my attention to the fight. Staking two more Strigoi, I risked a glance behind to Dereck. He'd staked two Strigoi. There was one left and Dimitri. The last one was his little lover, Amelia. My vision turned red with rage and I pushed myself into a one on one battle with her. Through out it, she kept taunting me, saying things like 'Aw, poor baby, are you upset to see your little crush Awakened' and 'I don't see what Dimitri thought he saw in you, you're just a piece of shit' or 'Too bad you won't be able to see your friends again, because you are going to die and so is your new little boyfriend', which, of course, pissed me off. So I didn't even care if I was too far away to get a fair shot at staking her. I just put all the force that I had into it and thrust my arm out and into her chest. Her eyes widened and she fell to the ground.

A slow clapping began and I turned to see Dimitri, still lounging on the tree, but clapping none the less. He really didn't seem to care that I'd just killed 'his coven' and even more surprising: he didn't seem to care that Amelia was dead- that should go to show how heartless Strigoi are.

He regarded me levelly. "You should probably go take care of your little boyfriend, there; he looks like he's going to cry." Dimitri said dryly, looking pointedly at Dereck who was staring down at the two Strigoi that he'd killed in shock.

I glanced around; there were no more Strigoi. I kept my stake out just in case Dimitri decided to pull a surprise attack on me, and back away towards Dereck. I grabbed his hand and put my body between Dimitri's and Dereck's and kept it that way until we got to the gate.

As I was turning around to go in, I heard Dimitri's voice call after me, "That was not my entire coven, do not think this is the end."

I shuddered and did not turn back to look at him. I felt like I could curl up in a little ball on the ground and bawl my eyes out for hours; I felt like I could curl up and die. It was not a feeling I liked because it made me feel weak, which is almost as bad as being helpless.

I looked at Dereck's face and winced: his eyes were wide and he looked completely frozen. Poor kid; a thought came back to me: did _I _look like that after I'd had my kills? I was about to say something to him, but was cut off by Mercutio.

"They weren't kidding about you; welcome to the big leagues, Rose." He grinned at me and I gave him a look and obviously titled my head to Dereck and looked back at Mercutio.

"Yes, that was very good…for a new guardian." Colin added, which automatically made me dislike him-very much, I might add. The way he looked at me, like he sized me up, and was bigger and tougher than me.

"Yeah, it wasn't bad for a new guardian? Do you think you could have taken on that many Strigoi by yourself and more the day before and be fighting the next day with two broken ribs and a cut up leg and arm?" I snapped. He looked surprised, probably at the tone of my voice and also what I said probably added to it too. I bet nobody talked to him like that. They were probably all afraid; he was a really big and intimidating guy, well, to other people. He didn't scare me, not one bit. Colin spoke with a thick accent, and had a really large build of muscles on that big buff body of his, but it didn't scare me.

His face hardened and it looked like he was going to say something, but I cut him off.

"I've got to go and take care of some things, so nice to see you too." I nodded to a smirking Mercutio and hefted up the three bags, grabbed Dereck's wrist and walked away.

When we were out of sight from the guardians, I turned and led him into the darker tree cover. I was pretty sure that he needed to do some type of breaking down and I was also certain that he wouldn't want anyone to witness it. I led him far into the trees and found a nice green patch of grass. I dropped the three bags and turned to Dereck.

The kid was still in shock, but I could see him processing what had just happened and his eyes dampened visibly. My brow furrowed as I watched the growing look of horror spread across his face and Dereck started to blink rapidly, trying to keep from crying. It didn't work. His tears spilled over and I pulled him into a tight hug, similar to what my mother had done to me on the plane on the way back to the ski lodge. Dereck started sobbing and his whole body shook with them.

"Sssh, it's okay, it's okay," I chanted softly into his ear. Dereck hugged me back fiercely and cried on my shoulder. I was so sorry I'd taken him off campus now, I was sorry I'd even thought of it in the first place. I couldn't believe what I'd done to him. Was I _trying _to make him relive my past life? I'd killed two Strigoi at his age, it had broken me up (but seeing Mason die had added to my brake down as well). So I guessed Dereck's situation a better than mine had been- but still! It was completely stupid and idiotic of me.

"I-I-I _killed _them, R-Rose, I k-_killed _them!" he sobbed into my neck.

"Yes, I know it's hard, I'm so, so sorry, Dereck," I whispered to him and tightened my grip briefly. I patted Dereck's back, and we stood there for a while; him sobbing on my shoulder and me regretting what I'd done. Finally, his tears had decreased noticeably and I pulled back to look at him: his eyes were red and the way he kept sniffing and staring at me with those large, innocent brown eyes, it made him look like a small vulnerable boy. I stared back at him for a bit and he didn't break eye contact.

"Are you okay?" I asked slowly and he nodded in response and wiped his nose. "We're going to have to go back to the main campus soon."

A nod.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I insisted. "Speak,"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm fine." Even though he'd tried to make his voice sound normal, it was still thick. I pressed my lips together tightly; I was such an idiot.

Dereck turned away to pick up the bags. "Man, I am so weak," I heard him grumble.

"You are not!" I exclaimed taking both bags from him and picking up the third. "Compared to what I was like after my first kills, this is fucking strong. I was completely torn apart after what happened in Spokane." I admitted, my voice going back to the normal level. Dereck looked surprised at my outburst and reached for one of the bags that I was holding. "No, I've got it," my voice was clipped. "Don't ever think you are weak, you're a million times stronger than I was," I said softly.

"I didn't see my best friend die."

I winced, even though I didn't feel guilty about Mason anymore, it still made me sad to remember what happened and it hurt to remember how I felt when I was dealing with seeing his ghost all on my own. I pushed the memory aside and focused on reassuring Dereck.

What type of mentor would I be if I couldn't even make my student feel better?

"Yeah, well, that was a different situation and speaking of different situations, why did you come back out to fight the Strigoi with me?" I asked as politely as I could, trying not to reveal what I was feeling.

"I couldn't let you fight by yourself," he shrugged nonchalantly.

"So why didn't you let one of the other guardians fight with me instead?"

"Because I wanted to prove myself, I felt like I had to, you know?" I _did _know. I knew how that felt all too well. But I'd felt like I needed to prove myself to everyone I've ever known.

"And besides, it would be very impolite to let a lady fight for herself. It's just un-gentlemanly," he said primly and I rolled my eyes.

"Go to your room, I'll see you later, I've got to do some other stuff. And remember," I lowered my voice. "You are strong."

**So how was THAT chapter?? I know, it's a little long, but I decided to make it long because I crashed my computer –again, for the 5****th**** time this month!—and haven't updated in a while. So, tell me what you think, lurve constructive criticism, so if you have anything to add, that'd be great and I'd lurve to hear it. Review because it will make me feel really good and the button is screaming at you. Loudly. So you had better review now. Ha ha.**

**~alice~ **


	10. Temper

**CHAPTER TEN- TEMPER**

**Hey there, chapter ten is here! Yeah! Anyway, the last chapter was a little, I don't know, like I'd made Dereck a little TOO soft?? Maybe he shouldn't have cried?? I don't know; I hope you liked it though, I thought that the bravado that he puts on all the time should have been seen through by Rose, and it was. Because Dereck has a real problem with killing and he actually didn't think about how it would be taking something else's life, but now he understands that and Rose and him are going to be having a different type of practices because of how this chapter starts. Hey, now, some of you are questioning my Rose activity; well, here's the deal with that: Rose is shadow-kissed, as you all know, and you also know that the shadow-kiss-ness makes Rose a little volatile and a bit short on temper. That's the reason for Rose's little brake downs in my story, as well as the little factor that I like- no cross that- lurve (!) drama. **

**Okay one last thing: Shouts to RoseVanVamp16—ha ha, very funny Rose; I know you're talking about me.**

**Okay, well, here's the story. ENJOY!**

I needed to make a trip to the clinic, again. And I was pretty sure that the Doc was going to be pretty pissed that I didn't follow her orders. So I slowly made my way into the clinic and set down the bags- they dropped harder than I expected them too. The Doc looked up from whatever she was doing on her computer and gasped.

"Rose!"

Oh, boy. I braced myself for a huge lecture…but it didn't come; yet. The doc rushedme into one of the examining rooms and immediately set to work on my banged up body. I kind of zoned in and out during that process, I didn't feel the need to examine the Doc's work on my body. When she was done cleaning me up, she fixed me with a very disapproving and very disappointed stare.

"Rose, did you go off campus and fight?" I gave her a little nod and she carried on. "Even after I told you _not _to?" a nod. "Why would you do that, Rose? Especially in the condition you are in, you are in no shape to fight. None at all, and yet, you did, disobeying my orders and harming yourself even more! Did you want to know the extent of your damage?"

"Sure," I tried to sound nonchalant but I don't think it worked too well.

"You have three more broken ribs and you _re-broke_ the other two. Your face is badly scratched and your leg wounds have been re-opened, Rose. Do you know how stupid what you did was?" now, she seemed weary. "You could have been killed!" she flopped herself into the visiting chair. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Well, you probably might be seeing me a lot, when I was at St Vlad's the doctor there always used to joke about me being her most frequent patient." I smirked.

The Doc returned the gesture with a dry smile. "Well, be that as it may, you will _not _be going off campus again, at least not until your ribs are healed." She switched back into Doctor Mode and pulled herself from the chair. "You also _will not _be engaging yourself in any physical activities until your ribs are healed. Do you understand me, Rose? Or do I have to put you with a supervisor?" I flinched at the idea of having a baby sitter and shook my head furiously.

"No, no! I promise I won't do anything physical." I said solemnly. The Doc nodded in approval and told me I was free to go, but had to take it easy. I thanked her again and very literally almost fell over, trying to pick up the bags with the new bigger brace that went all the way around my stomach instead of just one side. I took a big breath and got ready to bend over and grab them when someone else picked up all three. I looked up to see…Kevin Belikov. Oh man, seeing those normal eyes, Dimitri's old eyes, hurt more than breaking my ribs.

"I don't think picking these up would be such a good idea," he smiled down at me. He was a good five or six inches taller than me, it looked like he was going to inherit Dimitri's height.

"Oh, thanks," I murmured quietly. There was an awkward silence and I wanted to break it. "So…what are you doing here? In the clinic, I mean."

"Oh, I just got a little banged up," his smirk suggested that there was more to the story than he was telling me.

"Hey, since you're holding my bags, can you help me get to where I want to be?"

"Yeah, sure." He grinned. "Where do you want to be?"

"The guest housing,"

"Aren't you a guardian?" he asked.

"Yeah, but two of my friends are in guest housing," I explained and waddled towards the door. He followed obediently.

"So, you're Rosemarie Hathaway? The real one?" his tone reflected awe.

I blushed slightly. "Yeah, I'm Rose,"

"Oh, I should probably call you Guardian Hathaway, shouldn't I?"

"I don't really care," I said as I glanced at him and winced again. This time my flinch seemed noticeable.

"Are you okay?" he asked and stopped walking.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I needed a subject change. "What did you say your name was again?"

"Kevin Belikov,"

"Mmm," I mumbled faintly.

We were quiet for a bit, and then Kevin broke the silence. "Oh, hey, you said you knew my brother the other day. Did you really?"

"Yes, I knew your brother," I _so _did not want to talk about this.

"What was he like? I never knew I had a brother until I was called down to Modia and told that he was dead." His voice was a little bitter at the end.

"I don't think Dimitri knew you were his brother either, he would have told me if he did." Oh no, I didn't mean to say that. Shit.

"Why would have he told you?" Kevin's voice was confused and curious. How am I supposed to answer that? I am not going to say, _'oh, yeah, me and your brother, we were lovers,' _or _'oh, Dimitri would have told me anything I wanted to know, he loved me' _or _'oh, we were in love, but don't tell, we weren't supposed to be' _yeah right. What am I supposed to say?

"Um, your brother and I were…close," that didn't sound too bad. "Yeah, we were really close."

"Oh, so you were like best friends?"

"Something a little like that,"

"It must have been hard for you, to have your best friend die," hmm, _Mason_ was the best friend that died, _Dimitri _was the lover that died. I nodded and didn't say anything.

"If you don't mind me asking though, what was he like?" he insisted.

"Dimitri was…hmmm," I let out a gusty sigh. How do I explain Dimitri? "Well, he was really great. He was an amazing fighter, we were evenly matched, after he trained me, he was really tall, um," those were all safe things to say, it's not like I'm going to say, _'oh, yeah, I almost forgot: he was a great kisser!' _Not that I'd ever forget how good a kisser Dimitri was. I would never forget anything like that.

"Sometimes, well, most of the time, it seemed like he was the only one who understood me. I really miss him, a lot." I added almost inaudibly. We were quiet for a bit and as I glanced at Kevin, I saw that he looked a bitter again. Why?

"So, how did you become a guardian so quickly, you're eighteen right?" he asked before I could question him about his reaction.

"Yeah, I'm eighteen, all guardians start out at eighteen," I remarked dryly and he rolled his eyes. We were now coming up to the guest housing.

"Aren't you still supposed to be at your academy though?"

"Um, I'm a little bit of a different situation," I mumbled as I held the door for him. I asked the Moroi man at the desk which rooms Blake and Tory were in and Kevin and I made our way up the stairs.

"Is it tough? Being a really young guardian, and having to compete with all the big guys?" Kevin asked his voice weary.

"No, not really; sometimes it can be intimidating, but I'm not really competing with the older guardians. I'm just trying to do my job, to do what I trained my whole life for and I'm not going to let some macho older guardian beat me down into being afraid and making a fool out of myself.

"I'm not going to let anyone push me to be a background colour, and keep me from doing what I have to do. It doesn't help if you're scared of what other people are going to think about you, you've got to have thick skin. If an older guardian sees you fighting and when you walk past them, they say, 'that wasn't bad…for a new kid' am I going to shrink back and say 'oh, well, maybe next time will meet your standards'? No, I'm not going to say that. I'm going to stand up for myself and tell them to fuck off or tell them what they can go do with their 'badass' skills, because they've got no reason to tell me if they're better or worse or if I make the cut.

"You can't care what other guardians think because that will just make you side tracked and you'll always be looking their way for approval or some kind of respect. If you ignore them or tell them off, it'll earn you more respect."

By now, we were in front of Tory's door and Kevin was grinning from ear to ear. I knocked on the door and turned back to him.

"Don't let anyone intimidate you; because if you let a dhampir scare you, how the hell are you going to fight Strigoi?"

"We should talk again sometime?" It wasn't meant to be a question but he still asked it hesitantly.

"Well, I'll be spending time with Dereck, so if you're one of his friends, we should see each other a lot because I can't fight; at least not until my ribs are healed."

Then the door opened and Blake peeked out, when he saw me, his face split into a huge grin and he swung the door all the way back and engulfed me in a huge bear hug.

"Hey Rose!" he exclaimed as he squeezed me tight.

"Hey Blake, nice to see you too," I muffled into his chest. He finally released me and I stumbled backwards, and was caught in Kevin's strong arms. Blake was about to usher me into the room, but then he noticed Kevin.

"Who are you?" his voice was guarded and I could practically breath in the testosterone in the air.

"Blake this is my friend Kevin, Kevin this is my friend Blake. Kevin is a friend of my student, Dereck Hays," I added for good measure.

"You have a student?" Blake's eyes narrowed.

"Yep, and I broken three ribs and re-broke two so Kevin here, being the great guy that he is, offered to help me with our stuff. So you are going to let him in," I took Kevin's hand and led him into the room. "Just drop them anywhere,"

Kevin gently set the bags down and smirked at me. "You're pushy, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am," I said loftily and he laughed.

"Okay, we should talk again sometime, Guardian Hathaway," he seemed more confident now. He squeezed my arm gently and smiled kindly. "Get well soon," he said to me. "Boys," to Blake and Tory and with that, Kevin Belikov left the room.

With the look on Blake's face, I was almost positive that he was going to go into the _'are you sleeping with him?!' _mother lecture and I think that Tory saw it too, so he cut in.

"Hey, are those our bags?" he said loudly.

"Yes, they are, Tory." I settled down gently on the edge of his bed and pulled one closer to me with me foot. I bent slowly to unzip the bag and slightly winced. Blake noticed and hauled the bag onto the bed next to me.

"Thanks,"

"Weren't these in the forest?" Tory asked confused.

"Yep," I answered, unfazed and Blake gaped at me. I turned to stare at him in surprise.

"You went into the forest…by yourself…at _night_?" he practically growled at me, his face contorted with anger. What did I do now?

I shook my head slowly. "No, I wasn't alone," I winced as I remembered the image of Dereck squaring off with Strigoi. If I hadn't been high on adrenaline, I would have probably be filled with terror and shock and (I'd be willing to bet on it) agony. I don't know I'd feel antagonized, but I was a hundred percent I would feel that way. Actually, I was also pretty sure I would react the same way I had when I'd seen Mason die in Spokane. It's not like Dereck's my best friends but I felt-

"Who was with you? Another Guardian?" Blake's sharp voice brought me back to reality.

"Um, no. I was with a novice, Headmistress Modia asked me if I would mentor a kid and I agreed. I took him off campus for a…an extra learning experience." I chose my words carefully, trying to sound guardian-like and professional. Judging from the look on Blake's face, it didn't work. I probably sounded like some stupid girl trying to be smart. But…wasn't that exactly what I was?

"Why didn't you take us?" Blake demanded.

"Because Tory is a Moroi," I said sternly. I am not going to put him in danger again." Tory snorted and rolled his eyes.

"We would've done fine," he quipped.

"Yeah, Tory could have used his magic and me and you could have staked the Strigoi." Blake added.

"We did fine when we broke out of our academy," Tory muttered.

"That was _such _a stupid thing to do too, Tory!" I snapped. "And Blake should have known better, and you did fine because _you got lucky_." Oh God, I sounded like a mix of Stan and Kirova. "Strigoi are working together now. Do you think you could have stood against a pack of Strigoi?" I didn't wait for their answers and lectured on. "No, you wouldn't have been able to. They would have either killed or turned you; they'd probably turn Blake and they'd kill Tory. Is that what you want? How would you feel, knowing that you'd lost your soul as well as your best friend's life? Could you live yourself? Would you want to live? Would you be able to bear seeing him red-eyed and vicious if he were turned? Could you forgive yourself for what you let happen? Would you-or could- you?" I was so angry it wasn't even funny. I got the nagging feeling of losing control in the back of my head and took deep breaths. _Calm down, Rose. Shake it off, ignore it. Fight it, Rose. It's not going to control you, control it. _I chanted to myself. I remembered who I was talking to and where I was. My anger decreased and the shocked silence was louder than my lecture. Ah, shit.

"I'm sorry; it's just…it's scary out there. Not a good place to be if you're not prepared, especially with the way the Strigoi are acting now." I muttered hanging my head shamefully. I needed to get a grip on my temper or I'll end up hurting someone.

"It is okay, Rose. You've been through a lot; I understand." Blake said soothingly.

I tensed.

_He UNDERSTOOD?! _

Quickly, I unzipped the three bags without answering, in fear that that anger swelling up inside of me would make me say or do something I would regret. I found which one was mine, zipped it up, slung it over my shoulder and headed toward the door.

"No," I had to whisper it so I wouldn't growl it. "No, you really _don't _understand and it's not okay." And with that, I walked out the door, a little voice in my head saying, _you are not okay, Rose._

******

I passed a few guardians on the way up to my room, but I only gave a curt nod or a hello to the curious stares I received. I made it up to my room, closed the door and sank to the ground. I laid on my back, closed my eyes and let the memories that I'd been trying to keep out flood back into me: my first training session with Dimitri, the praises he rarely gave me, the look of desire and passion he'd given me when we were under Victor's lust charm, the way he's been so frantic almost panicked as he saved me from Natalie, the sympathy he'd felt for me at the Badica house, the way he'd held me on the roof of the ski lodge just before dawn, the way Dimitri had comforted me after Mason's death and my first kills, Dimitri's confession of how he loved me after we'd returned to the Academy, the way he'd been thrown off balance when I admitted to seeing ghosts, Dimitri lying for me at Victor's trail, the intensity of our fight in the field experience, the way we'd connected the morning of his last day, staring into his eyes and telling him that I loved him and hearing the promise back, the way we'd looked at each other when we set off to rescue our people…everything. It all came back. I could picture his face perfectly; his dark brown eyes and his dark almost-shoulder-length hair, his sweet smile with lips that were hard and yet soft at the same time. It ached so much, and I just wanted to crawl into a corner and die. I missed Dimitri so much, my Dimitri, sometimes I thought about why I was still alive with Dimitri gone. But I always told myself that I was living for Lissa. I had to because she was going to be my fist priority once I was done here. Once I was done here, I'd be done with Dimitri.

Forever.

I started crying.

So there I was, lying on the floor, bawling my eyes out over Dimitri, again. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths until I was in control of myself. I sniffed and wiped away the last of my tears sitting up and dragging my bag towards me. I unzipped it and pulled out my clothes, my new cell phone and a sleek black lap top (both of which I had invested in with Adrian's money). But I hadn't given anybody my number or gotten anyone's. I shoved my clothes aside, opened my lap top and stared blankly at the screen as it loaded. I opened up my e-mail account and saw that I had three messages. One from my mother, one from Adrian and…one from Lissa. I flinched, imagining what it would say. Well, I might as well start with Lissa's first; whatever she said in the e-mail, I surely would deserve. It read:

******

Rose,

I hope you are well. Where are you? I really miss you, Rose. But I know how much this means to you, so I'm not going to ask you not to come back-yet. I know Dimitri is a big issue-and I'm sure it is. Something that has you so far bent must be. So, what are you doing now? Are you making any progress in your search?

Send back soon. Love you with all my heart, Rose. I hope you're okay. Be careful.

Love, Lissa

Oh, and I'd thought she'd want to bitch at me. I really loved Lissa. She was absolutely perfect; good through and through. I responded quickly typing:

Tell me everything. How are you?

I really miss you too, Liss! I'm not in America, I'm somewhere else. But I'm at an Academy It is really important to me, Lissa and thank-you so much for understanding. Some progress. I'm going to be a guardian, Lissa! I'm getting some more _molnija _marks and a promise mark soon. Everyone knows who I am. I have a student-I'm a mentor. But I'm a really bad mentor. I scared the hell out of my student. I'm so terrible, Lissa. I'll tell you everything when I see you again. I found out that Christian has another relative here. His name is Tory. How is my buddy Christian, anyway? Tell him I say "Hey Christian!"

Do you remember Guardian Tanner- Mikhail Tanner? Yeah, I'm with him here, so I've got a few friends.

I miss you so much, Lissa. I love you. I will come back if I can.

Love forever, Rose

P.S-tell Eddie I say "Hey Eddie! Take care of Lissa for me until I get back!"

Could you tell both of them (Christian-he'd better take care of you too- and Eddie, I mean) that I say that? Or you could just send them the e-mail.

P.S-again- how's your spirit training? How is the Academy doing? Any rumours about me? Tell me some; I might get a kick out of it.

Rose

I skimmed back through it, making sure that I hadn't said anything too specific. Wow; I think that's the longest thing I've ever written, well, except for some of my school reports (and sometimes they didn't even get that long!) I sent it and wearily clicked on the next one. My mother's.

Rosemarie Hathaway,

Oh man.

Why did you leave the Academy? I know that the raid was stressful and terrible, frightening even, but, Rose, you cannot let it ruin your life.

Huh, she thinks I've gone off to be a blood whore and she didn't even sign her name! Thanks so much, mom, I thought. I typed a quick reply, nothing too sweet:

I'm not a blood whore. I just have to do something. I'm a real guardian now. I've got a position at and Academy and I'm getting more _molnija _marks. Once I'm done here I'll go back to Lissa. They call me Guardian Hathaway. Don't worry; I'm not going to disgrace you.

I AM NOT RUNNING AWAY- AND I'M NOT SCARED.

I rolled my eyes and sent it. Then another message popped up on my screen above Adrian's. It was from Lissa. That was quick. I opened it wearily.

Rose,

It's great that you're a guardian. Which Academy are you at? The spirit training is coming along great! I'm starting to see auras! I will tell Christian and Eddie what you said (I so do not need to be taken care of!). I miss you, Rose. I'm really proud of you, Guardian Hathaway! Ha ha! You deserve it, Rose. The rumours are that you got pregnant and ran away and that the raid and rescue mission scared you so much that you quit being a guardian. Is that funny to you?

Be careful. Miss you.

Love, Lissa

Was she checking her e-mail constantly to see if I responded? I let myself open up to her feelings and saw that she was. I also hoped (a little guiltily) that if she kept saying she missed me that I would come back to her without going after Dimitri. I quickly typed a reply, skipping over where I was and complementing her on her spirit progress and said that the rumours were bullshit and nothing like me. I sent it quickly and then, not as excited, opened Adrian's e-mail:

Rose,

How's it going? I'm great, thanks for asking. Lissa is doing amazing with her spirit training, but it drains her a lot. I'm starting to get a little better hold on the healing, but not nearly as much as Lissa. People are saying that you're pregnant, that you got scared and ran away, oh, and that you're the new Hunter. They say that you got so pissed about what happened at the Academy that you dropped out so you could go hunting to kill all the Strigoi you could get your hands on. They aren't wrong, well, at least, they're not that far off point.

Where are you now? You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to.

Love, Adrian

Whoa, wait. "Love, Adrian"? Oh, boy. Looks like I'm going to have a bigger problem with him than I was expecting. Honestly? I was expecting that I could just tell him off, but I'd promised…and did I really know what to expect anymore?

Adrian,

I'm great; it's good that you're okay. Are the auras still getting to you? I heard about the rumours and Lissa's progress from Lissa. I'm at an academy. I'm a guardian. I'm getting more _molnija _marks and I'm a mentor. Visit my dreams I've got to ask you something.

Thanks for the money; I bought a lap top and cell phone. You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you. I miss all of you guys too.

Rose

There. He shouldn't get the wrong idea from that; at least I hoped he wouldn't. Well, I sighed; this could get a little tricky. I shut down my lap top and climbed onto my bed and stared at the ceiling.

What's the worst that could happen? I thought. Well, Rose, I thought sarcastically, you could die, no wait—even better: I could become a Strigoi. I shoved that aside and wouldn't think about that little issue right now.

So Lissa wasn't mad at me anymore. I remembered the time I'd gotten pulled into her head, two days after I'd left the Academy…

_I felt a tug in the back of my mind as I entered my hotel room. I set down my bag, lay down on the bed and let myself fall into Lissa. She was in her room and someone was at the door, though she didn't want to answer it. She wanted to be alone. The one person she had wanted to see was me, so she didn't move from the bed and kept bawling her eyes out._

"_Lissa! Let me in, Lissa. Okay, fine; I'm coming in," a male voice said from outside of her room. Then the door knob turned and I was just as surprised as Lissa was to see Adrian walk in and gently close the door behind him. Lissa lost interest in his presence and kept sobbing._

"_You're a mess too, cousin," Adrian commented almost silently as he sat down in Lissa's computer desk chair and took a swig out of the wine bottle he'd brought with him. "It is okay, Lissa; Rose will come back. She promised,"_

_Lissa was surprised to hear Adrian say that, so she stifled her sobs, wiped her face and studied him. He looked much like I'd last saw him: his hair was actually messy, he had bags under his eyes, but there was some look in his eyes…like something else was adding to the taxing of the auras. I looked at him through Lissa's eyes and saw that it was my leave that was adding to his aura based distress. I groaned internally and felt only mildly guilty that I was adding to his problems, but it wasn't my fault that he felt for me that way. I could see it so clearly; how he cared for me-so could Lissa, for that matter. She leaned forward and bunched up her comforter as she watched him. Adrian was the first to look away. He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a huge gusty sigh._

"_You care about her, more than you let on." It wasn't a question, but Adrian still answered her._

"_Yeah, I do," he admitted quietly as he met Lissa's sad gaze. "You really are a mess, Lissa; and everyone is going to start noticing that both you and Rose are missing. Just keep moving on, pretend like you don't know anything and ignore the rumours. She'll come back, I know it. Rose promised," the unsaid longing in his voice hurt to hear. I was putting everyone through so much pain. I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled myself out of Lissa's head and permanently blocked her out. I stared at the hotel ceiling and wondered who the hell I really was…_

My leg and ribs throbbed, but only a dulling pain now for now; I was sure if I moved that they would hurt more. Putting my laptop aside, I decided that I needed to take a shower. I reached for a towel,-_damn that hurt!_ - Pulled myself off the bed, wincing a lot in the process, and hobbled out the door with the towel draped around my shoulders. I ran straight into Mercutio Scot, one of the guardians who were at the gate when I left and returned with Dereck. I stumbled backwards and was caught by Mercutio's strong hands before I fell flat on my ass. He made sure I was steady before gently easing his hold on my arms.

"Hey, Rose, great job with the Strigoi earlier. How's the Hays boy?" Mercutio asked.

"Thanks, Dereck's okay, just a bit shaken. He used to joke about Strigoi, but I don't think he will anymore, it was pretty serious out there."

"Well, yeah, he's never had much respect for anything but himself, you know?" he said, uncomfortably shifting under my hard stare.

"You'd be surprised," I said sharply and stocked off down the hall in my tank top and black guardian pants. I passed a few guardians and said hello as I made my way to the washroom. Finally, I got into the shower and washed my body and hair twice. Then I just stood watching the water run down the drain. My head started to hurt- the pain of one of my shadow-kissed headaches. I was too tired and confused to try to stop it; I closed my eyes and let myself fall in.

At first it was just as if I was watching the gray hays of the ghosts in complete blackness. Then I clicked into the fact that I was actually _in _the world of the dead. Oh God. Then everything suddenly went silent and I was left in complete and utter darkness. Then, just as I was beginning to panic, the darkness lightened in the distance, which confused me. I strained my eyes to see what the hell was going on. I made out a ghostly shape moving towards me with a light glow behind it. It was a ghost- which would explain why they looked "ghostly". When I finally saw who was approaching me, I stopped breathing.

It was Dimitri.

He was looking as good as ever…but faded; he was so pale- almost translucent. It broke my heart to see him like this, but it was better than seeing him as a Strigoi.

"Roza…" he started as if unsure what to say to me.

"D-D-Dimitri?" I stuttered almost silently. His face crumpled in sadness as he watched me. I stared at his gray-ish face and started shaking my head furiously. "You can't be here. No, no, no, no. You can't be. No!"

"I'm here, Roza," he said softly and the way he said it; confidently, strongly, but yet gently, and compassionately, pushed me to believe that he was actually standing in front of me. Dimitri always had a way with conveying a hundred different things in so few words. I sagged and glanced up at his painfully.

"What is it?" I said meekly.

"Rose, you can't stay here and hunt me. You need to leave,"

Somehow, I found my strong voice. "Well, I'm going to and I will and I am! No one can tell me what to do anymore, I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions."

"You can't,"

"Too. Bad. And you cannot stop me," I defiantly said.

He groaned, "Rose…"

"I promised; you'll be at peace soon." Dimitri looked at me pleadingly, but I raised my chin and he sighed.

"You've come so far, and I am so, so proud of you, Roza." He whispered; his voice held so much and tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over, but I used all the control I had not to start sobbing at his feet.

He reached out again, like he wanted to comfort me…I saw the passion, love, worry, pride, adoration, pleading, faith- all on his face and one tear rolled down my face, I really couldn't help it at this point.

"You are so, so strong, Roza, you know I'm proud of you, I'll love you forever."

And with that, the only person who I wanted vanished into nothing. I snapped back into myself and was staring at the water again. I numbly climbed out, dried, wrapped the towel around myself and walked back to my room, closing and locking the door behind me. I crumpled down on my bed and pulled the covers up to my chin as silent tears streamed down by face.

**Don't review yet! Go to the next chapter and stay with the mood! Go! GO!**


	11. This Kid Is Driving Me Crazy

**CHAPTER ELEVEN- THIS KID IS DRIVING ME CRAZY**

I woke up to the sound of something moving in my room. I immediately was alert and sat up. I looked around frantically, only to find that I'd worn a towel to bed and it was around my waist, I pulled it up quickly, in case anyone was really here. _You could be imagining this, Rose, _a mean voice sneered in the back of my head. I looked around and saw...Oh, boy was I pissed off now.

Dereck Hays was sitting in the chair at my desk, watching me calmly. Had he seen the towel fall? Oh, God. I opened my mouth but nothing came out.

"Good morning, Rose," he said quietly and those soft calm words relaxed me a little bit, making me realize how really tired I was.

But it didn't make me forget that I was super pissed that Dereck was in my room and possibly might have seen me half naked.

"_What are you doing in my room?_" I glared at him and he nodded toward my clock.

"I was in the gym, waiting for you, but you didn't come, so I decided to come see if you were okay." He said it as if it were so simple and easy and completely obvious.

"How did you get past security?"

"If you have forgotten or just didn't notice, there is no security in the guardian dorms," he rolled his eyes.

"How did you know which room was mine?" I demanded. I was going to get even angrier if he said that he'd checked every room until he found mine.

"That was the easiest part," he chuckled. "There were a pile of clothes in front of your door that had a note on them saying: 'You forgot your clothes, Rose.' So I figured that this was your room. Lucky guess, eh?" he tried to make a joke but that didn't make any sense because I was sure that I'd locked my door. I noted vaguely that the clothes that I had left in the washroom the night before were on the desk beside him.

"I brought them in for you," he stated, noticing my glance.

"And how did you actually enter my room?" I ground out ignoring his comment.

He held up two bobby pins. "Picking locks isn't really that hard,"

"Ugh!" I groaned and fell back into my bed, pulling the comforter up above my head. "Get. Out. Right. Now."

"Rose?"

"Get out, Dereck; If you value your life at all, you will leave my room right now." I used my scary voice and I heard him scrabbling to the door then hesitate. What _now_?

"Does this mean practice is cancelled?"

I poked my head out from under the sheets and looked at him astonished and even more pissed off.

"Okay, okay! I'll take that as a yes," he left the room real quick and I got up and put a chair under the door handle, just like I'd seen in the movies and sat back down on my bed.

"Stupid kid," I muttered. I ran my hand through my hair and felt that it was damp-ish but all over the place. Damn, it was going to take some work to restore it. I ran a brush through my hair, pulling out all the knots while I was thinking about the little encounter I'd had last night with Dimitri.

It really scared me that I was actually _in _the world of the dead; and I hate being scared. But I was too freaked about the whole scenario to even be disappointed in myself. Did that really happen? Did I imagine it? Those were the first questions to pop into my head when I started thinking rationally again. The first answer that came to my mind was: Yes, it really happened; you couldn't imagine that.

Dereck's brake-in was soon forgotten and I was focused on Dimitri. He seemed so real, and was just like the other ghosts. Could I get back there again if I tried? I didn't want to, but I was pretty sure I'd have to sometime. The thought unnerved me and I quickly put on jeans, a sweater, my socks and shoes and giving my hair a last check in the mirror. Staring at my face I gently traced the line down my right cheek, remembering the way Dimitri had been so horrible and how 'Amelia' had raked her nail from my nose to jaw. A tear rolled down my face and I fiercely wiped it away and shook out my hair. _You're strong, stick it through, Rose. _I told myself.

Shoving the thoughts of Dimitri aside I slowly made my way down the stairs, very aware of my ribs and leg today. Sleeping seemed to make it worse; I hobbled carefully down each step and stopped to lean against the wall for a bit; I was so confused. If it really was –

"Hathaway!" I voice called from behind me and I turned my head on the wall to see Mikhail Tanner coming towards me.

I groaned. "Oh, no, not you again," I joked easily and Mikhail punched my shoulder (a little harder than necessary, if you ask me). It caught me off guard and I lost my balance and would have started tumbling down the stairs if Mikhail hadn't caught me and gave me an odd look.

"You're a little off your game today," he said.

"I guess," I mumbled. If he knew _why _he might understand that I would be a little preoccupied today-what with Dereck breaking into my room and entering the world of the Dead and seeing and talking to Dimitri's ghost…yeah, I can afford to be off my game for one day, at least.

"What's wrong?" Mikhail asked, his voice taking on the hint of worry. I glanced at him and saw excitement flash in his eyes. "Do you want to fight again? It feels pretty unfair, to me. I say we do best two out of three,"

"Can't, the Doc said I'm not allowed to do anything physical," I informed him.

"Oh really? _Nothing at all _that involves physical activity?" he joked obviously and I punched him.

"Someone's a little immature,"

"No, as a mater of fact, I am very mature," he said in a scholar-ish voice.

"Really? Prove it," I smirked.

"I'll be mature, you watch,"

"Yeah, and you don't sound like a four year old right there," I laughed and his lower lip jutted out into a very unattractive pout which only made me laugh harder. I clutched my ribs, because they were aching after laughing so hard.

"Why are you doing that?" Mikhail's eyes widened. "You're not getting those cramp things that girls get, are you? I'm not carrying you into the washroom or fetching you pads or whatever you use."

I laughed. "No, stupid, I broke a couple ribs, is all,"

"Are you okay?" he asked instantly serious.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine; you don't have to worry about me." I said tightly. I _hated _it when people tried to take care of me!

"Okay, okay," he held up his hands in surrender and I secretly smirked in satisfaction. I started down the steps and Mikhail started another conversation like the other one hadn't even taken place.

"You're going to eat with me today, and meet all the other guardians. Oh, also Headmistress Modia told me to tell you that you and the other boy, Bilk is it? Anyway, you and another boy to come to her office and meet Charles at noon today; you're getting marks, Rose!" he seemed so excited for me. I smiled and tried to start down the stairs and Mikhail followed, slowing his pace to match my lopsided limp.

"Should I attend your ceremony?" he actually sounded serious, which surprised me a bit.

"No, the only people who will be attending will be the people who are receiving marks. So, thanks for the offer, but I think I'll just go with Blake and Dereck," I mumbled, not really thrilled that I would have to spend some extra time with Dereck today.

"Why would you go with Hays?" Mikhail was confused now.

"Oh, he needs a mark, too," I shifted uncomfortably as I took another step down to the bottom of the stair case.

"How did he kill a Strigoi?"

"I…um, I took him off campus yesterday…" I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Rose!" his voice was shocked and disapproving. "Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because," I didn't add anything more and that frustrated him.

"Because _why_, Rose? You could have gotten yourself and Hays killed!"

"_But I didn't_," I ground out. "Alright, I get that I made the mistake, I admit it, skip the lecture, okay. I know what could have happened and it didn't so everything is fine now. I guess you can say that I learned the hard way- I can't do anything now!"

"Rose, everything is _not _okay!" he threw his hands up exasperated. "You could have-"

"But nothing happened! Are you my mother? I didn't think so, so. Fuck. Off. It."

His eyes widened in shock and he shook his head. "Rose…"

"I get it, Tanner; I really do. Do you think that I don't know what could have happened? I'm not stupid, Mikhail,"

"Yeah, I know that, but, Rose, you tend to do things rashly without thinking them through." He said, sounding pretty logical.

"Yeah, well, I _used _to be like that, I took him off campus because I did. You are not here to question my choices or analyze my life, so I don't think you really have a right to be sticking your nose in my fucking business!" I practically yelled at him and he looked at me like I was crazy, but I could also see that he was mad. Shit. _Look at what you're doing to yourself, Rose. Piss everyone else off and see if you have anywhere to go. _I shook off the nasty voice in my head and focused on Mikhail.

"I'm sorry, Mikhail; I-I…" how the hell does one explain what's wrong with me? I sighed and looked down at my shoes. "A lots been going on with me and it's kind of hard to explain and I'm a little bit short on temper; today more so than usual." I added under my breath…_Now that wouldn't happen to involve Dereck Hays' interference, would it? _I thought bitterly and I shook my head as if to get rid of the thought. I had to act normal if I was going to be around him at all today.

"No worries, Rose; I know it's been tough for you." He said easily; then he lowered his voice. "I heard about what happened to the Academy," he whispered. "Are you alright?" his voice was just concerned in a plain friendly way and I winced-but to my credit, only a little bit- when he mentioned the Academy.

I brushed his worries aside with the famous Rose Bravado. "Yeah, I'm fine, a little scary at the time, but I'm good now,"

Apparently my brave face had worked and Mikhail looked relieved, but still worried some.

"Come on, Mikhail, you think I can't fend for myself?" I tried to sound appalled, but it was obvious that he knew I was joking.

"No, sometimes I think you need a saviour," he joked back easily, but his comment didn't assure me as much as it did him. Was I really in need of a saviour? Was it that obvious that I wasn't coping with my life very well?

"Rose?" Mikhail's voice brought me out of my uneasy thought and I looked at him hazily.

"Huh?"

"We need to go have breakfast," he said then muttered, "_Before _you pass out on me,"

I ignored the quip and was suddenly eager to meet my new comrades.

No.

The word sliced through me and brought back more memories that I didn't want to deal with. I squeezed my eyes shut in half a second and then looked back at Mikhail. I decided that I would _not _call any of the guardians that, no matter what. They were _not _my comrades, they were…co-workers. I used the human term for the people they work with. I was never going to call someone my comrade again. I had one, and only one, Comrade; and I would never have another.

"Rose," Mikhail's voice had lost its joking edge and was now totally serious. "You are going to have to meet Alexander," he was completely straight-faced, which was very unusual for Mikhail. I raised my eyebrows in question and he elaborated.

"He's the Head of Guardians here; like Alberta was at St Vlad's,"

"So…this _Alexander_…he's a big deal then, huh?" I asked hesitantly. If he was an ass like that Meradov guy I met earlier, I'm going to be completely fed up with this academy.

"_Yes!_" Mikhail exclaimed. "So you need to be on your best behaviour, no attitude, no smart-ass jokes, no comments about anything that's not appropriate, no flirting-- no nothing." He said sternly.

"Jeez, you'd think I was five years old," I mumbled.

"Well, sometimes you certainly act like it," he snapped. "This is serious, Rose, if you fuck this up, he might go to Headmistress Modia and say that you are not an acceptable guardian and will ask to have you suspended, taken out of this academy, or completely pulled from being a guardian all together. So no fun and games now, Rose; if you mess this up, you might be messing up your whole life."

"Okay, okay," I rolled my eyes nervously. "Don't worry, Mikhail, I can handle myself when I need to,"

"Rose, please don't ruin this. And even think…if you got cut…your mother would hear about it, and I'm pretty sure Janine would be very upset with you…" he let his words trail off and I rolled my eyes with more confidence now.

"Right, I forgot about the amazing Janine Hathaway; wouldn't want to tarnish her rep," I said, pretending to be serious.

"Rose, don't-"

"God, Mikhail! Calm down; I can handle this." I took a deep breath and shook out my hair. "Where do we eat?"

"In here, Guardian Hathaway," Mikhail opened the door that was in front of us and I saw many guardians, quietly eating in groups, some were talking, others were just sitting and eating in silence. No one looked up when the door opened. I stepped in with Mikhail right behind me.

He cleared his throat. "Excuse me," everyone looked up at this and all conversations came to a dead stop. "We have a new guardian, her name is Rosemarie Hathaway, Janine Hathaway's daughter and she just received a position as a guardian here. She will be receiving her promise mark today at noon," Mikhail's voice echoed in the still room and all eyes were on me. I shifted uneasily. "I trust you will all treat her with respect and make her welcome, because this is her new home." Mikhail's voice held finality to it that no one would question.

The silence was finally broken by a tall, muscular man with a nicely fitted black sweater on and loose fitting jeans. He had dark brown hair that came down just in front of his eyes and how lively his bright blue eyes were studying me with interest. What did that mean?

"I'm sure we will make Rosemarie Hathaway welcome. Let me be the first to introduce myself to you; I am Alexander Contrive, you may call me Alexander when not in the presence of any novices," from some of the simplest words, I gathered that he was a very formal and serious type of guy. He walked up to me and offered his hand.

"I'm Rose, as you already know," I shot a glance at Mikhail while I shook Alexander's hand and saw that he looked hopeful, but like he was trying not to hope.

"Would you like to sit with me this morning, Rosemarie?" he asked politely, but it seemed like he was expecting me to accept.

"Well, you see, I already know Mikhail Tanner here, and I was planning on eating with him," I matched his tone almost perfectly, but I added the edge that made it clear I was one not to be messed around with. I saw amusement flash in his bright eyes.

"Mikhail is certainly welcome to join us, if he wishes to," he turned his head to Mikhail but his eyes never left me.

"Yes, I'd like very much to eat with you," Mikhail said very politely, none of his joking tone revealed. He probably was just going to stick around to make up the mistakes I was sure to make.

Alexander threw me a dazzling smile and I returned the gesture with less magnetism. "That would be great, Mikhail, this way, Rosemarie." He led us to a buffet that held all types of breakfast items; French toast (the syrup at the tables), pancakes, bagels. It was practically the same as the students' layout except for the coffee machine and hot chocolate that wasn't allowed to the students during any meals (except at dinner in the winter). The rest of the guardians slowly resumed talking, quietly, just as before; like they were never interrupted. But I was pretty sure that I was the focus of most of the conversations going on.

I took a bagel and made myself a hot chocolate quickly- but with two packets, like Dimitri had done for me: _"Doubling's the secret," _he'd said.

Alexander looked at me curiously and I shrugged. "Just something a…a friend of mine showed me once." He didn't pry, for which I was very thankful. He led Mikhail and I to an unoccupied table and faced me. I took a sip of my hot chocolate and studied him over the rim. "So, Alexander, tell me about yourself," I said quietly.

His eyebrows shot up into his hair dark hair in surprise. "I was just about to ask you the same thing,"

"Oh, well, it would only be polite to let you ask as you like," I added when he didn't respond. "Go on, I really don't mind,"

He chuckled. "No, you asked me first, and ladies are always first,"

"I don't run the guardians here and if I did, I would want to know all I can about a new guardian that was being admitted under my order; especially one so young," I titled my head to the side and spoke calmly, challenging him with my eyes.

"Well," he let out a breath. "What do you mean by 'a young one'? How old are you?"

"I'm eighteen," I said a-matter-of-factly.

"Really?" his eyebrows yet again disappeared into his hair line. "Well, why aren't you with a charge?"

"I came to Siberia for something I have to take care of. When I got off the plane, I ran into two teenage boys and they needed someone to travel with, and I agreed to take them with me. The dhampir was out of shape and would not be able to fight any Strigoi, should he happen upon some. I needed to take them somewhere safe, and I thought of the Siberian Academy. When we arrived, we were immediately tended to, after that; we went to see Headmistress Modia. She obliged to let us stay here, and offered me a position at the Academy. I accepted, and then she offered me the job of mentoring Dereck Hays, that I also accepted." I finished quietly and took another sip of my hot chocolate.

Alexander looked astonished, weather it was because of my calm attitude or story, I didn't know. I just hoped I did impress him, not that I cared, I just wanted this position. I didn't know I was really capable of that type of vocabulary or that manner.

"What is it that you have to take care of?"

I tensed and was sure that both Mikhail and Alexander caught that.

"Just some personal matters that I need to be taken care of," I said curtly.

"You said that, and I am asking what those matters might be,"

"It is something I need to take care of, if you don't really mind, I wouldn't like to talk about that, but you are welcome to ask me anything else." He watched me curiously-I wasn't even hungry anymore; I pushed my bagel away and held my hot chocolate in both hands close to my face.

"Okay, I won't push into personal matters, but I need to be positive that your own problems will not interfere with your duties here," his voice was stern, and it reminded me of how Alberta's voice got all hard when she was worried that something involving the Academy would go wrong or something she couldn't control would screw things up, I let a small smile play across my lips.

"Of course I will keep my own issues to myself," I smiled.

"That would be appreciated,"

"I'm sure,"

He smiled. "I also need to know that if you are given a task, such as your mentoring Dereck Hays, that you will not give up on it. That you will not resign your position to that job or pretend to be dedicated then only do the minimum of what is being asked of you. You need to be truly devoted to your cause,"

"If she's not devoted, I don't know what Rose is," Mikhail muttered sarcastically, but Alexander and I both heard.

"What is the meaning of your words?" Alexander asked all business. I was starting to think that he'd be a downer to be around.

Mikhail lifted his head and looked at me amusedly. "Rose will never back down," he said proudly. "I can't remember one time you ever did," he smirked and I blushed slightly and looked away. I had backed down and made my fear known. I was afraid of what my being shadow kissed would do to me; I was scared of how I would end up. I was terrified that I would end like Anna. I closed my eyes for a second and let the memory of my confession in the Chapel with Dimitri slip out of my mind before refocusing on Alexander.

"That's good; other guardians have turned down the task of mentoring Dereck Hays,"

I smiled slightly and took another sip of hot chocolate.

"I hear that you are not really in the condition to fight, Rosemarie," Alexander commented casually.

"Yes, I can't fight until my ribs are healed at least, maybe I might get parole from the Doc," my disappointment must have been obvious in my voice because both Mikhail and Alexander laughed quietly.

"Well, I hope you'll be in shape for the field experience," Alexander smiled kindly, like he knew how annoying it was to have to be kept out.

I grinned at the mention of the field experience- this time around, I would be the attacker, the one who grades and takes control.

"I really do hope so too. I actually can't believe I had to just go and get myself wrecked before the field experience!" I exclaimed desperately. "How long until?"

"About another month and a half," Alexander answered.

"I should be okay by then," I nodded.

"Rose, I don't know if you'd be able to handle it, you keep hurting yourself," Mikhail said and I whipped my head around to him.

"You think I can't handle it? Come on, Tanner! I can handle _a lot _of stuff; if I can handle a raid on the Academy and a rescue mission launched by _me_, I can handle a few broken ribs, okay?" I was furious that he'd implied that I wouldn't be strong enough to take it.

"She's a little touchy when people stand up for her or simply _suggest _that something might be too much for her to take," Mikhail told Alexander.

"Well," I huffed. "I can take care of myself!"

"You see my point," he gestured to me with his coffee cup. "A little touchy,"

I took a deep breath to calm myself and levelled him with an exasperated stare. "I can speak for myself, thank you for your help though, Mikhail." I turned back to Alexander. "Okay, I admit that I don't like to be taken care of, but I'm not a kid anymore,"

He titled his head at me. "You're a bit volatile, aren't you?" he asked seeming to find something funny.

"A bit?" Mikhail muttered but I let that one slide with only a kick under the table. I smirked when he grunted quietly.

Alexander smiled at me and said, "I would like to talk again, Rosemarie, but now it is time for classes to begin," he got up from the table and looked down on us. "I will attend your marking ceremony, Rosemarie,"

"Oh, please call me Rose," I said.

"Rose, then; I will attend your marking ceremony, Mikhail you will be there I trust, it would be a shame to miss such an important time in a friend's life." Mikhail nodded and said, "I'll be there," Alexander turned back to me. "Once you have your mark, I will go over the rules with you and officially welcome you to the guardian life," he took a few steps away and I noticed that most of the other guardians had left as well. "I will see you then,"

Then Alexander left.

*******

"So what do you think?" Mikhail asked as we made our way to the gym.

"About what?"

He threw his hands up exasperated. "Alexander, of course!"

"He's cool," was all I said and it seemed to shock Mikhail.

"'He's cool'?" Mikhail exclaimed. "That's all you have to say? 'He's cool,'!"

"Yes," I turned my face to hind my smile, he got so worked up about nothing.

"Of course, only Rose Hathaway would say 'he's cool' about the head of guardians at the new academy she just got assigned to." Mikhail rolled his eyes and hummed aimlessly as we made our way to the gym.

Mikhail held the door for me. "After you," I nodded and made my way into the gym in front of him. I saw Dereck sparring with another boy, a different one from the other times. I saw that boy sitting on the ground leaning against the wall with his eyes closed and breathing heavily, I could see from here. It picked my interest and I was about to go over to him when Dereck spotted me.

"Rose!" he jogged over to me and shook his hair out of his face. "You're looking…a bit better than when I saw you last," his knowing smirk made me want to punch him, but instead, I blushed and looked down. Glancing to the side, I saw that Mikhail had his eyebrows raised and looked like he was about to ask _'when would be the last time you saw her?' _and I so did not need that. I quickly filled in the little gap.

"Thanks, Dereck, it's good to know; now go back to your partner. Now," I added sternly, but the growing smile on his face said he knew exactly what I was doing. "You shouldn't keep people waiting, it's very rude," I said again and his smile grew even more.

"Of course…you would know all about keeping people waiting wouldn't you, Guardian Hathaway?" I knew exactly what his question was implying and didn't respond to it like I wanted to.

*******

The class flew by very quickly an as everyone was filing out the door, I stood back and waited for Dereck to come to me as he was sure to do. Which he did, of course; but what I wasn't prepared for, was the group of novices trailing him. I raised my eyebrows and pretended to hind how surprised I was by acting amused. There was one boy and two girls and Kevin Belikov.

"Rose, these are my friends, guys, this is Rose- Guardian Hathaway," Dereck corrected himself quickly.

"I'm Madison Sparrow," one of the dhampir girls said as she shifted excitedly from foot to foot. She had kind blue eyes and a heart shaped face, I immediately liked this girl.

I smiled and nodded to her before the other girl introduced herself.

"I'm Laura Tanner," she said and it stunned me. She was Mikhail's sister? Where are all these siblings coming from?

"You're Mikhail's _sister_?" I asked, not really hiding my surprise very well.

She sighed. "Unfortunately," but her smile said the exact opposite. I looked around to see Mikhail coming towards us and I raised my eyebrows.

He walked over to Laura and got her in a headlock. "So you're talking to this little monster?" he messed up her hair and she protested and he finally stopped. Standing beside each other I noticed the resemblance; the same hair and eyes, it looked like Laura was going to be short though, not like Mikhail's tall form.

"I'm Leo Walker," the boy said and I could tell he had a nice voice, but it seemed a little strained. I also noticed that there was sweat shining across his forehead. He shoved his blond hair out of his eyes and I saw that his eyes were an unusual shade of blue- almost purple. I smiled kindly at all of them.

"And you already know I'm Kevin," Kevin said and I laughed tightly, still a little tense about him being Dimitri's brother thing, but I'd be nice to him; I didn't have anything against him _or _Dimitri.

"It's great to meet all of you, but I think that we have to get going to your next class, we'll have time to talk after you guys are done your classes for the day," they all seemed cheered by the idea and we started towards the their next class, which just happened to be Theory Class, my least favourite class of all time- but that could just be because Stan taught it to me though.

About half way there, Leo stumbled at I caught him before he could fall over. He gripped his head like he was in pain. He groaned.

"Are you alright?" I asked concerned as I held him carefully.

"Another headache," Madison guessed as she watched him.

"Yeah," he groaned. "Yeah, it's nothing; this one just hurts…a lot."

"More than the others?" Dereck asked, surprise evident in his voice.

"Yeah, aw man, this kills; okay. I'm fine," he took a deep breath and pulled away from my arms. "Yeah, I'm fine, yeah, yeah," he repeated, voice getting stronger. "Thanks," he said to me. "Let's go," then we started walking again, this time; everyone seemed to be lost in their own thought.

*******

Theory Class was as boring as I remembered; but maybe it was a little better because I didn't have to do any of the work. But it was uncomfortable standing at the back with the other guardians, how could they stand for so long? Most of the guardians seemed unmoving, which was hard to accomplish for me. It was practically torture and every time I tried to lean against the wall, Mikhail would pinch or kick me and I would straighten up. He'd just pinched my lower back and I resumed what I was doing every so often: watching Leo Walker. Once in a while, he'd bow his head and take deep breaths and I had a little bit of a hunch…maybe…maybe he was shadow kissed? It probably wasn't a good assumption to make, because being shadow kissed was too rare- there were hardly many spirit users and there would have to be a spirit user to make this kid shadow kissed. One point in the class Leo said, "Excuse me, Guardian Cormack, may I be excused from the class?" it was very politely asked except for the tightness in his voice and Guardian Cormack retorted, "Very well, Mr Walker, you sitting there like moaning over a headache is certainly not helping my teaching,"

This seemed like the usual type of response from Guardian Cormack because no one reacted to his words and all the students watched quietly as Leo packed up his stuff and walked out the door. I slipped out after him once Guardian Cormack had started talking again but just as I was about to close the door he said, "I wouldn't waste your time on him, he complains about his _terrible headaches _all the time."

"Well, I'm going to waste my time, as you put it," I replied and closed the door. I turned to see Leo sitting on the floor just a few feet from the door, watching me with amusement.

"Congratulations, you just made a new enemy," he said.

"I wasn't that nice to my Theory teacher either, he and I didn't…lets say we didn't get along very well," I said and he laughed and then stopped abruptly and squeezed his eyes shut and took a few deep breaths.

I crouched down in front of him. "Hey, are you alright? For real," I added and he opened his eyes and looked at me pleadingly.

"No, no, I'm really not. There's something wrong with me; I get these horrible headaches and sometimes I see…freaking…fucking ghosts!" he let the last part out in a rush and just confirmed my theory.

"How long have you been getting headaches?" I asked carefully. He shouldn't have been getting headaches unless he'd been close to death somehow; like if he killed someone or seen someone die. I hadn't started getting the headaches until after Spokane.

"Um, since Christmas, I think," he answered shakily and I guessed he'd never told anyone about this before; that he'd been brushing it off with 'just some headache' because he hadn't been getting enough sleep or something.

"Did anything happen at Christmas?" I asked and I saw him wince.

"Yeah," he let out a big breath and looked me steadily in the eye. "I haven't talked about this," I nodded and he continued. "The school wanted me to go into therapy, but I told them that'd they'd have to force me to go because I sure as hell wouldn't go willingly," I nodded again.

"You don't need to tell me…all I need to know is if you saw someone die or if something involving death happened."

He winced again and finally took a deep breath and said, "I was at my house with my mom and we were watching TV and I went to go get some popcorn when I heard my mom scream in the next room I ran out to see that the door was fucking broken down and three Strigoi had come in and one broke my mother's neck, then my uncle who was staying with my mom for Christmas came in and took them down. I-I-I was crying it was really…scary; I practically shit my pants. My uncle sent me back to the Academy right away and that was when the therapy problem started." He told me and a tear rolled down out of his left eye and he wiped it away furiously. I understood how he felt and how it felt to keep this little ghost problem locked up inside not telling anyone.

"Have you told anyone about what happened, or about the ghosts or about how bad the headaches are?" I asked softly but urgently.

He shook his head, which I assumed to all three. Oh, boy was this going to be hard work. I had a student to take care of, a macho guardian to impress, a shadow kissed kid to figure out, find the spirit user, and also I had to do something with Blake and Tory.

_Well, good luck, Rose. _My supportive side thought.

_Yeah, _thought the not-so-nice side. _Good luck fucking this up._

REVIEW PLEASE!!!

~Alice~


	12. Working It All Out

CHAPTER TWELVE- WORKING IT ALL OUT

The bell rang and people flooded out of the class rooms like hell; people almost trampled over me and Leo. I shielded him until most of the students had pasted. Then Dereck. Laura, Madison and Kevin found us.

Dereck crouched down beside me. "You look like shit," he stated as he observed Leo's face. Then he turned to me, "And you look like you've just seen a ghost,"

I saw Leo wince at his choice of words and remembered how touchy I was when I was first dealing with being shadow kissed all on my own.

"No, we were just getting to know each other, it seems like Leo's headache was pretty bad this time," I stood up and offered Leo my hand. "We'd better get to your next class," they obeyed and we walked to their next class, listening to Laura and Dereck bicker, Kevin and Madison discuss fighting techniques. I hung back from the energetic group with Leo.

"Hey," I said quietly. "Do you have a Moroi friend that you're really close to?"

He looked at me in astonishment. "Yeah, how did you know that?" he asked just as quietly.

"Who is it?" I ignored his question and leaned closer to him.

"Tristin Badica," he murmured. I thought about this and the other spirit users I knew- it's not like I knew a lot- Lissa was Royal and so was Adrian…and this Tristin Badica would obviously be another Royal. Was spirit a Royal only type of thing? I leaned in closer to Leo, in case anyone was listening to our conversation and was about to tell him that I would need to talk to him and Tristin Badica alone when Laura spoke.

"Oh, looks like Leo and Guardian Hathaway are hooking _up_!" everyone in our little group turned to face Leo and me. I saw Leo blushing and I pulled away from him so the space between us was less intimate and cleared my throat.

"I was just asking him about his headache, in case he might have to go see the Doc in the clinic," I covered up quickly; I wasn't sure if any of these people were trustable enough to keep their friend's unusual abilities a secret. I shrugged and moved a bit farther away from Leo. "Just making sure he's okay,"

"I'm sure you were; but that's not what it looked like," Laura answered.

"What it looked like was that you and Leo were going to start making out right there," Madison added seeming to enjoy teasing a guardian, I probably would have too, it's not everyday that you find a guardian who'd be friendly enough to take a nice banter. I shrugged again and smirked at them.

"Alright, I'll play along with your childish game, now who am I going to play in house- I really would like to be the mommy." I said dryly.

"Hey!" Laura exclaimed. "You're the same age as us, so I wouldn't be talking about immaturity,"

"Well, if you weren't acting to immature I wouldn't have to talk about it," I countered and a small smile spread across her face.

"You're good,"

I smiled back, "Thank you,"

"You're welcome," she replied and I could see the calculations going on behind her eyes and wondered what she was thinking.

"Laura's probably thinking of come-backs that she can throw at you whenever the opportunity is given; or sometimes she'll just randomly snap at you if she thinks it's a really good one that she just can't hold back," Madison explained and Laura frowned at her.

"Why would you tell her that?" she demanded.

"Because unlike you, I'm going to make friends with the coolest guardian on earth," she replied happily.

"Well, I agree with Laura, it did really look like you were going to start getting close up with Leo," Kevin said.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't care what it looked like, but we'd better get to class now," I looked over to Dereck, who hadn't said anything this whole time, and saw that he looked peeved; about what? I got my answer when he stayed by my side, not letting me be alone with Leo for the rest of the way to their class. Dereck and I were the last to answer the class room and me, being the polite guardian I was becoming, waved him forward to go in front of me and he did. But as I came in behind him, his hand reached back and snagged mine and squeezed briefly and I was too confused to react. I stood there for a minute with my brow pushed together while Dereck took his seat; I looked at him and a suggestion of a smile came over his lips and he winked at me. _He winked at me? _I thought bewildered, then my next thought was, _Wow, Rose, you can't fuck things up enough by leaving your best friend to chase after a dead man and breaking someone else's heart? You really have to mess up your life more by getting _another _guy involved with? _It was that mean voice again and I really didn't appreciate its commentary. I shoved that ugly voice to the back of my mind and made my way to the back of the class room.

******

The rest of the classes until lunch flew by very quickly and I never got to be alone with Leo like I wanted to again- courtesy of Dereck Hays who suddenly became very interested in my presence. At noon I escorted the children to he cafeteria, where they were joined by five Moroi, I wanted to stay behind and find out this Tristin Badica, but I thought that it would be rude to stand up the Head Guardian here.

"Hey, I'd love to stick around, but I need to go do something now," I said.

Dereck turned to me. "What do you have to do?"

"I have to go get my promise mark and _molnija _marks," I answered and the others stared at me admiringly.

_If they only knew how messed up you really were they'd look at you like the freak you are, _the mean voice was back again and my nice voice responded with, _maybe it's your stupid mouth that's making her lose her mind. _But neither voice comforted me at all my next thought was a normal thought: _if voices start having conversations in head, doest that mean I'm losing my mind?_

*******

I made it to the guardian building with about five minutes to spare (because I jogged most of the way) and once I opened the door to the foyer/meeting room (I didn't know what to call it) a Moroi with tattooing needles looked up.

"Hey," I said and as I jogged up to him.

"Hi, I'm Charles," Charles was short for a Moroi, but he was very skinny; it would have worked if he had regular the tall and lean Moroi build. He had some stubble on his cheeks and chin.

Charles lifted up the needles he was holding. "So I'm guessing that you're Rosemarie Hathaway?"

"Yeah, I am," I took a deep breath and centered myself. This was not a big deal, just a tattoo. Who was I kidding? This was the biggest thing that could ever happen to me…but something was off. I knew immediately what was wrong: I wasn't graduating with my class and with Lissa, I wasn't her guardian.

_That's because you don't deserve to be her guardian- you don't deserve to even have a position here. _I wanted to actually rip the voice out of my head, but obviously that wasn't possible; I'd just have to ignore it.

"You seem a little nervous," he observed.

I looked at him "This wasn't exactly how I imagined getting my promise mark," I admitted.

He set the needles down and sat in the stool behind him putting his hands in his lap. "How did you imagine getting your promise mark?"

"I imagined getting my mark at graduation with all my friends and graduating with Lissa and being assigned to her as her guardian. I imagined having fun and laughing and just letting go for one more night before I became serious forever. I thought that it'd be great, instead…I'm here," I lifted my hands at the last bit and let them fall to my sides and hit my thighs with a quiet slap.


	13. Getting Down To Business

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN- GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS**

**Hey there, I'm so sorry for the wait on my chapters, I did three the last time and I'm hoping you guys liked them, it was kind of hectic with school, and me trying to get my freaking computer working, and I've been writing without the internet, just on Microsoft and when my connection is in again I'll upload my chapters that I've just written so it sort of makes up for not updating in a while.**

**Just for good measure: I hate my computer.**

**Here's the next chapter…**

I ran back to the guardian building as fast I could, I was not sticking around to have my heart ripped up or be the butt of Dimitri's mocking. I booked it fast and hard, turning my iPod back on to the loudest volume and blocking out all sound other than the music. I closed my eyes and just ran, not caring where the hell I was going, I just had to get away from that damn gate.

I ran straight into someone and my eyes snapped open. I looked up to see Alexander's slightly surprised expression (talk about an under statement), I saw his mouth make the form of my name but I couldn't hear him because of my music. I lifted my hand to pull out my head phones and noticed that they were shaking and quickly pulled them out and assessed the rest of me; my whole body was shaking with what was unmistakable fear. I didn't want to be afraid, but I was, I couldn't help it; knowing that Dimitri was out there, all wrong and Strigoi, getting pleasure from others' pain and fear; knowing that it was him who was watching me and that it was him who had intentionally scared me.

"Rose?" Alexander repeated and I hardly heard him. There were voices leaking into my head, whispering, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I closed my eyes and willed it away. _Go away, go away! Get the fuck out of my head! _I screamed internally. But the voices did not go away, they got louder and I focused hard, trying to push them away.

A hand touched to the side of my face, brushing away a piece of hair and I lost control. The voices consumed me and practically bowled me over; I lost my footing and collapsed against the wall.

"Rose!" Alexander's voice was now alarmed and I waved him away weakly. "No, no, I'm fine," I mumbled as I slid down the wall and onto the ground. I lifted my hand and placed them on my face and moaned. "Go away," my head felt like it was going to burst, it was terrible. It hurt, oh God, it _hurt! _How do I get rid of this? I needed to stop the pain, it was killing me; like I was being stabbed, run over, thrown off a building, being beat by my mother and like there we pins all through every part of my body.

_Focus, damn it, focus. _I squeezed my eyes shut and I vaguely heard Alexander's voice calling to me, but I blocked all sound out and could and finally stop the pain. I opened my eyes and my sight was disoriented. I blinked a couple of times, but my vision still didn't clear; I looked in the general direction of Alexander's muddled form so he would think that I could see him.

"Rose, are you alright?" he asked anxiously as I saw his blurry form move down slowly so it was about my height.

"I'm fine, it'sokay, I'm gooood," my words slurred together to some extent so it sounded like I was on the verge of being drunk.

"Rose, what happened?" his voice was still anxious and I saw the sketchy shape of a hand move toward my face and I shook my head and tried to get up only to slip back down the wall and onto the drenched ground with a small _splash_.

"Rose!" Alexander exclaimed and I saw the vague movement of two somethings flailing around in the air.

"I. Am. Fine." I concentrated on getting my words out right and grinned foolishly at my accomplishment. I held my hands down to the cement and let a small amount of water pool into them then I splashed it on my face. It cleared my vision and I blinked rapidly to get full sight of Alexander's face- it was priceless.

"What's wrong, Alexander?" I said clearly and calmly as I bit back a smile. His face was confused and shocked for one moment before answering me.

"You," he ran his hand through his hair and I huffed, "There's nothing wrong with me!" then his face was shocked.

"No, no, not like that. It's just that you look like you've just seen a ghost," he shook his head at me. _Yeah, buddy, ghosts don't scare me now, _I thought. _Well, at least, not as much as you think they would, _I amended. Then Alexander said, "You're very pale,"

I shook out my hair and very slowly tried to stand up; and I succeeded, but was leaning heavily against the wall for support. _These things really drained me_ I thought vaguely then I focused on Alexander.

"I just went running…fast and hard…it must have drained me," I lied. By the look on his face it was easy to tell that he believed me and was disapproving.

"Well, shouldn't you being taking it easy? With your ribs, the doctor told me to make sure you were not working to hard." He said sternly and I turned my face away to roll my eyes.

"Yeah I'm fine, okay?" I was annoyed that now that he'd brought up the topic of my ribs, I realized that they hurt like hell. I winced slightly, but other than that, I showed no other sign of pain except for the deep breaths I was taking.

"Well, I can't really stop you from doing what you want, because…your reputation proceeds you." Then he just sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. "Just…well, you know, don't push yourself too hard, okay, Rose?" I nodded curtly and he sighed again and walked away and I watched him until he entered the guardian building. I slowly walked out into the rain and sank to the ground.

_What is happening to me?_

"Lots of shit, Rose - are you happy now?" I answered the thought out loud and just kept talking. "You've left Lissa and everyone else…for what? To kill someone who's already dead! You're smart, real smart. Lissa might not take you back now and just because her e-mails are nice, doesn't mean that she'll be nice when she sees you again…if she sees you again."

_When you start talking aloud to yourself, you know there is something that is seriously wrong; and you probably should have figured it out sooner. You're losing your mind and everyone who once cared about you…they won't be there anymore. They're going to turn away from you in disgust and you will be an outcast. Like you should be…_

The hateful voice leaked into my mind again and I groaned angrily and hit the ground in front of me, sending water slashing everywhere. It's not like it mattered though, I was already drenching wet. It's not like I cared…

_What _do _you care about, Rose?_

*****

I ended up sitting in the rain for about three hours until someone had come up to me, another guardian, and told me that I should probably go inside. Even then, when I was sniffing because my nose was running uncontrollably, I was reluctant to leave my spot.

Now, as I was in my room, rubbing a towel through my hair, I checked the clock and thought that I should probably go find Dereck.

I changed out of my soaking clothes and into jeans and a pull-over hoodie and walked out of my room and into the rain; this time I jogged through the rain with my hood pulled up, I wanted to find Dereck, not stick around and see if Dimitri could scare me again some other way. I made it to the dhampir dorms (still soaking wet, weather I wanted to be or not) and asked the secretary where Dereck's room and she smiled up at me and told me a number and I thanked her kindly and walked up the steps to the second floor of the dorms. I smiled to myself thinking how pumped Dereck must be because he'd gotten marks of is own…but my smile quickly vanished as I remembered what he had to do to get those marks and how his face looked as he stared down at the two Strigoi. I shook off the thought and came to Dereck's door and knocked twice. There was no response so I knocked again, this time five times.

"Alright, alright; let me put some pants on, one minute!" Dereck's voice yelled from the other side of the door and I gave a small smile and leaned against the door frame and waited somewhat impatiently for Dereck to let me in.

The door finally opened and there stood Dereck with a towel draped over his drenched hair in a pair of dark blue jeans. I had to admit that he was very muscular and could probably be a Calvin Klein model. But I was in no way attracted to him the way I was with Dimitri, obviously. I only felt a closer kinsman ship to him after we fought again the Strigoi together. When Dereck pushed his hair out of the way and saw that it was me, he waved me in and I smirked and went to go sit on his computer desk.

"What's up, Rose?" he said nonchalantly, but as I looked at him, I could see that there was something that he very much wanted to ask me.

"Just say whatever you want to," I rolled my eyes and he blushed.

"Why did you run out today?" he asked.

"Run out when?" I asked but I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"When you got your marks finished, Charles finished bandaging you up and you just got up, asked if you could leave and practically bolted out the door. What was up with that?" he seemed confused.

"I needed to run," I said quickly, but I saw in his eyes the doubt.

"You needed to run," he repeated deadpan and I nodded.

"Yes, I needed to run; I was…confused, so I ran. It's what I do," I answered.

"Then why were you just sitting in the rain all by yourself…why were you just sitting there?" he asked with narrowed eyes.

"I like the rain,"

"Why didn't you respond when I called your name?"

_So _that's _who was calling me, _"I didn't hear you," I fibbed.

"You didn't hear me," he repeated incredulous. "I yelled for like five minutes and I decided to leave you alone because you looked pretty tense and Jane practically dragged me inside,"

"I was listening to my iPod," I really hadn't been, but it was a good excuse.

"How did you get an iPod?"

"I bought it," I said in a poor imitation of his voice. "Now, if you're done interrogating me, can I ask a few questions of my own?"

"Fine," he sighed and I smiled.

"First, find a shirt," I instructed and Dereck raised an eyebrow, making no move to find a shirt.

"Does it bother you?" he asked and I looked at him like it was the stupidest thing that he could think and he shrugged. "Well, I'm just fine like this, so I don't think I need a shirt," he smirked at me and I looked around and found a t-shirt on the computer desk beside me and tossed it to him.

"If someone, like a guardian, comes in here and sees this, it wouldn't look to good and I don't think I really want to deal with it, so I'm sorry for wanting to keep out of trouble with Alex- Guardian Contrive, but I'm going to, okay?" Dereck rolled his eyes and I heard him mutter, "Good two,"

_Oh, wouldn't you like to know how _good _I am. _I thought sarcastically and looked out the window as he put on his shirt; it didn't look like this was going to stop anytime soon.

Dereck cleared his throat and I returned my attention to him. "So what did you come down here for?"

"Oh, I don't really know, just wanted to talk to somebody, I guess. How are you marks, how do you feel?" I shot at him.

He blinked before responding. "Um, my marks are doing okay, I guess, they're a little itchy though. I feel…I don't know how I feel; it's like I'm kind of shocked and…" he thought for a minute then said, "Yeah, I'm just surprised,"

I didn't believe him, not with the way he looked when he killed the Strigoi, he was such a fibber! But then again, so was I. "Sad, do you feel sad at all, or guilty or maybe…afraid? Are you afraid of yourself?" I asked with narrowed eyes as I watched to gauge his reaction.

He looked away. "I…I-maybe; I feel sad because I killed something living, but I keep telling myself that I was doing them a favour. That I was doing the right thing, but I can't help thinking that it was wrong some way. So I guess that also makes me feel a bit guilty, but I didn't think of being afraid of myself…" he looked down at his hands as if her were trying to read something from them. "Do I have blood on my hands?" he half whispered half spoke normally so it came out kind of broken.

I wanted to go over and comfort him, but I didn't need him getting the wrong idea so I stayed put. "No, not the way you think, you _did _do the right thing, it's what you had to," I answered levelly.

He looked at me pleadingly. "But how can it be right? I killed something that was living and I took away its life!"

I shook my head. "It is what you had to do and if you hadn't done it, you would have died and I probably would have too," I added just to make him feel better, but it was true.

"Yeah, but…"

"But nothing, you did good, very good. Now if you're done moping, can we actually do something?" I asked somewhat irritated but not really, I understood how he felt.

"Um…what do you want to do?" he raised his eyebrows suggestively and I rolled my eyes and hopped off the computer desk and walked towards him. I saw his eyes widen in surprise and I started laughing.

"Not a chance, Dereck, where are your friends?" I asked and had to bite back a grin as his face fell.

"They said they were all going to be in one of the lounges in the Moroi dorm to play some video games or watch a movie or something. They asked me to come, but I said that I had to talk to you," he said, trying to sound casual, but it was obvious that he was really embarrassed.

"What did you need to talk to me about?" I was curious now; why would Dereck turn down his friends to talk to me?

"Well, we kind of already talked about it, just right now; I just wanted to let you know that my marks were doing okay."

"And you didn't expect me to tell weather you were lying or weather I could tell how you were really feeling?" I said looked at him levelly and he just looked away and nodded. "Come on; let's go find your friends,"

******

Dereck was cheered by the idea of spending the night with his friends and we got drenched when we went out into the rain, but if Dereck minded he didn't let on.

We checked two lounges before we found Dereck's little crew chatting and gaming together. They all looked very comfortable and were surprised as we entered. They were happy to see Dereck but became more surprised when I followed him in.

"Guys, this is Guardian Hathaway, my mentor," Dereck said and one of the boys sitting there chocked on the pop he was drinking.

"You're one of many mentors," another boy muttered then did a double take. "Guardian _Hathaway_!" he squeaked. "Like Rosemarie Hathaway from Montana?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that's me," I said and gave a dry smile when they all looked at me in awe, well, all of them except Kevin, Leo, Laura and Madison. They all just smiled at me.

"Hey, Guardian Hathaway," Kevin nodded and gave me a sweet smile that I returned.

The others nodded to me and I looked at the Moroi. There were seven Moroi here: two girls and five boys. There was a Moroi boy that had a girl with blond hair and emerald green eyes cuddling up against him. I recognized the eyes right away and said, "Are you Jane Ivashkov?"

She smiled pleasantly but it was obvious that she was surprised. "Yes, I'm Jane, how'd you know?"

"I've got a friend who's an Ivashkov and you have the same eyes," I smiled tightly at the reference of Adrian.

She smiled back. "Who is she?"

"_His _name is Adrian Ivashkov," I bit my lip to keep from laughing as I witnessed all their shocked looks.

"You're friends with _Adrian Ivashkov_?" Dereck exclaimed and looked at me with his mouth open.

"Yeah, Adrian's my friend and he's a good guy, a close friend," I said defensively. I'd felt the urge to protect him, which I found kind of weird; I'd thought that I'd never have feelings for Adrian, but this was just a friendly protectiveness.

"Rose, have you ever heard of Adrian Ivashkov's reputation?" Dereck asked me.

"Yeah, I have and I do know what you guys say about him and what everyone else does, okay? Adrian's done some pretty…questionable things, but if you don't know him, don't rip on him." I said sternly. "I owe a lot to Adrian,"

"For what? Getting you laid or sucking your blood?" Dereck snorted rudely and I recoiled like he'd slapped me. I'm pretty sure my face looked scary because Dereck's eyes widened. I concentrated on making my face emotionless and clenched my fists, the only thing that was showing how truly pissed I was.

"Dereck, you shouldn't have said that," Jane said, I glanced at her and saw that she looked shocked that he would say something like that to a guardian.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, taking a deep breath through my nose. I opened my eyes and didn't look at Dereck, but he said, "I don't care; I'd just like to know if my mentor is a blood whore,"

That did it. I was going to punch –

_No! Don't do it! Control, control, control…_

They gasped.

"Dereck!" Jane yelled.

"Shut up, man," Kevin said.

"That was just inappropriate, Dereck," one of the Moroi said, a small part of my brain made a little note that he sounded kind of girly.

"That was just too far," Laura said.

"Dereck, are you fucking mental!" Leo exclaimed. The others and Madison were just too shocked to say anything. I took deep breaths. _Calm, control…_

My fists were shaking. "You are out of line, Mr Hays," I hissed.

"So what? Am I wrong? Come on, Rose, are you trying to tell me that you _haven't _slept with Adrian Ivashkov?" his voice turned incredulous. I didn't respond at first and Dereck took my silence the wrong way. "Ha, I am right; I'm not stupid, Rose."

"Dereck, shut _up_!" Jane exclaimed.

"Does this bother you? It's obviously bothering Rose; would you care to take this outside, Guardian Hathaway?" he said pretending to be polite, but he was glaring at me and I glared right back.

"Gladly," I growled.

"You're going to get your ass kicked, Hays," one of the Moroi called; it was the one who had his arms around Jane. I vaguely thought that he must be Riley Zeklos, but I couldn't concentrate on that right then.

"I won't hurt him, I'll just talk to him," I said to the Moroi and everyone else.

He laughed. "Yeah right, I'm Riley Zeklos, by the way," he said holding out a hand. I shook it and smiled tight lipped. I was about to ask him something and try to forget about what Dereck had said and maybe calm myself down some. But then Dereck called to me, it was the worst thing that he could have said.

"Hey, blood whore, do I have to try and bite you to get you to do something or what?"

I was pretty sure that the others could feel the anger vibrating off me, because I was all practically convulsing with rage.

"Oh my God," Madison whispered. "He is _such _an idiot,"

"Guardian Hathaway, you shouldn't put up with him when he's like this. The best thing to do is walk away," Leo said.

I turned my gaze to him. "I'm not running from Dereck Hays, I can handle it, thanks, Leo,"

"Blood whore, come on!"

"That's it, I'm going to kick his ass," Kevin started to get up but I pushed him down gently.

"It's fine," I said tightly. "Does he always do this?"

"Only when he's really mad," one of the Moroi said. "I'm Tommy," I smiled at Tommy and nodded. I was about to ask him what they did when he went all rouge but Dereck called, "Blood whore!"

I clenched my fists again and stormed out the door slamming it behind me. Dereck was leaning against the wall. "Ah, there you are, I was wondering if I'd have to drag you out, or maybe pretend to bite you,"

"Dereck, outside. _Now._" I pointed and he shrugged off the wall and walked in front of me.

We walked silently out into the rain and I didn't even care if my hood wasn't up, I didn't care if I was getting drenched, I freaking didn't really care about anything, I was practically blind with rage. I focused my sight as I upturned my face to the sky. He led me to a spot by the wall and under a window. I moved about five feet away from the wall, if he was trying to make a move on me, I might not be able to keep myself from beating him up.

"You are totally out of line, Dereck," I said as calmly as I could.

"There's no way to treat a blood whore other than cheaply," he titled his head to the side and looked at me. "You seem mad, Rose; did I do something?" he faked an innocent voice and I resisted the very, _very _strong urge to punch him out right then and there.

"Dereck, you need to shut up right now," I growled angrily.

"Why, Rose?" he strolled a step towards me and I watched him through narrowed eyes. "Is this subject a little touchy?" he taunted and took another step forward.

"_Shut the fuck up, right NOW!" _I yelled at him, he stopped for just a second; showing that he was surprised then he went back to strolling towards me.

"You know…if you're as easy to let Adrian Ivashkov get in bed with you, I wouldn't mind—" I cut him off.

"I said _shut up, Dereck_!" I screamed and I was sure than almost all of campus could hear me. Dereck ignored me and kept coming closer, we were no more than three inches apart.

"Well, Rose, if you want me to shut up…you might have to," he raised an eyebrow and I didn't move; afraid that if I did I would end up doing something I might regret- punching Dereck Hays out and getting fired from my job and getting kicked out of this academy. He once again interrupted my unresponsiveness the wrong way.

"Ah, so you _do _want it," he mused and I was livid. "Why would you let a scum like Adrian Ivashkov touch you?" Dereck demanded.

"Adrian Ivashkov has never touched me, I never would have let him," I said dangerously. "I am a guardian,"

He flattered for a moment and peered at me. "Why didn't you say anything before then?"

"Because I was concentrating on not beating the shit out of you!" I shouted and threw my hands up exasperated.

"Then how come you said that you owe a lot to Adrian Ivashkov?" he demanded.

"Because Adrian has given me a lot of money, to do the things I need to," my rage was slowly decreasing and I was focusing on cooling down- the rain helped with that.

"Then didn't you at least defend yourself?"

"I already told you; because I was controlling myself, unlike you, I have learned to control myself to some extent," I rolled my eyes then turned back to him and fixed him with a steady stare. "And if you ever call me a blood whore again, I _will _hurt you; remember that. I will not tolerate your shit full mouth just because I'm the same age as you. It doesn't matter, I am a guardian, and you are not. I am your mentor, I have a higher power than you, and you have to listen to what I say. It is so obvious, so you will listen to what I say and will obey my orders. Understand?" he nodded his head, but I could tell that he was starting to be ashamed of his actions. I probably should have stopped lecturing him, but I didn't want to, not now. "I should take you to Headmistress Modia," as soon as I said this Dereck looked at me beseechingly.

"You can't do that! She said that the next time I mess up, I'm out! They'll cut me from the field experience and I won't graduate!" his voice was panicked and his face was just priceless. I couldn't help from laughing.

Picture a teenage boy…who looks scared, worried, pleading, ashamed, and then add confused and embarrassed to the face. Then try to imagine trying to keep a straight face if you saw that- I just couldn't.

"Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry," I panted out when my laughing had cut down a significant bit. "That was just too funny," I sighed and stared at him and he stared back.

So we just stood there for about four or five minutes in pouring rain, just meeting each other's gazes steadily. Dereck finally broke the silence by saying, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you a blood whore and I shouldn't have lost it," he met my gaze still and I saw that he actually meant it and that he wasn't bullshiting me.

I nodded sagely. "Damn right, you shouldn't have called me a blood whore," I said angrily, but then decided that there was no use showing him how mad I really was about it. I could wait until he was gone to take out my anger.

He hung his head. "I'm sorry, Rose, I really am,"

"Right, go back to your friends,"

He looked up at me surprised. "You're not mad?"

I didn't respond and his face fell. "Leave, Dereck, go back to your friends,"

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow? In the gym for practice?" he asked hopefully.

I nodded and he smiled. I didn't smile back. His face fell once again, but he did turn to go. "I'll see you later then," he called over his shoulder and I waited till the sound of the door clicking shut to take out my anger.

"Rrrrrr!" I growled and swung my arm back and punched the wall. Pain shot through my hand and when I pulled back to inspect it, all the skin on my knuckles and around them was broken and bleeding pretty badly. "Fuck," I cursed and reached into my sweater and pulled out my iPod and stuck one earphone in and left the other dangling; I turned it on and jumped at how loud the volume was. I rinsed off my hand in the rain, but it did no good. The blood was coming faster now and it was thick, the rain hardly thinning it. I went into the Moroi dorm to go ask for a bandage, a big bandage.

"Rose?"

I turned to see Dereck looking at me confused, and then his face lit up. "Are you coming back to meet my friends?"

I lifted my hand and waved him off. "No, um, not now, no," I mumbled. His eyes widened and he stared at my hand and I realized that I had lifted the hand that was bleeding. Aw, shit.

"Rose, what happened?" he asked, astonished.

"Um, nothing, I, um fell," I muttered and kept moving.

Dereck caught up with me, of course. "Rose –"

"Fuck off, Dereck,"

"Rose, you didn't –"

"I told you to fuck off. Remember you have to listen to my orders and that's an order. Leave me alone right now."

Dereck looked at me for a second and then said, "No,"

I stopped walking. "Excuses me?"

"I said no, I'm not letting you walk around with your hand all scraped up,"

"And _I _said, leave me alone right now, or I will resign my position as your guardian," I retorted and he looked taken back.

"You'd really do that?" he asked astounded.

"Yeah, I would. Is it so hard to go hang out with your friends? No, I don't think so, _so_ _leave_!" I ordered. This was a direct order and he couldn't reject it. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Fine, bye, Rose," and he walked away. I nodded in approval; he would start listening to my orders.

My hand was hurting like hell and I practically ran to the secretary's desk. "I need a bandage, _now_," I said.

"Why? What's wrong sweetie?" the secretary said in a sweet voice, with a slight southern twang. I held out my hand wordlessly and she gasped, "Oh my goodness! Honey, we've got to get you to the clinic,"

I shook my head. I didn't want another lecture from the Doc. "Okay," I lied. "I'll go there right now, thanks," I said and spun on my heel and walked out the door and into the rain. I went back to the guardian dorms instead of the clinic. In the kitchen that was available all the time, I banged through cupboards looking for some type of first aid kit or something to wrap my hand up in. I finally found an ace bandage in one of the bottom cupboards and I stuck my hand out and started wrapping it up around it. The blood soaked through, so I just wrapped more around. Then I remembered that I probably should have rinsed my hand off.

I quickly unwrapped my hand and ran over to the sink to clean it off. There was some alcohol in another cupboard and squeezed it out into my cuts.

"Ah!" I cried as the alcohol stung; my hand felt like it was on fire. I bit my lip to keep any other protests from coming out as I turned off the tap and let the alcohol sink into my cut. I reached for the bandage and started rewrapping it around my hand. I chuckled to myself, thinking that I could even put on a bandage right.

Once it was back on I stuck the last little bit under the bottom so it would stay put. I shook my hand out and sucked in a quick breath as it stung. If I can face Strigoi, I can handle some alcohol, I told myself sternly and made closed all the doors that I'd opened and went to the pantry and looked for some type of snack. I found this weird kind of granola bar, but when I put it in my mouth, I thought I was in love; those things were amazing! I finished the whole thing in about two minutes and went up to my room. I check wanted to check my e-mail. There was one from my mom asking where I was and how I had became a guardian- I said that I wasn't in America and repeated that I was Guardian Hathaway.

There was one from Lissa asking for specifics- I replied without giving her any and just repeating that I was at an Academy not in America.

Then there was one from Adrian saying that he was surprised at my request but he would visit my dreams none the less (like it actually was something taxing!-I rolled my eyes at that. He wanted to know where I was too- I didn't give him anything too detailed, just sketchy facts.

Someone was banging on my door. "Rose! Rose! Get out here! We've got to go to dinner!" I recognized Mikhail's voice and got out to open the door. My ribs still hurt, but I was doing all I could to ignore that fact.

I opened the door to see an irritated Mikhail Tanner standing there soaking wet. "Mikhail, do you know how to change your clothes?" I said dryly.

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, I do, I just needed to get you out and down for dinner," he said and I looked at him.

"Why do I need to be there?"

"Alexander sent for you," he answered. "Now, go down there and I need to get changed," then the just left.

"See you," I muttered and stocked off to the guardian cafeteria. When I walked in, everyone looked up, and then went back to talking quietly, but I could still feel a few people watching me. I ignored them.

I served myself a plate of spaghetti and meet balls and went to sit at an empty table by myself. I ate silently and was thinking about how I would need to control myself better when I heard a chair lightly scrape back. I looked up and saw Alexander standing above me with a kind smile. "Is this seat taken?" he asked and I shook my head and waved aimlessly with my fork.

He placed his own plate of spaghetti down and sat in front of me. I didn't say anything and kept eating, he didn't speak either. Could I control myself with Dereck when he was like that? Even if he decided to call me a blood whore again? Yes, the answer came to my mind right away and it wasn't the type of thought that you could doubt either. I took another mouth full of spaghetti and stared out the window as the rain was falling down very heavily and splashing off the ground and bouncing right back up. It was beautiful; a lot of people didn't like the rain, but I loved it.

The thought of Lissa came into my head and I starting thinking about what I would say to her, if I got back to her. Would I be able to tell her the whole story and not cut anything out of it? I owed her at least that much, I would telling her everything and answer all her questions truthfully. I had to do that and anything else she asked of me. I would do anything for Lissa. After this, I would focus on only her and I wouldn't let anything else come in my way of doing my job guarding her. _But you might not get assigned to her; _the cold voice broke my thoughts. It was right though, I might not get assigned to her, and I certainly didn't deserve to be. I would not be fit to guard a Dragomir Princess in the Queen's eyes. Hell, I wasn't fit to guard even a Dragomir in _my own _eyes. I shook my head and told myself not to expect anything from anyone because they didn't owe me anything. If anything was owed, it would be me owing about the whole word to them; I really did owe my friends so, so much. I would need to apologize to them when I got back and I needed to make my absence up to Lissa somehow.

I wouldn't even argue with the Queen if she objected to let me be Lissa's guardian and I wouldn't even fuss about it.

"Rose?" Alexander said and I looked up at him surprised.

"Did you say something?"

He laughed. "Aren't you a little out of it today, Rose?" he joked and I threw him a small smile, nothing flirty or anything, just friendly.

"I am, just a little bit; so what were you saying?" I asked politely, putting down my fork and intertwining my fingers.

"I asked you what happened to your hand," he said, looking pointedly at my right hand and back to my face.

"I, um, fell," I muttered.

He threw his hands up exasperated. "You too!"

I immediately snapped into attention. "What do you mean?" I demanded.

He looked at me suspiciously, but answered my question. "The students, a number of them are coming into the clinic very injured, saying that they just fell," he said and I froze. "It's ridiculous, they come into the clinic with burned welts on their faces and they expect us to believe that they've simply fallen down?"

I jumped up. "Are they all Moroi? Royals?" I demanded.

He thought it over for a few seconds and nodded. "Yes, they are all Royal Moroi," I started walking to the door and Alexander had followed me.

"Where are you going?" he demanded. All the other guardians were staring at us in surprise and curiosity. I took his wrist and pulled him out the door. "I am going to save this Academy, because I'm sure that you wouldn't want it to be over run by Strigoi, do you?" I didn't wait for him to answer. "No, you don't; and I don't want a replay of what happened and my academy, alright?" I talked quickly and in a low voice.

"What are you talking about?" Alexander asked.

I looked at him bluntly. "The Mána,"


	14. You're Caught

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN- YOU'RE CAUGHT**

I'd quickly explained to Alexander about the Mána and how I knew about it and what had happened at the Academy. We set off into the rain and jogged around the perimeter of campus.

"I don't see how this is helping," Alexander said annoyed.

"Shhh! Be quiet!" I hissed at him. He listened and didn't say another word. I caught some movement at the corner of my eye and waved Alexander to a stop. "Do you see anything?" I asked as I squinted into the down pour.

"Hmmm…yeah, I do. Back there, it looks like there are some people there…" he voice trailed off and I nodded to his questioning look. I was positive that it was this academy's version of the Mána.

"Let's move in closer, just to make sure," I said and we jogged closer and when we were within hearing rage, I ducked down into a thick bush. Alexander followed suit. We both lay there in the dirt, straining to hear over the rain. I couldn't hear anything, and just as I was about to suggest going closer when a loud voice could be heard clearly over the rain.

"Now, we're going to try a little test on you," the voice said and I vaguely recognized but not well enough to place it. "They're going to do a few things and you are going to try to use compulsion on them to make them stop. Do you think that you can do that or not Tristin?"

_Tristin _the voice rang through my mind. I remembered Leo mentioning his best friend being a Royal Moroi named Tristin Badica. The Mána was made up of Royal Moroi, only the elite as Jesse Zeklos had made it sound when he was trying to persuade Christian and Lissa into becoming one of the members of their stupid little club. It looked as though this group had the same idea as Jesse and Ralf had.

"No, Riley, I don't want to do this," a weak feminine voice said. It sounded like she was really cold. I peeked over the hedge and saw that the girl was surrounded by a group of other Moroi. The girl was wearing only a t-shirt. One of the others was holding it in his hands; most likely to give more incentive to Tristin Badica to use a strong form of compulsion. I shook my head in pure disgust; this was completely wrong and the way they were treating the Badica girl was just inacceptable.

'_I am going to stop this' _I mouthed to Alexander and when I started to get up he followed me.

"Riley, I don't want to do this, just give me my coat and let me go back to my dorm," the girl pleaded. I was fully standing now and I saw Riley –he was the boy Jane Ivashkov was getting all cuddly with in the lounge earlier today- grab Tristin Badica (another Moroi who was in the lounge) and shove her roughly; enough to make her fall down into the mud. Alright, that was it; I couldn't let this go any farther.

As Riley advanced on Tristin Badica, I ran up and stood in front of the girl blocking his way. "Leave her alone," I said dangerously.

He looked shocked to see me. "Guardian Hathaway, what are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from harming an innocent girl," I said and turned to offer Tristin Badica my hand. She looked up at me gratefully and took my hand. I took off my sweater and gave it to her; _good thing I'm wearing a black tank, _I thought as she pulled my hoodie on over her head and stuttered out a thank you. I smiled kindly at her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, in hope of heating her some.

I turned back to Riley. "You are in for some serious trouble," I said glaring at him. This brought back the memory of what Jesse had done to Lissa.

"Oh, what are you going to do? You're just a new guardian and won't be able to do anything to me. My father can have you thrown away," he smirked. I hated it when people talked about guardians as if they were possessions.

"I may not be able to punish you but-"

I hadn't noticed that Alexander had stayed hidden until this moment as he walked forward angrily.

"But I can," he ground out.

Riley and the others looked so shocked it was comical; I would have laughed if not for the horribleness of the situation. I felt Tristin Badica lean closer to me as she hugged her arms to her chest. I wrapped my arm around her more tightly.

"Hathaway, get her inside others are coming," Alexander said tightly, but I could tell that he wasn't mad at me. I nodded and gently prodded the clinging girl, "Come on," I said quietly, and then I looked at the Moroi who was holding her coat. "Give it to me," I ordered and he gave it to me with not one moment's hesitation. I took it and led the girl out of the circle and I tried to shield her from the rain with my body, not caring that I was totally drenched.

We started to make it across campus and somewhere along the way, Tristin Badica fainted so I had to pick her up and jog her to the clinic. I walked in and the Doc looked disappointed to see me again so soon, but when she saw the limp Moroi in my arms, she got down to it. Immediately leading me to one of the open rooms to set her in and then she shooed me out after I'd put her coat down.

I took this opportunity to go back to the edge of campus back to where Alexander and I had found Riley Zeklos and his little group. As I ran through the rain, I adjusted so that the rain seemed like nothing to me and I was just running in a black t-shirt and jeans.

When I'd reached the spot, I found Alexander, Mikhail, Mercutio, Colin Meradov and two other guardians there taking hold of the Moroi and starting to walk them back to campus. Alexander was walking behind the rest of them, like he was supervising what was happening.

I strolled up beside him. "So," I said casually. "How's it going down with them?" my voice had turned hard at the end and lost its easy edge to it. Alexander gave me a _look_, I wasn't sure if it was a _'I wonder why she's acting like this' _or _'what the hell's wrong with her' _type of look.

"Well, I'm going to have to take them before Headmistress Modia, then from there, her and I will discuss a suitable punishment for their actions." He paused before saying, "Would you like to come with me? You were the one who found them out,"

I shook my head. "No, thanks, I'd rather…be somewhere else," I chose my words carefully.

"Then can you at least explain to the headmistress what would have happened if you hadn't known of this type of…student organization? Please," he looked at me with expectant eyes. Then they widened as they ran over my body. "Rose, you should probably have a coat of some sort on," he muttered. I looked down, realising how I must have looked with a sopping wet black shirt on.

I crossed my arms and shrugged. "I gave the girl my sweater," I offhandedly said. He shook his head and started to take off his guardian jacket. "No, no! You keep yours; it's no use getting you soaked too," I protested and decided that if he still tried to offer me his coat, I would refuse it. Alexander saw the defiance in my eyes and sighed. "Come on," I said. "Let's go inside, I'm pretty sure you don't want to get anymore wet than you already are, but I don't really care,"

He chuckled at my logic and looked me over again. "You really should put something on over your shirt, I wouldn't want anyone being distracted," his voice held the unspoken statement that I was…attractive, per se. I looked away and felt my face get warm. I hoped he couldn't see it in the rain.

I wanted to break the silence so I said the first thing that came to my mind, "Do you want to race?" I asked and my voice was eager. Now voicing the suggestion, it became very appealing and I really, really wanted to do it.

"Rose, that would be inappropriate, considering the given situation," he said disapprovingly.

"Come on, don't you want to?" I pleaded.

"No," he said curtly, but I could see he that he _did _want to race me. Just out of curiosity; and I really wanted to race him-_right now._

"Please?" I begged.

"No, Rose, do you know what we're doing here? This is serious," he was now in full guardian mode and the curiosity in his eyes faded into nothingness. I rolled my eyes, "Whatever,"

We didn't say anything else as we followed our little spectacle through the heavy rain.

*****

When we'd finally gotten to the building Alexander asked me to go in with him first, to explain what would have happened if their group had progressed any further. I agreed, somewhat nervously, but I held my head high as I walked into Headmistress Modia's office.

"Rosemarie! Alexander! What a lovely surprise! Oh, why are you so wet?" she exclaimed in a bit of a rush. "What's happened?" she demanded.

"Well, Headmistress Modia, Alexander and I were just talking over dinner and he mentioned something that caught my attention; students coming to the clinic with severe wounds and burn welts. I remembered this situation as the one that had happened presently at St Vladimir's Academy in Montana. This was the work of an elite Royal Moroi group that was planning on using compulsion. At my academy, they were physically harming the Moroi, by using their elements to torture and hurt the others that they were trying to get to join their group. They call this group the Mána," I explained calmly, pushing my hand to my side. Now that the rain wasn't keeping it cool, it was burning. "I thought the same type of thing was going on here, so I took Alexander with me to do a jog of campus. We found Riley Zeklos, who appeared to be the leader of this group and other Moroi, trying to force Tristin Badica to use compulsion on the other Moroi so they would stop hurting her when Riley would order them to do so, they had taken the girl's coat and she was standing in the rain in so more than a t-shirt and jeans." I paused then said, "Guardian Contrive wishes me to explain what would have happened if this had escaped our attention and gone on; what actually happened at my academy." I took a deep breath then continued. "The use of magic in the sense that the group Riley Zeklos was conducting would have overrun the magic of the wards and made it so that the wards were weak and breakable. This would have resulted in Strigoi being able to attack the academy and no one would have been expecting it, because they'd have all thought that they were safe behind the wards.

"The way the magic was being used would have effected the good magic that was protecting the academy and broken down slowly on the wards strength and would eventually result in braking the wards completely, if they were not being renewed as often as they are at academies." I said my speech formally, never breaking eye-contact with Headmistress Modia.

She looked stunned, and then she looked to Alexander. "This is all true?"

"Every word, Headmistress," he answered straight-faced.

She nodded soberly- not that I can imagine her drunk. "Bring them in," she ordered coldly, but we both knew that her anger was not directed towards the guardians. We walked out of her office and Alexander said, "That was brilliant!"

I stopped walking. "Excuse me?"

"What you did, that was stunning, and for such a young guardian to control themselves in such a manner! That was excellent, Rose!" he laughed and my eyebrow mashed together.

"It's not normal?" I asked worriedly.

"No, it's not normal for a brand new guardian to handle a situation at this magnitude with such efficiency, no, not at all. An amazing performance," he complimented me and I smiled proudly. "I've got to get the others; did you want to stay for this?"

"No, thank you, I'm going to get changed then I'll check on Tristin Badica before I call it a night," I said and Alexander nodded and I walked away out into the rain again.

**I'm sorry, this chapter is so short and so terrible, which is really disappointing, but I want Rose to have more evidence for what is to come—it's not an attack on the Academy by Strigoi, it's different. I'm not copying the plot from the Richelle Mead books, I just borrowed her characters and the**_** Mána **_**thing, and I'm not going to use anything else really. **

**I'm just some of the events that the novices had to go through during their training; e.g. like the field experience and little things like that. Just so you now, I might be changing some of the scenes that were involved in the Richelle Mead books. My friend, RoseVanVamp16 didn't really like my idea for that or some of the other ideas I was planning on turning my story in, so it'd be so great if you could give me a little more feed back, it really helps and motivates me—it's also good to hear some constructive criticism, I love that type of thing, and I might need some ideas for what should happen next. **

**I've got a really good idea, or so I think, for what should happen much further into my story, much, much further. I might need some help. Oh, there's also going to be some more outbursts from Dereck and does anyone have any ideas for what I should do with Tory and Blake? I'm kind of stuck there because I've got one idea and I would really enjoy hearing your suggestions...**

**Hey one more thing--I need you all to do something for me. Can you either put in your review or PM me the answer to this question: In the Movie Twilight, who is hotter: A) Jasper B) Emmett? I really need you guys to send your answers in. If you're wondering what mine is, it is Jasper all the freaking way! I personally think that Jasper is much better than Emmett. Send in your answers!**

**So please review and I send my endless love to all of you…**

**Alice :P**


	15. SHOCKED

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN- SHOCKED **

**Hey there, that last chapter was really boring and I'm sorry, I really hated writing it, which sucks, because I really enjoy writing, but that kind of bummed me out, writing something that I didn't like. But I promise you that my next chapters will be better and they will keep you on edge. I'll leave lots of **_**CLIFF HANGERS!! **_**HA! I really like cliff hangers, they are so fun!**

**Any way, here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it…**

I woke up at five o'clock in the morning, afternoon for humans, and got dressed to go meet Dereck at the gym. If he showed up, it might be a no-show for him, but I would go anyway. And if he wasn't there…well, I'd just go for another run I guess. I grabbed my iPod just in case and went down to the gym.

As it turns out, Dereck was there already, he had the radio on, but not nearly as loud as I liked it.

So I sneaked up behind him, he was beating a dummy, and I plugged in my iPod and blasted a good up-beat a song; Headstrong by Trapt.

Dereck spun around to the change of the song and relaxed when he saw me. He nodded to the radio where my iPod was now blasting. I turned it down so I could hear him.

"Is that what you always do?"

I contemplated this for a moment, wondering what I should tell him. I'd started listening to music really loudly a lot of the time, so it could serve the purpose of drowning out all coherent thought process about things I didn't want to think about. I listened to music so it was the only thing I could think about, so it would allow nothing to enter my head. No, I shouldn't tell him that.

Instead I said, "Music is a good way to get someone into the mood; get them pumped for a fight, get them excited for a party, anything. Music is good for you; listen to it before the field experience and you'll be on the cutting edge the whole time, it'd be sort of like a high,"

He raised his eyebrows at me. "A high on _music_?"

I nodded and smirked. "Yes, now," I said turning the music back to the radio as I unplugged my iPod. "You're going to…run with me." I decided and he looked surprised then expectant.

"What's the hitch?"

"Well, you only have to keep up with me," I said simply and he snorted. "You will have one headphone and I'll have the other, you need to keep up with me and if the headphone falls out, you will have the prize of twenty push-ups and sit ups for every time it comes out."

Dereck looked at me confused then realization flashed in his eyes. "Is this for what happened yesterday? I said I was sorry," he groaned and ran a hand through his hair. Well, shit; he'd guessed it. But not that I'd tell him that.

"No, Dereck, this is to make you tougher, and if you can't handle this, you can't handle the injuries a sadistic Strigoi would give you while you were being tortured." I said steadily, not breaking my guardian-face.

He snorted again. "What do you know about being tortured by Strigoi?"

In that instant I was transported back to Spokane where the Strigoi had been taunting Christian and Mia and drinking from Eddie, that was torture. The Strigoi taunting me when he grabbed me by the hair, that was torture. Him killing Mason right in front of me, that was torture. The blond Strigoi telling me that he was going to kill Lissa while we were fighting, that was torture. The Strigoi here, in Siberia, the blond one taunting me by saying that Dimitri was a great Strigoi and how proud he was of him, that was torture. How the other two Strigoi had held me, telling me that I'd either become Strigoi or die, then breaking my ribs, that was torture. Dimitri cat calling me while I was fighting for my life, that was torture. Dimitri making the fence convulse right in front of me, to purposely scare me, that was torture.

It may not all be physical torture, but it was torture enough.

"Rose?" Dereck was saying, oblivious to what was going on inside my head.

"I know more than you," I said mysteriously. "Now, come one; we've got to train,"

*****

Dereck could keep up with me at first and when he said, "Come on, Rose, is that all you've got?" I booked it and left Dereck behind me dumbfounded. It was quite comical actually, but I kept a stone face through it. Now we were jogging back to the gym and Dereck looked sullen. I had to bite back a smile.

I held the door open for Dereck and waved him forward, he obeyed quietly.

"Alright, Dereck, you owe me sixty push ups and sit ups," I said strictly. He sighed and got down into push up position. "I will count, so you won't have to worry about that," he sighed again and I lay down on the floor in front of him and looked him in the eyes. "You can begin,"

When we were at forty-six sit ups, other students started to come in, but I wouldn't let Dereck stop. "Come on, Dereck, almost twenty more, it's not so bad, you're doing great, just a few more," I encouraged.

He smiled at me wanly. "Do you forgive me?" he barely managed when he came up for the next one. I was sitting on his feet with my back against his knees and now that I'd turned around, Dereck's face almost brushed mine when he came up.

"Maybe," I allowed and he gave such a grin that I couldn't help but smiling back to. I encouraged him more and ignored the novices who were watching.

He finally finished his sixtieth sit up and he fell to the ground with an audible _smack_.

"Sixty!" I cheered and some of the novices clapped for my pupil. I grinned and pulled him up off the ground.

"Pass me that water," I called to a random novice and they tossed it to me. _It was cold, yes_, I though as I led Dereck out of the door. When we were just outside, I cracked the bottle open with one hand, the crack seemed really loud to me. I ignored that fact and dumped the freezing water on Dereck.

"Oh!" he exclaimed and suddenly, he wasn't leaning so heavily on me anymore. He'd knocked the bottle out of my hand and into the grass. I was bursting with laughter as he shook out his hair.

I was laughing so hard, I didn't see Dereck retrieve the bottle and come back to me with it; I also thought that the water was gone. It turns out that there was still about half a bottle in there and it ended up on my head.

I gasped, but didn't move, because I hadn't been expecting it. I looked at Dereck and I could just imagine what my face looked like. I burst out laughing and Dereck followed; we stumbled back into the gym and ignored the stares from the novices.

"Tanner, I mean, Guardian Tanner," I called to Mikhail from across the gym; he looked up to the sound of his name. "Dereck Hays is excused from this class," Mikhail nodded at me and jogged over.

"Why the hell are you soaking wet, Rose?"

"Um, well, I dumped some water on me," I said fatly, I didn't want to get Dereck into trouble. "We worked it pretty hard today," I said earnestly and Mikhail looked at me sternly, but I could see the smile in his eyes.

"Don't go _too _easy on Mr Hays; he's going to need to learn how to deal with things the hard way,"

I swept Mikhail a low bow, with one hand on the small of my back and the other in front of me. "As you wish, Guardian Tanner, you know everything, right?" I lifted my head slightly to wink at him and he winked back.

"Alright, go on then," he had dropped the guardian mood and messed up my hair.

"Did you have to?" I demanded and he chuckled as he walked away.

"Take care of your student, Rose,"

"Take care of yourself, Tanner," I threatened his back and he laughed and grinned over his shoulder at me.

"Well, we'll have to see if you can make good on that won't we? When your ribs are healed?" he added before I could pounce on him. I settled for grabbing a water bottle and taking aim at his ass and not missing. And I whipped it _hard_; Mikhail jumped about a foot in the air and turned to glare at me. "We can't fight until my ribs are healed, remember?" I said innocently and I grinned as I heard and saw the novices trying not to laugh.

*****

Dereck and I spent that class outside the gym leaning against the wall, just talking. Minutes before the bell rang, Dereck did something very surprising. He pulled me closer to him by my shoulder and kissed my forehead. "I really am sorry for yesterday, Rose," he whispered against my skin. Then he went past me into the gym. I followed him, but didn't say anything. As the door shut behind me, it sounded louder too.

Even though I was standing two feet away from him, I didn't even look Dereck's way. He looked at me when he thought I wasn't looking, but other than those sneaky peaks he didn't look at me either.

Well, seeing as how I wasn't looking at him, how would I know that he was looking at me; okay, I admit, I was slipping sly glances in there too, so I guess I was just as bad as him there.

When his friends were dismissed, I walked beside Leo. "Hey," I said softly. "How're you feeling today?"

"I'm fine, I guess," he shrugged.

"You guess?"

"Well, everything's kind of loud," he shifted like he thought he was uncomfortable and like he felt that he was being stupid and knowing that it sounded like he was losing his mind. _Hey don't worry, buddy, I know how you feel, _I though. I wondered what everything being louder meant? I didn't really waste my time on that though. Leo asked me a question that I knew I'd have to answer to sooner or later.

"Why do you care, Guardian Hathaway? I mean, yeah it's nice that someone actually it aware of what's going on…but what the fuck? You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do," then I took a deep breath. "Who is your Moroi, the one you want to be assigned to for the rest of your life?"

He hesitated a moment before saying, "Tristin Badica,"

"Then why weren't you with her last night?" I snapped. Tristin Badica was the girl that Riley had been trying to force to use compulsion.

"I…okay, Guardian Hathaway…this is awkward," he shifted and looked at me uncomfortably.

"Alright, we've got to talk,". "Who is your Moroi, the one you want to be assigned to for the rest of your life?"

He hesitated a moment before saying, "Tristin Badica,"

"Then why weren't you with her last night?" I snapped. Tristin Badica was the girl that Riley had been trying to force to use compulsion.

"I…okay, Guardian Hathaway…this is awkward," he shifted and looked at me uncomfortably.

"Alright, we've got to talk,"

*****

As soon as I entered the class room, I went straight up to Guardian Cormack. "Guardian Cormack, I'd like to excuse Leo Walker from this class, if that would be alright?" I added and he looked at me suspiciously.

"Why would Mr Walker need to be excused, Guardian Hathaway?"

"There is a matter concerning Tristin Badica that would need be attended to," I said calmly, this guy was just like Stan.

"What matter would be concerning Tristin Badica – oh." He said bluntly then he lowered his voice. "Was it you who'd told Alexander about what the Moroi were doing?"

I nodded curtly. "Yes, I did, may I excuse Leo Walker, Guardian Cormack?" I repeated annoyed.

"Yes, I guess that would be alright, and next time, if you need one of my students, I would prefer that you would use them _after _classes are finished. It is intolerable, remember that, Guardian Hathaway," he warned and I nodded like I was planning on obeying whatever he ordered me to do. Yeah right, kiss my ass, Cormack.

"Leo, come on," I said quietly as I walked past his desk and out the door. He seemed surprised, but he followed instructions none the less. I led him outside and started walking towards the chapel.

"Where are we going, Guardian Hathaway?"

"The chapel and you can call me Rose," this introductory thing was getting annoying. We walked quietly to the chapel and he didn't ask any questions, which I was somewhat grateful, because honestly? I didn't know what the hell I was going to say; I'd probably start with 'well, you know how I know so much about your headaches or why I ask if you have a special Moroi? Yeah, well, I'm shadow kissed and so are you'. Or something like that, I'm pretty much straight forward and I wouldn't lie to someone…maybe I'd lie if it was a secret I _had _to keep to protect others and maybe I'd lie if there was something that was really affecting one person and they didn't need anything else to add to their grief, because I sure as hell knew how it felt.

When we got to the chapel, an old Moroi priest greeted us kindly.

"Hello, Father Mathew," Leo said politely.

"Good morning, Mr Walker, who might this pretty little lady that you are cutting class with be? Surely you didn't come here to…" his voice trailed off in disbelieve, it seemed like Leo was on everyone's good list, except Cormack's, and that Dereck was one everyone's bad list.

"Oh on, it's nothing like that, Father, I'm a guardian, I just got admitted here and I was hoping that I could talk to Leo in your chapel? And I was also wondering if you had any books on St Vladimir up in the attic?" I said slowly.

He nodded. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Guardian…?"

"Hathaway."

"Guardian Hathaway, of course you are welcome to talk here and there will be many books up in the attic on St Vladimir, and they are all at your disposal. But you are going to have to retrieve them yourself," he smiled and I laughed good-naturedly.

"That's fine, thank you,"

*****

I was sitting on a box and Leo was sitting on one across from me, looking extremely shocked.

"Start over, from the beginning,"

I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair. "Okay…well, St Vlad and his guardian Anna, shadow kissed Anna. There is meaning behind the term 'shadow kissed' and that is that it is a person who had died and came back to the world of the living. I am shadow kissed and so are you. Have you had an accident at anytime in your life when you were with Tristin Badica?"

"Yeah…we were at a beach, by ourselves, it was just the beginning of summer and it was really cold, so no one else was there. I was swimming while Tristin was on the beach watching me and telling me that I should go into the Olympics, even though I can't because I'm not human. Then…there was a really big swell that I hadn't been expecting and it pulled me under and I swallowed a lot of water and went under. Then I remember Tristin coming in and dragging me onto the beach. She'd been yelling at me, and then…it was like I'd woken up and I spat up a _lot _of water. Tristin told me that we had to go to the hospital, so we did and they treated me for hypothermia. I could have died."

"That's my point!" I said bouncing on the box. "You _did _die and Tristin brought you back to life. Can you read into her mind right now?" I challenged, not willing to give up on this, I'd found someone who was like me and I wasn't passing up the chance.

"Yeah…how'd you –"

"That is called a bond, it's what Vladimir and Anna shared, it's what the Dragomir Princess and I share." I cut him off rudely.

"Yeah, well, if you share a bond with the Dragomir Princess, what's she doing right this instant?" he retorted.

I sighed and let myself fall into Lissa…she was in the library, with Christian, Eddie and Adrian. Lissa and were talking about spirit and…me. They were talking about me. Eddie and Christian joined the conversation too.

"Do you know why she left, Liss?" Christian asked and through Lissa's eyes I saw genuine concern.

Lissa contemplated telling them or not, Adrian knew, of course, he'd figured it out himself, after his visit to Lissa in her room. She decided not to tell them, because she didn't know weather I would want it or not. She shook her head. "No, I really don't, I can't imagine why Rose would want to leave the Academy. She was set on being a guardian."

"But she is a guardian," Adrian pointed out and both Christian and Eddie looked to him shocked. Adrian shrugged and looked at Lissa. It seemed that she hadn't told them anything yet.

"Well…I e-mailed Rose a couple of days ago and she responded."

"What'd she say?" Eddie asked hopefully. Then I felt so guilty, he'd lost Mason and now I'd left him all alone, so it must feel like losing another close friend.

"She didn't tell me why she left or where she was, she just said that she was…at an Academy and that she was a guardian there."

"What?"

Lissa nodded. "I don't know where she _is _though and I want to see her…I want my Rose back," she murmured quietly. This topic still brought tears to her eyes, but she hid them well as she avoided eye-contact for long and blinking really often, but not so often that no one noticed…no on other than Adrian.

"Well, it's not that hard to track somebody, Liss," Christian said.

"What are you talking about?" she was confused now.

Christian nodded to Adrian. "Get our rich Royal over there to pull some strings or just keep asking around for Rose Hathaway and then he'll eventually find her; nobody can disobey the Queen's favourite nephew." He said dryly.

Lissa looked Adrian pleadingly and he finally shrugged. "I could do that,"

"Thank you!" she exclaimed and she reached across the table to squeeze his hand.

-------------

I was pulled back into my own head by someone calling my name repetitively.

"She's in the library at my old Academy, St Vladimir's in Montana, and she's talking with Christian Ozera, Eddie Castile and Adrian Ivashkov. They are talking about me and how they can find me," I said refocusing on Leo.

He paused before saying, "Adrian Ivashkov?"

"Don't start," I said warningly and he backed off it.

"Alright…so we both have a bond connecting us to different Moroi and we are…what did you say?"

"Shadow kissed,"

"Shadow kissed, right; so we're shadow kissed and that means that we've died once? And that our Moroi have healed us back into the world of the living?"  
"Yeah," I nodded cautiously. "That's all right, and so I took you out of class to tell you, and we're going to look for something on Anna up here because I want to learn as much as I can about what the hell I am and am I wrong in making the assumption that you do to?" I peered at him.

"You're right,"

"So let's get to it,"

*****

We didn't really find anything on Anna really; it was all about good old Vladimir. I thought we'd searched ever box in there, but I noticed that there was one more in the far corner of the attic.

"Hey, help me with this, will you?" I called to Leo. My pants were rolled up and so were my sleeves, my hair was pulled up and there was dust all over my face and hands and probably in my hair too.

"Sure," Leo followed me into the corner and we were crowded into the corner, getting our holds on the box and then tugging it out on the same count. We'd got it out and I tripped over the edge of the box and flew at Leo, he tried to catch me, but we ended up on the ground with me on top of him. We looked at each other and we looked away awkwardly and then I got off him and dusted off my pants just for something to do. He got up and we didn't look at each other; our eyes met for a moment and we looked away quickly.

_Where's the old Rose Hathaway? The one who wasn't afraid to hook-up with every guy she could get her hands on? _I asked myself.

_She's gone, you're gone and there's nothing left, you're just a loose body wondering with out a soul or purpose. You should just get yourself done with, _the cool voice responded to my thoughts and I shook it off and looked Leo in the eye. "Do you get this nasty voice in your head?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yeah, I do, it, like, reads my mind and talks to me," he shuddered.

"Me too," I said quietly.

*****

We both pulled back the flaps and we both reached in to the box at the same time and jerked away as if we'd burned each other. A book in the middle of the pile caught my eye and I went to grab it. I pulled it out and saw that it was a plain black hard cover book. It had _Anna _engraved on the front in gold in very delicate calligraphy. I gently ran my hand over the cover. "Hey, Leo, come here," I said without taking my eyes from the book. I opened to the first page the entry was:

_Tuesday, June 28__th__ 1987_

_I have decided that I am to document the happenings in my life from today on in the case that anything should happen to me. _

_My name is Anna and I am the guardian of St Vladimir, a very wealthy and well known Moroi. Vladimir saved me when I was a child and I've been bonded to him ever since. I can read Vladimir's mind and have since found in the last past year or so that Vladimir wealds the element spirit and that it is an incredibly rare thing to be, a spirit user. We only know of one other than Vladimir and his name is Nikolas and he is very helpful to Vladimir and me. _

_Vladimir goes on about how there are so many things wrong and that he is very depressed often. I usually can pull the vile darkness from his mind and Vladimir will feel better…but there is a problem with what I do. After I take the evil from Vladimir's mind, it comes into my mind and it makes me mad. But I conceal it well, Vladimir seldom suspects anything amiss with me; and when he does I tell him it is a minor ache in my head, he believes me ever time. The trusting Vladimir, ready to believe my every word; I smile when I think of how wonderful it is to have a friend such as he. _

_Today I met such a man, he is graceful and mysterious. His name is Anton and he has come to Russia for a change from his home country, Greece. Anton and I are friendly to one and other, he is a dhampir also. He is a great and kind man. His name, Anton, means 'go into action' he told me. I'd asked if it meant anything and he said that his name and its meaning describes him very well. _

_I have come to the conclusion that we will become friends, acquaintances if nothing else, I have to admit that I am very curious of Anton and his character, he seems very…closed and I've been wondering why that is so, but I have not asked him. It very well may be his deepest secret and if that is true, he certainly would not be willing to share it with someone he's known as short as a time he's known me!_

_I shall not ponder this matter of the mysterious Anton of Greece, I shall write of the reason that has compelled me to start this project. This inconspicuous voice that haunts my thoughts and whispers cruel things to me. Just today, it seems as though years of events have happened in such a condense amount of time these hours. This voice that taints the sanity of my mind and hisses loathsome things to me. During the daylight hours of today, the voice told me that Vladimir never had cared for me and that he'd saved me by accident. It told me that I was nothing to Vladimir, that I'd never be and that he only kept me for a shield against the despicable powers of Strigoi. _

_This had gotten me into a fury and I'd confronted Vladimir on such matters. I'd come into his room and went to where he was reading on the bed. 'Vladimir,' I had said and he smiled up at me as I stood over him. 'Yes, Anna?' he was very affectionate, but his manner did not swerve me from my task. 'Why do you keep me here?' I asked. 'Because I love you,' he'd stroked my cheek and the warmth of his hand did not calm me, not even slightly. I had pulled away from him and shook my head. 'Tell me the truth, Vladimir. Is it because you need protection or is it the truth you are speaking to me?' Vladimir looked upset and I'd felt guilty for brining up a matter such as this. _

_Could I doubt the love and trust that Vladimir had vested in me? No, I could not, and he could not doubt me either, I would protect him with my life and I would do so until my last breath! Vladimir trusts me and he deserves the same back and the same he shall receive._

'_I am not in any place to speak so rudely, Vladimir, I am terribly sorry, please forgive me disgusting behaviour.' I said to him and I knelt down on one knee before him. Vladimir lifted my chin with a thin wispy fingers of his and looked upon me with a gentle caring face, a forgiving face. That was always Vladimir, always the kind and generous, even when those were most undeserving or worthy. 'Anna, I shall always forgive my guardian angel, how am I not to, love?' he smiled at me and took my hands, pulling me from the floor. 'I must ready for bed, Vladimir,' I said quietly and I could not meet his eyes after what I had just said only moments before, I was too ashamed. It was a completely hideous way to act and it was simply foolish of Vladimir to forgive me so. I should have endured some punishment for showing such disrespect._

_As the morrow grows near, I must at least act as if I had ventured to my sleeping quarters after I'd left Vladimir, instead I'd went to the courtyard and am writing by soft moonlight on the pages of this journal. _

_I bid away with a quiet good evening to you and I shall make my way back to the castle and play my role as always. _

_Anna _


	16. IS THIS THE FUTURE OR PRESENT

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN- IS THIS THE FUTURE OR PRESENT**

I sagged back into Leo in shock and some relief, we'd found evidence of Anna, her real _essence_. I flipped through some more entries and I gathered that this Anton guy really did become great friends with Anna, and that Anton was the one who kept _her _sane while she kept _Vladimir _sane at the same time. Anton was a regular dhampir and he wasn't shadow kissed, but Anna told him everything and he was able to keep her in the right mind…until this entry:

_Friday, December 3__rd__ 1989_

_Today, I am so dearly heart broken to say that Vladimir has past. He was gone yesterday, but I couldn't bring myself to write on it, I was distraught. I am ashamed to admit that I am a monster, I am sure of it now. After what I said to Anton today, I could be no less of the most terrible. I was crying under the tree that was once Vladimir and mine when Anton found me. 'Anna, I am so sorry,' he'd said and came down to sit beside me on the ground. He wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed quite nosily into his shirt, staining it with my tears. _

'_Anna, dear, you shall get over such a loss, it is nothing more than a bump in the road, eh? You will get over Vladimir soon,' he'd said and I ripped away from his gentle hold and stared at him in disbelief. 'How could one speak such foul words? That is utterly uncompassionate or feeling, Anton!' I shrieked at him. 'What have I done, my lady?' he was so innocent, like he'd said nothing as horrible as he had. 'How could you say such a thing? You of all people should know how much Vladimir meant to me! He was my life, Anton, he saved me and I let him die! He has gone, never to return to me ever again! How could you say that I am to overcome this BUMP IN THE ROAD?' I screamed and he was lost for words and he started to splutter something and I did not want to hear whatever he had to say, so I ran away, leaving him on the ground, under the tree that meant the world to me and someone who meant even more._

_I don't ever think that Anton will ever forgive me for behaving so disgracefully and how can I ever make up for such a monstrous act? It was simply the worst thing I could have done to a great friend of mine. Anton was there for me every time I'd taken the evil from Vladimir's mind and he was there when it was too much for me to take and Vladimir suffered because I could handle no more. I went to him for everything I needed and he gave it to me, no matter what I asked for. I am completely lost in mind to have ruined such a wonderful person. _

_But in any sense, I am sane no more; any mere eye could see that. Nor have I left my chamber, so no eye would be able to see me in such a state. I am totally gone; what meaning would there be without my Vladimir? How could I go on from a catastrophe like this? I have not an idea of what I shall do, but I do predict that I shall not go on long; I will not be able to survive this._

_Anna_

I quickly flipped past the next few entries, seeing that she'd seen Anton again, but hadn'ttalked to him at all. The last entry in the diary was this:

_Wednesday, December 2__nd__ 1990,_

_I am ashamed to admit that I cannot endure this anymore; I am not as strong as Vladimir had professed. This is the anniversary of his day and it will now be mine. I am so sorry to leave the ones I love and I always shall love them. I am much too part of a coward to confront Anton straight today, so I left a very long letter of apology for everything I have ever done. I wished him a happy and long life, leaving the last lines for my decision to take my life._

_I know it is a sin, but this is what must be done for my own good. I am also furious at myself for giving in, but what can I do as an alterative? There is no life for me now, it is all gone and nothing can change that; I will always have Anton, but he isn't enough. It will never be enough without Vladimir. I am giving into the voice as well, the cruel voice inside of my head. There is also another voice that had joined it…Vladimir's voice. His last words that came through the bond to me before he was gone forever echo in my mind every day. They haunt me relentlessly, though it cheers me slightly to hear his voice, it saddens my soul to a heavy weight that I can bear any longer. _

_My memory holds the last words of Vladimir: Our age would catch up with us, my time has come. I love you, forever and always, take care of yourself Anna. Then his entire being was gone and there was nothing left of him. _

_My last words are written here, in this journal of my times, I shall love Vladimir forever and now it's my turn to join him. By choice or incident, it does not matter; I need to be with him, dead or alive. I may go to hell and Vladimir may be in heaven, but I at least hope that I will be able to see him, just once, to have one last conversation. That is all I wish for, just to have the man I love back, if the same had happened to any other person would they not want the same? If they do not, they have never truly loved the one they lost and for that, they have a cold heart. But I do not believe in people who act in such a wicked manner, so there is no reason to dwell on it. _

_I will join him soon, as I shall jump off the greatest of heights; the Cliff of Claims, it's called. They say the name means that many have jumped from is deathly height and that the cliff has claimed those lives. It shall claim mine today. Forever and always, I will love all that I had, have and shall get, this is the end…_

She didn't even sign her name; her last word was 'end'. I was consumed by feelings of worry, fear and a terrible sadness and once again…I was pulled into the World of the Dead.

It was dark, then, I was in a house, someone rich no doubt, most likely a Royal. It looked like it came straight from a catalogue. There was a woman in the room, she was obviously a dhampir and she was standing in a protective stance in front of a Moroi… facing her were five Strigoi.

"Back away," one of the Strigoi snarled at the woman. She seemed familiar, but I couldn't place her anywhere in my person library. The woman didn't respond, she just stood her ground in front of the terrified Moroi.

"Janine!" the Moroi screamed, pointing to the side. I was confused, why would he call her 'Janine'? That was my mother's name.

One of the Strigoi in front had moved forward and the woman matched the advance at the same time. As she moved on the Strigoi, one came at her from the side and onto the woman…he broke her neck.

The woman's body went limp and fell to the ground, facing up. I finally understood why the Moroi had called her Janine. It _was _my mother, the one and only Janine Hathaway, lying on the floor.

And she was dead.

*****

I was brought back to the present and I looked around panting for breath. Leo was kneeling over me, looking relieved that I was awake.

I became fully aware of my surroundings and as I tried to sit up, I was engulfed into a tight hug. I flinched as Leo squeezed because it felt like my ribs were acting up again. Good God, I sounded like an old lady.

"Hey Leo," I chocked out and he looked at me with wide frightened eyes.

"What happened?"

Then everything came back to me and I was shocked for one second before moving into action. I used Leo for leverage and I took the book off the ground.

"I've got to go and so do you; go to the class you have now. I'll explain everything later, I promise," I added seeing his hurt face.

Then he stood with me. "Alright,"

*****

We thanked the priest and I left Leo in front of his next class and headed to my dorm. The only thought that was going through my head…_Was my mother dead? _

I slammed into my room like a furious and destructive hurricane. I turned on my laptop and pounded the table while I was waiting. I ignored the other e-mails and typed in:

_Mom you need to call me right away. Now. This number: 697-473-7994. Call me right NOW. _

I let out shaky breath as I went back to my inbox. I gripped my phone tightly and promised myself I wouldn't let go. Until I got the call from my mother, I wasn't letting go. I didn't leave my room for the rest of the day and didn't answer the door when anyone knocked. I was awake all night, clutching the phone and staring at the laptop screen. In the morning, I had coffee for the second time in my life and kept drinking it, I had three mugs for breakfast.

"Hathaway, I thought you wouldn't touch coffee?" Mikhail said as he sat down across from me.

I hardly looked at him and kept staring at the phone. "Yeah, well, things change," I muttered.

Mikhail finally actually looked at me and his eyes widened. "Rose, what happened to you? You look like you stayed up all night,"

"I did, Mikhail," I answered curtly as I finally looked him full on.

His eyes widened further. "Holy shit, talk about bags! Why were you up?"

"I need a call, I need a fucking call," then I got up and took my coffee mug with me to Dereck's training.

I kept the phone in my hand as I taught Dereck techniques and at one point he acknowledged it.

"Rose, how am I supposed to learn anything when you're not even teaching properly?" he turned from the dummy to me looking annoyed and concerned, which I hated.

"Well, maybe it's just _you _whose not trying hard enough!" I snapped.

"Well, if you'd put that damn phone down and focused, I might be able to try harder! We've go fifteen minutes left so we could get something done. You're like attached to the thing, put it down so I can actually learn how to do the moves right." He rolled his eyes and I glared down at the phone.

"I'm waiting for a –" at that moment the cell phone in my hand rang and I answered it breathlessly. "Hello?"

"Rose, is that you?" a voice said on the other side of the line and I was so relieved that my knees almost gave.

"Mom?"  
"Yes, Rose, now why did you want me to call you? And what number is this?" she shot the questions at me and I walked away from Dereck with a finger in one ear and the phone to the other.

"I needed you to call so I could tell you that you need to get out of where ever the hell you are. Are you at Lord Szelsky's house?" I asked in a low voice.

"Yes, why? What are you talking about Rose?" she demanded. "Say it straight,"

"You're going to die!" I yelled into the receiver. "Do you understand me? Strigoi are going to raid Lord Szelsky's house and they are going to kill you all. They're going to break your neck,"

"How do you know this?" she was all business now and I could just imagine her planning out everything as she paced in her room.

"Do you remember my _problem_?" I asked sarcastically. "Well, yeah, there is some serious shit going on with my head and I kind of had some type of vision- about you. You died guarding Lord Szelsky," I said stonily; this was my chance to see if I could detach myself from the problem that was being thrown at me.

"When?" she asked.

"I don't know when or really care, you just need to get the fuck out of there, _now._" I urged.

"Rose, you said that you know this from _kind of having a vision_? How am I supposed to believe something like that? Really, Rose," I could almost hear her rolling her eyes.

"Believe me, please," I begged. I had to keep her safe; maybe I could manage to _not _hurt one more person for now. There was quiet on the other side of the line, but I knew she was still there because I could hear her breathing.

"Where do you want us to go? There are four Moroi and two guardians, including me," she asked softly and I whopped silently.

"Um…the Royal Court," I decided.

"Why?"

"Because the wards are very strong and it's a good place to be for the Moroi and you can do whatever you want there. No one can make you leave and you can just get a jet to fly there, it is the best place you can you, totally safe, so you and your Moroi won't be in any danger." I nodded to myself, inwardly thinking that I was very good at persuasion. "I will meet you there tomorrow," I added without thinking then I mentally kicked myself.

"Where are you, Rose?" she asked suspiciously.

"I am at an Academy," I answered curtly.

"And where is this academy?"

"Mom, we don't have time for this, just go to the Court and I'll meet you there tomorrow." I hedged, hoping that I would get the best outcome that I could hope for. The worst thing that could happen is…running into Lissa or someone else I know.

"Will you explain then?"

I paused only briefly before saying, "Yes, I'll explain then,"

"Alright," she sighed. "Okay, bye, Rose,"

"I'll see you tomorrow," I snapped my phone shut and closed my eyes. Had I just saved six lives or made a fool of myself?

"Rose?"

I turned and saw Dereck's shocked and expectant face staring at me. "What the hell is going on?" he demanded.

I sighed. "Well, I've got some serious business to take care of and that means that I'll be leaving for a day or two," I clapped him on the back. "Now I have to go see Alexander," I said aloud. I was surprised and I just shrugged and shouldered my sweater as I headed towards the door. "I'll set something up for your training so you won't have to worry about it," I called over my shoulder to him.

"Rose wait!" he ran up to me and stood in front blocking my way to the door out. "Why are you leaving?"

"That's none of your business, Dereck," I said curtly as I looked up at him. I hated it how he was taller than me! I was supposed to be the authoritative one here.

"Rose, I heard what you said on the phone, I'm no idiot," he said as he looked down his nose at me.

I took a step back so he couldn't do that. "Well, that is debatable considering the _completely idiotic _way you acted yesterday, and to _me_, I am your _mentor_." I ground out, remembering how he'd called me a blood whore.

"I lost it, okay? I do that sometimes when I lose my temper," he ran a hand through his hair and looked away as he let out a big breath.

"No, Dereck it is not okay, what you did was totally inappropriate," I snapped.

"And the punishment you gave me wasn't inappropriate?" he sneered. "That was okay? To make your student do so many push ups and sit ups that they can hardly walk?"

"Oh please," I rolled my eyes. "You could walk just fine and you were well enough to pour water all over me," I glared at him and he glared back. "You know what? I don't have time for this now, I will set up something with one of the other guardians so you will miss none of your training sessions, have a good day, Mr Hays, and this lesson is dismissed." I stormed out past Dereck and out of the gym…I needed to find Alexander.

*****

I had told Alexander that I was needed at the Royal Court tomorrow and he wanted to come with me, I agreed and told him all about the situation on our way to the Academy's private jet. He made me promise that I would explain everything to him on the jet, I agreed to that too. I wasn't looking forward to explaining things to him, but I knew I would have to.

Now I was sitting beside him on the Academy's private jet and I'd just explained that I was shadow kissed to him, I also told him that Leo was too.

"Alright, so you are shadow kissed? Like Anna, Vladimir's guardian?" he asked for what seemed like the hundredth time.

I nodded. "Yeah,"

"Okay, we'll need to get into that with more detail another time, but what I want to know is…why are you in Siberia and not with Princess Dragomir?"

I froze and stared at him for a long time, not saying anything.

"Rose, aren't we past the secrets? And didn't you say that you'd want to know as much information about a new guardian under your charge?" he asked softly and I nodded slowly.

I took a deep breath. "There was someone…that I was really close to. When we went to go get the people that the Strigoi had taken when they fled…he died. Then I found out that he _didn't _die, it was something worse. He's Strigoi and I came here looking for him, hoping to kill him; we'd made that promise to each other a long time ago- but it wasn't a verbal promise, we just knew that the other would do it by the way the conversation went. I did find him…he's in Siberia and I'm going to kill him." I said quietly and when I finally built up the courage to look up at Alexander, he looked sad. For me. I was now totally confused. He was _sad _for me?

"I am so sorry," he said softly and he reached out to squeeze my hand and I let him. I look away with tears in my eyes, not for Dimitri, I've learned to hold my composure for him; the tears were for the compassion Alexander was showing me. Guardians were always so solid, remote and cold like a brick wall; but Alexander – right at that moment…it made me cry. I was miserable and delighted to see some feeling so strong out of someone so hard.

Looking back at him, the tears slipped over, I was unable to hold so many back. I gave him a small smile and close my eyes as I gently lean my head on his shoulder. I so desperately needed some support, some comfort. I needed so much for someone to tell me everything was going to be okay, even though I knew I wouldn't. I needed someone to hold me up; just for a little while; I couldn't keep going like this, no normal person could withstand so much pain.

_But you're not normal, Rose, _that bitch of a voice sneered in my head. I shoved it aside and let Alexander wrap his arms around me gently. When I turned by face into the crook of his neck and leaned into him, slipping my arms around his waist, Alexander just held me tighter.

"I'm so, so sorry, Rose," he whispered into my hair and I turned my face right into his neck. "I'm so, so sorry that something so" he swore in Russian. "terrible could happen to you,"

I laughed into his skin and he pulled back, just slightly, so he could look down on me. "What's so funny?" he asked confused.

I wiped my eyes, but the tears kept coming; for Dimitri and for what a truly beautiful person Alexander was. I gave him a sad smile. "He – he was Russian and never swore in English, he swore in Russian, so I know what words are swear words, but I don't know what they mean."

Alexander didn't smile, he just looked at me so sadly, which only brought more tears and I sank back into his arms. There was something about the way he was holding me, the way that he was running his hand through my hair, the way he was rubbing my back, it was…almost protective. He was protective of me.

I didn't know what to make of that.

"It's okay, sweetie, we'll get through this," he cooed into my ear.

And we just sat there, me crying silently into his neck and him whispering softly to me.

****

At some point, I didn't have anymore strength to hold myself up at all, so I went limp, letting Alexander hold all my weight.

I guess he had to piss of something because he gently leaned me against my seat and he got up to leave his. "I'll be back," he whispered before he'd left. I kept my eyes closed, but gave a feeble nod.

When he came back, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my forehead softly. "Sleep well, sweetie,"

*****

I woke up to someone gently brushing hair out of my face. I opened my eyes and found myself looking straight into Alexander's tender eyes.

"Hmm…" I sighed and lifted my hand to my face. I noticed that there was something odd about my angle, looking around; I saw that I was horizontal. And across Alexander's lap. What the fuck?

Seeing my confused look, Alexander said, "You move quite a bit when you sleep," he smiled kindly down at me. "Then you fell on my lap and looked very peaceful,"

I blushed and sat up as I ran a hand through my hair, _wow -_ that was the only though I had. I sighed and shook my head, not looking at Alexander. "Well, we've got to go find my mother and…" I paused and looked over my shoulder at him through my vale of dark hair. "And thank you," I said sincerely.

He touched a hand to my cheek very lightly. "Anytime, sweetie,"

The way he said 'sweetie' it wasn't like a boyfriend sweetie, it was more like…a father sweetie, but not. Like a loving and protecting friend who cared for his child. _Unlike my father, _I thought bitterly. I'd never even known my father; I'd never even _seen _the bastard.

"Rose?" Alexander said from behind me, putting a hand on my back. "We've got to go,"

I nodded and stood. "Right,"

We were handed our bags when we were off the plane and we both shouldered them and started walking towards the main entrance to the whole Court. We were accompanied by two guardians on our way, one girl and one boy.

They both knew Alexander, so they chatted cheerily and Alexander introduced me to both of them; the girl's name was Natalia and the boy's was Ivan. I smiled and nodded distractedly, now that I was focused on my mom, the worry settled over me—had they gotten her as she was leaving? Was I too late?


	17. Hate Hate And More Hate

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN- HATE, HATE AND MORE HATE**

**Hey there, I'm sorry that I didn't leave any author's notes on the last two chapters and I'm so sorry if I don't respond to any of your reviews or PM-ings soon, because I'm using a USB to transport my chapters to other computers that are available to me, so this is getting kind of tricky and I'm really sorry about the wait on things and all the stories on my favourites and my favourite authors I haven't been able to read your latest chapters or stories because, obviously, my connection is shit. Alright, that's enough of my sob story, and here is my REAL story…**

"Rose!"

We all turned to see my mother striding quickly towards me. I ran to her and took her shoulders somewhat roughly. "Are you alright? Is Lord Szelsky okay? You didn't get attacked did you? Where is the other guardian? Is everything –?"

"Rose." She cut me off sharply, but I could see that she was amused. I stopped talking and looked at her with wide eyes.

"I'm fine, everything's fine, no one is hurt," she rolled her eyes. "You'd think our positions were reversed; you're acting like _my _mother instead of me being yours," she smiled, or, well, as close as Janine Hathaway can get to a real genuinely happy smile. Sometimes, I think she's forgotten how.

Now that I knew everything was okay, I felt embarrassed and stupid for making such a scene. "Well…that's good, that's good, well…um…yeah," I said uncomfortably, and then I spotted Alexander watching our encounter carefully. "Hey, this is Guardian Contrive, and this is my mother, Guardian Hathaway, of course," I waved listlessly at the air between them and they shook hands fondly.

"It's good to see you so well, Alexander," Janine said and she gave a small smile- never a full smile, obviously, she was too serious for that type of business.

"You as well, Janine, how've you been these past – what? Two years?" Alexander grinned.

Now I was confused, I seemed to be feeling like that a lot lately. "You know each other?" I said, not hiding my surprise very well.

Alexander was amused. "Yes, Rose, your mother and I went to school together and we saw each other again, not too long ago, so it's good to see her again,"

"Yes, Rose, I know Alexander," was my mother' curt reply.

"Oh, okay, that's, um…interesting." I said, but what I thought was, _wow, talk about polar opposites! How can they be friends? _

The two of them were both looking at me expectantly, but Alexander looked much more kind than Janine's demanding stare.

"Did you say something?"

"I _said _that you have some explaining to do," she had her hands on her hips and her red hair was clipped back like the short regal guardian she was.

I hung my head in despair and defeat; I knew I would have to go through this little interrogation sometime. I sighed.

"Yeah, I guess I do,"

*****

We were sitting in my room at the Court and mom was sitting across from where I was on the luxurious bed and Alexander sat on the couch beside the bed. It gave me some comfort in having him here with me.

"Explain," Janine ordered.

I sighed again and leaned my head back against the pillows, closing my eyes. "Well, you know how I'm shadow kissed, right?" I started and kept going, not bothering to see if she nodded or was about to respond. "Yeah, well, I can do this thing now where I can go _into _the World of the Dead; it's actually pretty creepy, hence the 'dead' part. So it's like standing in total darkness with misty ghosts whispering in your ears, so I hope you understand what I mean by 'creepy'. Well, seeing as I can do this, something happened to me, while I was reading –"

Mom cut me off. "You _read_?" she sounded incredulous. _Thanks mom, _I thought bitterly.

"Yes, _I read,_" I opened my eyes to roll them then closed them again and continued. "Anyway, as I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, I was pulled into the World of the Dead, seeing as it isn't the greatest place to be, I wouldn't go there purposely. So I had this vision, of you; in this vision, you were surrounded by five or six Strigoi and you were in front of Lord Szelsky. The Strigoi were telling you to move, but you didn't, and he advanced on you so you matched it. Then another came up behind you and broke your neck." I stated bluntly. "That is why I sent you that e-mail, because you are my mother and I'm _such _a _wonderful daughter _I would care about your well being and I wouldn't want to wake to the news of my only family member being dead. So that's it, how do you feel?" no one said anything so I said, "This is the part where you say, _'wow, Rose, you are just an ANGEL! I'm in your dept forever and you are just the perfect and splendid daughter I ALWAYS knew you would be!'_" I deadpanned and opened my eyes slightly to see my mother looking so surprised I had to laugh. "You know, it's okay, I know how you feel deep down, you don't need to say it out loud…we just have that type of bond, right?" I chocked on a laugh and it came out straggled, which was also pretty funny, but, you know, I was making myself laugh, so I didn't actually laugh at the funny stuff that was really funny.

"Well…that was a…move that I am…complying to, but we don't know if that would really happen, how do we know that you've not imagined it?" she slipped back into her usually cool guardian-self, which pissed me off some, but not as much as it used to.

"It's really great that you are so thankful, but you know what? I'm sure that it _wasn't _a dream or just my imagination because I don't dream about my mother being murdered, you know, if _that _means anything to you, feel free to comment." I rolled my eyes and leaned my head back against the pillows again and sighed.

"Alright, Rose, cut the attitude and explain," she ordered.

I sighed again. "Well, I had a vision of –"

"I _know_ that, you just went through that and you know it; explain _why_ you are in Siberia and explain _why _you dropped out of the academy." She snapped furiously.

"You dropped out of your academy?" Alexander broke in.

"To find him," I defended myself. "There is _no way _I would have left for no reason!"

"Who is _'him'_?" mom asked.

"A good friend of mine," I fibbed…he was more than just a good friend.

"Rose, _who is he_?" she practically shouted.

"_Dimitri! _Alright? It's Dimitri!" I yelled and stormed out of the room with hot tears in my eyes. I hear my mother come after me and vaguely acknowledge that Alexander is following.

"Belikov? Why are you trying to find him? He's dead," the way she said his name made me snap, she said it with distain.

I spun to meet her. "What is _wrong _with you?" I shout, my tornado is furious; it could rip up an entire country. "Don't you have any _respect_? What happened isn't his fault! You know that and yet here you are tossing his name around like it is _MEANINGLESS! _How could you?"

I don't even wait for her reply, I just run down the hall and out the door.

****

"_Fuck!" _I scream and I put as much strength into a kick as I could and booted a fairly good size rock over the edge of the cliff. It was night now and the sky was gorgeous, the moon lit up and defined the sharp edges in the ground and rocks, making the leaves a glowing green. The willow old tree that was to my right, beckoned to me in the angry wind; I imagined what the wind would be like if it were feeling all that I was feeling. _The Court certainly wouldn't be here for more than ten minutes – tops. _An inner voice said and I smiled dryly as the wind whipped up my hair and threw it around my face like a hurricane…I wished I could be a storm, I thought. Then I wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit. _That would be nice_, says a pleasant voice in my head. I could go over the sea, knowing no boundaries at all, just living the way I wanted to. Causing waves and whirlpools where ever I liked and enjoying playing in the wind. Tossing and turning, being weightless and not having to worry about anything at all. I really would like that…

_But you can't have it, Rose, the sky doesn't even want a fuck-up like you, it would throw you down into the waves and laugh as you drowned. _The vicious voice sneered at me in a cruel but persuasive way, making me believe that it was true.

I moved towards the edge of the cliff, only inches away, staring down at the jagged rocks and the violent waves that were crashing against them, splashing up against the steep and hard slope of the was a very intimidating sight, I'll give it that. But I bet that I could be worse, and half of the time now, I am.

As I'm looking down, I can see that my breath is coming in short angry puffs. I _hated _that my mother could be so heartless and rude. I _hated _how Lissa and everyone else had it so easy. I _hated _how Strigoi were such assholes. I _hated _that no one had to deal with any of the shit that I was dealing with. I _hated _how I couldn't just drop everything and go over the edge. I _hated _how I felt bound to Lissa and Dimitri! _I just hated EVERYTHING!_

"Rose! Is that you?"

A voice called out from behind me and I shifted into a defensive stance and moved away from the cliff's edge. I saw that it was Christian.

I slowly moved out of the stance and faced him squarely, but not meeting his eyes for long. I was sure he could see the tears in them; I bet that you could see them from miles away…and just _seeing _Christian brought me more tears.

"Oh my God," he mumbled and suddenly I was captured in Christian's warm, tight and brotherly arms. "You're back!" he squeezes me tightly, but I don't hug him back. I need to stay detached from them, I couldn't risk getting close.

"No, I'm not," I whispered, staring over his shoulder at nothing.

"What do you mean?" he said anxiously as he pulled away from me. A cold wind blew between us, reminding me of how far I really was from my old life.

"You're here, Rose, you've got to stay!" he exclaimed and it reminded me of a little boy who'd lost his mom in the grocery store. Under any other circumstances, it would have been really funny; I would have fallen down laughing.

Seeing Christian made me mad and sad, so I controlled myself and pulled away so we were no longer touching—the wind seemed so much colder.

"I'm not staying; I'm only here because of…a little issue…" I said slowly.

He searched my eyes for a few long minutes. "When are you leaving?" he asked brokenly and I felt so ripped up inside. _How can you do this to me! _I scream inside, but outside I'm like a viciously cold wave of sea water.

"In about a week,"

Christian's face fell and I put my hands in my pockets, resisting the urge to comfort him in some way. Christian and I antagonized each other all the time…or, well, at least we used to…but know that I looked into his eyes I saw that he really cared for me, the way I did for him—as a sibling. I wanted so badly to put my arms around him like a good older sister and tell him that everything was going to be okay and that he didn't need to worry about me because I was so tough. But instead…I just stood there and made myself as hard as I could, but not bitchy…guardian-like.

"It has to be this way…at least for now," I said and he looked at me confused for a moment before saying, "If you're going to be here for a week, you're going to have to see Lissa."

****

Now, I was sitting across from Lissa, Eddie (he'd gotten assigned to Lissa at graduation, it was unavoidable), Christian and Adrian at a table in front of a little café.

I had another coffee, Christian, Lissa and Eddie all had hot chocolate and Adrian had a travel mug of his own—probably filled with vodka or some other type of alcohol.

Lissa was wearing jeans and a nice light pink sweater; it was subtle and fitting for a Moroi as great as her. Eddie was wearing dark blue, but faded at the knees and but and a green hoodie. Christian, now that I took the time to notice what he was wearing; had on black slacks and a midnight blue sweater which made him look very handsome with his disarray of jet black hair. Adrian was wearing khakis, a good look for him, and a black dress shirt that was un-buttoned down four buttons, only hinting what might be under that shirt. I gave a small smile as I looked down at the table, this crew could always make me laugh.

"I thought you didn't like coffee, Rose," Lissa comments, nodding to the cup I was holding with both hands. She was trying to make a conversation and I appreciate her efforts but I just shrug.

"Why were you smiling a moment ago?" she says. She really wants to ask me why I'm wearing jeans and a black long sleeve when it's warm outside, even for the Moroi. And she wants to ask me what happened to my face, she wants to know where I was, she wants to know everything.

"You're funny," I say truthfully.

And she's confused. "Why?"

"Just…you guys are funny, that's all," I gave her a look to show her that I meant it and through the bond the thought, _Rose has changed a lot _comes through and I just look at her for a moment and she blushes realizing that I can hear her thoughts.

"I'll block you out, if you want me to," I say quietly and I look down at the steam that's coming up from my cup.

A hand covers my own.

I wince.

I don't look up, but I know I hurt her through the bond, she felt me flinch. I block out the bond completely and just focus on keeping my cool.

"Rose…"

"Yes?" I said politely, looking up.

"I like your hair," Adrian says suddenly and we all turn to see him studying my hair like a new species that could cure cancer.

"Excuse me?" I'm so polite and I'm very proud of myself for being so.

"I like your hair," he repeats and looks into my eyes. I can tell just by what's in his eyes that he likes a lot more about me than my hair. There's a pause and I remember my last e-mail to him.

"Did you get my message? How come you haven't done it?" I ask and I look at him intently.

Now he looks so confused and worried, which of course tears me up some more. "I've tried, Rose, but I can't get in. I only get a few brief flashes of what's going on your head…are you alright?"

"Oh," I pause. "I'm _perfect_," I say a little too cheerily and then I go serious again. "What have you seen?" I'd been having nightmares of Dimitri…all of Dimitri though. And they were scary, especially the one where it was me and him in the forest, holding hands, so glad that we'd just been together completely in that little cabin. Then Dimitri turned to me and smiled so coldly, it chilled me right to the bone. "Roza, how would you like to live forever?" he asks.

"What?" I stopped short and stared at him in shock, he hadn't just said what I thought he said. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Rose, you know what I mean, do you want to live forever?" he repeated.

Then his face started to morph…into the bloodless face of a Strigoi. With the red eyes and—

_STOP! _

I scream at myself and I look up frantically for someone to save me from this terrible nightmare. They're all just staring at me expectantly and they don't do anything. I'm sucked back into it…

"_We can live forever, Roza…just you and me. Doesn't that sound nice?" his voice had lost its sexy Russian accent and it was just hissing now, like a snake._

_I rip my hand away and stumble over a branch and onto the ground, looking up at him and I'm terrified. "Get away from me!" I scream and shake my hair out of my face._

"_Roza…it's forever," he smiles cruelly because he knows that I won't turn by choice and he knows that I won't stop screaming until I'm unable to, he knows that I'm helpless and he knows that he can make me suffer. _

"_Why?" my voice cracks and tears well up in my eyes and spill over the edge. "Why!" I sob over and over. Dimitri just slowly knelt in front of me and whispered, "Well, Rose, it's just you because…well, because everyone could do so much better WITHOUT you. You wouldn't BELIEVE what LISSA said about you…" he sneered and I screamed and screamed and screamed until I had no voice and I was just left with his laughter in the darkness, as so many times before…but I never moved, I just crumpled onto the invisible floor and listened to his horrific laughter… 'Rose! Rose! Rose! Rose!' it jeered over and over again and I just sobbed on the floor and wondered how something as pure and good as Dimitri could go so bad._

"Rose!"

Somebody was holding me up and I looked around, from side to side, just as I did every single morning. Except this time, I wasn't at the Academy, I wasn't in my room…I was at the Royal Court with Adrian holding me and Lissa on my other side.

"Shit!" I swore and it was obvious that they both heard me. "I've, uh, got to go outside, got any smokes, Adrian?" I said impulsively and they all gave me a strange look. "You know what? It's okay…I've…yeah, I got to go. Have a nice day," I stood up and the world spun around me and I willed it straight, but in doing so, I knocked over my coffee cup.

"Shit!" I cursed again. I fumbled with shaking hands as I tried to pick the cup up; I was only knocking it around more and burning my fingers. "Oh, shit, shit! I'm so sorry! I-I-I didn't mean to, I'm sorry!" I stuttered and looked helplessly at the table. When I glanced up, they were all looking at me so, so strangely. I practically ran over the café counter in a desperate need to get away from them. But I could feel their stares on my back, burning holes right through me.

"Hi!" I said frantically. "Can I have some napkins, we had a spill," I waved over my shoulder without looking at my friends.

"Sure thing, sweetie," the lady smiled at me and I took the handful of napkins and when I turned I saw my mother and Alexander come in. _Well, fuck! Can my day get any worse? _I thought bitterly as the sight of Janine Hathaway brings up that boiling rage up into my throat. I hold my head so it's turned away from that direction and march back over to our table.

"I'm so sorry, guys, I really am, I didn't mean to," I start as soon as I get within hearing rage. My hands are shaking uncontrollably.

"Rose, you're shaking," Lissa's eyes widened and I clench my hands into fists.

"No, no, I'm not! What are you talking about?" my voice comes out much too frantic to be amused and casual.

"Rose, what's wrong?" Eddie asked slowly.

I shake my head and stare down at the table and I try to put down the napkins with my shaking hands. "N-nothing is wrong with me, nothing at all," my words come out so frantic and I just drop all the napkins in the middle and spread them around. It did nothing to help at all.

A hand comes down over mine. I look at it. It's not tan, so it's not Eddie. It's not Christian's hand because his hands are slightly smaller than mine. This hand is bigger. It's not Lissa's delicate smooth hand either. I see the end of the black dress shirt Adrian is wearing.

His hand is holding mine steady. I look up into his eyes. He is worried, scared, caring, gentle but firm. I felt like a little kid being stared down at by a person who cares and loves me.

Shit, he loves me.

That was about all of my supply of support and strength. My shoulders are sagged and Adrian shifts his grip on my hand so it's like he is holding it, not like he's restraining it.

Adrian looks so much like he wants to say something, but also like he was biting his tongue. His eyes are burning into mine and some emotion is added into that bright emerald green because of something he sees in my eyes. I close my eyes, cutting him off from whatever he was seeing. I had failed miserably in everything that I was aiming for tonight.

_Bravo, Rose, that's two fuck-ups in one day! _The voice jeered at me. My body convulsed in effort of trying to block everything out. They all saw it and they all gasped.

Then, suddenly, warm arms are around my waist, pulling me, and Alexander's frantic voice is in my ear, whispering frantically, "Rose, I've got you, it's alright, sweetie, I've got you,"

I tried to hold my weight, but Alexander was holding me.

Then Janine Hathaway was standing in front of us.

"Janine, I'm going to take Rose back to her room, please, let us through." Alexander said in a low worried voice.

"Not until she explains what is _wrong _with her!" my mother exclaimed.

Just the _sight _of her had raised a livid rage up, but she just knew how to push it. I push off Alexander with the new energy I have and glared down at her.

"_Fuck off," _I growl.

She looks so taken back and I keep going.

"You think that you can talk to me whatever way you fucking want to? Yeah right! I'm not backing down and you don't scare me. So just…_FUCK OFF_." My voice went deadly quiet at the end, which only made it that much more menacing.

She looked at me one moment before ripping the bandage off my face and punching me. With her nails of course. Bringing blood back to the cut so it welled up once again. My own mother would hit me intentionally and now I had proof…and witnesses.

"Janine! You are out of line!" Alexander hissed furiously.

I wanted to punch her back so badly but there were strong hands restraining my wrists. I just took a deep breath.

"You've always wanted to do that, have you?" I look at her in total distain. "_Oh no! _Janine Hathaway's reputation is ruined because she hit her daughter!" I widened my eyes in fake shock and tilt my head to the right. "But you're rep isn't going to get trashed is it? There's only a few witnesses and they're all to afraid of you to say anything." I said, not really surprised at how much venom was dripping off each word.

Her face crumpled. "What have I done?"

"Well…let me think about it…hmm, first of all, you act like Dimitri Belikov doesn't mean shit now that he's Strigoi, then you rip off my bandage and make me bleed…do I need to go into anything else, because that was just today." I was infuriated to a magnitude that no one can fathom.

She glowered at me and rolled her eyes like I was the dumbest person on the planet. "That was _not _what I meant. I meant 'what have I done by giving birth to you'! You are worse than your good for nothing father!"

Oh my God.

"That's enough!" Alexander snapped. "Both of you!"

Somehow, I found my voice. "I agree," I deadpan. "I've had enough, we are leaving. Tonight." Then I rip out of Alexander's hold and turn to my shocked friends. I bow humbly. "I'm so sorry…for everything…maybe I'll see you around…Princess Dragomir, Prince Ivashkov, Prince Ozera, Guardian Castile; I bid you goodbye…"

I stare at the ground for a moment and when I turn, I am slapped by my mother.

Once, twice, three times. And it's _hard. _

And I just stand there, with my eyes closed. I hear Lissa gasp each time Janine's hand meets my cheek.

When my mother pulls her hand back, it's covered in my blood, from the wound she re-opened on my face.

"I advise that you not return to Lord Szelsky's house for about a week but…you've never listened to me before, so do it this once. I will not have _your _blood on _my _hands." I leave, turning on my heel and walking across to the door, ignoring the stares of everyone else that was there.

I roughly thrust my arms out furiously at the doors and they flew apart as if they were terrified of my wrath.

I wasn't crying.

I wasn't upset.

I wasn't going to brake down.

I wasn't anything but incensed.

Right at that moment…I hated her, I truly hated Janine Hathaway.

*****

I ended up on the cliff again, but this time, with my bag at my side and iPod cranked in both ears. Some people think that it hurts, but nothing compared to the pain vibrating off the marks my mother had just imprinted my skin with…

I take deep breaths and I block everything out, everything but the music.

_He said "Son,  
__Have you seen the world?  
__Well, what would you say?  
__If I said you could?  
__Just carry this gun, you'll even get paid."  
__I said, "That sounds pretty good."_

_Black leather boots  
__Spit-shined so bright  
__They cut off my hair but it looked all alright  
__We marched and we sang  
__We all became friends  
__As we learned how to fight_

_A hero of war  
__Yeah that's what I'll be  
__And when I come home  
__They'll be damn proud of me  
__I'll carry this flag  
__To the grave if I must  
__Because it's a flag that I love  
__And a flag that I trust_

_I kicked in the door  
__I yelled my commands  
__The children, they cried  
__But I got my man  
__We took him away  
__A bag over his face  
__From his family and friends_

_They took off his clothes  
__They pissed in his hands  
__I told them to stop  
__But then I joined in  
__We beat him with guns  
__And batons not just once  
__But again and again_

_A hero of war  
__Yeah that's what I'll be  
__And when I come home  
__They'll be damn proud of me  
__I'll carry this flag  
__To the grave if I must  
__Because it's a flag that I love  
__And a flag that I trust_

_She walked  
__Through bullets and haze  
__I asked her to stop  
__I begged her to stay  
__But she pressed on  
__So I lifted my gun  
__And I fired away_

_The shells jumped through the smoke  
__And into the sand  
__That the blood has now soaked  
__She collapsed  
__With a flag in her hand  
__A flag white as snow_

_A hero of war  
__Is that what they see?  
__Just medals and scars  
__So damn proud of me  
__And I brought home that flag  
__Now it gathers dust  
__But it's a flag that I love  
__It's the only flag I trust_

_He said, "Son,  
have you seen the world?  
Well, what would you say,  
if I said that you could?"_

The song drifted to an end and I hung my head silently, looking over the hammering waves. That song was so sad. It was called A Hero Of War by Rise Against. I'd heard it once, in a little café and when I asked the casher what it was, he smiled and said that he was sorry that he didn't know. Then I went to YouTube and looked up some of the lyrics. Then I downloaded it onto my iPod.

I was so, so sad.

And I thought that the lead singer, I forget his name, of Rise Against has a beautiful voice, but others disagree and say that he's rusty and that it would be better if the song was sung by Bono from U2. This is a statement that I totally disagree with because, I hate U2's songs and I hate U2.

A hand came down on my shoulder and I spun around, almost loosing my balance and falling off the cliff. But the person grabbed me and held me close, I pulled out my headphones and backed away to see who it was and just to get out of reach. It was Alexander.

"Hey," I said quietly. Then I saw his shoulder, with my blood on it from my face. I hadn't bothered to clean myself up. I didn't care anymore. "Oh no," I groaned. "Look what I did,"

"It's fine, Rose, I've got other clothes. Are you aright?" as soon as the question was out, I realized how _un_-right I was.

I looked away and couldn't meet his eyes. "We're leaving tonight, where's your bag?" I avoided the question.

He knew it too. "Rose, I know what your mother did in there, but she didn't mean it, she really didn't…she loves you," he added quietly.

"Oh, she loves me, does she?" I snarl. "She did _such _a great job in letting me know it!"

"Rose…"

"You know what? It doesn't matter; I've got no family now, alright? It's fine. Now where is your bag, we're leaving." I tried to control my temper, but I was beyond infuriated.

"No, Rose, we're not leaving tonight, we can't, Rose –"

"Stop saying my name so much,"

He looked at me for a second then continued in the same soft voice. "We can't leave right now because there are no planes going to Siberia, right now. But there's one tomorrow," he added jus as quietly.

"Can you make one?"

"What?"  
I rolled my eyes annoyed. "Can you make a plane go to Siberia tonight, like, _now_?"

"No,"

"Why?"

"Because not everything will bend to your will," he snapped. "If you want to leave, we are going to have to do it tomorrow."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!  
"Ugh!"

Alexander ran his hand through his hair and let out a blustery sigh. Then he looked at me for a few moments and then…

He just turned his back and left.

"Ugh!" I roared and made another rock go soaring into the black water below.


	18. Stand In The Rain

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN- STAND IN THE RAIN**

**Hey there, two chapters in one day, and they're long too!  
I know a lot of you want to see more Blake and Tory, especially Blake!  
****Thank you all for reading and reviewing-my dad finally fixed my stupid computer so it's working, I'm working on my writing a lot now. But I might not be able to update as soon as you'd like me to because I'm working on a few other writing projects and one is for my teach. Because she wants me and four other people to write stories for our class. And she's like "I'm expecting a lot from you," and bla, bla, bla. But you know, it's all good, I'll deal. Wish me luck…now I'll stop talking and here's my story…**

After kicking myself for doing everything wrong, I sat beneath the willow tree, letting the vine leaf things come down and swing before, just brushing my skin. I'd calmed down much more from my episode last night and now it was the morning, for humans, probably about four or five because the sun was just starting to come up, but it was still really dark…

As I stared down out across over the water, glinting in the early, early morning. I had stayed up all night, not falling asleep once, not even getting tired. I was totally awake and alert. Nothing would catch me by surprise, and nothing really could, because no one knew where I was. I was under the willow tree, but on the far side, so I was on the edge of the cliff as well as the roots of the enormous tree. I looked over the water, just as I had been doing all night.

I hadn't really been thinking about anything but the mesmerizing waves, they'd calmed over night, just like I had. Now I was mulling over the meaning of the Rise Against song, A Hero Of War. It was such as sad song…but I knew it was true, that people had actually recruited young men into the army to do things like that…I also knew that a lot of those people ended up committing suicide or being admitted to an asylum because of all the problems that the realization of what they've done messes them up and they can't live with themselves and they commit suicide or go crazy.

Now, for not reason at all, I was just sitting there, going through songs that reminded me of Dimitri, the old Dimitri…_my _Dimitri.

There was Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Dead Man—no definitely _not _a Dimitri song.

Halo by Beyonce—yes

Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift—maybe

Untitled by Simple Plan—it reminded me of my current situation, but not Dimitri.

Love Game—that reminded me of what I had _thought _of Adrian before we had left for the rescue mission.

Whatsername by Green Day—it reminded me of what I was trying to do, not trying to forget the time, but to forget Dimitri.

Ave Mary A by Pink—it reminded me of how I felt on the plane, the desperate need for someone to comfort me, and that someone just happened to be Alexander.

Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback—Dimitri was my somebody.

All of the Broken Hearts by AFI—not really reminding me of Dimitri, but I loved the song, a really great song; I especially liked the beginning.

Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson—if the lyrics were reversed to be from a female point of view, it would be perfect, but an amazing song none the less and it really did remind me of everything that happened with us...I missed the sound of his voice, the rush of his skin, from the one time I got to really feel it, the still of his silence…I started to play the song.

_I miss the sound of your voice  
__I miss the rush of your skin  
__And I miss the still of your silence_

_If I could walk on water  
__If I could tell you what's next  
__Make you believe  
__Make you forget_

_So come on get higher  
__Loosen my lips  
__Faith and desire  
__In the swing of your hips  
__Just to pull me down hard  
__And drown me in love_

I quickly changed the song to something else and ended at If U Seek Amy by Britney Spears, which I thought, was so funny, but I didn't laugh out loud, like I would have a long time ago. I just acknowledged the thought that it amused me that I had landed on that song, and the title and song itself are just hilarious.

_Oh baby, baby have you seen Amy tonight?  
__Is she in the bathroom?  
__Is she smoking up outside?_

Britney sang into my ears and I leaned my head against the tree and changed it to something more…something _not _Britney. It's not that I don't like her music, well, she's and idiot, but her songs are okay, but I just didn't feel like listening to her damn high pitched voice fixed by studio. I changed it to Money Honey by State of Shock and just listened to it. Not thinking…it was nice…I realized how tired I really was…thinking that it wouldn't matter if I went to sleep…I probably shouldn't…I want to…rest…just rest and not really think about anything for a long…long time…

******

I woke up to Lady Gaga's Love Game and the willow vines tickling my nose. _Hmmm…where am I? _I wondered. _I'm under a tree…a willow tree…at the…Royal Court…what happened? Why am I under the damn tree? _My eyes snapped open and I let out a small scream as I saw that my feet were just dangling in mid air in front of me. Then I remembered that I was outside and truly came to my senses. In doing so, I was reminded me of what went down last night…with my mother. How she'd hit me, in front of everybody. How she said that she'd made a mistake in having me.

_Yeah, well, why haven't you killed me yet, MOM? _I sneered internally. I touched my hand lightly to my cheek and felt the crusty dried blood on my face.

_Yours truly, Mom, _it practically screamed at me. I pulled my bag over and yanked out a black hoodie with a zipper and thumb wholes in the sleeves. I leaned forward slightly and slipped it on, sticking my thumbs through the holes. Then I had an idea…yesterday, I lost my mother…so she was dead to me now…I had the strong urge to dress in all black, as if I were going to her funeral. I laughed humourlessly. I retrieved a pair of black jeans and threw them over my arm and stood carefully so I could go change.

The few people I passed stared and I just looked down, pretending to be immune…then I think, _I don't give a fuck, let them see me. _So I look up to them and smile dryly at anyone who dared to look at me. And the few who looked me in the eye flinched and made quickly on their way…all but one…

There was a young boy, about my age, _maybe _nineteen. He had brown hair like mine…the exact same shade as mine. That was odd because my hair was totally unique; I'd never seen anyone with the same colour hair…hmm. His hair was styled to be messy which I found to make him handsome. Then the thought, _did he have the same father as me? _Came into my mind and I quickly dismissed the thought and assessed the rest of this boy. Aside from the hair, he had…a bright and lively colour of royal blue. Like a serious _royal blue._ That was seriously cool. He kept eye contact with me as I quickly ran my eyes over his blue jeans and nicely fitted green sweater, which set off his eyes perfectly.

I felt drawn to him at once, but not an attraction…an interest, like I wanted to get to know him. From the muscles that were obvious on his legs and arms, he was a dhampir. He did not smile, but there was something mixing in his eyes.

As he passed, his hand touched mine, handing me a note lightly. Our eyes met in a sideways glance and neither of us smiled. We just shared an intense look, it said that he understood.

When I was in one of the stalls in the bathroom, I unfolded the note, it read:

_Rosemarie Hathaway,  
__I saw what happened last night with your mother. I would very much like to talk to you, my name is Etienne. I want to speak with you Rosemarie Hathaway. My cell number is: 613-983-2118. Call me anytime. Soon please, I would much like to talk to you as soon as possible. _

What the fuck? That was a little odd. I changed into my black jeans and looked at myself darkly amused in the mirror. Slinging my bag up on the counter I rummaged for a pen and quickly wrote.

_It's not been a very good few days, so guy passing notes to me in the hall like we're third grade is a bit weird. So anyway…if you want to talk to me so much, here's my number: 697-472-7994. Call me, Etienne._

I smirked. Let's see what he thinks of that. I smiled and gently rub a damp piece of paper towel to my blood dried face. Once I was satisfied, I pulled up the hood to my sweater pulling my hair through on either side of my face, so it was mostly obscured from view and walked out looking down so no one could see my face at all. As I was walking back to the tree, I saw this 'Etienne' character walking towards me.

"Hey," he said. "Didn't know that a mother slapping her child could cause them to go emo, yeah?"

I rolled my eyes and handed him the paper for no reason at all because I simply could have just told him what it said. He thought it was funny and let in fly away in the breeze…and over the cliff went the paper.

"I'm not emo, I'm holding my own personal funeral for Janine Hathaway because she's dead to me now," I informed him.

He looked down at his outfit in fake outrage. "And you didn't tell me? How could you? I am in no shape to attend a funeral," he declared loftily and I had to admit…he made me laugh. Really laugh for the first time in a long time. Most of the time I forced a laugh and a smile, but I'm good at it, so nobody notices.

"That's okay, I'm not even sure she deserves a funeral, she should be taken up on fucking child abuse charges." I said bitterly and he threw his arm around me like we were old friends and he turned and led me to the cliff.

"I can arrange that, Rosemarie, if you wish," he said courteously and I laughed again and slipped away from his arm.

"No thanks, without her who is to guard Lord Szelsky?"

"We will, yeah?" he lifted his arm and flexed. "We are perfectly fit to guard Lord Szelsky, yeah? Two stunning guardians like us and he'll be safe for the rest of his life!" He said it like it was obvious and that there was no possibility of me rejecting this.

"Right, so, would you care to start over?" I ask.

"Oh yeah! I'm sorry. Hello, you must be Rosemarie Hathaway, it's a pleasure to meet you, and I am Etienne Spencer." He bowed his head and looked at me seriously, but I could see he was amused by the look in his luminous eyes.

"It is a great delight to meet you as well, Etienne Spencer, as you know I am Rosemarie Hathaway; from whereabouts are you from, my dear sir?" I say bow lowly from the waist.

He _tsked. _"No, no. you are a lady, you must _curtsy_; bowing is for the gentlemen only, don't you know that, malady?"

I looked at him blankly. "There is no way that I'm curtsying."

"Oh, yes, you are,"

"No,"

"Yes,"

"Or _what_?" I crossed my arms on my chest and glared at him even though I knew this was a stupid conversation.

"Or I'll _make _you, I'd fight you and I'd win," he confirmed.

"You think you can fight me…and win?" I raised my eyebrows in astonishment.

He hung his head and looked at me through the bangs of his dark hair. "No, not really, but can you deny this beautiful face?" he pouted his lips and looking into his eyes through our same coloured hair made him look _very _handsome, but I still wasn't attracted to him in that way. It was just an 'I want to get to know this kid' kind of thing. It's not like I'd want to start something with this random, funny and flirty guy. But I'd love to have him around.

"Rosemarie?"

I snapped out of my thought process and looked up at Etienne's smiling blue eyes.

"Hmm?"

"I said why you would not curtsy?" he repeated and I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, it's just _too girly _for me,"

"But you are of the feminine variety, are you not?" he was trying to hold back a smile.

"In that way, yes, but not in the manners or actions," I replied truthfully and he laughed, something about his laugh made me laugh too.

He sighed. "Don't you love it here?" he asked suddenly.

I nodded, not minding the question. "Yeah, for sure, I slept out here last night," I blurted without thinking.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why would you sleep on a cliff?"

I smiled. "Because I'm Rose Hathaway,"

"It explains everything, doesn't it?"

*****

Etienne had made me laugh some more and then I finally had to go so we programmed our numbers in each other's cell phones and hugged like we'd known each other for years then I left.

Now, I have my hood pulled up and am leaning against a tree by our jet as I waited for them to ready it. I text Alexander saying, _we are leaving in 10 minutes and if you're not here the plane will leave without you._

It wasn't very polite, but I just did it, just 'cause. I look up at the flight attendant poking his head out.

"We're ready, miss," he called and I nod and make my way up the steps and walk inside. I silently put my bag up in the baggage holders above and slump low in my seat with my legs spread apart in front of me, but I'm slightly turned to the side so I am able to stare out the window when we fly. I take out my iPod and put the song Stand In The Rain by Superchick on repeat:

_She never slows down  
__She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone  
__Feels like it's all coming down  
__She won't turn around  
__The shadows are long and she fears that if she cries  
__That first tear  
__The tears will not stop  
__Raining down_

_So stand in the rain  
__Stand your ground  
__Stand up when it's all crashing down  
__You stand through the pain  
__You won't drown  
__And one day,  
__What's lost can be found  
__You stand in the rain_

_She won't make a sound  
__Alone in this fight with herself and the hears  
__Whispering if she stands she'll fall down  
__She wants to be found  
__The only way out is through everything she's running from  
__Wants to give and lie down_

_So stand in the rain  
__Stand your ground  
__Stand up when it's all crashing down  
__You stand through the pain  
__You won't drown  
__And one day,  
__What's lost can be found  
__You stand in the rain. _

And that's what I'll do. I'll stand in the rain. Weather someone's there to support me or not.

**So did you like it? That one was pretty long, so I'm hoping that was okay, and what do you think of my new character Etienne? They're be much more of him and how could I posibly forget? There will also be more Tory and Blake for all of you, don't worry! Thanks so much for reading, but now, to complete the task, you must review, it would make me very happy ladies and...(if there are any reading my story) gents. Please review and it'll make me so very pleased with all of you and you might even get ANOTHER chapter by the end of the weekend. So please do review, my dear friends. Alright, so enough with the old English, eh? Hahaha.  
Review please, I love you for it,**

**~Alice**


	19. Can't I Save You?

**CHAPTER NINETEEN- CAN'T I SAVE YOU?**

**Hey there, I'm so happy that you guys liked my last chapters, I worked hard on them, I try to do my best on all my writing so THANK YOU! Shouts to starlinc for your reviews and input, thanks to everyone else as well as one more shout out to XxNightxHeartsxX (sorry if I spelt your penname wrong). You have amazing ideas Night and I am for sure going to use them soon and you'll all figure out what they are when the chapters come out. So here is the next chapter…**

_**The plane will take off in 5…4…get your ass over here, Alexander…3…2…hurry, hurry...1…we are leaving! **_I text Alexander and after a few seconds, I saw him jogging to the plane looking down at his cell phone, my text message probably. I turned my iPod up higher and looked out the window with a fist against my mouth and my leg bouncing to the music. I didn't make any move to acknowledge Alexander's presence as he entered, so I just kept staring out the window.

I didn't even glance at him. Not even when he came to sit beside me. The iPod was cranked so I didn't hear what he said, and then his strong hand was on my thigh. I turned my head slightly to look at him through my dark hair. He just looked at me and I didn't do anything but look at him for a second and return my cold gaze to the window. After a few minutes, he got up and left to sit in a different seat.

_Finally, _I thought in relief. I just kept bouncing my leg and staring out the window…something caught my eye outside, just as we were getting ready to take off. I narrowed my eyes and leaned forward to see what it was…Etienne.

It made me smile unconsciously. He was waving frantically and his messy hair was being pulled by the wind I could see how amazing his eyes were from here and I waved back. Then he made had signs and shouted. I took out my headphones and titled my head to the side.

Then I figured it out. He was grinning from ear to ear as he pointed to himself…made a heart shape with his hands…and pointed back to me…I laughed out loud and made the gestures back. His remarkably wide grin widened and lit up his face beautifully making him look totally angelic. I had to smile and I held my pinkie finger and thumb to my ear and he nodded furiously.

I laughed again and waved until I couldn't see him anymore. When I sighed and looked up and saw Alexander staring at me from a row up and across the isle.

"Who are you waving at?" he asks.

I shrug. "Just a really good friend," the answer comes effortlessly to my lips and it surprises and pleases me. I'm sitting there with a secret smile on my face and Alexander is still staring at me. "What?" I say annoyed.

He just keeps staring at me and I sigh in frustration and turn back to the window and I suddenly I'm happy and I want to listen to an upbeat song. I went to Saviour by Rise Against. I smiled to myself and thought about Etienne…

*****

They had to stop in some small city on the way to refill on gas, so I just sat in my seat staring out the window again. At this time, Alexander decides to try to take another crack at me.

He sits down and turns to me fully. "Rose," is all he says.

I turn to him. "Alexander,"

He looks at me in a peculiarly eccentric way. "How…how are you doing?" he stutters somewhat. He's nervous, I think.

"Just fine," and I turn my attention back to the window falsely, but I was still so much aware of Alexander's intimidating charisma.

"Rose, come on, I'm not an idiot," he sighs and I turn my cold eyes on him.

"I didn't say you were," I return frostily.

"Rose,"

"_What _Alexander? You've said my name four times now," I rolled my eyes and a small voice in the back of my head says I shouldn't be so rude to my superior.

He just sighs and stares at me sadly. "Why are you wearing black?"

"Because I want to,"

"Rose, you never wear black, what happened to those shorts and tank top in the rain. It's a beautiful day and you are wearing black jeans and a black sweater, you must be boiling,"

"No, I'm fine, thanks for your concern," now that he'd mentioned my outfit, I noticed what he was wearing, not his usual guardian attire: he was wearing olive green khakis shorts with a white and blue striped polo. Huh. Not bad.

"Rose," he whines.

"There it is again," I roll my eyes again, now I'm just irritated. "If you have something you want to say, _say it_,"

Then my cell phone vibrates, indicating that I have a text. I flip it open and it says: _**Rose! I miss you already, babe! I forgot to ask you where you were going. Just thought I'd ask; to see if you wanted me to drop in and see my favourite person in the entire world, because you totally are! It's no fun without you. **__****_

_**Love, Etienne…P.S I know you love me too, don't be afraid to show it!**_

I laugh out loudand totally forgot about Alexander beside me as I merrily text Etienne back: _**Hey, I'm glad you miss me, I know I'm irresistible, even so, I miss you too. I'm going to the Siberian Academy, drop in any time you like, call too and e-mail me at Rose_. I'm not having much fun either without YOU, ah, it sounds so pathetic! Miss you.**_

_**Love, Rose…yeah, maybe I love you. Hahahaha!**_

I sent it and flipped my phone shut with a content sigh. _Etienne was PERFECT! _I thought cheerily. Then Alexander cleared his throat quite loudly next to me and my smile vanishes as I turn to him, inaccessible once again. "What?"

"Who was it?" he asks, he seems irritated. _Oh, you're one to talk! _

"None of your business, Guardian Contrive," I replied icily. I was suddenly wishing that I had Etienne's eyes, they would be so astounding and I already knew that they matched with our hair. Hmm…_our hair_…I liked it, for some reason.

_Look at you, desperate for attention; can't you just settle with the nervous wreck that you are?_ That iniquitous voice sneered at me. But thoughts of Etienne and his wonderful charm brushed it away. I smiled again and wanted to get away from Alexander when the pilot came in with an apologetic expression on his haggard face. _Flying must be stressful, _I found myself thinking.

"I'm so sorry, but there is something wrong with the right turbine, I'm going to ask you to disembark off the plane for about an hour or two."

"Wonderful! That will be no problem at all," I said quickly and I stood. "Shall we take our bags, good sir?" I joked, using Etienne's old way of talking, but he shook his head seriously.

"No, ma'am,"

"Alright, I will be back in…say, an hour and a half," and then I walked quickly down the steps and out of the plane leaving Alexander behind. Too bad he caught up to me.

"Rose! Wait, Rose! Where are you going?" he called after me.

"To the mall," I said and I flagged down a taxi.

"I'm coming with you," he said it like there was no way around it.

I sighed. "If you really want to,"

****

So I found myself entering the mall in some small town with Alexander's hand on the small of my back possessively. I wanted to shrug him off, but I already had once and he looked so hurt I felt guilty, but I'm _sorry _I don't like being treated like I'm about five years old.

I spotted and electronics store and I thought of how I'd pretty much been neglecting Blake and Tory since we got to the Academy. I went and Alexander followed quietly, but his presence was practically vibrating with confusion. I ignored him and smiled at the store clerk.

"Hey," I say sweetly and I gently brush my hair out of my face. I was in a good mood, so I could afford to flirt if I wanted to. "Can you get me two cell phones, please?" I said turned on a dazzling smile and the young man seemed taken back. But he wasn't my type; he was nerdy, with the glasses, pocket protectors and all. But it's not like I couldn't be nice…right? Or was this mean? Oh well, he probably figured that I had a boyfriend, or many. I chuckled quietly and saw the man's envious glare in Alexander's direction.

"Would you care to look at the selection, miss?" he says and I smile before turning to Alexander.

"Can you please go grab me an ice cap from the Tim Horton's, Alexander? And get anything you'd like for yourself," I handed him a twenty and turned back to the clerk with another bright smile. "Shall we?"

He seemed surprised by my manner but he nodded nervously then he led me to the selection of cell phones.

"See, this one here comes with a free plan for the first month, ma'am," he pointed to a black phone and I smiled and nodded. Then I walked to a different phone.

"May I get two of these?" I asked as I picked up and iPhone box.

The clerk nodded. "Have you and your boyfriend in need of new phones?" he asked and I heard a large amount of venom in his words.

I laughed out loud. "Alexander is not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed through my giggles. "Not even _close_!"

The clerk seemed so confused and I laughed harder.

"So would you mind if I gave you…gave you my number?" he puffed his chest out and I had to bite back more laughter and put on my best distraught face I could.

"I'm sorry, but my parents will not let me date until I am twenty, I'm only eighteen. Alexander is my brother," I hung my head in false shame and sadness.

There was a pause and when I quickly glanced up at him through my hair, he looked almost as sad as I was pretending to be.

"Let's never mind my parents' mental minds and pay for these phones, yeah?" I said over my shoulder to him, leaving him with no choice but to follow. I paid for the phones and almost ran into Alexander who was right behind me. He handed me my ice cap silently and I had to pretend he was my brother because the young man was still listening.

"Thank you, brother, keep the change," I put my arm through his so we were linked and I led him out of hearing range of the man before he could utter a peep.

"_Brother?_" he asked incredulously as we neared the doors to leave.

"The clerk was trying to hit on me, but it _was _practically my fault, I _was _flirting, so when he said that you were my boyfriend, I told him you were my brother and that my parents would not let me date until I reached twenty." I laughed and Alexander looked at me strangely as I held my hand out for a cab.

I ignored his stare and sipped my ice cap in silence as the cab pulled up. I held the door open for Alexander and when I went to enter the cab after him, I slipped and fell onto his lap in the cab.

"Are you alright, miss?" the cab driver asked as he turned around. The car smelt strongly of cigarette smoke and my sight was blurry for a few seconds before I had a mind numbing headache, wait, scratch that: I wouldn't mind if it was mind _numbing _not mind _killing._

I sighed and pulled my legs in and closed the door, it felt like that was much louder than usual, the sound echoed in my ears and I groaned and plugged my ears, leaning back against the seat.

"Rose, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Alexander's apprehensive voice cut through my mind, brining more pain to the headache.

"No," I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut. "Don't talk, okay?" I mumbled and slumped to the side. I felt a strong arm wrap around my shoulders and pulling me to a chest, it was obviously Alexander and when my head was resting against his chest and his left arm joined his right one around me in a gentle, protecting cradle.

"Alright," he said quietly and I found myself drifting off…into a different world…the World of the Dead…shit! I so did not need this!

My headache numbed and I was grateful for that, but completely terrified because of where I was. The ghosts were whispering around me and this time, I could make out some of their words.

_She is scared…_

_Terrified…_

_Saved her mother…_

_Can save us…_

_Just a child…_

"_SILENCE!" my voice echoes off into the darkness and all the ghosts' whispers come to a halt. The mist is still swirling around me and I can feel that the ghosts are restless and surprised. One makes himself know in front of me. I brace myself to see Dimitri…but it's not…it's…_

_Melanie._

_She was one of the guardians that we'd lost in the raid against the Strigoi. It surprised and saddened me to see her sorrow full face. She raises her hand like she wants to brush my cheek._

"_Melanie?" I whisper._

_She nods._

"_What's going on?"_

_She just looks at me._

"_Can't you speak?" I ask hopefully with wide eyes._

_She struggled for only seconds then she says, "You are in our world now, Rose, it is strange but you must become accustomed to it."_

"_Why?" I say in a low voice._

"_For this," she murmurs and makes a sweeping gesture with her arm and everything disappears._

_Suddenly, I'm at the Academy…I'm walking beside Blake and Tory…_

"_This is going to be GREAT!" Blake exclaims._

_**What's going to be great? **__I want to ask but instead I say, "Yeah, but you need to be careful," __**Why do they need to be careful?**_

"_Oh, Rose, you are not our mother! Let's have SOME fun!" Tory complains. __**Doing what? **__I am frustrated now, what the hell are they talking about? And why can't I control myself. _

"_Fine," I sigh and we reach the gates and I nod to the guardians there and we leave to go outside the Academy. I get the feeling of extreme danger…something horrible was going to happen…I could feel it._

_**NO, you idiots! No, get back here right NOW! **__I want to scream, but I can't say anything._

_Blake and Tory wonder out happily and I can feel that neither of them are scared, they are excited. __**Why? **__I want to talk so much, but I CAN'T! _

_Suddenly, my body is running away from Blake and Tory. "Try and catch me!" I call and I vanish into the cover of the trees. _

"_Rose! That's not fair, you have a head start!" I hear Blake calling as he and Tory and pounding after me. _

_Then I am grabbed and a hand is over my mouth and nose, making it so I can't breath or speak. _

"_You are going to call to your friends, make them come to you, do you understand?" a cruel voice hissed in my ears and I nodded feebly. _

"_Do it now," it orders and the hand is removed, but I am pressed harder to the body behind mine, it hurts._

"_BLAKE! TORY!" I scream. "I'M OVER HERE! COME QUICK!" __**No, don't come, run away, don't come, NO! **_

"_Rose, what's wrong?" Tory's voice comes to my ears clearly and them the two of them come closer until they are just ten feet away. _

"_Rose, what are you doing?" Blake asks and I just shake my head, I'm about to yell at them to run, but a hand comes down over my mouth again stopping me from saying anything. I struggle and kick but the person just restrains me with super-strength. Oh, no, Strigoi! _

"_Mmm! Mmm! Mmm-hmmm!" I tried to shout at them, but it was no use. There are tears in my eyes…__**no, I can't lose them…no!**_

_Then my captor releases me and throws me to the ground like I'm worthless. I look up in fear to see…Dimitri…__**how can he do this to me? **__My mind shrieks._

"_Rose!" Blake takes a step forward to help me and then a Strigoi stands in his way, he stops dead in his tracks. I know that this might be my only chance to save them. I kick the legs out from under the Strigoi and try to roll away, but he's on top of me._

"_Now, now…play nice, Arthur…" Dimitri chides then turns his attention to Blake and Tory. "You two, if you move so much as a step towards lovely Miss Hathaway here…you will both die and she will be subjected to witness it." He says threateningly. _

_I see the tears in their eyes. Blake's are falling down his cheeks. __**No, no, don't cry for me, I'll get us out of this, don't cry, no…**_

"_R-Rose, I-I'm s-sorry!" Blake sobs and stumbles towards me. __**NO, STOP, STAY STILL!**_

_Two Strigoi are now holding Blake and Tory._

"_NO! LET THEM GO!" I scream and thrash against the Strigoi's hold._

"_If you say so," Dimitri said calmly and made one quick movement with his wrist and the Strigoi broke Blake and Tory's necks. __**On my fucking God. He didn't…no…no…NO!**_

_I am sobbing now, uncontrollably. _

"_You didn't say where to let them go," Dimitri said in fake innocence and looks down on me with pure hate. _

_**NO, NO! I LOST THEM! BLAKE! TORY! NO! **__My soul was crying for them…__**NO!**_

**So did you guys like it? A little cliffhanger for you, as you know, I love them. Well, you know that I would owe you the world if you just clicked this little green button down here...so if you feel the need to, please do so. I'm looking for some ideas, because right now, I've got scattered parts that I'll put into my story, but I need middle parts.**

**Please review this chapter and the many to come, pretty please...hey, just a side note...flames are allowed, if you really feel that one of my chapters is really shitty, give me the torch...light it on fire and burn it to the ground...**

**Alice**


	20. Losing My Ground

**CHAPTER TWENTY- LOSING MY GROUND**

**Hey there, are you guys liking my stuff? I understand if you don't, because you know…I'm really not all that good…so feel free to light my story, I really don't mind, flames are so funny I think and it makes me think harder and sometimes put more into my writing, because I'd want to make it that much better for my other readers…anyway, here's the next chapter…**

"Rose, damn it, wake up,"

Someone was shaking me and I blinked my eyes open to see that we were back to the plane and Alexander was still holding me but now he was looking down on me with worried eyes.

My eyes were wet with tears…_Blake and Tory…_a quiet voice whispers. _They're gone…_I immediately sat up, which only caused me to hit my head on the roof of the cab. I tossed a twenty over the seat and hopped out of the car and Alexander's arms. I whipped out my cell phone and turned to Alexander.

"Does the Academy have a phone number?" I demanded.

"Why do you need to call the Academy?" he asked confused.

"Never mind, if you're going to be like that," I said irritated and dialled Mikhail's number and waited impatiently for him to pick up.

"Hello?" Mikhail's cheery voice answered.

"Hey, Mikhail, I'm coming back today, but I need you to do something really important for me _right now_." I said urgently as I walked to the plane. The flight attendant called and said it should only be a short time and I paced out of the way of everything.

"Rose, what's wrong, shortie?"

"Nothing, I need you to do something," I repeated.

"Okay, don't mess with Rose Hathaway, right? What is it I can do for you?"

"Go to room seventeen in guest housing and ask for Blake Macy," I ordered sharply.

"What?"

"Just do it Mikhail," I snapped then I made my voice softer. "Please, Mikhail, for me?"

I waited and silently whispered 'yes' when I heard Mikhail groan and say, "The things I do for you woman, how would you survive without me?"

Then he made his voice louder and said, "Okay, so what room?"

"Guest housing, room seventeen," I instructed.

"Fine, one minute," he said annoyed and I'm pretty sure he was running because not even a minute later, I heard him say, "Hey, I'm looking for a Blake Macy?"

"I'm Blake," a muffled voice said and then Mikhail's voice came back to say, "What do I do now?"

"Give Blake the phone," I said urgently, I needed to hear his voice; I needed to make sure he was okay; I needed to make sure it was really him.

"Hello?"

"_Blake!_" I screeched into the receiver. I was so relieved to hear his familiar comforting voice.

"Rose?" he asked, but he seemed pleased that I'd chosen to talk to him.

"Yeah, it's me…oh, I'm just so glad to hear you…" I sighed happily and walked further away to lean against a tree to enjoy this blissful contentment.

"Why? You miss me that much?" he joked and I laughed faintly.

"Yeah, I miss you, kid," I returned.

"So why don't you come to see me? We haven't got to see you in _so _long, Rose? Is it because of that Kevin kid, the one who brought our bags?" he shot the questions at me, now that I knew he was safe, I was rather annoyed with his attitude.

"No, it's not Kevin…I've just been busy, but I've got presents to make it up when I come back!" I said excitedly, brushing aside my annoyance.

"Really?" he was excited now. "What'd you get?"

"I'm not telling! That's cheating, but you can find out when I get back," I taunted.

"When are you getting back?" he demanded.

"In two weeks," I lied smugly.

"_TWO WEEKS! ROSE HATHAWAY! _That is totally unfair and you know—"

"Blake, calm down," I cut him off laughing. "I'm coming back _today_," I laughed at the pause where Blake said nothing. "Come on, do you really think that I'd leave you for that long without saying anything?"

"No…" he said slowly then said. "How soon, Rose? We haven't done anything in forever, we'll go into some town for ice cream or something when you get back, alright?" he said eagerly and I was immediately alarmed.

"No! Do _not _leave the Academy!" I exclaimed frantically. "Do not do anything until I get back!"

There was a pause. "Rose, we're going to have to fucking eat," he said snidely.

"Well…I mean…don't leave the Academy and don't do anything dangerous or leave the wards or anything until I get back." I said sternly.

"Alright, Rose, but what squirrel's got itself stuck up your ass?" he joked.

I rolled my eyes and was about to say something when I was called to by Alexander.

"Rose! What are you doing way over there? Get over here!"

"I'll call you back, Blake," I said angrily into the receiver before hanging up sharply and glowering at Alexander.

"You are _not _my mother! And I don't have a damn father so you're not that either! I don't have anything right now; it's just me, alright? Alexander, just shut it and deal with your shit and I'll deal with mine. I don't need a supervisor _twenty-four-seven_! Good God, you treat me like I'm two years old, I'm not! Look at the back of my neck, I can fend for myself, damn it!" I screamed and Alexander stopped dead with shock. I stormed past him and onto the plane, I ran into the pilot.

"Oh, I'm sorry, miss, I was just about to call, the plane is ready," he said politely taking off his hat.

"The fault is mine, I'm sorry," I said bitterly with anger towards Alexander. "I am sorry," I apologized again. "I'm in a little snitch with Alexander –" I was cut off when Alexander came stomping in. "Speak of the damn devil," I muttered under my breath.

"Rosemarie Hathaway, you are out of line!" he pointed a finger threateningly at me. I wanted to break it.

That was the one thing that he _shouldn't _have said. I glared at him, completely infuriated. He could say that me yelling at him was out of line…but he couldn't do anything when Janine Hathaway was beating on me?

"_Oh! I'm _out of line? Wow, and when Janine Hathaway was hitting me, and when she made me bleed, that wasn't too far out of line to do anything? How come you didn't stop her, Alexander?" I asked, pretending to be sweet and curious.

He paused before saying, "You can stand up for yourself, as you've just pointed out,"

"I can stand up for myself…" I growled. "Yeah, if I _stood up for myself_," I spat. "Janine Hathaway would most likely be in the clinic with severe injuries for a long time,"

"Rose, you don't mean that," Alexander shook his head with wide eyes.

"Yeah, I mean that, but, luckily enough, it's a good thing I have enough self-control to just stand there and hold back everything, yeah?" I leered.

He was shocked and I just clenched my jaw. "Whatever, alright, Alexander?" I snapped and stocked off to the same seat I had before, ready to spend the whole flight back with my iPod. I turned on the song Saviour by Rise Against.

_It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten  
What the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them  
As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping  
Through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten_

There is no reconciliation that will put me in my place  
And there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds  
But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you  
Like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear  
So tell me now  
If this ain't love then how do we get out?  
Because I don't know  
That's when she said I don't hate you boy  
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save  
That's when I told her I love you girl  
But I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have

But the day pressed on like crushing weights  
For no man does it ever wait  
Like memories of dying days  
That deafen us like hurricanes  
Bathed in flames we held the brand  
Uncurled the fingers in your hand  
Pressed into the flesh like sand  
Now do you understand?  
So tell me now  
If this ain't love then how do we get out?  
Because I don't know  
That' s when she said I don't hate you boy  
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save  
That's when I told her I love you girl  
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have

One thousand miles away  
There's nothing left to say  
But so much left that I don't know  
We never had a choice  
This world is too much noise  
It takes me under  
It takes me under once again

I don't hate you  
I don't hate you  
So tell me now  
If this ain't love then how do we get out?  
Because I don't know  
That's when she said I don't hate you boy  
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save  
That's when I told her I love you girl  
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have  
I don't hate you  
I don't hate you, no

I liked this song because the girl was the saviour and she was trying to save the boy that she cared about. I would try to do that…for my Lissa…Christian…Eddie…Adrian…I would protect them with everything that I had.

_Maybe if you got rid of yourself, you WOULD be saving them. _That bitter voice sneered. I shook my head and cranked up the music up louder changing it to Hero by Superchick. It was such a sad song, because so many kids did commit suicide because of others bullying them, it was _wrong_.

I shook off all thoughts and blanked everything out of my mind as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat.

All I saw was blackness…then…flashes came back to me. They were of me…my life. My life with Lissa, Mason, my rebellion, running away to Portland with Lissa, Dimitri, Christian, Eddie, my ex-mother, Adrian, more Dimitri, lots of Lissa, Strigoi, more Adrian…everything…

I felt a small smile spread across my lips as I thought of Adrian and his outrageous flirting with me, I felt like an idiot because I'd never noticed his true feelings, even thought it was so obvious. I spent the rest of the flight, watching myself fly by, spending time watching a slideshow of my life…and mostly…holding back my agonizing tears each time I saw Dimitri…

*****

_I am on a beach, savouring the warm sun on my skin. I glance down, I'm wearing a black bikini top and jean shorts with black flip-flops. Of course, I think. I start to walk towards the setting sun and the calming waves. I kick off my flip-flops and jog to the water and let the waves tickle my feet as I wiggle my toes in the wet sand under the water that came up to my shins._

_I giggle quietly to myself and smile out to the pink sun. _

"_Little dhampir," an amused voice says from behind me and I spin around, tripping over my feet and falling into the water soaking myself._

_I shake out my hair and look up to see Adrian looking down on me with a smile playing across his lips._

"_Oh…um, hello," I say kindly and I smile up at him. He was wearing black swim trunks and an unbuttoned dress shirt, it was the same type as the one he was wearing during our last encounter but just a different colour, this one was pink. "I'm liking your shirt," I grin and Adrian's answering grin was brilliant, it made me tingly inside for some reason. I brush it off and take the hand that he's extended to help me up. _

"_How are you, Rose?" he asks and I grin brightly and wave my hands around in the air listlessly. _

"_I'm great, Adrian, I'm happy, look around you, how can't I be?" I said blissfully. I turn to look at the waves and feel confused when he takes my face in his hands and turns it to his. Adrian's face was worried and shocked. "What's wrong with you?" I ask politely and Adrian's face only screws up more._

"_Rose, really, how are you?" he asks sounding so concerned, like I should be in a detention center. What the fuck?_

"_I'm fine, I just told you that," I roll my eyes annoyed. _

_Adrian runs a hand through his hand and lets out a big sigh, then he looks back at me. "How can you be so…so LAX with everything that's going on?" _

_When he says this, everything comes back to me, all my worry, fear, shock, anger, all of my feelings that I'm having in the real world are coming back to me. I am now angry at Adrian for ruining my moment. "Damn it, Adrian! Why would you do that?" I pout._

"_Do what?" he's shocked at my sudden mood swing._

"_Wreck the mood! We were having a great start and you had to ruin it, what's up with that?" _

_He laughs at me. Adrian is actually laughing at me. He throws his arm around my shoulders and sighs again, this time, with contentment. "Ah, Rose," is all he says as he looks into my eyes._

_I gaze back…those emerald green eyes were burning with a strong emotion that sends tingles through my entire body. I smile right into his brilliant eyes and Adrian's answering smile is radiant. I get a nagging feeling in the back of my head, like I should be telling Adrian something important._

"_Rose…" Adrian says and his face comes closer to mine. I put my hands to his lips and close my eyes in concentration. _

_BLOOD PROMISE, a voice whispers and my eyes snap open and I look into Adrian's eyes. He kisses my hand passionately before I remove it._

"_Adrian…what do you know about a…Blood Promise?" I ask. His reaction is really noticeable. He goes as straight as a rod, like something had shocked him. "Adrian?" I ask worried._

_He shakes his head and his gaze returns to mine. His eyes are smoky and serious. "What about it?" his voice is tight and remote._

"_Adrian, tell me what ever it is that you're hiding right now," I demand sharply._

_He sighs and puts his hands on either side of my face. "A Blood Promise…it's something that you are bound to do…it's something that a person MUST do…when someone is…locked into a Blood Promise, they must do whatever the Promise is for…" he sighs and puts his face closer to mine. "They are practically COMPELLED to do whatever the Promise is for, Rose…it ties your soul to it, and the keeper will not be free until the Promise is kept." _

_I just stare at him in shock. Am I bound by a Blood Promise? "H-how is a…um, Blood Promise…um, forged?" I whisper._

"_It has to be forged in the deepest of sincerity," he says so seriously. "It could be because of the deepest of affection, love of a friend, a guilty dept to repay that is most sincere, anything…but it must be true. If it's not, then it's not true and it's not a Blood Promise, it's empty words."_

_**I am in a Blood Promise.**__I think numbly. _

_Adrian pulls closer to me, all thoughts of everything else, but his amazing emerald eyes so, so close. I wanted him to kiss me._

"_Rose…" he whispers longingly. _

"_Hmm…" I hum pleasantly as I watch his eyes through half-closed eye lids._

_He gazes into my eyes as he moves closer to me; I don't break the stare and hope that he can read the 'okay' in my eyes. Obviously, he could because his lips were on mine…it wasn't rough or hungry…it was tender and…loving. It was AMAZING. _

_He pulled back and rests his forehead against mine and stares into my eyes again. "You…you don't even know how…perfect that was for me…" I see the question in his eyes and fall down on the sand, staring up at him._

"_Hmm…I might…if you enjoyed that as much as I did," I wink up at him and he looks so blissful that I have to grin up at him._

_The air around us starts to shimmer and Adrian looks so disappointed that our encounter has come to an end. _

"_Rose, I'll see you again?" he asks so hopefully that I can't help but let my grin widen._

"_Yes,"_

_Adrian touches my cheek so lightly it takes my breath away. His smile is brilliant before everything vanishes and I'm left with nothing but darkness and questions. _

**Did you like that last part, with Adrian? There's some twists coming up down this road that Rose must travel, but hey, I hope it entertains you guys, because that's what it's all about.**

**If you didnt like it, burn the damn story to the ground. Flames are so funny! Please review, I love you for it. Hey, have you checked out the BLOOD PROMISE COVER? It's already on google and on Richelle's blog/site.**

**Review please.**

**alice**


	21. Surprise

**CHAPTER TWENTY ONE-SURPRISE**

**Hey there, I hope you guys are liking my stuff, I'm going to mix it up here and these next two chapters are dedicated to 'XheartxX because you have amazing ideas Night and I'm so grateful that you could give me such great ideas.**

**Alright, here's the next chapter…**

I woke up to very loud music, which was now giving me a killer headache, so I turned off my iPod and looked around blurrily. The plane had landed and Alexander was retrieving his bag with his back turned to me. _Obviously someone's pissed off_, I thought, _I should go apologize. _

I sigh and grab my bag and shove the shove aside the guilt and marched past Alexander and off the plane without even glancing his way. As soon as I acknowledge that Alexander had gotten off the plane, I stormed off to campus to go look for Blake and Tory because I really hoped that they could make me feel better. I knew Blake could. As soon as I thought this, a new guilt hit me; I'd been neglecting Blake and Tory ever since I got to the Academy.

****

I held my breath as I knocked on Tory's door, it was no doubt that Blake would be here too. The swung open and Tory answered…looking like hell. He smiled dryly at me and pulled me into a hug.

"We missed you, Rose," he said then he chuckled. "Especially Sleeping Beauty," I pulled away to see Blake spread out over Tory's couch with his arm hanging off the side and one leg over an arm rest and the other leg over the back of the couch. His blond hair was splayed over his sweet face and his lips were parted slightly. Blake was wearing a pair of blue boxers and a black t-shirt. He looked so adorable and vulnerable.

As Tory closed the door behind me, I walked to Blake and brushed his hair away from his face. His eyes snapped open and tensed, but relaxed when he saw me kneeling before him. He practically threw himself off the couch as he tackled me with a big bear-hug. He cheered in my ear, "Rose! You're back!"

"Yeah, I am," I laughed.

Blake pulled back to look at me and his brow crunched up in confusion. "Didn't you have a bandage on your face?"

I nodded distractedly. "Um, yeah, but I took it off, it was just so annoying." I fibbed quickly, hoping I sounded irritated. It worked because both Tory and Blake laughed at me.

"Want to go for a walk?" Tory offered.

Blake looked down at his outfit and frowned. "Well, I'm going to need some pants," he said and glanced up at me embarrassed.

"I dare you _not _to put pants on," Tory said as his protector started to get off the couch. Blake stopped in mid movement and looked at his friend challengingly.

"I'll do it," he said without missing a beat and I rolled my eyes.

"So…Rose, why did you leave and where did you disappear to?" Tory turned to me and Blake pulled himself up.

"The Royal Court because I had to go talk to…somebody," I made my voice firm so they knew not to push the subject more than needed. "I'm sorry, we really haven't hung out since we got here, I've just been so busy, I'm sorry. What do you want to do now?" I asked quickly. "Do you want to train?"

"Yeah!" Blake was just as excited as me now. I was pissed at Alexander so I didn't really care if he'd banned me from fighting until my ribs were healed because I was going to fight anyway.

"I'll race you there," I said. Blake's eyes flashed with excitement but we were stopped when Tory lazily said, "You're forgetting me,"

I paused only for a second before picking him up and starting to run towards the gym.

"What the fuck, Rose! Put me down! Damn it!" he screamed as I accelerated and turned his head into my neck. I laughed freely and kept running.

"Rose!"

I stopped dead in my tracks at the sound of Alexander's very pissed off voice. I put Tory down gently and turned very slowly to face Alexander. "What are you doing?" he demanded.

"I am spending time with my friends," I said slowly and distinctly.

"And your ribs?" he snapped.

I didn't respond and just narrowed my eyes slowly.

"Come with me," he turned on his heal and stormed off in the direction of the guardian building. I sighed and ran a hand angrily through my hair.

"I'll catch you later, guys," I said to both Tory and Blake who had caught up when I stopped at Alexander's call. I stomped after him angrily and silently, he was being such an ass lately.

We entered the guardian meeting room, it was laid out the same as the room I'd had the meeting for my supposed 'incompetence' during the field experience and the incident with Stan. Mikhail was in there, making himself a coffee; he looked up at the sound of our arrival. His eyes widened and then he got suspicious but before he could utter one word, Alexander snapped, "Mikhail, leave us,"

Mikhail was quick to grab his cup and hurry out the door with a welcoming and questioning glance to me. As soon as the door closed behind him, Alexander stared me down from across the long table.

"How can you be so irresponsible, Rose?" he demanded.

"Irresponsible?" I shrieked. "I am not being irresponsible, Alexander! It's my body and I can do what I want!"

"With the condition you are currently in right now, Rose, you _cannot _do what you want to because you would be putting yourself in a more critical state." He said seriously.

"Good God, Alexander! You make it sound like I've got some horrible disease! I am sorry, but, buddy, it's a few broken ribs!" I yelled at him.

"A few broken ribs, Rose?" he shouts back. "How can you talk about it like that?"

"Because that's exactly what it is!"

His voice softened. "Rose, I know what happened with your mother…that's not an easy thing to handle and even with your strength, it's hard,"

"Oh! '_What happened with your mother'_?" I scream loudly. "If it wasn't _EASY, _Alexander, how come you failed to do something about it? I told what would have happened if I didn't have any self-control, so why didn't you do something to stop her, huh? Are you afraid of her? If you're afraid of Janine Hathaway then you are not the right person to be the head guardian at an academy!" I know that it was unfair, but I'm sorry, he should have done _something_.

"Rosemarie Hathaway! You are out of line-_yet again_!" his voice echoed off the walls of the building and I vaguely heard the door open but I ignored it and keep ripping on Alexander.

I leaned forward and smacked both of my hands on the long black table. "You've told me that more than once, so why don't you do something about it, huh? Or are you too afraid to, just like you're afraid of the _big bad Janine Hathaway_? Or did you not do anything because you didn't want to ruin the wonderful friendship you have with her? Would that make too much of an impact on your reputation? To lose a great guardian friend like Janine Hathaway?" I sneered cruelly.

I could feel his anger rolling off him in waves. "Rosemarie Hathaway."

"Alexander Contrive."

"This behaviour is unacceptable, return to me when you've controlled yourself." He growled and turned his back on me.

"Goddamn it!" I smack my hands against the table. "Alexander, come on! Just tell me one thing, if you can do that for me. Just one fucking thing…why did you not do anything about what happened at the Royal Court involving Janine Hathaway?" I demand icily.

Alexander spun around to face me with such speed and leaned forward so his face was only inches from mine and looked into my eyes. "I did not do anything about what happened because…" his voice trailed off quietly and I was now beyond infuriated.

"Because _what_?"

"Because I was afraid, damn it, Rose! _I WAS SCARED!_" he screamed in my face. I pulled back stiffly and look at him unfeelingly.

"Rose…" he starts but my face just twisted in disgust and his in pain of seeing that on my face.

"Guardian Contrive," I said briskly and prepare to turn my back on him.

Someone cleared their throat in the door way and both Alexander and I snapped to attention at the sound.

The person who had cleared their throat was so obviously Mikhail Tanner and behind him…was Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Adrian and Etienne.

**Did you like it? That's a cliffhanger for you, so you've got to review and tell me what you think. Once again, shouts to Night because the end of this chapter and the next chapter are her ideas. Thank you so much! **

**Please review, it'll make me so happy.**

**alice**


	22. Dark Angel

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO-DARK ANGEL**

**Hey there, this chapter is to Night, once again, thanks so much for the ideas! Okay, so I'll stop talking because I really want you to read this chapter because I love it, so here it is…**

My mouth literally dropped open only a fraction but I closed it and my jaw locked into place. I saw that Etienne was glaring at Alexander with pure hatred and disgust; I wondered why but brushed the thought off.

I turned to bow to Alexander. "I beg your leave, Guardian Contrive, I trust that you will be able to find me if you need to." I turned on my heal and took a deep breath as I faced my friends.

"Let's go outside then, yeah?" Etienne said tightly and I nodded sharply once. I led them outside, leaving Mikhail inside the meeting room with Alexander. No one said anything until we were outside, which was when Lissa spoke.

"Rose, we came to surprise you," she said nervously.

"Well, I'm surprised; this was your idea, was it not?" I said as I clenched my fists and turned on Etienne. He looked so worried and shocked, like a little kid who was so lost and didn't know what had happened. "It _was _your idea wasn't it…you were the only one who knew where I was," as soon as I said the words, I got a very guilty and apologetic feeling coming from Lissa; I was immediately sucked into her head.

_She walked up to Etienne as he watched my plane fly away. "Would you like to walk with me?" she asked politely. Etienne was flustered to see her and surprised that she was talking to him._

"_Yes, ma'am," he bowed politely and Lissa was annoyed at him for doing so. _

"_Come on," she snapped and turned on her heel, leading Etienne into the tree cover. He followed obediently and quietly, not saying a word. Lissa suddenly spun around to face him and you could tell that Etienne was afraid because of the expression on his face. Lissa moved closer to him and made eye contact. _

"_Now…what is your name?" she said smoothly._

"_Etienne Spencer," he answered, his face going slack, eyes glazed…like he was in a trance._

"_Etienne Spencer, tell me everything you know about Rose Hathaway." Lissa demanded in a quiet but commanding voice. _

"_I just met Rose Hathaway, her mother is a bitch and hasn't treated her well at all, she's very funny, and she has the same hair colour as mine –"_

"_ENOUGH!" Lissa ordered. Etienne was so surprised and fearful that he stopped dead and looked at her with wide eyes. "Do you know where Rose is going?" _

"_To the Siberian Academy," Etienne answered quickly._

_Lissa nodded. "Good, you are going to come with me and my friends to find Rose, the next plane to Siberia is when?"_

"_Half and hour," Etienne answered hastily._

"_Right, see you then, Etienne Spencer," then Lissa turned on her heel and walked away…_

Oh my God. Lissa had used _COMPULSION _on Etienne to get to me. That was low…no, that was _lower _than low. I ripped myself away from her feelings viciously and glared at her with pure disgust. "How could you do that, Lissa?" there was so much venom in my words it shocked her, but not me; with the way things had been going, I was relatively calm.

The expression on her face said that she knew exactly what I knew. "Rose…I had to! I had to see you, to be with you…you aren't strong enough to be on your own right now…"

My jaw clenched along with my fists and my nostrils flared. "I'm not strong enough to be on my own? That's what you think? That I'm not _STRONG ENOUGH_?" I half growled half shouted.

Lissa knew those were the wrong words to say but she couldn't take them back, they were said and they were lying still in the air between us.

"Lissa, I am perfected _FINE_. Did you ever think that I _didn't want _to be found for a certain amount of time? Did you ever think that I would come back to you, like I promised?" I glanced at Adrian when I said that. He was looking back and forth between Lissa and me, but when his eyes met mine, they stayed on me. They seemed to be wondering around and on me. _He must be seeing my aura_, I thought but instead of acknowledging that, I turned away from them.

"You had no right to do that to him, Lissa, and I won't talk to you until you've made up for it somehow." I said cold-heartedly.

"Rose," she sobbed. "Rose, you don't understand how it feels I can't lose you, you don't know how that feels!" She tried to grab my hand or arm with shaky hands.

I stepped out of reach from her and glared. "You think I don't know what that feels like?_ You think I don't know! _Damn it, Lissa! I know the feeling a thousand times worse than you do! Think about this fucking bond," I said 'bond' like it was a dirty word.  
"I can feel what you feel, I can see what you see, and I can think what you think! I know exactly how you feel and because of that, I can say that your pain is nowhere near mine! You have no clue!" I was breathing hard now, with rage and agony. My voice quieted, but was still so dangerous. "Don't say that _I _don't understand…_you_ don't understand." I spat and turned, stuffing my hands into my pockets so I wouldn't punch anyone. I walked away from them with my back turned and as I passed the guardian wall I kicked it with as much strength as I could.

A piece of the wall seemed to crumble…but not as it was old and falling, as if it was supposed to do that. I narrowed my eyes, anger temporarily forgotten as I looked into the dark space. It looked like there were stairs. _Do it_, the impulsive part of me whispered. And I did.

I dove into the whole and walked down the stairs.

"Rose!" I heard them all yell at the same time but I ignored them and kept descending down the dank staircase. I heard them coming down the stairs behind me. "You don't have to follow me _everywhere_," I muttered under my breath. I looked around and it was pitch black, I vaguely saw the outline of a torch and suddenly it was blazing with a bright flame. I turned and nodded once to Christian's cocky face. I felt someone grab a hold of my hand and looked up to see Adrian looking down on me.

"I didn't know," he whispered beseechingly in my ear. I knew he meant about Lissa using compulsion on Etienne, I nodded and let my hand stay in his. I found a door at the end of the hallway and as I grabbed the knob, Adrian squeezed my hand.

"I'm here," he whispered lovingly.

"I know,"

I pushed open the door and walked forward into complete darkness. I would be terrified if Adrian wasn't holding my hand, letting me know I had someone. I pulled gently on his hand to guide him forward.

"Hey, Christian, make yourself useful and light your hands on fire," I whispered.

But before he could, a voice spoke out. "_Rosemarie Hathaway…at last." _

I froze, just as everyone else did.

"Who's there?" I demanded as my voice rang out loud and strong echoing against the darkness. I got a bad feeling, not a Strigoi feeling, just a _bad _feeling.

"_I've been waiting ever since you arrived…your presence is very strong." _The voice was raspy and sounded old and withered. And _very, very _close. I felt a breeze against my face, and it wasn't a good breeze...it was like a breath; I braced myself for someone to reach out and grab or attack me in some way.

"Really, I'm so glad to be VIP," I said sarcastically, covering up my fear and unease.

Then Christian finally got around to lighting up his hands and I really wished he hadn't.

There was an old woman standing in front of me, looking like a mummy with wispy strands of gray for hair, but she was wearing a graceful white dress that was floor length and had long sleeves, on the dress were silvery stands of material that shimmered around her, making it seem like she could disappear into nothing but thin air within mere moments.

I screamed and jumped back because this old hag was only centimetres away from me. I felt Adrian's arms encircle my waist reassuringly but I could feel that he was afraid too. _He wants to be brave for me, _I thought. Just that one simple action made him brave and honourable in my eyes, more so than he already was.

"_Not so mighty now, with a fright, are you?" _the ancient lady rasped. _"Where has that quick mouth of yours gotten you?" _

I steadied my breath, but was gripping Adrian's hands tightly and was leaning into him. I shook out my hair slightly. "Apparently a place not too good," I retorted.

She laughed an ugly laugh. It sounded like a rusty piece of metal being scrapped against another, it hurt my ears. _"Ah, Rosemarie Hathaway…you must come on, you seem stable enough..." _

I didn't know what she was talking about, but I followed her, still pressed tightly to Adrian's comforting body. Now that the lady's back was turned on me, I took the chance to observe my surroundings. It seemed as if we were in some type of library…there was so many shelves full of books any size and colour. There were books stacked on the ground around us, cloths draped on piles, desks scattered around everywhere, cluttered with strange and unique items. There was layers of dust on everything, I swear, there was even dust on the freaking mummy lady.

She led us further into the library and there was no noise except for the shuffling of our feet. She led us to the darkest corner in the back. In the light of Christian's fire, I could see that there was a very large mirror, it was about eight or nine feet tall and it had a silver trim around the edges and sliver clawed feet that were holding up the whole damn thing. For the way things looked around here, this mirror was in very good condition, it looked brand new.

"_Go on, look at your real reflections…let's start with…the famous Dragomir Princess," _the lady said and she waved a fragile hand out in front of her motioning for Lissa to step forward. Eddie stepped in front of Lissa, blocking her from the sight of the old haggish woman.

"_Do I look like I could hurt her?" _

Eddie subsided but stayed close as Lissa stumbled to stand in front of the mirror. The mirror shimmered like a ripple in water. The reflection of Lissa changed instantly, she was a queen. No, that's not right, she was _the _Queen. She had on a graceful dress that flowed around her and pooled on the floor around her feet and it was embroidered with beautiful patterns with a gold trimmed type of material. She had a spectacular crown that sat carefully on her blond hair that was twisted up in an intricate design. She looked strong and confident, ready to lead the world as she would someday do.

Lissa gasped and here eyes widened with pleasure and longing at the sight of it.

"_Next shall be…Christian Ozera," _the lady hissed.

Christian stepped up to the mirror and the reflection went blank for a fraction of a second before rippling again, but this time changing into a ring of fire with Christian standing in the middle of it with his hands blazing with bright flames. Christian's form was shadowed, but I could tell that he was wearing all black, like a guardian. I instantly knew that he was a protector, that's what he truly was.

"_Next…Edward Castile," _

Eddie stepped up and the mirror went blank then transformed again but this time, it was of Eddie, wearing the all black attire of the guardians and he had a shining silver stake in his hand. I knew that his was a warrior. He looked fierce and deadly, like he could take on anything, also looking like he already had.

"_Next…Adrian Ivashkov,"_

Adrian stepped forward releasing me gently and the mirror switched to a caring and soft version of Adrian, not the Royal that was the great nephew of the Queen, but an individual who loved someone dearly; Adrian was a lover. His eyes were sweet and warm, showing the unmistakable love for someone-that someone would be me. Adrian was my lover. He smiled at me and bowed his head gracefully so his blond hair fell over his emerald green eyes; a sign of true devotion.

"_Next…Etienne Spencer,"_

Etienne walked towards the mirror and it showed the regular Etienne, smiling and happy, but there was a dark figure beside him, a figure that wasn't so happy, at least not anymore. It was clear that Etienne loved this figure, but not romantically, as a sister, because when light was shed on that darker figure, my face was shown. It was saying that Etienne was my brother and deep down inside, I knew it was true. Etienne was my brother and he was most certainly _not _Janine Hathaway's son..._because she is currently late_, I thought bitterly to myself.

"_Last but by far the most unique…Rosemarie Hathaway,"_

I strode bravely and stood as straight as a needle in front of the mirror and watched as the reflection of me standing in a dark library with my friends surrounding me faded into a dark scenery. There was a full moon shattering beams of soft light through the clouds and there was a girl, the girl was me. She was an angel, I was floating in the sky, suspended by graceful and sleek black wings that flapped smoothly in the night. I was wearing a leather coat that was open with a large collar that came up to just above my ears and a black skirt that came down to the middle of my thighs; the shirt I was wearing was blood red. A great contrast to all the dark things in the reflection. My hair was blowing wildly around my face in a furious wind that was tugging at coat but making me look so dangerous and striking at the same time.

Last, what was preventing me from flying away was a metal shackle around my ankle and a chain that was connected to the coble stoned ground. It was holding me down and keeping me back from being free. _That must be the symbol of a Blood Promise, I am bound._

It was all too much for me to take in and I heard all of my friends gasp.

_I can't believe it, I can't believe it._ Went through my head as everything started to go blacker and blacker...everything was fading away…_I am a dark Angel. _

**So what did you think? A bit unexpected...I hope so! Please review and I'll love you much more than I already do! I'm sorry for taking so long to update, but I've been busy with so many things.**

**Please forgive me, say so in your review or you can make it known that you are currently holding a grudge against me, either way is fine, I'm totally okay with flames too, so burn my story down! Do it...I dare you to.**

**Love you, **

**Alice**


	23. Deeper And Deeper

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE- DEEPER AND DEEPER **

**Hey there, the next chapter, yeah! My computer has been totally messed up and my internet was fucked too, and I had to write a novel for my currnetly very annoying parents, but I've finished and I will be updating all through the summer as much as I can, hopefully I won't break my computer again and if I do, I'll try to get my dad to fix it as soon as possible.**

**I've also just started a new fanfic so I might not be able to update as much as I used to, but I'll try my best! So instead of boring you with my mindless chatter, I will show you the wonderful fantasy version of Blood Promise I have created in the next chapter…**

I woke up in someone's arms and my sight was blurry, but after I blinked a few times, I could see that I was slumped in Adrian's arms. I looked at him, seeing his relief that I was awake and he was showing me that he loved and feared for me. I opened myself and showed him only apart of how scared _I _was and I let him know that I was well aware of his feelings and I took them to heart.

"Is she awake?" came Etienne's worried voice. I blinked a couple of times and replayed the scene and took a deep breath. _Oh boy, this should be fun, something else to complicate my already messed up life. _

I tried to sit up, but was engulfed in a tight embrace by Adrian; on impulse I hugged him back just as tightly, showing my weakness.

"I was scared, Rose…" he whispered into my hair.

"Me too," I whispered back as I nodded, burying my face into his neck, and I was, I was truly scared. I built up as much courage and strength as I could at the moment and pulled away from Adrian to stand.

The old lady was standing only a few feet away, but detached from the circle that was surrounding me, by the mirror. Her head was titled to the side like she was confused and trying to figure something out. I smirked. _Yeah, right, have fun, you hag, I'm more complicated than you can even begin to guess. _

I walked over to her and put a foot between us, I didn't want to get too close to her, without knowing what other tricks she had up her sleeve, maybe like a perfume that would speed up my death or something. "You're going to tell me exactly what the fuck is going on here and what exactly that mirror does, understand?" I growled.

She laughed and I had to resist the urge to both cover my ears and punch her. _"Or what will you do, Rosemarie, are you going to kill me?" _she turned her empty eyes on me and I noticed that it was like there _weren't _any eyes. It was just like round orbs of gray mist filling the sockets.

I flinched and she laughedand narrowed her eyes at me. _"Scared, dear?" _she asked, her voice trying to be pleasant but came nowhere near.

"Not at all," I snapped back.

"_You are a lair," _she said as a ghost of a smile passed across her lips. _"Come with me, we shall discuss matters," _although she was about a million years old and her voice was just a whisper, she sounded urgent and worried.

What the fuck was she talking about? There were no _matters_- there was just the explanation of what the damn mirror was and what it really did. Even so, I started to follow her and felt something capture my hand and looked back at Adrian. He smiled sadly at me and brushed his blond hair out of his face. I gave a solemn smile back and kept following the old lady further and further into the library thing under the school.

I looked around as we weaved our way through the obstacles that were in our way, hard objects covered by drop cloths and blankets, bookshelves, piles of books, strange things on the floor that were just _weird_. I did my best to ignore the items and focus on the old lady who was practically an oracle or something because apparently she could sense my presence and she knew all about this mumbo-jumbo shit going on this that freaky mirror, I glanced over my shoulder at the mirror that was now receding out of my vision as we moved farther away.

The picture of me as the angel, that powerful, strong and terrifying angel was still upon the surface, but it was slowly beginning to fade around the edges and slowly to the middle, it faded to a gray, and then slowly shifted as if something else was forming in the glass frame. I watched in amazement, slowing my pace as I stared at the fascinating transformation to a new picture. I regarded the mirror with awe as the glass shimmered and it reflected a beautiful full moon, a large round and full moon in a misty sky, there were wispy clouds lingering around the incredible orb that light up the night. Then the picture shifted once more and I stopped dead in my tracks.

I chocked on the air I was trying to breathe. _No, no way, no, no, no, _I repeated like a mantra in my head. It was as if I couldn't look away from the image, my eyes were stuck and I couldn't force them to shift I couldn't force myself to look away, no matter how torturing the reflection was. _No, no fucking way, no, no, no, that's not possible, no! _

Suddenly something was covering my eyes, blocking my view of the mirror and what it was showing me. I blinked and turned away, right into Adrian's chest. His strong arms wrapped around me as I breathed in his sweet sent for comfort.

"What's wrong, Rose?" he asked quietly but urgently into my ear.

"T-the m-mirror," I stuttered feverishly into his strong build. I felt Adrian turn his head to look in the direction of the mirror, and then I heard him say, "Rose, what are you talking about? The mirror is blank…there's nothing there…" his voice trailed off with uncertainty and I whipped my head up.

The horrifying image, probably one of the few things that could scare me the most, was still there, right there in front of me. I ducked my head down and said, "Look again, Adrian, are you telling me that you don't see anything?"

There was a pause then, "Rose, I don't see anything on the mirror but black, just black, not even the reflection of the room, there's nothing there,"

I looked again and there it was. I looked at Adrian's face to see that he was giving me an odd look, as if he thought something was wrong with me and that he might be somewhat…_afraid_. Adrian was _afraid _of me.

_I would be too, you're as horrifying as Strigoi…just look at the reflection, it's either what's going to happen or what IS happening…or what has ALREADY happened._ A nasty voice slithered inside my mind.

I ripped away form Adrian and turned to the old lady standing right in front of me, blocking my path to the mirror. What I wanted to do was march right over to that thing and break it into pieces, that was exactly what I wanted to do but instead the old lady gripped my arm in restraint. Her hold was surprisingly strong for someone who looked like a mummy, I narrowed my eyes at her and her dull eyes that were practically empty stared back at me with something stirring inside of them, like some old senses waking up for the first time in a long, long time.

"_We must speak and immediately," _she snapped and her frail fingers clasped my wrist and dragged me forward. She hauled me past all of my friends, I took in there profiles as I past; Lissa was sobbing for some reason, Etienne smiled but I could see the worry behind his lopsided grin, Christian looked serious but confused, he watched me as I passed, Eddie looked shocked and also worried, his brow went together with concern as he watched me get towed away by the old lady, Eddie immediately started to follow as I'd past him. He was going to protect me and stay by my side; I gave him a kind smile over my shoulder. Adrian followed instantly after Eddie; he looked like he was feeling guilty because he hadn't been the first to act on this thought. I smirked but my smile vanished as the old lady stopped abruptly and I turned my attention to what was in front me.

There was a large table that was an oval with books stacked all over its surface. Suddenly there was a loud shuffling sound and my head whipped up to find the source of the sound, and I saw a book pull itself from a high shelf and come flying down, tumbling through the air, but the cover and pages of the book did not open like any other book would have, the book kept tightly shut the whole way down until the loud bang as the tome hit the ground with a large amount of force.

I stared in shock at the old lady as she calmly went to retrieve the book and walked over to the table as if it were perfectly normal for a book to come flying down from one of the huge bookshelves towering above.

"_Come along, Rosemarie, we have much to discuss in a little amount of time, quickly," _she snapped like a grandmother as she seated herself at the table. I hesitantly sat myself on one side of her and watched her carefully with my hands balled into fists on the table in front of me. I vaguely noticed Lissa sitting across from me with Christian, Etienne sat beside me and reached out to capture my hand in his. I looked at him in surprise and he smiled right into my eyes.

"I've got your back…" he paused then grinned and added, "_Sis_,"

_What a line_, I thought, _that's only been said in about fifty movies. _I smiled anyway, obviously he knew what his reflection was and he was pleased with it.

"_Rosemarie Hathaway," _the lady croaked and I shifted my gaze back to her as I gave Adrian a fleeting glance as he sat on the other side of Etienne.

She was standing now and her misty gaze locked with mine intensely. _Good, _I thought, _I like being intense, this should be fun_. I held her gaze as she slowly bent over from her waist down in a humble bow.

"_Rosemarie Hathaway, I am Myra the teller of time and prophecies," _she said formally like she'd been practicing. I raised my eyebrows as she lightly rested her hands on the book that had fallen.

"Myra…" I said slowly. "You are the teller of time and prophecies?" I asked and she nodded. "Right…fist of all, where are we and what is this place?"

"_This place is my home; I live here and always have. And I thought you knew where you were, you are under the school, under the building the guardians call their own," _she said like it was completely obvious.

"You live here?"

"_Yes, Rosemarie Hathaway, we all live differently and you are not the person to question my living because of the very critical state that you are in…you are existing in pain and agony, breathing in everything around you, trying to make things better but only succeeding in making them worse. You are marked with death, you have lost the closet person to you, the person who understood you the best, now that person is gone and you can never get him back, you have found another that is like you, but not completely, no one can be like you, Rosemarie. _

"_You are one of a kind, the only most unique person on this whole planet. No one is like you in any way, they may have certain traits that you do, but all of your qualities are magnified to a degree that no one will ever reach, you are too mighty for this world, you are much more, Rosemarie. Your true reflection showed that, you are more great and impressive than anyone should ever begin to guess." _Her speech shocked me more and more with each word her shrivelled mouth uttered. She continued, _"This, under my hands, is your book…your book that holds everything, every single one of your secrets and desires, your wishes, your deepest hopes, your acquaintances, your thoughts on things, everything you could imagine. Touch your hand to the rose on the cover," _Myra lifted her hands and I saw that there _was_ a rose on the cover and it was beautiful, the most exquisite thing I'd ever seen. I gently stroked it with the hand that Etienne wasn't holding and the book shifted. The pages relaxed so it was like a normal book, loose and fluttering.

I gasped and quickly took my hand away. "What is it?"

"_Your book," _Myra repeated quietly. _"Ask me something about yourself,"_

I stared at her with wide eyes and was astonished when Adrian spoke. "You should know; who does Rose despise the most?"

_Victor Dashkov _came to my mind immediately. Myra turned her old wise eyes on Adrian.

"_You silly, silly Royal," _she muttered but as she began to open the book and turn pages, I saw gorgeous writing staining the thick pages. I stared in amazement.

Myra stopped at a page and began to read, _"Rosemarie's most loathed person that she has met is the exiled prince from the Dashkov clan, Victor Dashkov. Victor Dashkov is the uncle to Vasilisa Dragomir, the last of her kin. Rosemarie's abhorrence to Victor Dashkov can be recognized by one incident involving Vasilisa Dragomir. Victor had put a lust compulsion spell on Rosemarie to distract her and her guardian mentor Dimitri Belikov. Rosemarie and Dimitri Belikov were preoccupied until the charm was solved by the mentor and they rushed to get Vasilisa help. Victor had taken Vasilisa to a small cabin that was secluded in a forest. He'd tortured Vasilisa and Rosemarie had to undergo the same abuse because of their legendary bond. Rosemarie had saved Vasilisa with help of her lover Christian Ozera and Vasilisa was safe back at St Vladimir's Academy." _Myra looked at Adrian for a moment then turned her gaze to me. _"Is that not true?"_

I nodded numbly and leaned back in the large throne-like chair. "It's true, but…" I couldn't believe this; some old lady who looked like she was going to drop dead on the spot was keeping tabs on me in the basement of the guardian building at the Siberian Academy? Not cool, at all. "What's my favourite colour?" I asked quickly, _she'll never get it! _I thought gleefully, _I've got two! She can't know this, she CAN'T. _

"_Black…" _Myra paused, looking at me with boredom and added, _"Red,"_

Well, shit. I'd thought I had her. I stared at her ing the dim lighting and shook my head. "You know, this is seriously _un-cool_," I emphasized the last word and she just kept looking at me levelly.

"W-w-what was m-my picture a-about?" Lissa said brokenly. I looked at her in exasperation, she was crying because she was going to be the Queen, the Royal of all Royals. I looked at her emotionlessly, I wasn't her biggest fan right then, she'd used compulsion on my maybe-brother to make him lead her to me. I didn't really know what to think about Etienne, he made me laugh, he was nice and I knew that he'd support me, no matter what. But I kind of wanted to find out if he was my real brother, if he was really my mysterious father's son. I wanted to know for sure and I wanted to know _now. _

"Myra…who is my father?" I questioned before she could answer Lissa's idiotic question.

She turned her murky eyes on me. _"You have to figure that out yourself,"_ she said carefully.

"I already know his name, Ibrahim," I said challengingly.

"_But you have not figured out who he is, what he is, other than Moroi, what he does, you don't know your father, you've never even seen him,"_

"I don't care, do you know?"

"Rose, just drop it," Christian snapped at me.

"Christian you _knew _your parents, I don't know my father and my mother is no mother, she is…dead, to me, she is dead," tears welled up in my eyes and I felt extremely weak and vulnerable, it was unlike me. "You don't know how it feels, so fucking shut up, Christian, just shut _up_!" I exclaimed loud enough that my voice echoed off the high bookshelves. Silence answered my little explosion and I closed my eyes for a second and leaned my head back against the chair. "I'm sorry, I haven't been having a good time lately but that isn't an excuse…I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I repeated over and over until someone put their hand on top of my mouth stopping my constant flow of words. I opened my eyes and saw Etienne.

"We get it, Rose, everybody slips sometimes," he said kindly.

"Nobody is as fucked as me," I muttered under my breath when he removed his hand.

"I heard that," he replied loudly. "There is nothing wrong with you, Rose, you're too _good _not to _bad_. What gave you that impression?"

I gave him an odd look and jumped up from the chair, I couldn't sit anymore and I wanted to get out of there. It was starting to feel like we were prisoners, like Myra was somehow preventing our leave.

"_Feel free to leave whenever you like," _Myra said as if reading my mind. I looked at her in shock for a moment before grabbing Etienne's hand and dragging him away from the table.

"Okay, we'll leave now, thanks for the lovely chat, it was great, see you around," I called over my shoulder. The others were quick to follow me and the only too willing Etienne I was tugging along. I wound my way through the books and random piles of creepy items and walked as far away from the mirror as possible. When the door was in my sight, I quickened my pace and practically ran for it.

When I was outside in the fresh night air, I inhaled largely in relief. I was out and away from the thousand year old hag who was just _creepy_ especially because she knew some freaky stuff about my life. The others came out after me and quickly too.

Lissa looked like crap, with her tear tracks running down her face making it obvious that she was crying, Etienne looked just as relieved as I was, Adrian was worried, Christian looking worried for Lissa but kind of pissed which was obviously directed to me, but I didn't really care, Eddie looking as fierce as ever but there was an undeniable worry in his eyes.

I looked away from our little entourage and up at the stars. _If you really exist, God, please help me get out of this mess, right about now would be good, _as to be expected, I got no signs of a response or even the acknowledgement that Rosemarie Hathaway who never took the time to wake up and go to church, was trying to talk to somebody. It was really frustrating, I sighed quietly.

"Let's go tour the school," I said and they all looked at me like I was crazy.

"Rose, after what just happened, I think we should all go to bed," Christian said cautiously.

I met his gaze unfeelingly. "You guys can, but unfortunately, I can't," I waved listlessly at them.

"Why can't you? Are you nocturnal now? Just the opposite of what humans think it is?" he shot back.

"Yeah, Christian, I pretty much am, I don't sleep at all, not anymore, and I can't because I've got duties, things to do,"

"Like what? It's the middle of the day, for God sakes!" Lissa exclaimed, coming to Christian's aid as always.

I turned my cold gaze on her. "I have a student that I have to mentor and…other things I have to take care of," I added quietly.

"Like what, Rose?" Christian asked as he wrapped an arm around Lissa's tiny waist.

"I have to mentor my student and then I have to talk to the other guardians about some things," I fibbed quickly, I was actually wanting to talk to Leo and Tristin, I knew they were going to let her out of the clinic today, they might have already.

"What do you need to talk to the guardians about?" Etienne asked suspiciously.

"Just some stuff concerning _myself_ and none of you, so could you please drop it?" I snapped rudely.

"Rose…if it's okay, can I come with you?" Adrian asked quietly.

"You can go wherever you want, Adrian, but I don't think you can come when I talk to the guardians, they might kick you out because you're a Royal Moroi and just because you're a Moroi." I added in gentler tones.

He nodded as if he understood. "Okay, that's fine with me," he smiled.

"Well, I'm going on a tour of the Siberian Academy with Rose," Etienne grinned stepping up beside me.

"I want to come too," Lissa said and of course Christian would go anywhere with her, so it looked like we had the whole team coming along. I led them to the main part of the building and as we were walking, Adrian captured my hand in his and smiled warmly at me, I returned that smile, but not as enthusiastically. I pushed open the large doors to a crowded hallway.

"Good afternoon, Guardian Hathaway," one of the boys in the hall said to me, I realized that he was one of the Moroi in the room when Dereck had called me a blood whore.

"Hey, we didn't get introduced properly, what's your name?" I said kindly.

"Julian McGill," he said smiling.

I took in his lean profile with a bright face and I noticed that he had his ear pierced, hmmm, interesting. "Hey, Julian, do you know what time it is?"

"Well, it's the second last period of the day, we just got dismissed from our last class," he said nicely.

I grinned at the boy, I was liking him already. "Thank you, Julian," I said and then I started to lead my friends through the throng of students. There was a lot of "hey Guardian Hathaway"s shot my way and I nodded politely to them and greeted them back just as kindly.

Then I ran straight into Dereck.

"Oh, sorry," I said as my forehead bounced of his.

"Hey, Rose, I was –" he cut off as he looked at the Moroi standing beside me, his gaze travelled down and zeroed in on Adrian's hand linked to mine. "That is Adrian Ivashkov," he spat at me.

Shit, I didn't need him to loose it now. "Yes, it is," I said guardedly.

"So you _are _his blood whore." It wasn't a question, a statement of fact…but really, it sounded more like some type of threat.

I stopped breathing, _no, no, not again and NOT in front of my friends. _"Dereck –"

"_You are!_" he yelled loudly, making everybody in the corridor halt to watch the commotion. "You're a lair too!"

"Dereck, watch yourself," I warned in a low voice.

"Don't tell me what to do! You're cheap – I can't believe I actually looked up to you," he said viciously.

Ouch, that hurt.

"Dereck," I warned more sharply.

He started to circle me and the watching body of students moved back in a circle as if preparing to observe a fight, _it may come to that_, I thought as I let go of Adrian's hand and matched his offensive pose and began circling him too. I gently shoved Adrian back so he was with the students. My eyes quickly roamed the audience and saw that the group of Dereck's friends was standing right at the front in of everyone in one area.

"You are worthless, you don't even deserve to be a guardian," Dereck growled drawing my attention back to him. _You can't fight, Rose, try to be responsible here, do the right thing for once. _I straightened out of my fighting pose and stepped towards Dereck.

"Dereck, calm down, we've been through this before," I said quietly and was surprised when he pulled out of his stance after a moment, seeming to come to a new resolve and he started to walk to me.

"You're right, we have," he was only about a foot away from me. I tensed my fists, making the bandage on my hand tighten, I forced myself to relaxed and look at Dereck levelly and try to solve the problem like a great guardian would. Like Dimitri would.

"Yeah, we have, so please –"

Then he pulled his arm bag and snapped it right back in my face. Nice and hard, right on the nose.

There was a very loud collective gasp from all the spectators.

My face swung to the side and I tensed my fists heatedly and with anticipation for my obvious retaliation that would inevitably come.

_Guardian, be a guardian, Rose, pull it together. What would Dimitri want to see done about this situation? _I closed my eyes for a second before opening them and stepping away from Dereck, just one step, I was still in range of his attacks, but I was trying my hardest to stay calm.

"Fight back, if you can," he said dangerously and whipped his fist forward once more. I was ready for it this time and I snatched his wrist out of the air and pulled him towards me, restraining his other arm with my own.

I put my lips to his ear and hissed, "What I do is none of your business, but what you do is mine, I am not anyone's blood whore and _never_ will be; you will receive punishment at practice tonight, you should be glad that I'm not having you expelled. Be there tonight," I shoved him away roughly and glared.

He glowered back.

"All of you go to your classes!" I said in a louder commanding voice. "_Now!_" I yelled angrily and everyone started to move quickly then, everyone except Dereck. Leo and Kevin came forward and both took one of his arms as they started to drag him away.

Then Jane came rushing up to me. "Rose, oh my God, I'm so sorry, I didn't think he was going to go as far as hitting you! I'm so sorry!" she cried as her hands flailed wildly in the air around her head. "Oh my God, he made you – you're bleeding!"

I shrugged like it was nothing and wiped my nose with the back of my hand, pulling it away to see blood. Ugh. "I'm fine, Jane, I've had worse, go to class," I said softly. I looked over her head and my gaze was captured by Leo. I nodded slowly once, indicating that we would talk later, his brow went together and I smiled, he shook his head at that and frowned in something that looked a lot like disapproval and concern.

The hall was emptied of students within minutes. I put my hand under my nose and felt it tenderly. I closed my eyes and sighed in frustration. "Dereck," I whispered under my breath and then I just held my hand under my nose until I finally turned back to my friends. They're eyes were wide and shocked, even Christian's.

"Well, that was Dereck Hays, my student," I muttered as I turned my face away slightly.

"Rose!" Lissa reached out with a hand to heal me but I pulled away.

"I'm fine, let's just…go, okay?" I stormed out the doors, kicking them open instead of using my free hand.

_Stupid ass kid, fucking stupid, absolutely idiotic, _I cursed in my head as we made our way across the grass instead of taking the paths. I was heading straight to the guardian dorms so I didn't know why they were still following me, they shouldn't have been because none of them were guardians at the Academy.

"Rose!" someone called from behind us and we all turned but I already knew who it was, just by their voice.

_Oh fuck, I do NOT need this now. _

I slowly turned, hoping that my face was one of livid fury and exasperation and annoyance and disgust, all for that one person. By the look on his face, everything I was feeling was coming out loud and clear on my face, he could read it easily and so could my silent friends that stood beside me, watching him advance.

Alexander Contrive.

I stared at him with a fierce wrath radiating off of me and he got the message pretty clearly.

"Rose –"

"_Guardian Hathaway_," I snapped viciously at him.

"You were never one for the formalities, why now?" he asked trying to be casual, but I could see through his façade so easily, he was ashamed and shocked and frightened and tensed, as if waiting for a fight, expecting me to rise against him, too bad I've got enough control to handle myself now. It would have been fun to see who would have won in that fight, the Head Guardian or the newbie.

"You don't know me so the answer to your question is not needed, Guardian Contrive," I said severely. "And do you really expect me to strike you as my mother did to me? Do you really think that I am that much out of control?" I challenged, letting my anger bubble up with my words, showing how truly pissed I was at him, hinting that if he pushed me far enough right now, I'd snap and I _would_ hit him. Hard.

He started to step closer and I matched his advance with a step of my own going backwards. His expression showed hurt, and then changed to something else, shock was exactly what it was. "Rose…you're bleeding…a lot," he said. "What happened?" he demanded protectively.

"_Guardian Hathaway_, is what you will call me, under any circumstances, do you understand?" I ground out through clenched teeth as my fists balled.

"Do you want to know what happened to her?" Etienne growled from beside me in resentment directed towards Alexander.

"No, he doesn't," I answered before Alexander could say anything. "I ran into a wall," I fibbed shortly and began to turn around so I could continue on my way to the guardian building.

"Ro – Guardian Hathaway," he called after me, pleadingly. "Walk with me,"

"No," I whispered dangerously with my back turned to him no longer walking, afraid that any movement might cause me to break my incredible restraint.

"Guardian Hathaway, you are under my order and this is an order, _come with me_," he said distinctly, his own feelings bubbling up from beneath the surface of his 'guardian face'.

"Are you going to make her?" Adrian challenged boldly, standing right beside me.

Alexander's eyes widened with momentary distraction. "Lord Ivashkov, nice to be in good company. Guardian Hathaway, please, come with me,"

I sighed in irritation and ran a hand, the one that wasn't covered with blood, through my hair and turned to face my commander. "Go to the guest dorms, I'll…see you later," I said dismissively to my friends, my eyes on Alexander the whole time. I slowly approached, suggesting no threat in my advance. "I'll walk," I said to him and he nodded to me, our eyes locked the entire time. I could see and feel that he very much wanted, _needed_, to tell me something, like he felt guilty and his actions needed an explanation. _They sure as hell do, _I thought angrily.

We began towards the trees that surrounded the main campus part.

"Guardian Contrive, what is your need to talk with me?" I asked in a polite restrained voice that was quite unlike me in every way.

"I need to tell you something,"

"So tell me something," I rolled my eyes and stopped just inside the cover of the trees.

"It's about your mother,"

"I don't wish to hear about it then," I said curtly.

"But you need to, it's why I didn't do anything, it's something only few people in the world, the whole entire world know." His voice was urgent and beseeching.

I stared in to his earnest eyes and said, "What is it?"

He hung his head, as if he was suddenly ashamed or afraid or just very uncomfortable or…maybe even…humble. "I don't know how to tell you…" he slowly lifted his face to mine and our eyes locked. "She killed someone." He breathed so very silently into the dead air that hung between us.

**Once again, I must express how terribly sorry I am for the long wait on the update, i'm so, so sorry. have you read the first chap of Blood Promise on Richelle's site? it's awesome! i'm so sorry and just to let you know, i had great ideas for this story and will be posting even after the book comes out-i just really want to put the story completely out there. i've already writen some chapters really far ahead but i'm doing my best. please dont hate me.**

**review, and tell me how angry you are at me for not updating, i am really sorry!!!!**

**Alice loves ya, and dont forget it!**


	24. Defending My Pride On Both Sides

**CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR- DEFENDING MY PRIDE ON BOTH SIDES**

**Hey there, i'm sorry this chapter is pretty short and moves really fast but i wanted to get another one out there as soon as possible for you guys. if there is any confusion, please feel free to tell me about it and i'll be glad to explain. **

**and to one of my reviewers, tash, i think she calle herself, i'm going to answer your question about what a dark angel was. it was actually an idea from one of my reviewers, '.  
i'm thinking that Rose's dark angel meaning to me is sort of like...hmm, a dark guardian, not a dhampir guardian though. i mean like, Rose is protecting the ones she loves, but she's dark because of her troubled life, being shadow kissed, being tied to a strigoi, a brooding attitude but she's also strong. she's got so many responsibilities that she puts onto herself, thinking she can handle it all on her own. she's brave and courageous, ready to take on anything, ready to sacrifice herself to save those who are dear to her. she's ready to give up everything, for a chance at saving everyone else. So i'm thinking that by putting herself out there for everyone else, ready to do anything, she's got a very honourable title as an angel.  
And if you think about it some...how many people think of Rose as thier own personal angel?**

I stomped off in the opposite direction and off toward the gym.

"Rose!" he called after me and started to follow. "Rose, what are you doing?"

"Showing you a lesson. You cannot make up lies to serve as excuse for your cowardice to my mother," I hissed and kept walking. That kept Alexander silent for the rest of the journey to the gym. As soon as the door closed behind him, I turned on Alexander and threw a strong kick aimed at his head. His expression was shocked as he automatically blocked the blow then went to another look as he began to fight back.

Hard hits were taken and given by both of us and I got a good kick on his ribs that I would have been proud of under any other circumstances, but now was not the time to admire my own fighting skills.

"Rose, you've got to listen to me," Alexander panted after some time, we were both breathing heavily.

"That is obvious, Alexander, she's a guardian, she kills all the time," I snorted but I had an uneasy feeling building in my stomach.

Alexander caught me by surprise as he pounced forward and gripped my shoulders tightly, he put his face close to mine, his eyes held a frantic desire and a deep, heart-felt apology. "No, no, Rose, that's not what I mean. I am talking about; murder, of a person, a dhampir."

I went cold all over my body and the bitter became more pronounced, my hair was in front of my face but I'm sure it didn't hide my eyes which I was sure that he could read just as easily I as I could his. "What, _exactly_, do you mean, Alexander?" I said slowly and distinctly.

"Rose, listen to me," he moved closer so we were only inches apart. "Your mother, Janine Hathaway…she had killed a dhampir, not by accident or mistake. On purpose, she intentionally drove her stake through his heart."

"W-" I swallowed and steadied myself. _Remote and cool, like a guardian, like Dimitri. _I straightened my shoulders and said clearly, "Who did she kill and why?"

Alexander seemed surprised at my sudden change but he answered my question. "She killed someone you knew, but you only will remember him vaguely…your uncle?" he said it like a question. "Do you remember your Uncle Peter?"

I sensed that somewhere deep down I should know someone by that name, but I didn't really, I couldn't even pick out picture, just a feeling. I shook my head negatively.

"Your Uncle Peter was a great guardian and your mother had to call him over to watch you, because she wanted to get back to her guardian duties right away, so she had to go check with Lord Szelsky to see if she could get her position back. I was there as well, seeing as your mother and I were good friends, I was going with her. She had dressed in her old guardian clothes; she'd been working out to fit back into them. She had her stake on her and when Peter came, he was standing at the door with a man behind him. That man was your father.

"Janine was furious that Peter would bring Ibrahim to where she was staying. She was going to go for your father but I threw myself in front and deflected her slow attack, though Peter, who probably thought she wouldn't be in enough practice or still have enough strength to drive a stake through a body, just stood there, holding his hands up, starting to offer an explanation when Janine pulled her stake and…she killed him." Alexander's voice broke like a child that was trying to hold back tears. I felt the urge to pull him into my arms and comfort him.

_NO, at least not until he's actually crying. _I watched silently as he bowed his head and shook it slowly. "I regret not stopping her every single day; I regret not being the one that she didn't kill." He admitted quietly and a single tear ran down his face.

"Oh, Alexander…" my voice trailed off as I watched another tear follow oh so slowly after the other one and drop down onto the training mat. That single drop stood out like a neon sign in a forest. I couldn't help myself so I reached out and pulled Alexander into my arms in a tight hug, he held me just as tightly.

"Rose, I'm so sorry, I should have stopped your mother from doing anything, I'm so, so sorry," he gasped and his whole body shook with sobs, I held him tighter.

"I am too, Alexander, I am too,"

Alexander and I walked back to the guardian dorm in a comfortable silence; we both had a lot to think about. My mother, Janine Hathaway, was a murderer, just because she couldn't control her temper.

"Rose," Alexander was saying. "Rose, I want you to come up to my room,"

It was an awkward question, but I didn't feel the need to point that out. "Why? What do you need me for?" I asked quietly as we stopped just outside the door to the guardian building.

"I want to show you something…if that's okay?" he added just as quietly.

"Yeah," I nodded with a small sad smile. "Yeah, it's okay,"

Alexander led me up to his room and ushered me through the door and closed it quietly behind us. His room, I thought at first, was very plain, but then I noticed that it was just a lot cleaner than my own room. Looking around, I could see that he liked to read Stephen King books; almost every single book in the room was by him. I raised my eyebrows at that but didn't comment because some pretty unexpected things could be found in my own room. He had a desk just off to the side that was covered with some very official looking papers, he had a lamp beside his bed on a nightstand and the bed was made perfectly, his closet doors were closed and there were no clothes lying around so I assumed that all his clothes were neatly tucked away in labelled separate shelves and cubbies like everything else pretty much was.

Alexander was pulling out one of the side drawers in his desk and he quietly dug through it before taking hold of something, looking at it for a bit then coming over to hand it to me. It was a picture, a picture of a handsome man with my mother's same red hair holding a baby.

My throat closed on me. "W-who is this?" I chocked out, I finally ripped my eyes away from the picture and met Alexander's sorrowful eyes. We stood staring at each other before Alexander finally said, "That's you as a baby…and that is Peter, your Uncle Peter."

There was a huge lump in my throat and my eyes were wet. I felt strong and comforting arms go around my waist. I leaned into Alexander and let a few tears escape.

"Thank you," I said brokenly after a few minutes and I tried to steady my voice before continuing. "I-I'm so sorry, I was so…" my voice faded as I struggled to find a word for my despicable behaviour.

"I know, Rose, don't worry. We all have our moments of weakness,"

"But- but I don't want to be weak!"

"Rose, I didn't mean that, you're stronger than anyone I've ever know…but I've been wondering…" his voice trailed off as if he were hesitant to say something. Something that might provoke me.

_Look at me,_ I thought sourly, _I'm a wreck, I'm sobbing, I'm __**weak**_**.** _No, I'm nothing if I'm weak, what have I always prided myself on? Being strong, being the one to hold it all together. That's what I am, I am Rose Hathaway and I will __**not **__break._

I slowly pulled away from Alexander and wiped the last of my tears away. I put down a wall, a solid brick wall. No emotion, no weakness.

"What were you wondering about?" Alexander immediately recognized the change in my voice, my posture and so obviously how closed my eyes were now. They showed no emotion, nothing to be read, nothing to be felt.

"Rose…" he started, then after a deep breath, he continued in a desperate flurry, "you don't have to be strong all the time, you're only human."

"But that's it, isn't it? I'm _not _human, I'm a dhampir – hell, I'm not even sure if I'm a dhampir anymore. I'm a renegade guardian to everyone back at St Vlad's in Montana, I'm an outcast. I've betrayed the system, I've left the Academy and everyone thinks I'm either a coward or a blood whore, nothing can go wrong from here." I was surprised at my outburst, but I knew it was true, I knew about what others thought about me.

It was like I was trying to convince myself. I saw Alexander's eyes widen.

"You are _not _a blood whore," he growled fiercely, shaking my roughly. "You are the most dedicated, amazing person I've ever met, Rose. Don't you know that, you are higher than anything else in this world, you can't beat yourself up about leaving your academy, I'm sure you had your reasons."

When I didn't say anything, he shook me again, lighter this time. "Rose, you can't just _not –_not, I don't know!" one of his hands left my shoulder and ran back through his hair as he sighed loudly.

"Rose, don't do this…you've got to tell someone how you feel, Rose."

I kept silent; the tone in his voice was just too much. He cared, Alexander cared for me, as hard as I didn't want to believe it, it was there. But no one should love me, I was damaged goods, I wasn't good anymore. I shook my head slowly, trying to comprehend the meaning of Alexander's words completely.

"You can't…" I whispered. "You can't…can't care…" I was trying so hard not to cry, I wanted to but I couldn't, they were there, the tears, but I couldn't let them go. I couldn't be weak anymore, I just _couldn't_.

"Rose."

Just one word and I broke.

But that word was filled with so much…reverence, loyalty, admiration, concern and the worst of all…a brewing love.

Everything collapsed in on me, my knees buckled, I was falling forward, everything blurred. I distantly heard Alexander say my name again and I knew I was falling but I couldn't do anything about it.

Then, suddenly, there were arms supporting me, holding me tightly, very closely to someone's heart.

"I _can _care, Rose…and I _do_."

_So much conviction, so much, so, so much…oh, Alexander._

"You can't tell me that I can't care for you, Rose, because it's not true. I do care; I care about every single one of the guardians under my charge. But I care about you too, even if you are only temporary…Rose, I care about much more than I should."

I steadied myself against him and hugged him back, more tears flowing freely. "Y-you shouldn't…I'm not good enough,"

"Don't even say that, Rose, don't say that." He pleaded and I stopped talking. We stood there, me crying and I was sure that Alexander was crying too. He held me and I borrowed his strength, I held on, grateful for something to help me float in the deathly waters of my life, he was my lifesaver right then and I would never forget it.

He stroked my hair and let my tears soak into his shirt; it was all perfect…until Alexander's cell phone rang.

He looked at it for a moment, and was about to decide to leave it when I said, "Pick it up, I should go too, I've got guests. I also need to apologize to Blake and Tory for ditching them,"

He gave me a small smile. "I'm sorry about that," then he looked at me, his arms restraining when I tried to pull away. "Rose, are you sure you're okay?" he asked so quietly.

I nodded. "Yeah, I am now," I looked on the floor and saw that the picture had dropped; I slowly bent to pick it up. "Can I keep this?"

"Of course," he smiled and kissed my cheek before I left him to answer his phone. I was slowly taking the steps down when I heard the voices.

"How could you do this to her?" an angry voice hissed, it was very familiar already- Etienne's voice.

"I had to see her, she's my best friend and she promised me. Her life is mine to take, she's my guardian!" Lissa.

"No, she's not." Etienne growled. "She's not _your _guardian, she's a guardian at this academy now, and she's definitely _not_ _yours_."

Then there was silence…then something that utterly shocked me.

"You _bastard_," from Lissa and that was followed with a very fine smack. She hit him. Lissa hit Etienne. A fierce protectiveness took over and I ran the rest of the way down the stairs. She looked like she was going to hit him again when I put myself in between.

"Stop!" I yelled and everything froze.

Lissa's eyes were wide with shock, Etienne's face was turning red with a very distinguishable hand print on the side of his face, he was shocked too, but getting very, very angry.

"Stop," I said more quietly. Suddenly, things were in motion, Lissa was furious and yelling, Etienne was yelling back and it was like they were screaming _through _me because I was in the middle.

"You have no right to speak for Rose!"

"Neither do you! Just because you're Royal –"

"You don't know anything –"

"Just because you're the last Dragomir –"

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP!_" I screamed and everything was silent once again, I fixed Lissa with an ice cold stare. "I think you should go to the guest dorms now."

She looked at me for a second, then at Etienne, then back to me before she finally gave a curt nod and turned on her heel, storming out the doors. I sagged out of my defensive stance and turned to Etienne.

"How much did you hear?" he asked seeming guilty. But instead of answering I threw myself into his arms and held him tightly. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

I laughed into his shoulder before pulling back slightly to look at his face. "For what, Etienne, defending me? I don't –" I stopped myself before I could say, _I don't usually appreciate people looking after me but_. I gave him a smile instead and messed up his hair. "Thank you," I said just before I heard someone coming down the stairs. I looked over Etienne's shoulder to see Alexander coming down the stairs.

He stopped at the bottom and was staring at me and Etienne with a stricken expression. And that's when it hit me, how would I look, hugging some guy right now, right after that declaration in Alexander's room?

_Oh, come fucking on!_

**I know guys, i'm not very pleased with this chapter, it is horrible and i'm sorry. Have any of you got an answer to my question? I'd love to hear your input on my authors note at the top, what you think of my idea for Rose being a dark angel. tell me what you think rose is a dark angel. i'd love to hear anything from you guys. **

**ps-for anyone that's seen the new Harry Potter movie, the Half Blood Prince, tell me...who else thinks that Draco Malfoy is very sexy in this movie? ;p **

**I'm also sure that some of you are confused about the chap title, 'Defending My Pride On Both Sides' well, Rose is trying to defend herself, pride include, by not breaking down, but she's also trying to protect her heart at the same time. she wants to let others in but she knows she cant because she thinks it'll end up hurting worse in the end. and i guess i kinda meant both sides by Etienne protecting her too, i think. shouts to starlinc, because of your review, i put in the fight between Lissa/Etienne, but instead, Lissa hit Etienne, not the other way around. My Etienne Spencer is a gentlemen. ;p**

**Love ya all, and dont forget to review please!**

**Alice**


	25. Childish

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE- CHILDISH**

**Hey there, next chapter is finished. The dark angel idea belong to XxNight'sheartxX, becuase she is briliant. ;) okay, okay, here's the next chapter and thanks to everyone who's reviewing my story. here's the next chapter, you might be surprised...**

I pulled away from Etienne and went for the casual approach. "Hey, Alexander, I'd like you to meet someone," I said with a small smile. Alexander's tense posture did not ease as I spoke, I continued as if I didn't notice. "Alexander, this is my _brother_, Etienne Spencer, Etienne this is Alexander Contrive,"

Alexander's shoulders relaxed when I put extra emphasis on 'brother' and he stepped forward to shake Etienne's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Etienne," Alexander said, seeming more at ease now, he shot me a quick glance but he looked away far to fast for me to read it.

"Yeah, you too," Etienne smiled at Alexander. "So…are you…Rose's…I don't know, what are you?" he seemed confused, but there was also a protectiveness there too; I couldn't help but blush, just a little.

Alexander glanced at me again, this time with an amused smile on his face. "I'm the Head Guardian here,"

"Oh," Etienne paused for a second as he took his hand back. He fixed Alexander with a stern stare. "And you will watch over Rose?"

"Of course," Alexander nodded then looked over to me and smiled. "But I'm sure Rose doesn't need looking after, from what I've heard from some of the guardians who've seen her fight…she's amazing. Have you seen the back of her neck?"

Etienne shook his head and turned to me with raised eyebrows. "Turn around, Rose," he smiled and I did as I was told. I felt him lightly brush my hair aside and heard his small intake of air. "Rose…you've got about nineteen or twenty _molnija _marks," he all but whispered.

I nodded feeling uncomfortable. "Yeah, it's nothing," I mumbled and shrugged uncomfortably and it was Alexander to come to my rescue.

"Well, I've got to go; didn't you say that you had some things to attend to, Rose?"

I didn't really but I agreed eagerly. "Yes! I did, I've got to get everyone settled and in…" I paused to look at the clock. "Now, I've got to go." They both looked at me strangely so I hurried to explain as I backed towards the door. "I've got training with Dereck right now and he's in trouble."

"Was that the kid who hit you?" Etienne's voice growing cold.

"Dereck hit you? That's why you had a bloody nose?" Alexander was getting angry now too.

"No, no, it's all fine, I've…bye," I called over my shoulder before I bolted out the door and to the gym. As expected, Dereck Hays was waiting at the gym, not really wearing proper attire. I momentarily forgot about my earlier anger towards him and was confused. Dereck was wearing a nice long sleeved shirt that hugged his chest and blue jeans, his expression was sober as he stared at the ground but he glanced up when I came in.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I took a hesitant step towards him. Dereck didn't look as if he were going to fight me, so I took another step, he lowered his eyes as if he were very ashamed of something.

I was confused; this isn't the Dereck I know, the Dereck I know is careless and rude and certainly not the type to be ashamed.

"I'm very sorry, Rose." Was all he said and I stopped just where I was, only feet from him.

"For what, Dereck?" I questioned, trying to hold his gaze but he wouldn't look at me for more than a millisecond.

"For acting the way I did, for making a huge scene of something that wasn't my business," he said quietly and I was shocked, then, very suddenly, I was angry.

I closed the space between me and Dereck, grabbing his face between my hands and forcing him to look me in the eye. "What the _hell_ is _wrong _with you?" I demanded loudly and his eyes widened in shock.

"I-I I'm sorry –" he started but I cut him off.

"No! That's the problem! Where's _my _Dereck?" I demanded and he was stunned into silence. "Where's _my _Dereck?" I asked again more quietly and in a softer tone that was somewhat desperate. "Where's the Dereck who isn't afraid of hurting people's feelings, where's the Dereck who snuck into my room in the morning when I was late for practice? Where's the Dereck that would laugh with me after I made him do sixty push ups and sit ups? Where's the Dereck who had a tiny water fight with me after practice? _Where is my Dereck_?"

There was silence as we stared at each other.

Finally, Dereck seemed to regain his baring and said, "He's right here,"

"No, he's not. My Dereck would be ready for me, ready to insult me, ready to hit me, ready to throw anything he could at me until he was calmed down. My Dereck is the boy who called me a blood whore in front of the whole school and before that, in front of his friends. So where's my Dereck, what's wrong with you?"

There was a pause before he admitted, "Jane guilted me,"

I let go of his face and stumbled backwards laughing. "_Jane Ivashkov_?" I squeaked through my laughter. He was giving me a strange look so I added, "You actually let a girl talk you into something? Well, a girl who wasn't _me_?" I was still laughing and I was having fun, playing with Dereck this way.

Dereck hung his head and blushed which made me laugh harder. I was laughing so hard that I fell over and was clutching my stomach.

After a few minutes, I was trying to catch my breath as Dereck stood a few feet away, looking down at me. "Are you done now?" he asked.

I propped myself up on my elbows and gazed up at him. "Yeah, I think so," I sighed contently. "You really are a funny kid,"

"Thanks, I try," he replied sarcastically.

I lifted a hand and pointed at him, grinning. "That's my boy!" I chuckled as he gave a small smile. Then my eyes raked him up and down and finally landed on his face. "So what's with the clothes? Are they even yours?"

He looked offended. "Yes, they are mine! And I was supposed to look nice when I apologized; I was also supposed to offer to give up my evening to make it up to you, if you were the slightest bit forgiving."

A smile escaped despite my efforts as I looked up at him from the ground. "Jane tell you that?" I pressed my lips into a tight line as I saw him blush again. "It's okay…what did you want to do tonight? Or did you just want to hang out with your friends without practice?"

He looked shocked. "You're going to let me off?"

"Well, if that's what you want, but if you want to train, that's fine. I'm up to anything right about now. I'm trying to avoid some people for a bit," I added in a whisper.

"Who?" he asked curiously as he sank to the ground beside me.

"Do you remember the people I was with in the hall?" his shoulders tensed and I sighed. "Okay we need to talk,"

"About what?" he asked tightly.

"About your issue. Let's get this straight right now; I am not a blood whore and certainly not _Adrian's _blood whore."

"Then why were you holding hands?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes.

"Umm…" I hesitated. "It's quite a long story," I finally hedged and his eyes narrowed further. I sighed in frustration. "Dereck…do you remember when we first met and I accidently told you my whole story?" he nodded. "Yeah, remember how you guess that I…that…" my throat closed up and I couldn't speak. "That I-I-I…" I just stopped talking and pulled in on myself. I held my knees tightly and held in a sob. I had no idea that I'd react like this. Pain ripped up my insides and I held tightly as I squeezed my eyes shut. I knew Dereck was watching me, but I couldn't think about that now.

_Oh, Dimitri…why did things end up like this?_ I sobbed internally.

_You could join him, _a voice sneered at me. _You could tell him what you want, let him know you want to be eternal with him, tell him everything you want and you'll get it._

_No, no, too tempting, I can't…I've got kill him…I promised…_

I was struggling to convince myself and it wasn't working.

_But you don't have to kill him, spend the rest of your existence with him. Do everything you should have been able too do…_

_No, I don't…_

_Yes, Rose, you know you want it…you do and you know it…it's obvious…_

_Maybe…_

_Yes, you do…_

"That you loved him." Dereck finished quietly, snapping me out of my interior battle. I looked at him, sure he could read the pain in my eyes, and I was sure he could see my indecision.

I took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "Yeah…that, so I'm not…really…I couldn't…be with Adrian after…that," I said weakly and Dereck saved me.

"You don't need to talk about it," he said softly and I nodded. There was an uncomfortable silence then I stiffly got up.

"Hey! Where are you going? We're supposed to do something together," Dereck called after me as I headed towards the door.

"Hmm…not tonight," I mumbled distractedly as I walked out. It was like I was being pulled against my will mostly, but I went willingly enough. I found myself at the gates and I asked the guards to open them.

_Yes, that's it, Rose, just tell him what you want. _That cold voice sneered and I brought myself back to the present looking around.

It was dark, there was a misty fog winding its way towards me and I felt eyes on me as I stood there.

"Well, well, aren't we playing dangerously tonight?" Dimitri's voice made it to my ears and I glanced down, somewhat numbly, to find that I did not have a stake.

_I'm such an idiot._

My fists clenched as I sensed the nausea increasing because he was nearing me. I held my breath as he leisurely took his time as he came to stand in front of me.

He caressed my cheek lightly. "Rose Hathaway…so impulsive…so _childish_." He chuckled.

"I'm not a child," I protested half heartedly.

"Oh, but you are…you are unarmed, in my territory, surrounded by those under my command and are helpless…you _are _childish."

I feebly shook my head as I watched with a fascinated horror as he bent closer to me, I could feel his breath on my face. "You want it…all you have to do is come with me…Rose, that's all,"

"Yes…" I whispered and I felt him chuckle.

"That's good, because I wasn't going to take your permission anyway."

His face came closer to my neck, and then he was nuzzling it. It felt great, I felt great. Then I felt the light brush of his fangs against my tender skin. I moaned in anticipation.

"That's it, Rose…so naïve, so…_childish_."

I didn't have it in me to protest…

And then his fangs pierced my skin.


	26. Hurtful And Tender Kisses

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX- HURTFUL AND TENDER KISSES**

**Hey there, ' , the girl who gave me the dark angel idea, reviewed and said this is why she thought Rose is really a dark angel:**

Do you want to know the real reason she is a dark angle?  
The reason is she was one before and something happen and so she was put  
asleep and born into a human. and so she has no memories of her past as an  
angel so...  
she also doesn't remember she had a mate but she does not remember who he is and  
the old lady knows who her mate is and also knows that rose is bound to him  
nomade what or who she is they will always meet because they is the way it has  
been and will always be.  
and also she and him have the same mark just on different halves of there body  
but the mark only comes out when it is time for them to remember who they were  
before they were human.

**So there you have it, straight from the source.  
P.S- missprincess, you guessed it, once you read this, you'll know why…**

Bliss went through my entire body; I didn't want it to end. Never ever wanted it to end; something so good couldn't be real so I wanted to hang on for as long as I could. It was like a really, really good kiss, but for the reason, I guess it was sort of bad. _No, not bad, good...everything is good this way. _My body was pressed tightly to Dimitri's and I could not object.

Not that I wanted to.

"Don't fucking touch her!" someone was yelling but I was too lost in Dimitri's bite to pay any attention to it. "Open the damn gate! Fucking open it!"

I wanted to tell the loud person to get away, leave me alone with the love of my life, but I couldn't.

Then suddenly, I was ripped from Dimitri, his fangs dragging across my neck instead of coming out normally through the puncture wounds. I cried out in pain and stumbled backwards, hitting the ground very hard.

I was coherent enough to see that Dereck was standing in front of me protectively, with a stake. He'd slashed Dimitri down the face with it. My eyes widened in shock.

Even though Dimitri was Strigoi, I didn't want him to be hurt by anyone but me. But I wasn't strong enough to move, I couldn't even say anything. I was left to watch helplessly as the pit in my stomach tightened and I saw more Strigoi pull themselves from the trees, coming towards Dereck.

"Hays! Get your ass in here right fucking now!" someone screamed from right beside my ear, I was being dragged by someone, back inside the wards. Dereck was still standing there and somehow I managed to speak.

"Dereck…come…to…me…" I faded off as my vision blurred blackishly. I tried to blink the obstruction away, but it wouldn't go. It became worse and the only thing I could see was Dereck.

I saw a white hand snake out to Dereck, but he dodged easily but was caught by another Strigoi behind him. I couldn't get Dereck hurt because of me; I ripped away from the person who was holding me and stumbled to my student. I roughly grabbed Dereck by the shoulders, ignoring whoever was yelling at me and I yanked hard sending Dereck tripping over his feet into the safety of the wards.

Dimitri looked furious as he dabbed the cut on his face, but he looked at me and laughed cruelly. "You are really the most idiotic person I've ever known," he sneered at me, waving away his henchmen.

"No…" I said carefully, gathering my strength to make a good speech. "I'm going to go out in a bright light doing something big…and piss everybody off at the end." I smirked as I saw Dimitri and a few other Strigoi's eyes widen with what I had said. They wanted me to be afraid.

"It's the endorphins," one of them hissed and I weakly whipped my head to face a girl Strigoi that was standing unnecessarily close to Dimitri, trying to wipe the blood off his face.

I narrowed my eyes. Did he have a harem of women? First Amelia, now this bitch? I mustered up enough energy to roll my eyes and give her my best bitchy expression. "You don't know what you're talking about…" I was suddenly over come and stumbled sideways into a boy Strigoi's hold.

"Hey, baby," he said into my ear and then he was screaming a high piercing scream that just about broke my ear drums.

Someone had thrown a stake like a javelin and targeted his eye perfectly; I fell to the ground but was being dragged once again. Into the gates again and then I was safe inside the wards.

Dimitri fixed Dereck with a deadly glare. "This isn't over," he seethed and then with a flick of his hand, all his henchmen were gone. He was the only one left. "And we're not through either, Rose; it takes two to end a relationship."

And then he was just gone.

Dereck was cradling me in his arms in the next second, brushing my hair away from my face, dabbing at the blood on my neck. "Rose, Rose, oh my God, okay, I'm – we are going to the clinic right now. Rose, Rose, keep looking at me, Rose, keep your eyes open, Rose, Rose." He sounded so panicked, as he lifted me up and started running, he was sprinting as hard as he could, I could tell that.

"Dereck…" I started.

"Rose, I'm here, keep your eyes open," he continued chanting.

"Dereck…" I tried again and I waited until he looked me in the eye to continue. "Very good job. Fucking A."

I woke up in a bed wearing a hospital gown and smelling like crap, well, not crap, just _different_. I groaned and turned my head to the side to see Dereck Hays sitting in the chair beside the bed.

"Rose, it's about time you woke up," he sounded anxious. I groaned again and tried to sit up, he tried to push me down but I shot him a look and he backed off.

I cleared my throat and the memories of what had happened came rushing back to me, my eyes filled with tears. _Dereck saved me, Dereck Hays saved my life_. "Thank you," I said quietly, my voice choked with emotion as I looked into his blue eyes.

He smiled so tenderly and touched my cheek with the lightest stroke. "It's only what I had to do,"

"No, you should have just stayed inside the wards," my voice choked as I added, "You could have gotten so hurt,"

He touched my cheek again. "But I didn't, so it doesn't matter and that's thanks to you,"

"Nu-uh, not at all, I just pushed you," I disagreed.

"Yeah and that saved my life, they were going to rip me to shreds." He paused for a moment before adding, "That was your Dimitri,"

It wasn't a question but I nodded in confirmation. "Yes, but he's not the same, he's not Dimitri anymore, he's like…Monster-mitri,"

Dereck snorted breaking the tension. "'Monster-mitri'?" he repeated and I nodded again.

"It's the only way I can explain it now," I said softly as a tear rolled down my cheek; Dereck was immediately distraught.

He jumped up from the chair he was sitting in and moved closer to me. Brushing the tear away, he held my face in both hands, staring intently into my eyes. "Rose, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I know how you feel, I'm just an idiot, I'm so sorry,"

"Don't be, I'm used to it by now," I joked and he gave a half-smile. "What time is it?"

"It's about one o'clock in the morning for us, afternoon for humans," he said mater-of-factly.

"Thanks, Professor," I said sarcastically and I scanned the room. My eyes landed on two piles of clothes at the end of the bed, one was considerably dirtier than the other. "What's that?" I pointed to the clothes.

Dereck laughed lightly. "Those are your clothes; I went and got them for you when the doctor kicked me out to give you a transfusion," he explained.

"That must be why I feel funny," I mumbled and crunched up my nose and Dereck chuckled again. "Where's the Doc?" I asked.

"She wanted to stay with you, but the nurse made her go to get some sleep," he answered, confused with my new train of thought.

"Okay, help me up, I don't know if I'm going to fall or not," I said and Dereck slipped his arms around my waist, helping me sit up and then stand, still supporting a lot of my weight. "What clothes did you bring?"

"Umm, jeans, a tank top, a pair of pink undies and a training bra," he joked and I smacked his head lightly.

"I don't own pink undies, but maybe the training bra," I smirked as he laughed. "No, really, what did you bring?"

"A black bra, jeans, a tank top and a pair of underwear, those are black too," he added.

"And how did you find my underwear drawer and were you examining it pretty closely?" I asked, not really mad.

"Maybe I was…say, Rose, you know that white box in your nightstand with my name on it?" he said, holding back a smile.

"Oh no, you found it? I was so stupid to leave it in such a bad hiding place, it was our wedding ring," I said gamely and smacking him again.

"I'm supposed to propose, remember?"

"No, no, darling, you're the girl in this pairing,"

"Ouch," he pretended to wince as he handed me my jeans. "Do you want me to leave?" he seemed uncomfortable now.

I smirked. "I don't care," I said in and offhanded tone, wanting to see what he would do. He watched me for a second then turned his back to give me some privacy, I chuckled quietly.

I slipped the jeans up under the hospital gown, found the bra; it was black, as promised, put that on under the gown then got rid of the gown all together. I slipped on the tank top that was black as well, apparently Dereck knew the rules. I gave a small smile at that and was still smiling when I turned around to Dereck.

His eyes were wide and he was staring at me with his mouth slightly open. "What?" I asked, slightly irritated.

"You just had only jeans and a bra on in front of me," he finally said still shocked.

"No," I corrected. "You were turned around,"

"No, I turned around right after you put on your jeans," he admitted brashly.

"Have you no shame?" I joked and he was still staring at me. "Okay, just because of what you saw doesn't mean you can keep staring at me like that," I snapped and he shut his mouth and looked away.

"Sorry…you're hot," he said after a few minutes breaking the tension.

I burst out laughing. "Do you know how many times I've heard that?" Dereck blushed and I messed up his hair. "Let's pass that little incident, then, so now, we have to sneak out of here. You're going to flirt with the nurse if she's awake and then I'm going to run out, then your just going to leave, okay?" I said as I looked for a piece of paper. I found one along with a pen and scribbled:

_Hey, Doc, thanks so much for fixing me up again, I left because there was no reason for me to be there._

_Bye and thanks again, Rose_

He looked at me and the note for a second before laughing. "Aye, aye, captain," he said sarcastically and we went out the door. Dereck headed straight for the desk looking determined and he leaned close into the nurse, there was only one on duty.

"Let me tell you, you look gorgeous tonight," he purred as he smiled sweetly at her. The nurse blushed and waved a hand in the air.

"No, I don't, I'm always dressed like this," she said flustered.

"Then your hair, did you do something to your hair?" he reached out and stroked her head. _He looks like he's petting a lost cat_¸ I thought as I quickly ducked out the door before I had to witness anything else.

I was greeted by cold air and midday sun, I would soak it in, but it was too cold. I hugged myself and rubbed my hands on my arms. A few seconds later, Dereck came out the door looking pleased with himself.

"Did you kiss her too?" I joked and he shrugged.

"Guess you'll never find out," he said. We started walking and a gust of wind caught me off balance and knocked me into Dereck's arms. He caught me instinctively and then held me tighter to him, our faces only centimetres apart. I heard his small intake of breath as his blue eyes burned into mine as he slowly brought his lips closer to mine. I didn't resist for some strange reason, later I told myself it was because the Doc had me drugged up and they weren't worn off yet.

Dereck pressed our lips together and I gently kissed him back, how horrible of me. He got more enthusiastic and the kiss got deeper, then I pulled away when he slipped his tongue into my mouth.

I whispered against his lips, "That's for saving my life."

**Oh, how will they face each other now? I don't know...I bet you guys were not expecting that. ;p**

**I got some pretty funny reviews about my comment on Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) in the latest Harry Potter movie, but i got one, i can't remember the name, she said that Draco wasnt hot but she did mention TAYLOR LAUTNER!!!**

**MORE LIKE TAYLOR FUCKING HOTNER! **

**He is definitely going to be S-E-X-Y in New Moon, he's got the muscle, the hair and that crazy persistant attitude that we all love. ;p**

**please review, thanks for reading ---hey, do me a favour, will ya? If you havent already, check out 'Turn Your Back' by Billy Talent and 'New Divide' by Linkin Park--they are awesoem songs. and yeah, 'New Divide' is for the Transformers movie. ;p**

**love ya all, **

**Alice**


	27. What's My Biggest Problem?

**CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN- WHAT'S MY BIGGEST PROMBLEM?**

**Hey there, here's the next chapter, yay! I hope you guys like this one, it's longer than my others have been for a bit so I hope it's okay. This chapter is kind of comical, so i hope you guys like it...**

I was sitting in my room, _alone_, staring at the blank screen on my lap top, I'd only written three words: _Things To Fix_.

Thoughts were running around in my head, _talk to Leo and Tristin, deal with Dereck, tell Lissa to fuck off, be nice to Etienne, deal with Adrian, deal with Alexander, find Mikhail, become more of a guardian…_

My thoughts were like a traffic jam. "Okay, first, what's your biggest problem?" I murmured putting my hands to my head. _DERECK HAYS_ immediately came to my head and I thought back to last night…

"_That's for saving my life," I whispered against his lips._

"_Rose…" he murmured and I slowly pulled out of his arms, he looked shaken up but extremely elated. He turned his blue eyes to meet mine, they were bright and excited. He reached for me again and I lightly danced out of he reach only to fall forward into his arms again. He was only too eager to hold me tightly to him again._

"_Rose Hathaway…" he whispered moving closer once again, I needed to stop it right there, I shouldn't lead him on more than I already was. _

_I gently lifted my hand to his mouth. "What did you do to deserve a second kiss?" I questioned softly._

_Dereck's eyes were almost hypnotic, dancing blue lights…alluring. "Rose…" was all he said, his breath brushes across my face, just as his hand mimicked the movement. His eye lids drooped as he kissed my hand that was still against his lips._

_I need to stop this right now, right __**now. **__Then he leisurely moved to my neck and I winced, he felt it and looked down._

"_Oh, Rose, I'm sorry, I completely forgot about your neck," he said quietly._

"_What about my neck?" I said and righted myself, slipping casually out of Dereck's arms and putting a hand to my neck. There was gauze wrapped around it and I remembered the pain on Dimitri's fangs dragging across my skin. I took in a shaky breath and Dereck pulled me into his arms once again, never missing a chance to get in close._

_He smoothed my hair and ducked down to lightly kiss the side of my neck where Dimitri's fangs had been. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you," he whispered and his lips trailed up to my ear._

"_Dereck," I moaned in protest but he took that the wrong way, he thought I was enjoying it. "Dereck,"_

"_Rose,"_

"_Dereck, no," I gently pushed him away and looked into his eyes. "No, we can't, __**I**__ can't, __**you **__can't, so no." I said sternly._

"_Can't we break the rule, just once?" he pleaded, taking a step closer._

"_No, Dereck! You're just making it worse, please, I can't take this tonight," I added almost inaudibly. The words hung in the air between us and I had to break the tension. "Let's get back, you need to sleep,"_

"_Alright," he murmured and we began walking towards the dhampir dorms. The entire walk there was silent and I went in with him. I couldn't have him get in trouble from the supervisor tonight, he couldn't afford to be in trouble again and I certainly couldn't deal with it._

"_Hey, what are you doing?" the Moroi snapped, being jolted from his snooze when the door opened._

"_I am escorting Mr. Hays back to his room, he's in no trouble," I said calmly to the Moroi._

_He nodded. "Sorry, Guardian Hathaway," he muttered and resumed his position leaning back in the chair. We silently made our way up the stairs and to the threshold of Dereck's door. _

"_Thanks for helping me get out of the clinic," I said quietly._

"_It was nothing," he paused before adding, "and, Rose? I didn't kiss her, it was just a set up, and you know that, right?"_

_I gave a small smile. "Yeah, I know,"_

"_Good," before I could move away or protest, he pulled me close and his lips crashed down on mine. It surprised me and I gasped for breath, he took that opportunity to play tonsil hockey. I retracted my tongue and ended the kiss gently, trying to pull away, but not quick enough. Dereck brushed his tongue over my lower lip and leaned his forehead against mine._

"_Not tonight," I whispered and pulled away from him, setting off down the hall, feeling the warm feel of his hand slip off my waist…_

I could still feel the lingering touch of his lips on my own. That wasn't good.

_Things To Do and Try to Fix_

_1. Avoid Dereck_

2. _Talk to Leo and Tristin_

_3. Find Blake and Tory to apologize_

_4. Hang out with Blake and Tory_

_5. Avoid Lissa, Christian and maybe Eddie and Adrian too _

_6. Give Riley Zeklos hell when you see him_

_7. Figure out Dereck's friends_

_8. Up respect from other guardians_

_9. Thank Alexander_

_10. Kill Dimitri_

I typed the last one slowly and then pressed print; I also put the picture of my uncle and baby-me in my back pocket (someone had put it under my door after I got back from Dereck's dorm – I knew it was Alexander, he'd undoubtedly heard about what had happened).

I ran down to the 'Technology Room' for the guardians, I'd had Mikhail hook up my computer to the printer; I waited beside the printer in the empty room, humming to myself. The paper came up and I quickly grabbed it, ripping it in two so I only had the writing and I tossed the blank half in the recycling. I folded the paper in half and slipped it into my jean's pocket and nonchalantly walked back up to my room. I put on a black pull-over hoodie on top of my tank top, grabbed my iPod and trooped out of my room and into the guardian cafeteria.

I grabbed a bagel and sat down at an empty table turning on the song _Dear Angel _by April Sixth. They were an old band that not a lot of people knew about but I'd found the song and I loved it. I turned it up loud and continued my breakfast.

_Dear angel of mine, (Yeah)  
Where do I start to express how I feel?  
Well, my love's gone blind.  
Now all that I feel is what I hear.  
Your words rip and tear,  
through my heart so weak and pure.  
Now I find myself wanting to die_

I bleed for the second time tonight  
holding the love that's in my mind.  
If only my love could be with you.  
If only this pain, this pain died too  
So I break you away, away, away from me.

_As I sit here alone (ohh)  
thinking about everything that you said.  
You know since I'm alone.  
Well, maybe after all, I was better off dead.  
Cause without you, my life's gone down...  
What do I do, when I find myself wanting to die?_

I bleed for the second time tonight  
holding the love that's in my mind.  
If only my love could be with you.  
If only this pain, this pain died too

I bleed for the second time tonight  
holding the love that's in my mind.  
If only my love could be with you.  
If only this pain, this pain died too  
I break you away...

I bleed for the second time tonight  
holding the love that's in my mind.  
If only my love could be with you.  
If only this pain, this pain died too

I bleed for the second time tonight  
holding the love that's in my mind.  
If only my love could be with you.  
If only this pain, this pain died too

I'll break you away!  
(All that's in my mind)  
So break you away  
(All that's in my mind)  
so break you away, away, away from me  
So break you away, away, away from me  
and I don't know

Sincerely Yours.

"Earth to Hathaway," someone said loudly and pulled out my headphone just as the song came to an end. I pressed pause and looked up in surprise to see Mikhail Tanner. I smiled at him.

"Were you saying something?" I said sweetly and Mikhail rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I said hey and you ignored me so then I kept trying to get your attention until I moved your hair and found the headphone," he said exasperated, he looked so annoyed and I just kept smiling. "What's with you?" he asked suspiciously.

"What are you talking about?" I asked after I swallowed another bite of my bagel.

"You seem…sort of happy," he said cautiously as if he were chosing his words.

"'Sort of'?" I repeated and he nodded slowly, watching me over his piled plate of French toast, normal toast and eggs. My eyes widened and I grasped the subject change. "Do you always eat so much?" my voice was incredulous.

"It's not _that _much," he objected. My hand snaked out and I captured a piece of toast from his plate. "Hey! Give that back!" he exclaimed loudly and I laughed; I took a big bite and Mikhail groaned. "I'm going to starve!"

I laughed even harder and choked on the toast in my mouth. "Like you don't have enough food there!" I pointed at his piled plate.

He pouted out his lower lip and said, "I wanted _that _piece of toast,"

"_This _piece?"

"_That_ piece," he confirmed pouting like a child. I laughed and held the piece out in front of his mouth.

"Take a bite," I said, holding back more laughter as Mikhail eyed the food hungrily. He met my eyes for a second and grinned wickedly before he opened his mouth wide and went to rip viciously at the toast, but I pulled it away at the last moment so his teeth came together with a very loud _clack_.

"Owww!" he howled and I burst out laughing, dropping the toast on his plate and falling off my chair. I knew all of the guardians were staring at us, but I really couldn't care less. Mikhail was the funniest person in the whole world right then.

He was glaring at me venomously and I only laughed harder. He quickly snatched up the piece of toast that I'd dropped and took a big bite, looking extremely pleased with himself. I laughed so hard that there were tears running down my face, still laughing, I picked myself up and grabbed Mikhail's hand dragging him away from his breakfast and out of the guardian building.

"I wasn't done yet," he grumbled under his breath as he rubbed his jaw; in a louder voice he said, "That hurt, Rose,"

I wiped my eyes and sniffed. "That was too funny, my God, Mikhail, you're fucking hilarious," I giggled remembering his face. Glancing around, I saw that it was time that classes were starting a few novices waved and called to me; I smiled back.

Mikhail threw his arm around my shoulders as we roamed campus; I playing fully brushed him off and grinned. I took a few steps in front of him, walking ahead.

"Oh, what's this?" I heard him say before I felt him grab something out of my back pocket. It was the picture of me and my uncle.

"Oh, who's this, Rose?" he teased holding the picture out of my reach as I lunged for it. He kept turning around and holding it out my reach as I kept trying to grab it.

"Mikhail!" I yelled and he started to run away so I chased after him screaming, "Mikhail Tanner!"

"Come and get me!" he yelled over his shoulder tauntingly. I really started to push myself and when he glanced back to see me catching up, he started to sprint too. He was running through the quad and ran straight through Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Adrian and Etienne who were walking towards the guardian dorms. I glanced around, there was a tree just to my right that the crew was right beside, and I smiled inwardly as I sprinted right for Lissa and everyone else. They all turned around and saw me, their eyes widening with surprise, at the last possible second, I lunged up to my right, catching a branch on the tree. I swung on it so my feet were poised easily on it and in the same moment, I threw myself off the branch and landed right in front of Mikhail.

There were gasps from everyone who could see me and I heard someone laughing as they yelled, "Alright, Rose! Woo-hoo!"

Mikhail stopped right in his tracks, leaning back on his heels. I saw him shoot a disbelieving glance at the tree I'd flown out of.

I grinned wickedly. "Fight it out?" I knew he knew what I meant and he grinned back looking like a little boy.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he said and I glanced around seeing Dereck and his crew approaching, it was obvious that the person who'd cheered when I jumped from the tree was Dereck, because he was still clapping. I took the picture from Mikhail, ignoring his protests and I walked over to Leo, ignoring Dereck completely.

"Hey, Leo, we've got to talk later but right now, I'm scheduled to a fight, so I need you to hold this and give it to whoever wins, alright?" I said quickly.

"Yeah, sure," he said enthusiastically and took the picture from me. I smiled and turned back to Mikhail.

"Someone call it," he said loudly, his eyes on me, and everyone there started counting down.

"5…4…3…2 –"

I didn't want to wait so I lunged at him and he wasn't prepared so I knocked him down onto his back, straddling him easily.

"You cheated," he growled.

"No one said I fight fair," I grinned and we grappled on the ground for a few seconds, and I felt Mikhail getting ready to knee me in the back as he had before. I quickly leaned forward so his knee met empty air and he took the opportunity to roll over so he was on top of me.

"I'm winning," he said to me.

I quickly brought my legs up so my feet were under his arm pits. "No, you're not," I said and pushed harshly, making him stand somewhat before he stumbled backwards.

"Hath-a-way! Hath-a-way! Hath-a-way!" the spectators shouted in unison. I saw the crowd growing, it looked as if every student was gathering to watch us battle it out. I saw Blake and Tory standing on the edge of the circle that they'd made for us, they waved eagerly to me, I nodded and raised my hand in acknowledgement.

"They already know who's going to win," I teased Mikhail, bringing my attention back to him. His eyes narrowed as he lunged for my legs. I jumped up and Mikhail went right under me; I turned as I landed on the ground ready to see Mikhail getting ready to charge again.

This time, he went directly at me. I side-stepped him at the last moment, taking hold of his arm and pulling him close to my side, he shifted so we were both leaning against each other, our feet about two feet apart, our faces cheek-to-cheek, our arms linked and hands fisted.

"You do not fight fair," he whispered heavily in my ear.

"I thought you already knew that," I responded and shoved violently so we broke apart. Mikhail took a deep breath bringing up his hands; I did the same shaking out my hair as well so it flew around me in the light breeze. The spectators howled and screamed, I heard an extra bit from the boys in the area. I smirked inwardly, I hadn't lost everything; my womanly charm was still there.

We danced on our toes circling each other, I slipped closer threateningly and Mikhail's eyebrow quirked up. I smiled devilishly and his answering smile was just as rebelling. After all, we were breaking the rules.

"Bring it, Hathaway," he said, moving towards me still circling.

"I wouldn't want to hurt you," I smiled again. He was being so stupid, he was backing himself into the school wall, his guard was sloppy, but he was still bouncing on his toes, anticipating something.

"You're getting tired," I remarked as I moved forward a step.

"Not at all," he moved back further, his back now brushing the wall with each bounce of his body. I stepped in, going for a quick jab in the stomach where his guard was down. Mikhail surprised me by playing as dirty as I was.

He quickly grabbed my wrist, jerking me quickly so we reversed positions. He didn't waste anytime; he put me into the same hold that I had him in the last time we fought in the gym. He held me slightly higher than I had held him, my feet were about a foot off the ground, his weight pinning me there.

"You tricked me!" I snarled and it was his turn to grin tauntingly. My gaze quickly flicked behind him, the crowd was holding there breath, waiting for our next move.

I also saw something that I wasn't expecting, all the guardians, including Alexander, watching our brawl from directly behind Mikhail; they were at the far side of the quad. Their faces were the stone masks of all the guardians but in each of their eyes, I saw interest and anticipation.

I smiled to myself and looked down at Mikhail, he was smiling too. He thought there was no way out for me; I quickly saw one and took the chance. I wiggled my legs away from his and quickly wrapped them around his waist, my heels digging into his lower back. I kicked off one of my shoes and tucked my toes inside his belt, jerking _him_ backwards by it. I grinned by the shock on his face as he stumbled backwards and hit the ground, right on his ass.

I sprang forward, landing on top of him, pushing his back onto the ground. We were chest to chest and both breathing heavily. I grinned again. "I win…" I paused before adding, "_Again_."

His body went limp under mine and he smiled up at me, my hair was tickling his face and he blew out a breath to push it away from his eyes. "That's two to zero; I'll make it up someday,"

I pulled myself off of him and offered my hand, he took it and the audience, all of them, clapped as I helped him up and we hugged easily.

"What did you do to me?" he asked laughing.

"I stuck my foot in your belt," I said as I went over to the wall to retrieve my shoe. I slipped it on as the people started to converge on us, but they soon backed away as Alexander walked towards us. I gulped, had I gotten Mikhail in trouble?

"Well, everyone, you might as well begin to make your way to your classes, I can't punish you for this, it's not like anyone can stop Guardian Hathaway," he smiled at me while everyone else chuckled. I smiled back, relieved that Mikhail wouldn't have to take shit for me.

"Rose, nice…technique, I really liked that last bit," Alexander said, trying to be formal but it was obvious he was biting back a smile.

"Thanks, I might be able to teach you it sometime," I joked and we laughed. I started to walk over to Leo, but on my way, I passed Scott Meradov, the jackass who thought he was so much better than me.

Our eyes met and we gave each other a wide birth, our eyes connected until they no longer could be. The crowd had caught that and they soon burst out into gossiping whispers.

"Did you see that?"

"Yeah, Hathaway and Meradov, next round!"

"Bets, everyone, bets!"

"Twenty on Hathaway!"

"Twenty on Hathaway!"

"Naw, did you _see _the look he gave her? Twenty on Meradov,"

I caught some of the conversations but I ignored them and walked over to Leo. I hugged him and took my picture back, slipping it into my pocket.

"Thanks, Leo," I smiled and then addressed the rest of the group. "How are you guys? Did you enjoy that?"

Currently the group consisted off Jane, Laura, Madison, Dereck – who I avoided looking at – Kevin, that cute boy with the peircing, Julian, Tristin – who was standing very close to Leo – Tommy that other boy who told me to walk away from Dereck and then there was another boy who I didn't know.

He seemed to get my confused look and said, "Hey, Guardian Hathaway, I'm Carter Voda," he offered me his hand and I shook it smiling brightly.

"Oh, Rosie, how's your nose? I hope Dereck didn't hurt it too bad," Jane said, stepping toward me with a venomous glance at Dereck.

"'Rosie'?" I repeated incredulously staring at the Moroi.

"Can't I call you that? It's such a sweet nickname," she smiled angelically.

"But I'm not that sweet a person," I objected shaking my head.

"Oh, yeah, you are," Dereck said, smiling knowingly from my other side. I ignored him and turned back to Jane.

"Can you please not –" I started but she cut me off.

"No, you're a great person and that's my nickname for you, so get used to it," she said firmly and I messed up her hair.

"Fine," I was in too good of a mood to push that issue just yet.

"How are you, Tristin?" I asked softly.

"I'm better, thank you so much, Guardian Hathaway," she gave me a hesitant smile and I returned it eagerly.

"You guys, need to get to class, so I'll see you later, okay?" I smiled and they all grumbled that they'd rather spend a day with me than in class. "Who wouldn't?" I joked and they all laughed. I smiled, high-fived the boys and hugged the girls they left. What surprised me was that Julian hugged me and winked over his shoulder as he started to walk away with everyone else.

_Is he gay?_ I wondered but was snapped out of my thoughts when someone said, "Still causing trouble, Rose?" from behind me and I turned around to see Christian grinning at me in amusement.

Before I could answer, Etienne high-fived me laughing, "Awesome, Rose, I loved that last move!" he cheered and I laughed.

"Thanks," I smiled and glancing at the others I saw that Adrian was staring at my novice friends backs. I could only imagine what he was seeing. A dark aura for Leo, seeing as he was shadow kissed – a gold one for Tristin and I could also guess that he'd seen Jane, so he obviously knew that she was part of the Ivashkov clan. I wondered what he saw for Dereck but I immediately dismissed the thought.

Our eyes met and I knew I would have a lot of explaining to do.

**Hey, in my reviews a lot of people like the 'Taylor HOTner' which i thought was really funny. How did you like this chapter? Especailly a bit of romance with Dereck and Rose. Oooh. ;p**

**A lot of you liked 'New Divide' by Linkin Park and that's awesome. I saw them live earlier this year and they are amazing. If you have a chance to go to their concert, don't turn it down! ;p**

**Please tell me what you think, review and press this lovely button down here. ;p**

**Alice**


	28. Dimitri

**CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT- DIMITRI**

**Hey there, here's another chapter--the very end of it is dedicated to XxNight'sxheartxX becuase she gave me the idea. Thanks so much guys for reading it. Shouts to everyone who is reading my story because you guys all rock. ;p And shouts to starlinc because she gave me the idea for the beginning of this chapter-love ya ;)**

**So anyway...let's get on with this story...**

Lissa was eyeing me and Adrian suspiciously from across the room but she wasn't saying anything. It was pissing me off. Adrian and I were sitting on a couch and I'd taken up most of the room by sprawling out on my back, but I'd moved my feet so Adrian could sit down. Adrian smiled and pulled my feet into his lap moving closer to me, so from the middle of my thigh down was across his lap. He had his arm across the back of the couch and his hand was lightly touching my hair.

Lissa was on the loveseat on the other side of the room in Christian's lap and Eddie was sitting on an arm chair while Etienne was hogging the whole couch in a pose similar to mine, but he was bigger than me and his position was a bit sloppier than mine was, he was cute.

Etienne was talking about how he and I should have a play fight, to see who'd win. I was ignoring him and watching Lissa carefully and reading her thoughts.

_Rose is sitting really close to Adrian, _she was thinking. _Maybe she'll finally decide to make a decision in her life?_ I don't think her thought was intentionally supposed to be spiteful, but it came across that way.

_Is she finally being responsible? I wonder; the only decision that she's made is to go after Dimitri…and leave me! _Lissa was rocked with pain but there was hate underneath the thought. I searched, she hated Dimitri.

That bitch.

I jumped up, surprising everyone. "Lissa, get outside, now," I growled and stalked out of the room leaving the door open behind me. I leaned against the wall outside the room, waiting until she'd come out, to turn around and take her outside. All the students were in class still so I didn't need to worry about anyone watching us.

I stopped under a tree by the guardian building and turned to Lissa. Of course, she looked beautiful, even though she looked sort of scared. Her sleek blond hair was gently resting on her shoulders and on her back. Today, she was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans with a v-neck pink sweater that was far-shouldered.

I narrowed my eyes. "What is your problem?" I demanded.

"What do you mean, Rose?" she asked feigning innocence.

"You know exactly what I mean; why did you use compulsion on Etienne? Why are you trying to analyse my relationship with Adrian? Why…" I took a deep breath before ploughing on. "I can read your thoughts, Lissa, you think I never make decisions, you think that I didn't care about you, you think that I thought Dimitri was the only thing that mattered and right now you are confused. _Why are you confused?_" I yelled.

Lissa shrunk back against the tree, holding her head in her hands. "I don't know, I don't know, Rose. I want you back and I-I hate Dimitri for doing this to you –"

"Dimitri didn't do anything to me!" I shouted. "It's not Dimitri's fault that I am the way I am, it's mine! If you don't like me the way I am then fucking _leave!_"

She looked at me in shock then she got angry. "Rose, it is your fault that you are the way you are! And you're running away! You are scared so you are _running away_!"

"You couldn't be anymore further from the truth!" I screamed throwing my hands up into the air. "I am not running _away_! I'm running _to_! You know that, Lissa, so don't give me this bullshit that I'm fucking scared, because I'm _not!_ Do you want to see proof?" I asked and without waiting for an answer, I pulled up my shirt, revealing the brace around my stomach. "This, I've broken my ribs _fighting Strigoi_, and I've re-broken them too." I let my shirt fall and pointed to my face. "You see that? Yeah, you've seen it once before, this is because I was _fighting Strigoi_, I was _fighting_. I've got scars put my arm, and leg from _fighting_, Lissa, if you think that that is running, you can just leave, because I don't want to hear it." I glared at her and put all my feelings into my words. "I know you want me to come back to you, but just because you're a Royal Moroi, just because you're the last Dragomir, just because the Queen wants to do everything to please you, just because you think that you can get whatever you want, that doesn't mean you actually _can _get what you want. And you're sure as hell not getting me unless you can find some fucking way to make up a very good excuse for why you are _such a BITCH!_"

Lissa gasped and put her hand to her neck. "_Rose_!"

"Good God, give it up!" I yelled at her. "You can't always get what you want, Princess Dragomir, so fucking deal with it!"

She looked so offended and I really didn't feel that sorry. I'd used all of my life at St Vladimir's protecting her, holding her up, keeping her away from catty Royals and now she's acting like them. Now, that I only want to do one thing, she can't even give me her support, she can't even leave me alone until I finish what I need to do. I used up the best years of my life trying to keep her perfectly preserved in sanity, I spent hours comforting her when I could have been out using that time for myself somehow.

I know it sounded selfish, but with the way Lissa was acting, I wish I'd done something else with my time at St Vlad's.

"Rose, I can't believe you," she breathed, hardly concealing her anger. I could feel that darkness bubbling up inside her. I didn't want to her to go insane, I wasn't that mean, so I reached into her through the bond, removed the darkness and left her with only sadness.

"Rose, I think we both need some time," she said quietly, no longer filled with the vile blackness that was trying to consume her. The bad thing was; it was now trying to consume me.

"Yeah, I agree, how about you go back up and tell everyone I just went for a walk? Thanks that's great, bye now," I said quickly, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Rose?" she sounded scared and I felt her come closer to me.

"_GO!_" I screamed at her and then she turned and scampered back into the guardian building leaving me alone.

I stumbled away, into the thick brush of the trees, all the way back. I tripped over sticks, bushes, rocks but I kept going. If I was to scream, I wouldn't want anyone to hear me. I kept stumbling until I was at the farthest point of campus. There was a fence and I went to it, pushing my face against the cool metal. I wrapped my hands around it from the other side so the backs of my hands were facing the dangerous forest on the other side.

There was nausea in my stomach, but I ignored it, I was safe inside the wards. My entire body went cold as a harsh gust of wind hit me; I embraced the cold, welcoming it. Begging it to take away the raw pain that was slowly gnawing at me.

I groaned loudly in agony, I wanted it all gone, I didn't want it anymore, I didn't want to feel like this _anymore_!

"Rose," a quiet voice said that was all too familiar. I opened my eyes and saw Dimitri watching me from the other side of the chain link fence.

"Dimitri…" I acknowledged.

"I can make it stop, Rose, I can make it all go away," he said quietly as he came towards me.

"Dimitri, I don't want that, if there were…away to bring you back…no matter what I would have to do…I'd do it." I said pathetically.

"You'd do anything for me?" he asked seeming please.

"Of course I would," I murmured.

"Then come to me," he breathed, he was only inches away.

"No," I shook my head.

"Then keep a reminder," he whispered and he leaned down, bringing his mouth to my right hand. It was still covered with the bandage from when I'd punched the wall at the dhampir dorm. He gently twisted it off and opened his mouth over my hand. His fang pierced my skin and I watched helplessly as he began to drag it across my skin.

I did nothing as he carved a design into my hand, blood slowly oozing from my hand the whole time. When he finished, his crimson eyes met mine as he licked the blood away, turning my hand to see what he had done.

It was a heart.

Dimitri had carved a heart into my skin with his fangs and I'd done nothing about it. When I didn't say anything, he kissed my hand gently then silently ghosted back into the shadows of the trees. I pulled my hand from the fence and examined my hand, it was like a branding, a personal branding; as if that meant that I belonged to him.

_I wonder; is that what he meant? 'Then keep a reminder' as in a reminder that you are mine?_ I was detached from myself, as if I was looking at situation from a different person's point of view.

I took in a shaky breath and numbly walked back to campus, I went into the clinic and straight up to the desk.

"Can I have a roll of gauze?" I asked my voice unemotional.

The nurse looked up and stared at me disapprovingly. "Why?"

I wordlessly lifted my hand; there was so much blood, you couldn't even see that there was something engraved into my hand.

The nurse gasped. "My goodness! You'll need stitches!"

"No, I won't, I just need some gauze, thank you,"

"No –"

"You won't tell me what to do, I just need some bandages, please," I cut her off calmly and she looked at me for a minute before giving me a whole roll of it.

"You can keep that, Guardian Hathaway," she said quietly and I nodded and walked out of the clinic. I pulled the end loose with my teeth and pressed it to my bloodied hand as I began to wrap it around with my other hand.

I was making my way back to the guardian building while I kept tending to my hand and when I'd finished, I needed some way to cut the gauze. The kind the nurse gave me was heavy duty, if there was such a thing as heavy duty gauze. I saw Mercutio making his way to the dhampir dorms but I decided that I didn't really want to deal with anyone so I when I got to the guardian building, I pulled a knife out and made a clean cut across the thick material.

_Why do they like cutting people so much? _I thought as I tied a knot with my teeth.

"Rose? What are you doing?" someone said from behind me and I spun around, putting my hand automatically behind my back. It was Alexander.

I quickly reached behind me and stuffed the rest of the gauze in the back of my jeans, pulling my sweater over it.

"Hey, Alexander, how are you?" I said brightly.

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What's behind your back?"

"Nothing," I said quickly.

"Rose," he warned. "Tell me what you have,"

"I don't have anything," I said truthfully.

"Then what's wrong with your hand?" he asked, eyeing my right arm.

"Nothing's wrong with my arm," I answered, side stepping closer to the door of the room along the counter. Alexander matched my movement.

"Rose, what's wrong?"

"You know, I've got some guests up stairs, so…" I started to quickly jog sideways out of the room but Alexander was quick and he caught me around the waist, grabbing my wrist pulling it up where he could see it. He also reached under my sweater and retrieved the roll of gauze from my jeans.

He held them up, staring from one to the other than to me. "What have you done this time, Rose?" he asked quietly.

"I didn't do anything," that was the truth and I saw him getting ready to lecture me so I did the only think I could think of. I quickly went onto my toes and pressed my lips to his in a quick kiss. Alexander kissed me back, but it wasn't like Dereck's eager and hard kiss, Alexander's was soft and tender, not at all insistent.

I slowly ended the kiss and whispered in his ear, "Don't kiss and tell,"

Then I danced up the stairs, taking my gauze and hand with me. I quickly passed the lounge everyone looked up but I didn't stop, I went into my room, ignoring the 'Hathaway I'll kick your ass someday'. It was obviously from Mikhail, I left it there as a joke and locked the door behind me.

I pulled off my sweater, left my tank top and changed into loose fitting sweats. I grabbed my iPod from my computer where it was charging and left my hair down as I went back to the lounge.

"Okay, well, I've got to go do some stuff, guys, so I guess we'll talk after classes are over, alright?" I said as I put one headphone in my ear, I was careful to keep my right hand behind my back.

"What do you need to do?" Christian asked rudely.

"Just some stuff, dealing with my student and whatnot, come on, I'll walk you to guest housing," I waited until they all got up to turn around and lead them down the stairs. I saw that Alexander what still in the kitchen, the same spot where I'd left him.

"Good morning, Guardian Contrive," I called cheerfully. He looked up startled and I winked.

"It's the afternoon, Hathaway," he answered easily smiling at me; I tilted my head to the side and down as sort of a respectful/challenging/knowing bow, I guess.

"That's the guy who let off fall the students this morning," Christian said. "Who is he?"

"That is Guardian Contrive, the head guardian," I said smoothly and Christian raised an inquiring eyebrow, I shrugged in response.

We walked quietly out of the guardian building and across the quad.

"Rosie!" someone yelled and I turned to see Jane running up to me looking completely distraught. "Rosie! Tell me it's not true!" she cried throwing herself into my arms, with tears running down her face.

I shot a glance at my friends then returned my attention to the Royal. "What's wrong, Jane? What's happened?" I asked quietly brushing her hair away from her face so I could see her eyes.

"R-Riley! That- that Riley d-did –" I quickly pulled her into a hug, pressing her face into my shoulder so she couldn't talk. I didn't really need the crew knowing about that just yet. I would have put my hand to her mouth, but that would have looked sort of bad.

"Shh, Jane, it's okay, it's okay," I soothed her, stroking her hair, trying to think about a way to get out of this. "Who told you?" I demanded.

"D-Dereck!" she sobbed into me. _Leo must have told him_, I thought as I kept patting her hair.

"Okay, Jane, what exactly did Dereck say to you?"

"H-he said 'your boyfriend's a jackass' and I asked him what had happened this time and he said h-he – oh Rosie!" she sobbed burying her face into my neck again.

"I get it, I'll talk to everyone else," I paused before saying, "But what he did was wrong, you know that, right?" I pulled back to look at her sternly.

"I-I know; t-to _Tristin_ too!"

I sighed in relief. "We'll talk about it later, okay? Do you want to go back to class?"

She looked at me oddly through her tears. "It's lunch,"

"Right, do you want to go back to everyone?" I rephrased and she shook her head.

"I-I…can I stay with you, Rosie?" she asked quietly, looking at me pleadingly.

I thought about it then said, "Okay, go to the guardian dorm and do you know which room is mine?" she shook her head. "Of course you don't, okay well, you know what? Just go to the room that has the sign saying something about 'Hathaway', alright?"

She nodded. "Okay, thanks, Rosie,"

"No problem, just go right in, the door is unlocked," she nodded again and I hugged her again before she started walking to the guardian building. I watched her back for a few seconds before turning back to everyone else.

They all looked shocked and all began talking at the same time.

"Who the hell is Riley?"

"Who was that?"

"What did this Riley kid do?"

"Isn't Dereck the guy who punched you?"

"She looks like Adrian,"

"What happened?"

"Shut up," I demanded quietly and they all stopped talking.

"'Rosie'?" Eddie finally said breaking the tension and they all laughed while I frowned.

"That's what she wants to call me and I'm not going to yell at her like she is now," I snapped and they looked on with amusement.

"What happened?" Etienne asked.

"Nothing," I answered quickly. "Come on, let's go," I said then was stopped by other people calling my name.

"Guardian Hathaway!"

"Rose, wait!"

"Guardian Hathaway!"

"Guardian Hathaway!"

I turned around again to see Laura, Madison and Julian running towards me.

"What now?" I asked irritably.

"Do you know where Jane went?" Laura asked worriedly.

I sighed as they looked at me hopefully. I ran a hand through my hair and they all gasped, the crew included.

"What happened to your hand?" Julian asked.

"Nothing," I said quickly and put in behind my back. "Jane is up in my room; go to the guardian building and up to the room with the sign on it, okay? You'll know the sign when you see it and do me a favour? Don't bombard her with questions, alright? Just…comfort her or something,"

They all nodded and set off the guardian building. I turned and started to walk everyone to guest housing without a word.

"What happened to your hand, Rose?" Adrian asked quietly.

"Nothing," I quipped and everyone was silent until we got to the guest housing. "Okay, I've got to go, but…um, we'll talk later, I'm sorry,"

I hugged Adrian, gave Etienne a hug and a kiss on the cheek, Eddie a hug, Lissa a nod and Christian a half-hug.

Once they all went inside, I went quickly back to the guardian dorm and up to my room. Sure enough, they were all there, waiting for me. The funny thing, Julian was cleaning my room. He was making my bed when I walked in and then he began to pick up all the clothes that were lying on the ground, piling them onto my bed. Then he sat beside the pile and began to fold my clothes.

"Julian," I said and he looked up, smiling. "What are you _doing_?"

"Someone needs to take care of you," he answered kindly and continued folding. I smiled and messed up his hair as I sat beside him on the bed.

"Sit down," I waved listlessly around my room and Laura sat on my bed with Madison while Jane curled herself up on my computer chair.

"Okay, so what exactly happened?" I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the headboard of my bed.

"Well…we were eating lunch and then Dereck was glaring at someone across the cafeteria then he told Jane that Riley was a jackass. It wasn't really unusual, Dereck always trashes Riley. Then Leo agreed, which was the weird part, then they went on to explain how Riley was leading this Royal group where they practically torture people. Then Jane yells, 'you fucking liar' and runs out. We ran after her and this is where we are now." Laura said.

"Right…so we can blame Dereck for this?" I questioned. They all nodded and I laughed humourlessly. "Okay, so what do you think of this, Jane? About Riley?" I asked and all attention was now on the Royal even Julian stopped folding my clothes to watch his friend.

She straightened up in the chair and looked at us defiantly. "I don't think he did it," she said confidently.

"Jane, I was the one who caught him in the act, I was there," I said quietly and she shook her head. There was silence and everyone was avoiding looking at everyone else.

"What's that?" Jane suddenly said and I saw she was pointing at my bag on the floor, there was something glinting in it.

"I don't know," I murmured, getting up to investigate. I pulled open my bag and gently took a jewellery case that had one single diamond on top out. They all watched silently as I opened it; a note fluttered out and onto the ground. I picked it up and read:

_My Roza,_

_Will you be mine forever? _

_Dimitri_

Oh my God. I turned to look at what was inside the box.

It was a wedding ring.

**Oh no. Look at that. Dimitri was going to propose. :( This is so sad, i feel so bad for doing this to you guys. ;p Cliffhanger ;p sorry.**

**Hey, i've got some more songs: "Jars" by Chevelle "Contagious" by Trapt "Swing Life Away" by Rise Against and completely different songs are: "Surrender" Celine Dion "I Want It That Way" Backstreet Boys "Larger Than Life" Backstreet Boys**

**Don't you love my song selections? lols thanks so much for reading my story. To all my reviewers, you inspire my writing, thank you so much.**

**love ya-pls review**

**PS--i'm also going on vacation really soon- on friday--so i dont know if i'll be able to update until i get back on the 24th. i'm sorry, guys. Love ya**

**alice**


	29. Oh, Alexander

**CHAPTER TWENTY NINE- OH, ALEXANDER**

**Hey there, this is the next chapter. I'm back from my vacation, obviously, but here's the hitch: my computer is so full with my data and writing and everything that it won't save anything else so this might be the last chapter for a bit, but please don't think that i'm just giving up on my story, that's the last thing i want any of you to think. So i'm going to make this one extra long. and please dont hate me.**

**For the reviewer who asked about how to upload stories, i can't PM you becuase you're anonymis (i know i spelt that wrong). But first, you have to make an account. Then you have to write the chapter up on your computer, not on fanfiction. then you go to document manager and agree to the guidlines then you do what it says and update it. then you can edit and stuff on there, then i'm sure you can figure it out from there, if not, then PM me when u make ur account. or, you know, jsut review. ;p **

**Anyway, shouts to all my reviewers and readers, especailly adrianlover, Night'sheart and myra! Everyone else too, love ya all! ;)**

**Hey, i'm also really sorry for the wait on this chapter, i havent been at my best and i just lost my wallet, so you see, i'm not doing too well. but that's no excuse, SORRY!!!!!!!**

**Anyway...here's the next chapter guys...**

"Rose, is that a wedding ring?" I distantly heard Jane ask, but I couldn't respond. My mouth was open slightly as I stared at what I held in my shaking hands.

"Rose? You still with us?" that was Laura.

"Guardian Hathaway? What is it?" that was Julian's kind voice and I felt a hand on my forearm.

"Ro –"

"Can you leave?" I asked quickly as I tried to keep my voice from shaking.

"Rose, don't be –" Laura started but was cut off by a softer, more understanding voice.

"Let's go, we shouldn't intrude on Guardian Hathaway's privacy," There was a long pause then I heard them get up and shuffle towards the door akwardly. I kept my back to them as they mumbled their goodbyes; when the door closed, I broke down.

Collasping down to the floor, I clutched the box to my chest as the note fluttered to the floor. Relentless tears streamed down my face as I stared at the ring. It was simple, nothing complicated; just a thin band and a diamond on top.

I vaugely heard voices outside but I paid them no attention - until I heard my name.

"Do you know where Guardian Hathaway is?" a familiar voice asked.

"We need to talk to her about the field experience. I also need to warn her that she won't only be fighting novices," another voice said.

Alexander Contrive and Mikhail Tanner. Leave it to them to pick the best time to come looking for me.

"I'm betting that Rose will win again," someone else said; that voice wasn't as familair as the others, but I had heard it before, I just couldn't place it.

"Don't go in there," Julian's voice came out sharply.

There was a pause before Alexander asked, "Why?"

"Is it right to invade her privacy when she's not there?" Julian returned.

"If she's not there, then why are _you _here, Mr. McGill?" Alexander quipped.

Pause. "We were looking for Guardian Hathaway as well," his voice was cold was cold when he answered. Julian was trying to protect me.

I shoved all my clothes onto the floor and dove under the covers. I didn't want to hear anymore; pulling the covers over my head I pressed them to my ears.

Holding the ring tightly, it was a few minutes before my door opened. Someone laughed and approached the bed. "Rose, we know you're right here," Mikhail said as he poked my side.

"Go away," I mumbled thickly.

"What's wrong?" Mikhail asked more quietly.

"C'mon, Rose, you're an adult now; don't be so childish,"

_"So naive...so childish." _Dimitri's voice floated back to me, bringing a dark fury.

"Get _OUT_!" I yelled then everything was silent. My energy slowly drained out of me and I started to sob quietly. "Just go away," I moaned through my tears.

"Mercutio, please make your leave," Alexander said quietly after a while.

"But-"

"Mercutio."

There was a pause then "fine" from Mercutio and "Bye, Rose," then I heard the door close.

"Rose, what's happened?" Mikhail asked, resting his hand on my back.

"D-don't touch me, please," I sobbed and the hand retracked quickly. I only added 'please' because I didn't want to mess up things with Mikhail even though I knew he'd forgive me later. There was a long peroid of time where I just sat there sobbing under the covers and Mikhail and Alexander didn't say one word.

Then, Alexander suddenly sounded strained. "Mikhail, please leave so I can talk to Rose alone," it was quiet so I guess Mikhail nodded and left with a "Bye-bye, Rose," like the real child he is. I would have smiled, but then, I couldn't do anything but cry.

"Rose, I found the note on the floor..." he paused before adding in a tight voice, "Is this from your Dimitri?"

I felt bad for him so I choked out, "Yes...it is...b-before he d-died!" I wailed. "J-Jane just s-saw it,"

I felt Alexander sit down on the bed and there was a hand rubbing my side. "Shh, it's okay, Rose, it's okay," he tried to sooth me, but his voice was tight. I slowly uncovered myself and then I threw myself at him.

"I-I-I'm _sorry_!" I sobbed into his neck.

He held me back. "For what, Rose?" he asked softly.

"F-for everything, b-because I k-know this m-must suck f-for you, e-especailly that n-note," I just stopped talking and waited for his responce.

"Why must this suck for me, Rose?"

I pulled away to look at him. "I-it sucks because...wait. Y-you like me, don't you?" I tried to wipe away some of my tears so I could see him clearly.

"Of course I _like you_, Rose," he pulled me tightly against him. "How couldn't I like you?"

For some reason, I felt more at ease and my sobbing slowly began to subside. "Hey, Rose?"

"Yeah?" I sniffed, pulling back to look at him.

"I've been wondering...what really happened to your hand? You effectively distracted me last time, but I really want to know."

"Would I be able to distract you the same way this time?" I asked.

"Probably, you could try," he smiled. I leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss, but when I began to pull away, his hand locked behind my hair, keeping my mouth to his. Alexander kissed me enthusiastically and I kissed him back. I didn't really like where this was heading; the two of us, alone, in my room and no one would bother us because they thought I was having a break down.

Sometime, we'd ended up lying beside each other and when we finally stopped, I rested my head agianst Alexander's chest. "Did that distract you?" I asked, somehow, I was calm.

"Yes, it did," he replied. "Rose, please tell me what happened,"

I only hesitated for a second before answering, "Dimitri and I had a little run in while I wasn't at my greatest," I said evaisively.

I felt him tense. "Can I see it?"

I wordlessly pulled away and began to unwravel the gauze around my hand. When I finally got to the bottom, you could see the carved heart perfectly except for the dried blood around it and in the center. Alexander lightly traced the heart with his index finger, he looked up at me with concerned eyes.

"He did this to you? You let him?" his voice held disbelief.

"I told you, I wasn't at my greatest," I replied softly.

Alexander nodded and took the guaze from me, re-winding it around my hand. I smiled at him and he touched my cheek lightly. "I feel so bad, you're dealing with so much stuff all on your own, I wish I could help...but I don't know what to do."

I forced a smile. "Don't worry, I can handle it, but can you do me a favour?"

"Anything," he vowed. _Oh, Alexander, you really should be careful with what you promise_, I thought.

"Can you come with me to a jewler?"

His brow went together in confusion. "Why?"

"I want to get a chain...for this," I held out my hand that was still clutching the ring. He opened his hand and I dropped the ring into it, he hesitated then nodded.

"Are you up for it now?"

I snorted. "What a dumb question; Rose Hathaway is up for anything,"

******

So about half an hour later after dodging guardians and novices, Alexander and I were driving to the nearest jewler. I sat in the passenger seat, clutching the ring as Alexander drove. I turned on the radio to make some noise.

_"Okay, guys, I hope you're ready for this one, it's the new one from SKILLET! Monster!"_ the radio guy announced and then the music came on.

_The secret side of me  
I never let you see  
I keep it caged, but I can't control it,  
__So stay away from me,  
__The beast is ugly, I feel the rage, and I just can't hold it_

It's scratchin on the walls  
In the closet, in the halls  
It comes awake, and I can't control it  
Hidin' under the bed  
In my body, in my head  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?  
Make it end!

[Chorus]  
I feel it deep within  
It's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!

I hate what I've become  
The nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!

I feel like a monster!

My secret side I keep  
Hid under lock and key  
I keep it caged, but I can't control it, 'cause if I let him out,  
He'll tear me up, break me down  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?  
Make it end!

_[Chorus]  
I feel it deep within  
It's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!_

I hate what I've become  
The nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!

I feel like a monster!

_It's hidin' in the dark  
Its teeth are razor sharp  
There's no escape for me  
It wants my soul, it wants my heart_

No one can hear me scream  
Maybe it's just a dream  
Or maybe it's inside of me  
Stop this monster!

_[Chorus]  
I feel it deep within  
It's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!_

I hate what I've become  
The nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!

I feel like a monster!

"That...is my new favourite song." I uttered as I stared at the radio as if it held the answer to all my problems.

Alexander had reached a hand out to change the station, but it stopped as he turned to stare at me in shock. "_Why_?"

I gave him an increduious look. "Because it's _brilliant!_ I love it!" Alexander was still giving me a weird look so I said, "Alright, I know I've got some issues, but there's no need to stare."

The joke eased Alexander and he reached across to mess up my hair. "There's nothing wrong with you, sweetie,"

"Oh, come on! You make me sound like a two year old when you call me 'sweetie'!" I complained and recieved another look from Alexander.

"Would you prefer something else?" he asked innocently.

"Anything but that," I was feeling rebellious, so I decided to take things along a different path and let the old Rose come back. "Or...I'll just have to come over there and prove that I'm _much_ older than two and I don't care if you're driving or not." I smiled seductively and Alexander shot me an unsteady glance. Ah, the old charm. "Hey," I said suddenly.

"Yes?"

"That's another thing we'll have to work on, you have to let loose sometimes. But that's not what I wanted to say; can I call you Alex?"

He paused before shooting me a charming smile. "You can do anything you want,"

I grinned wickedly, _oh, you are just ASKING for trouble_. "I wouldn't be so eager to promise something like that to me," I warned.

"I think I'll take my chances," he countered.

"Really?" I slowly unbuckled my seat belt and began to 'prowl' towards Alex across the short distance.

"Rose? What are you doing?" he asked as he kept glancing between me and the road.

"Anything I want," I purred and pressed my lips against his.

"Can I at least pull over so we don't crash?" he asked against my lips.

"Where's the fun in that?" I kept kissing him, but quickly pulled back when I heard a horn honk. I looked around and saw that the car on my side had the window rolled down. I rolled down my own and raised my eyebrows.

"You can make-out with your boyfriend when ever you want, just don't do it on the road!" the guy yelled at me from the other lane.

"Nah, baby, keep doing it! It's hot!" the other guy in the passenger seat yelled.

I laughed and tipped my head. "Sorry," I called to both of them and rolled up the window. Alex was giving me the strangest look. "What?"

"You're incredible, that didn't even phase you," I grinned and shook my head. "You're incredible," he repeated. "But...I already knew that,"

I smiled and leaned back in my chair. "You really don't know how insane I am," I said softly.

"Did you say something?"

I turned my face to the window to hide my smirk. "Not at all,"

*******

We were in a jewlers and the guy behind the counter reminded me of Julian. You guessed it, it's because he was gay.

"Hey there, darlings! Aren't you the sweetest couple!" the guy waved, well, tinkled his fingers at us when we walked it. It made sense for him to call us a couple because we _were _holding hands.

"My name is Nathaniel, can I get yours?" he said standing in front of us, he even did a little curtsy when he introduced himself.

"My name is Rose," I bowed slightly as I smiled kindly.

He took my hand and kissed it lightly. "And what a beautiful rose as well!"

I felt Alex tense when Nathaniel took my hand and I nudged him. "My name is Alexander," he said tightly.

Nathaniel gave him a confused look, but he still smiled. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Not right now, thank you, but I promise to call when we do," I smiled.

He laughed. "Ah, such a beauty with charm!" he fairly giggled then wandered away.

I turned to Alex. "Don't be stupid, he's gay," I whispered under my breath and I felt Alex relax.

He drapped an arm around my shoulders. "Okay, let's look for this chain,"

After brousing for ten minutes, I saw the perfect chain. It was just plain, sliver, very thin and _perfect _for the ring.

"This one, this one! Alex! This one!" I was practically hopping up and down as I pointed to the chain.

Alex leaned over my shoulder and looked at the chain. "What's so specail about it?"

"It's perfect, that's what specail!" I exclaimed and just then Nathaniel came rushing towards us from the other side of the counter.

"Isn't it just a cute little thing, you know, just to wear?" he said smiling sweetly at me.

"Yes, it's perfect, how much is it?" I asked.

"Well, for the beautiful lady, I'll give it to you for twenty dollars," he declaired.

"That's great! Thank you so much!" I was going to pull out my wallet, but Alex beat me to it. He set down a twenty and smiled at me.

"It's on me," he pecked me on the cheek and slipped his arms around my waist. I smiled and leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed contently.

Nathaniel quietly baged the chain and smiled at the two of us. "You're just the cutest thing I've ever seen, have a nice day," he tinkled his fingers at us as we walked towards the door. I kept smiling as me and Alexander leisurely walked down the street hand in hand back to the car. There was someone who caught my eye, though.

There was a boy with night black hair with a black touke pulled over his head crouched down on a step and his eyes connected with mine. The colour of those eyes scared the shit out of me because I knew that colour _so_ well.

For some reason, he seemed familiar, but I didn't know why. I shrugged and kept walking, feeling those eyes on my back. I quickened our pace and all but ran to the car, dragging Alex behind me.

"Rose!" he exclaimed as I jumped into the car and slammed the door. I curled up in my seat and tried to calm my breathing. _No, you were just imagining things, because of all that's happened today and besides anyone could have those colour eyes. ANY STRIGOI could have that eye colour_. I tried to convince myself, but I knew. I knew that only one person had that eye colour. I knew because of the way that pensive stare broke through me, I knew because they were so bright, I knew because no one but Dimitri had that exact colour of crimson eyes.

Alex got in on the other side and looked at me with shock. "Rose, what's wrong?" he asked with concern. I crawled over to him and curled up in his lap.

"Please, just drive back," I whimpered. He quickly obeyed and began to drive away with one arm around me and the other stearing. I glanced back over his shoulder and saw that the boy had stood up. He was staring right at me and then, right before my eyes, he transformed, right there.

Into Dimitri.

I was right. I ducked my head against Alex and held him tightly, trying to push the image out of my head. I glanced back once more and hated what I saw. He was laughing.

**So how did you like that? I hope it was long enough? And get that last bit? Dimitri was such a powerful Strigoi that he can people-shift. Like transforming his appearance completely. Was it okay?**

**Please tell me what you think.**

**And please check out the song by Skillet, it's called 'Monster' I LOVE IT!!!!!!!**

**Please review!**

**Love ya**

**Alice**


	30. I Don't Deserve You

**CHAPTER THIRTY - I DON'T DESERVE YOU**

I sat on my bed, with my laptop in front of me, iTunes loading. I had to get that song and I would do just about anything to get Dimitri out of my mind. I checked the time, 5:37 in the afternoon for humans. I hadn't gone to bed at all and I'd just thought of buying the song about five minutes ago. I went through all the process of buying 'Monster' by Skillet and then I played it quietly as I got up, walking to my nightstand. I picked up the bag that held the silver chain and slipped the chain out into my hand.

I pulled the ring out of my jean pocket and unhooked the chain, putting it on the chain and then putting the chain around my neck. I leaned over and began to download the song onto my iPod. It was done in no time and I suddenly felt restless, like I had to do something. I picked up the shorts that the Doc had given me on my first day here and a black tank top. I put those on, left my hair down, took my iPod and made my way to the gym. Classes would be starting at nine and Dereck would be coming for practice at eight.

I put 'Monster' on repeat and jogged to the gym, music blasting in my ears, not really caring if I was damaging my hearing. When I got to the gym, I looked around and saw one of the ground-bound punching bags, as I liked to call it. It was a regular punching bag, it just had a plastic bottom filled with water so it didn't fall over when someone hit it. I rolled two of those into the middle of the room about three meters apart. One would be for Dereck, when he came, and the other for me now.

I did a roundhouse kick with my right leg, testing my ribs, they didn't hurt too bad, so I tried my left side. That was okay too, so I started doing rounds. 10 on the right, 10 on the left; 20 right, 20 left ect, all the way up to fifty. Then it got boring so I did the 'machine gun' as Mason had called it before, switching on each kick.

Right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left...

_I...I...I fell like a monster!_

Skillet blared in my ears and I ignored everything around me but the bag, my kicks, my power and the music. Sometime later when the song ended, I heard someone yelling my name. I turned to see Dereck standing only feet away from me.

"Hey, Dereck," I smiled as I danced forward to give him a hug and a kiss _on the cheek_.

"Hey, Rose," he grinned. "What's on the agenda for today? Unless you're already tired? How long have you been here?"

"What's with all the questions?" I teased. "What time is it?"

"It's about ten to eight," he responded watching me with calculating eyes.

I nodded. "I haven't been here long," I lied and Dereck raised an eyebrow. I brushed it off with a wave and he threw his stuff aside, coming to stand beside me. I pointed to the ground-bounds. "We're just going for power and sharpness today and speed. We're throwing kicks and punches and if I feel like it, we'll have some fun."

Dereck grinned at that and I smirked back. "Okay, let's just start off with roundhouses, try for clean kicks that are fast and have lots of power, alright?" He nodded and looked determinedly at the ground-bound. He got into an offensive stance and kicked; he looked at me and seeing my disapproving stare, he began to kick harder and faster. The problem with that was that he got sloppier.

"Stop," I commanded and he did so. "You're getting messy," I walked over to him and lifted his leg. "Keep your leg back until you're ready to kick, then snap it out and recoil cleanly." I demonstrated slowly with his leg and he nodded. I backed away, leaning against my bag to watch him with crossed arms. He was concentrating on being sharp and quick that his kicks were getting weak. "Stop,"

"What now?" he asked irritably.

"We're going to try a different tacktic," I said, approaching him again. "I'm going to sit on top of the bag and you're going to kick it until you knock me off the top because your kick is so strong, got it?"

"I don't want to hurt you!" he protested.

I snorted and rolled my eyes as I climbed up to the top. "You _can't _hurt me, Dereck, now kick."

He took a deep breath and finally nodded. Dereck began kicking and they weren't hard enough, I just got into the rthym of the vibrations. "Okay, you need some music," I lightly jumped to the ground and plugged my iPod into the stereo, playing 'Monster'.

"What's this?" he asked interestedly.

"The best song in the whole entire world, I heard it last night," I informed him. "Okay, you need to get into it, don't worry about me and kick!" I encouraged and got back to the top of the bag, crossing my legs. I nodded to the rthym and said, "Go,"

He began kicking harder and as I watched, I saw his tecniquie improve. I smiled and then I broke into a grin when he began kicking to the song.

_I...I...feel like a monster!_

Dereck kicked on the 'I's so it was: kick...kick...kick, kick, kick, kick. It was pretty cool but as the song neared the end, it was as if Dereck's kicks got more serious and hard core.

I started to sing along quietly. "I...I...feel like a - oh shit!" I yelled as I went flying off of the bag and onto the ground. Dereck had kicked it hard enough to knock me down. I looked up at him and noticed that the bag was falling too; I quickly rolled to the side to it didn't squish me. I hopped up and hugged Dereck happily. "Yeah!" I cheered. "Perfect!"

He smiled then bit his lip. "Did it hurt?"

"Not really, I was just surprised because I wasn't expecting it,"

He messed up my hair and we both looked at the bag. I'd been kicking a lot harder than Dereck and my bag had hardly moved. "We're going to need to fill that with more water," I said and he nodded in agreement. I took his hand and dragged him outside.

"Rose! What are you doing?" he asked as he stumbled along behind me.

I let go of his hand and began to pat around for a hose in the dark. "Look for a hose," I said to him. Dereck got the hint and came down on the ground beside me.

"I found it!" he called suddenly and I looked up to see him about five feet away from me, holding up the end of the hose.

"Good job, when I call to you, turn it on, okay?" I got up and took the hose from him.

"Alright," he nodded and I ran back into the gym, opening up the little hole and sticking the hose in.

"Okay!" I yelled but I didn't hear or feel the water. I lifted the hose out and looked at it, there was no water coming out. "Did you turn the water on?" I called.

"Yeah!" he shouted back.

"Weird," I mumbled and held it pointing towards me, peering in to see if there was something blocking the tube. I couldn't see anything. I walked back outside and pointed to the hose. "What's with this thing?" I asked.

"I don't - oh." he said and kicked a big rock on the ground. It rolled away and suddenly, water spurted out from the hose and into my face.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, dropping the hose at my feet and shaking out my hair. Dereck began laughing and I laughed with him. When we'd finally gotten through that, and filled up the bag, we went back inside.

"Okay, now, what do you want to do?" I asked.

"I don't know..."

"Hmm...okay, well, I guess we could just practice on the bags," I suggested and he nodded and we both began to hit our bags. At some point, we'd both began hitting to the beat of the song. We both stopped and looked at each other as the song ended, we didn't say anything, but we both grinned and began doing the same moves as the song started up again. We were kicking and punching the bags in unison to each other and the song as we rotated the bags. Some novices came in and watched us with amusement, but we ignored them and kept going.

_I...I...feel like a monster!_

We ended the song with a powerful kick with the opposite legs so both our bags rocked and fell to the ground facing outwards. Some of the novices clapped and cheered while Dereck and I smiled at each other. We rolled the bags away and as I unplugged my iPod, Dereck's crew came up to us.

"Good morning, Guardian Hathaway, how are you?" a soft voice asked and I glanced up to see Julian looking at me with a concerned expression. I stood up and mussed his hair.

"I'm okay, kid, don't worry," I smiled, but apparently when I'd bent over to get my iPod, the ring hand come out from under my tank. Laura, Madison, Jane and Julain looked at me knowingly, but the the guys who weren't there, looked at me in surprise.

"What's that?" Dereck asked, holding the ring in between his thumb and forefinger.

"A gift from an old friend," I said softly as I pressed my lips together tightly. Dereck peered at me questioningly and the others raised their eyebrows. I was determined to brush it off. "It's nothing, I was just caught off guard yesterday...because I hadn't heard from _her _in such a long time," I fibbed, the lies coming not as easily as they once had. They all still looked doubious but before I could try to defend myself more, someone tapped my shoulder. I turned to see Etienne and Adrian standing there, looking a bit uncomfortable as the novices eyed them suspiciously.

"Hey, Rose," Adrian gave me his famous cocky grin that I had once known before. Now, to me at least, it seemed dried up and fake, there was a seriousness under his act that I couldn't help but notice. Adrian wasn't really bothered by all the people, he was always around people and Etienne didn't really seem to mind much; he was shooting some of the girls charming smiles.

"Hey, Adrian," I leaned in to peck him on the cheek and I felt Dereck tense, which I ignored. "Etienne," I gave him a quick kiss as well; I rocked back on my heels, watching them carefully. "Why are you here?" I asked casually.

"Can't I come see my sister whenever I please?" Etienne feignned being offended.

"Certainly not, your sister has a very important job," I snapped with a quick grin. "Nah, I'm kidding, what's up? Really," I added firmly.

"Well, we really just wanted to see you, Rose," Adrian piped up and my gaze shifted to him. Looking into his eyes I saw that it was true, for _him _at least.

I rewarded him with a small smile as I said, "That's nice, thanks, but is there anything else?" I prodded, my eyes once again shifting to Etienne. "Is there anything you want to tell me, _brother_? It's not very nice to keep secrets, especailly from your sibling,"

Etienne's mouth opened to retort but Kevin's voice stopped him. "Wait. You guys are siblings?" he asked incredulously.

"Of course," I answered easily as Etienne responded, "What else would I be?" I also added, "Don't you see _any _resembalence?"

They studied us for a few long seconds and then Leo finally nodded. "You have the same hair, that's for sure. But, _you_," he pointed to Etienne. "Have killer eyes, completely unlike Rose's. How are you related?"

A few of the other novices crowded in closer, now curious for some information. "We have the same father," Etienne answered before I could as he put a lazy arm around my shoulders. He turned me, so my back was to Dereck, and faced the other novices. "So I would think twice before you try messing with me, or my _sister _will beat you up!" he joked ironiclly and everyone laughed, Adrian included, which made me smile a bit. Then that smile vanished _very _quickly as I remembered my own actions from the other day...with Alex in the car and in the jewelers...

"Rose?" someone was saying and I blinked myself back into the present. "Aren't you going to introduce us to the lovely people here?" it was Adrian, of course.

I sighed and motioned to Leo. "That's Leo Walker," I saw Adrian shoot me a meaningful look and I quickly glanced away, motioning to Kevin next. "This is Kevin Belikov -" I suddenly stopped talking, realizing what this would mean. Telling Adrain about a _Belikov _and then something caught my hand, holding it firmly, but lightly. I'd also made another mistake, I'd been waving around my _right _hand, displaying the bandage out for everyone to see. I winced slightly and my eyes, very, very slowly moved up the arm, the torso, the neck and all the way up to meet Adrian's eyes.

"You wouldn't mind sharing something about this..." his voice faded in a conversationaly tone but his eyes were firm but concerned and...loving. That only made me feel more guilty about what I'd done with Alexander even though I'd promised myself to Adrian. I felt like a filthy little slut, like a was cheating on him, even though we weren't really dating or had anything. I don't even think Adrian and I had shared one single kiss.

"Well," I laughed lightly, glancing away from him, unsure of what he was seeing in my aura or my eyes but I really didn't want to take a chance so I deprived him of the chance that he could read one. "You know me...always getting into trouble, so this shouldn't really be that big of a shock to you, obviously," I laughed again and tried to tug my hand away but Adrian held tightly. I looked at him, his eyes were not on mine, but they were lingering around me, studying the air carefully. _Aw, shit_. I thought as I bit down on my lip. "Adrian, now's not really the -"

"You're guilty." he said in a low voice. "You're guiltly...sad...hurt...worried..."

"Adrian!" I squeaked, my voice rising in alarm. "Adrian!" I glanced around anxiously, the novices were eyeing him strangely.

"...scared..."

"_I am afraid of nothing_," I snarled at him, jerking my hand back viciously as his words brought fury.

"...in the dark..."

"_ADRIAN IVASHKOV!_" I shouted in his face. Suddenly, it was as if he was pulled from one of his 'moments' and he blinked at me. Unfortunetly, just because Adrian went a bit loopy, doesn't mean he forgets what happened.

"What have you done to yourself?" he whispered, looking at me with unfathomable emerald eyes.

I heard the novices break out in excited whispered and knew I had to do something to calm this little inconvienence. I laughed loudly. "Shitfaced, are we, or hungover? Adrian, really," I pretended to scold him as I put an arm around his shoulders, stearing him away from the crowd and towards the door. "I'll just take him back to his room," I called over my shoulder to whoever it may have concerned.

I hardly noticed Etienne following at our heels, but right then, I really couldn't care. As soon as we were out of the gym, I started on Adrian. "I cannot believe that you've just did that, Adrian Ivashkov. I really cannot believe you!"

He looked at me apologetically. "It's not like I _meant _to do it so openly,"

"But you were looking at my aura," my voice was thick with accusation.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "But I knew you were lying so I wanted to figure out why," he feebly tried to defend himself.

"Oh!" I threw my hands up angirly. "Okay, you wanted to figure out why I was lying! Alright, did you ever think that I might be lying for a _reason?"_

He looked at me steadily. "I really don't think that I deserve to be yelled at right now, especailly about this," he said in a low voice.

"Oh!" I said again. "You don't _deserve _to be yelled at? Oh, I'm _terribly_ sorry, Lord Ivashkov," I swept him a low bow as venom dripped off my words.

"Rose, don't do that," he said quietly.

"Well, I'm really only mad because you're hurting yourself," I snapped. "You probably made everyone in there think that you're totally insane, five bucks says that they are debating whether you're fucked more than me,"

"Rose, don't say that," he said quietly taking a step towards me.

"Well, it's true, isn't it?" I glowered. "Everyone either thinks that I'm fearless and brave or so completely messed up that I have no self-regard whatsoever,"

"That's not true," he protested.

I continued on as if I hadn't heard him. "The tally weighs favourably in the second opinion," I added in an offhanded tone, knowing that I was being spiteful, but I wasn't really in the best mood. I was having a great time, until they'd come to kill my buz. "Couldn't you guys have waited until I'd noticed you? It wouldn't have been that long, class was almost starting so I would have either been helping or leaving."

"Rose." The tone caught me off guard and I stopped talking to stare at him in surprise. "Rose," he said again. "You that none of that is true," his voice softened along with his eyes, for some reason, that scared me. It scared me that he was opening himself up and showing his emotions so easily to me. I stumbled backwards and then tried to gather up my compossure, and not succedding.

"I-I, you know what?" I glanced away from Adrian's confused and hurt look, thinking I should do anything to make this a bit better. "You know what?" I repeated and made an impulsive decision, as always. "I'll show you my hand, then can I leave and we'll forget all about this?"

Etienne, who was standing beside Adrian now, contemplated this but obviously thought it was mostly Adrian's decision, he turned to look at the other boy beside him, with cautious and questioning eyes. Adrian looked at me for a long time then he finally nodded.

I quickly unwound the gauze, wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I flashed them the back of my hand, but before I could make a run for it, Etienne grabbed my wrist and held it as steadily as he could, considering it was shaking like hell. Both him and Adrian sucked in a sharp breath and both their horrified eyes turned to me.

"What-" Etienne began.

"the-" Adrian said.

"_FUCK_?" they both finished.

I quickly took my hand back. "Well, you know, I've got to go, lots of things to do, professional stuff, you wouldn't believe how bussy I am. I really am sorry, but I have to go, business!" the words came pouring out of my mouth as I rapidly stumbled backwards away from them. I hated the looks the were giving me: horrified, sad, confused, shocked and what hurt me most was the disgust written so plainly over both their features. I stumbled blindly into the gym and everyone turned to stare at me. I began to quickly wrap the gauze back around my hand, approaching Dereck as I did so.

"Hey, um, I'll see you at practice tonight," I shifted uncomfortably, steadily continuing to wrap the gauze. "So...yeah, I'll see you then," I pecked him on the cheek and darted out of the gym like a bat out of hell. I immediately headed back to the guardian dorm and I didn't see that someone was following me there. I quickly ran into the meeting room, the one where Alex and I had shared a fight about my mother and where he'd admitted that he was afraid. I went to one of the doors in the back, barely noticing that it was a tiny little room, like an office. And I didn't even realize Alex was there until he began speaking to me.

"Rose!" he exclaimed, shooting up from the chair he was in. "What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

I threw myself into his arms and buried my face into his shoulder. "It's not the best day so far," I mumbled.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly as he rubbed slowly circles into my back.

"No-fucking-way," I spat, remembering the looks on my friends' faces. I shook my head, suddenly needing a distraction.

**(Some of you may call this 'M' for a rating so don't read it if you don't want to. ;p)**

"Can I make you feel better?" there was a seductive tone in his voice that I'd never heard before and I looked at him in shock. He smiled dazzlingly and ran a hand up my back so one was on my cheek and the other on my waist. I smiled, I hadn't experienced this side of Alex and I was becoming more and more sure that I wanted to.

"You can _try_," I challenged, laying on the charm thickly.

"Hmm...I think I can handle that," he whispered huskily and slowly pushed the door closed as he slowly pressed my back to a wall. I challenged him with my eyes, knowing he could see what I meant and as if in responce, he pressed his lips to mine. I lifted my arms, looping them around his neck, pulling him closer to me; he groaned quietly against my lips and I had to smile. The hand that was on my cheek moved down to caress my neck and collar bone.

"Rose," he whispered thickly as his lips travelled from my mouth to my ear and down my neck. It excited me almost as much as Jesse Zeklos' fangs had a long, _long_ time ago. I knotted my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to me. His hands ran restlessly over my body and I grinned inwardly. He may be a tough, stone-faced, badass guardian, but he was still a man. I brought his lips back to mine and then the door burst open. Alex and I jumped apart as if we'd burned each other and stared at the person in the door. He looked more shocked than mad, really, or that's what he initailly was.

Slowly, as if taking in the situation, Etienne's face began to get more and more red with anger. I didn't know what to do, so I just stared. I noticed that Alex was trying to shift me behind him, but I wouldn't let that happen. If Etienne wanted a fight, it would be with me.

"Rose, do you mind if I talk with Guardian Contrive alone, please?" his tone was steely and I bit my lip as I looked up at Alex, he nodded encouragingly and I returned my gaze back to my brother and slowly moving towards the door.

"If you lay a single hand on him, you'll regret it," I hissed as I passed my brother. He hardly glanced at me, his eyes were hard blue rocks as they stared down Alex. But, I had to give him credit, the man didn't even look away. I closed the door and walked about five paces from the door, creating the illusion that I had left before I silently crept back and pressed my ear to the door.

"Etienne, is there a problem?" Alex's voice was businessly cool as he asked the question.

"Yeah," my brother answered in a hard voice. "This will not -"

"I don't really think that you have the right to prohibit my relationship with Rose," Alex snapped.

I heard Etienne sigh loudly and it was a few moments before he responded. "If you would let me _finish_," he grumbled then went on, "I wasn't going to _prohibit _your relationship. I was going to give you the classic 'talk',"

There was a pause, then Alex asked, "The talk?"

"Yes, the talk. Now, if you ever and I mean _ever _hurt Rose in any way, I swear, you're ass is mine. Even if you make her shed one single tear, I will fucking rip you apart, do you understand that? You might be the Head Guardian here, but, to me, you are no more than an ordinary guy. I saw the way you looked at Rose and the way she looked at you, I can tell you like her, a lot. But if you hurt her in anyway, you will pay. And let this be said right now, if I ever find out that you had _hit _her, I won't just beat you up. I will kill you." Etienne's voice was so serious and hard that I put a hand to my mouth to stiffle a gasp. I couldn't believe that he'd just said that. That wasn't the Etienne I knew, that wasn't _my _Etienne.

"You really think I would do something like that?" Alex's voice was filled with rage.

"I don't know you, but I'm warning you now. I care about Rose and I am not willing to see her more broken up than she is now. I saw what happened with Janine Hathaway at the Royal Court and I know about other things that some friends have told me and I am not willing to take any chances with this. I can't stand to see her so hurt,"

I bit my lip, hard enough to draw blood as I forced myself to keep listening.

"What do you know?" Alex asked in a low voice.

"Things that I'm not sure I want to share with you, if you want to know, ask Rose yourself, I will not prove to be a traitor. She's my sister so I have a right to care, but I'm not going to tell you anything that is strictly her's to tell."

"You don't know her that well, yet you act so protective...as if you've known her for years, as if you _grew up _protecting her." Alex's voice had calmed now and was easily curious but it was soft and not demanding. He was leaving the choice for Etienne, whether he wished to share _his _secrets with Alex or not.

"I've had a few rough dealings in the past to know enough about abusive guys...and I saw how she handled the Royal Court. I talked to her afterwards, reading her emotions and expressions was much harder than I thought it'd be. She's so closed and after talking to her friends and becoming part of their group myself, I've heard about Rose's past feats and present problems. I know about lots of things that would have killed a normal person...but Rose isn't normal.

"She's...almost _supernatural_. Her fighting skills are amazing and after all she's been through, her self control is incredible. She's beautiful, she's witty, she's smart, she's kind, she's strong...everything that makes a perfect person but the things she's seen and done have tainted her. She can be as deadly as the strongest Strigoi in the world, she can be the hardest bitch in town if she has to, she could manipulate people in the blink of an eye if she wanted to. But somehow, she's managed to stay a _good _person. I really believe that and I know that she doesn't have any faith in herself, but everyone else does.

"I know she's idolized in all the students' eyes and even some of the guardians and, for a fact, I know that you are one as well. She is incredible and even though I haven't known her for very long, I've come to love Rose Hathaway for everything that she is. I feel the need to protect her because when she's hurt, I hurt. Not the same way, of course, but it's different, it hurts me to see her go through all that she is, wishing I could help in some way but not knowing how and knowing that it'll upset her if I do.  
"If there was one thing I could give to Rose in the whole entire world, it would be eternal happiness and her life cleansed of inconvienences and enemies. I'd wish her to be with whoever she wants to be with, I'd wish for her to be whatever she wants to. So I mean it when I say that I will do anything to protect her from the pain that she does not need to bear."

It was the longest speach that I had ever heard Etienne make...and it was the nicest, most heartfelt thing anyone had ever said about me. Not that I believed I was idolized, but it touched me. There were tears in my eyes and I couldn't stand to _not _thank Etienne for saying that about me. I threw open the door and practically tackled my brother.

"That...was the nicest thing _anyone _has ever said about me," I whispered into his neck and I clung to him. His arms wrapped around my waist and held me back almost as tightly as I was holding him.

"Eavesdropping, Rose, don't you always know how to cause trouble," he said quietly into my hair.

_You don't deserve him, Rose_, the cold voice that I hand't heard in so lond slithered into my mind. _He's too good for you, too pure. He is too naive to see what you really are. A monster._

"I don't deserve you," I chocked out and Etienne pulled back to look at me with the utmost seriousness.

"You deserve _MUCH BETTER _than me."

**Okay, guys, how did you like that one? I'm not sure if the Etienne speach was a bit much, but I'm feeling sentimental tonight. Tell me your thoughts on this and let me know what you think.**

**I'm also thinking about doing a fanfiction for the Mortal Instruments series. I need some input on that one as well.**

**Are there any other books that you guys would like me to write about? If so, stick them in a review. If I haven't read them, I swear that I'll get right on that and read them. So I guess if there is are a lot of suggestions for certain books...I don't know. We'll have a vote! Democracy, how charming. ;p**

**Anyway, thanks so much for reading. Tell me what you think about everything.**

**Love ya, **

**Alice**


	31. Black Roses

**CHAPTER THIRTY ONE- BLACK ROSES**

**Once agian, I must dedicate the idea for this chapter to XxNight'sheartxX. I also have to say that the little run in with Etienne and Alex, that was inspired by starlinc and her wonderful reviews. T**

**hanks to all my other reviewers as well, teagz, Mookie, taylor1adrian, puppylove216, Schery Lestrange Ivahskov, missprincess13, sora, xxxtori101xxx, kaytlinJane, catlover12, ToLazyToSignIn, myra and every single other person who's reviewed my story. that was only the first review page, please dont think i purposely forgot anyone.**

**anway, here's the next chapter...**

I leaned against the wall to the cafateria, flipping through the songs on my iPod carelessly when a boy came running up to me franticlly. After Etienne's heart-felt admission, we'd become closer and I'd spent the rest of the day with him, just being close to my brother was enough, I smiled slightly, remembering.

"Guardian Hathaway!" he exclaimed seeming relieved.

I glanced up and pulled out my headphones, putting them around my neck. "Yeah?" I asked as I began to turn to enter the cafeteria. I opened the door as the boy hurried after me.

"Guardian Hathaway, these are for you!" he said and I noticed that he was holding a long red box, it was a blood red. He shoved them into my hands and scurried away.

"Thanks, kid..." I murmured. I felt eyes from all over the cafateria on me as I studied the box. I ignored them and gently ran my fingers across the black silk ribbon that was tied around the box. I slipped the ribbon off and slowly opened the box. There was a bouquet of black roses and a white piece of paper on top of the stems, it had my name on it in a rusted metalic red. It was so obviously dried blood. I pulled the note out and read:

_Rose,  
A gift from one life to the next._

There was no signature, but it's not like I needed one to know who it was from. Dimitri. I examined the box more closely, the inside was white, but was splattered with red, it was like a mini paintball field splattered with red paint. But I knew it wasn't paint. It was blood. And on the inside of the top half of the box, there, drawn in blood, was the same type of heart that was carved in my skin. I felt the blood drain from my face as I slowly closed the box and retraced my steps out of the gym.

I knew Dereck was following me, but I didn't care. _How could Dimitri be so spiteful? Didn't he know this would hurt me?_

My mind turned into a battle field, like ying and yang. The good voice and the bad; the bad telling the cold and painful truth.

**_Of course he knew it would hurt you! _**

_Why, then? Why would he do it?_

**_Because it's his nature, he loves to cause pain. And besides, don't you think you deserve it?_**

_Deserve it? Why would I DESERVE it? I'm trying to do what's right! What I promised!_

**_Well, you DID leave him. You left him instead of trying harder to save him. You RAN AWAY._**

_I had to run! I couldn't fight of Janine and Stan!_

**_You should have tried harder, he knows that and so do you._**

_The only way I could have tried harder was to waste time and probably get both Janine and Stan killed!_

**_Are they more important than Dimitri? Look what Janine's done to you, even at an early age. She deprived you of any family that you had a chance of having. And you've always hated Stan, what's his life to you?_**

_I would be a murderer!_

**_You would have died and no one would have pinned you for anything._**

_Stop it! It's not true!_

**_It is. Dimitri is punishing you for the thing that you did not do for him, making you suffer is in his nature but he could just as easily torture his comrads, but it has to be you. Because of YOUR mistake._**

_He should still have a heart! He loved me once!_

**_Did he really?_**

I stopped, noticing that I had found my way to the gym. A good way to burn off some steam. I pulled one of the bags attached to the ceiling and brought it to a corner, because the other novices would be coming in for class soon. I threw the bouquet to the ground and began hammering it with all my strength in my kicks. I would go find Dimitri as soon as possible and end this all. I put in my head phones and blasted music in my ears. The song playing was 'Fake It' by Seether. I wondered when I'd bought the song, but it was a good song so it didn't matter much.

_Who's to know if your soul will fade at all  
The one you sold to fool the world  
You lost your self-esteem along the way  
Yeah_

[Chorus:]  
Good god you're coming up with reasons  
Good god you're dragging it out  
Good god it's the changing of the seasons  
I feel so raped  
So follow me down  
And just fake it if you're out of direction  
Fake it if you don't belong here  
Fake it if you feel like affection  
Woah you're such a fucking hypocrite

And you should know that the lies won't hide your flaws  
No sense in hiding all of yours  
You gave up on your dreams along the way  
Yeah

[Chorus]

Whoah  
Whoah

I can fake with the best of anyone  
I can fake with the best of em all  
I can fake with the best of anyone  
I can fake it all

Who's to know if your soul will fade at all  
The one you sold to fool the world  
You lost your self-esteem along the way  
Yeah

[Chorus]

Fake it if you're out of direction  
Fake it if you don't belong here  
Fake it if you feel like infection  
Woah you're such a fucking hypocrite

Of course, I wasn't paying any attention to anything around me so I didn't noticed the novices staring at me in shock. The next song was 'In The End' by Linkin Park. _That' right, _I thought, _nothing matters in the end. It's all over in the end. _Suddenly Dereck put himself in between me and the punching bag, mid kick. I froze, not wanting to hurt him, I was sure that if my foot connected with his midsection I'd break some ribs. I slowly withdrew my leg and stood before him breathing heavily.

'Rose' his mouth moved but I couldn't hear because my music was on too loud.

I pulled my head phones out and glowered at him. "What are you doing, Dereck? Go join the class," I hissed and noticed that the whole class was around us. I also saw Mikhail holding the bouqet in his hands and he was reading the note and staring in horror. A dry smile passed over my lips as I stared at him. _That's nothing, _I thought to him. _That's only a little bit of what's going on with me_. I slowly walked over, taking the bouqet from him.

"I'm just causing distractions, I'll leave," I said quietly and walked out of the gym. I silently, but quickly went to the back of the guardian building, but I didn't go in. I went around to the back where'd I'd kicked the whole in the side. I looked into the blackness and made sure no one was around before I ducked in.

This time I didn't have any light from Christian so I paused at the bottom of the stairs. "Myra?" I called.

_"Rosemarie Hathaway, I was wondering when you'd stop in again." _the old lady's voice cut through the silence.

"I'm glad you've been waiting, I didn't know I was such great company," I said sarcastically as I hesitantly took a step forward. Suddenly the room was ablaze with candle light. I hadn't noticed candles before, but when they lit the room now, I could see Myra, only feet away, watching me with those creepy gray orbs she used for eyes. "Hey," I nodded.

She nodded to me and held out her hand. I slowly approached and went to her side.

_"Your hand," _she rasped and I slowly put my hand into her withered one. Her gray eyes went distant, if that were possible, as if she were seeing something from my hand. Like a gypse. I watched her expectantly, I wasn't scared, I was...numb.

_"You've seen much since you were last here,"_ the lady observed.

"Yeah, too much," I said dryly.

_"Maybe in such a short time, too much, but you are learning."_

"Sure, I'm learning," I rolled my eyes. "I'm learning how to feel pain more intensely," I grumbled under my breath but the look in her eyes, made me think she'd heard me.

_"Rosemarie..." _she murmured. _"How do you feel about your uncle?"_

I started, how did she know about that?

_"The book has it,"_ she responded to my thought and my eyebrows raised.

"Is that a new trick?" I asked. "Reading minds?"

Myra glared at me. _"Watch yourself," _she warned. _"I asked you a question and I expect an answer,"_

"Well, my uncle? The one my mother murdered?" it was obvious she could hear the bitter edge in my voice.

_"You're angry," _she remarked.

"No shit?" I rolled my eyes again. "She took away the only family that I could have had, now I don't even have the shitty mother _she _was,"

_"Do you really think she was such a bad mother?" _Myra asked.

"Yeah, I do. But that's not why I'm here. I am here because -"

_"I know exactly why you_ _are here, Rosemarie," _she tilted her ehad to the side. _"Come,"_ Myra turned and began to lead the way through her underground layer. I smirked at that thought and her head snapped back to glare at me. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. She led me back to the table where I'd once sat with my crew.

_"Sit, Rosemarie," _Myra murmured and I did as I was told. _"Your time is coming soon, Rosemarie Hathaway, very, very soon."_

"To do what?" I asked.

_"You will know what, it is only a matter of hours,"_

"What's only a matter of hours?" I asked, leaning towards her.

_"You will know in time!" _her raspy voice echoed off the walls and she pulled something up onto the table. My book, I remembered seeing the familair cover.

_"Yes, you know this well, already, don't you?_" she asked and as I nodded I could have sworn that a ghost of a smile passed her lips. _"That is good, Rosemarie, now everything will fall into place." _I wanted to ask her what the fuck she was talking about but she carried on, _"Fear_," she said. _"Is the only factor that is keeping you from your fate, the only thing that is keeping you from doing what you most need to."_

I jumped up from my seat and pounded the table with my fist. "I am not a coward!"

_"I did not call you a coward, I just said that you fear what you must do."_

"No," I snarled. "I don't, I am not afraid!" her dead-like eyes watched me. "I will do everything that I have to and I am not afraid of anything!"

_"Only a fool has no fear," _

"Then I am a fool!" I threw my hands up into the air. "I may be a fool, I may be half dead, I may be disturbed...but _I AM NOT AFRAID!_"

_"Rosemarie," _she shook her head sadly. _"You are blinded by your strength, you do not want to see your weaknesses, but by seeing them you will become stronger."_

For some reason, I remembered Dimitri's 'Zen lessons' when he was still a dhampir and I collasped into my chair. "I'm not afraid," I whispered unsure if I was trying to convince myself or the hag across from me.

_"Your time will come, you must be patient and remember your true-self. You are pure, Rosemarie."_

"Not as much as you think," I mumbled thickly remembering Dimitri.

_"I know it's more than YOU think."_

**how did you like it?**

**good, bad, horrible? please review.**

**i just started a new story for The Mortal Instruments, it's called 'Dark Magic'**

**anyway, please review**

**love ya**

**alice**


	32. He Understands

**CHAPTER THIRTY TWO- HE UNDERSTANDS**

**I'm sorry for not updating in forever, but here's a really long chapter. It's 25 pages. And yes, I have read the actual Blood Promise****'!!!!! I thought it was good. Though i was pretty angry at everyone most of the time. Anyway, enjoy the chapter.**

I walked numbly back to my room in the guardian building, thinking about what Myra had said. _My time would come? _What was that supposed to mean?

I shook my head. "Well, Rose, just another complication," _And speaking of complications. _I thought as I looked up and saw my crew walking up to me at a very fast pace. I clutched the roses to me and turned in the other direction, walking away very quickly.

"_Rose!_"

"Go away," I muttered under my breath and then put on a smile, as if I was pleasantly surprised. Keeping the roses behind my back, I lifted my right hand in the air. "Hey, guys!" I called. "I didn't notice you! What a great surprise! I hate to be a party pooper, but I have to go. Tata!" I turned and started to walk away again, but they yelled once more.

"_ROSE!_"

I looked up at the sky. "What did I do to you?" I growled. If the Big Man could hear me, I bet He knew I was pissed.

"_What _are you doing?" Lissa demanded. They had closed the distance between us by now.

"Thinking that I should start praying," I said honestly and she looked at me like I was crazy and proving my suspicion, she thought, _Is Rose truly insane?_

"Yes, mommy dearest, I am insane. Does that surprise you?" She blinked then blushed in embarrassment. "Why don't you voice your thoughts, Princess Dragomir, it's not like everyone present doesn't know." I added in an offhanded tone as Lissa blushed even redder.

"Rose, don't," she said in a small voice.

"Terribly sorry," I bowed my head in mock respect then looked at them inquiringly. "Well, what do you want?"

"Rose, that's no way to treat your friends," Etienne scolded and I smirked at him.

"Well, you're my brother so you don't count," I said loftily.

"I was talking about the others that are in your very gracious presence," he returned dryly.

"Oh, ha, ha, very funny; now, seriously, what do you want?"

"Can't we just spend one day with you?" a very soft voice said and all eyes turned to stare at Eddie.

Eddie hadn't spoken much while we were here and when I looked at him, I saw the stress and worry lines on his face, I saw the sadness in his eyes, I saw the _pleading _in his eyes.

I winced and I softened as well. "When I come back, you can spend as much time with me as you want to, Eddie."

"Rose," he said, his voice begging. "We can't stand to loose you, Rose," I saw tears in his eyes. What his statement really was saying was: _**I **__can't stand to loose you, Rose; I can't go through what happened with Mason again._

"Oh my God, Eddie," I whispered and looked away shamefully. "I-I…I have to go," I lowered my gaze and all but ran away in the other direction.

*8*8*8*8*8*

I found myself back in the gym; no one was there except for a Moroi who was cleaning up. He gave me a nod and I barely acknowledged him as I stared around at the empty space. For once, I didn't find comfort in the thought of fighting.

I sighed and went to the class I knew Dereck was in: Theory.

Slipping in through the back door, Mikhail caught my eye and I winked at him. His eyes shifted to the box I still held in my hands, his eyebrows raised questioningly. I shrugged and started to weave my way through the guardians over to him. A scornful voice stopped me.

"Well, well, a guest speaker," Cormack sneered; I swear he was Stan Alto's twin. "Come on up and share your techniques with us, Guardian Hathaway," his lips curled around 'guardian' making it sound like a derogatory term.

I suffered a momentary shock as all eyes turned towards me; then I shrugged and strode up to the front of the class. "What do you want to me to say?" I asked innocently.

"Explain what the box in your hands is," he sneered, seeming to know it would set me off.

I wouldn't let him. "I don't think that's necessary," I said calmly, making my voice emotionless.

"I _do_, now explain, Hathaway," he snarled.

I leaned comfortably against the wall. "No, I don't think I will,"

"_What did you say_?"

I pushed off from the wall and strolled towards him, the bouquet behind my back. "I said no, because you have _no _authority to order me to do anything. And may I remind you, Guardian Cormack, that I am your equal so you have _no_ power over me whatsoever?" I was only half a foot away from him now and I could see the fury glinting in his eyes.

"And _you_," he jabbed a finger at me. "Have no right to speak to me that way,"

"And why not? I'm speaking to you as I do any other person, well, truthfully, I' very, _very_ controlled right now, so I don't understand what you're complaining about. If I didn't control myself so studiously, you'd be through that wall right now," I smirked, seeing the anger in his eyes increase.

"You think you could put _me_ through a wall?" his breath, let me tell you, smelled _horrible_. It was one of those times when you didn't offer just one tic-tac; you offered the whole pack.

"I'm not incapable of it and I'm not above doing it," I added conceitedly though it was nothing to be proud of.

I saw him getting ready to shoot something else at me when Mikhail decided that it was time to stop the argument before things went _too_ far.

"Alright, Guardian Hathaway, that's enough; Guardian Cormack, how about you take the rest of the period off? We know how much Guardian Hathaway can provoke someone," he shot me a warning look and I obediently kept quiet as Mikhail probed him out the door. Once Cormack was gone, he shot me a knowing look that I knew I'd have to explain myself later.

"Guardian Hathaway?" someone asked and I looked at the boy who'd spoken, I recognized him as the boy who was sparring with Dereck when I'd first met him.

"What's your name?" I asked him.

"Jack," he answered. "Um…what happened to your hand?"

I blinked in surprised and glanced down at my right hand where the bandage still was; I knew very well that beneath it lay a carved heart that would forever stayed scared on my skin. "Just…just a scratch," I replied softly as I lightly tracing my finger over the rough material. I regained myself and looked back up at the class unseeingly for a moment.

Then, suddenly, a quick 'vision' flashed before my eyes.

It was cold…freezing…campus was covered with white snow…looking peaceful…then the ground…

_Oh my God._

The ground…there was blood spattered against the ground…standing out so brightly…insanely drawing my attention…no one was around…but I wasn't alone…

And then my vision faded to black and I slumped backwards.

"Rose!" Mikhail's voice snapped me back to attention and I jerked upright, out of his arms – he'd caught me when I'd lost myself for a moment. "Are you alright?"

I blinked again and sighed, rubbing my forehead. "Yeah, I'm just tired," I leaned against Cormack's desk and let out a heavy breath, placing the bouquet beside me. "Okay, I'm going to play teacher here…um, just ask questions, but, please, don't talk all at once,"

"I'm Jennifer, Guardian Hathaway," a blond girl said, leaning forward in her seat, she was one of the five girls in the class.

"Yes, Jennifer?"

"I was going to ask…um, you're eighteen, right? The same age as any of us here, I was going to ask you how you became a guardian so young and where is your charge?"

I laughed humorlessly. "You know, I could say that my charge was on campus right now, but that's not true because I don't have a charge." I laughed again and ran a hand back through my hair angrily. "Yeah, I'm the same age as you and I dropped out of my academy – and because of that, I don't have a charge."

"You said that you could say that your charge was on campus right now…what did you mean?" a boy asked.

"I mean that the Moroi I would have been assigned to if I had went though with my place at St Vladamir's is actually on campus right this moment,"

"Lissa's here?" Mikhail asked before he could stop himself.

"Yep," I nodded, my mouth twisting with displeasure. "Her and the whole happy fam-damn-ily," I murmured, it came out very spitefully.

"Now, what is with that tone?"

"Nothing," I brushed him off. "Any other questions?"

"How many injuries have you had?" someone else asked.

"More than enough," I grunted and the class laughed, Mikhail reached over and messed up my hair. I elbowed him.

"Guardian Hathaway," someone said and I glanced around, searching for the speaker, I noticed it was someone who was standing in the door. My eyebrows rose as I stared at Etienne. He could always find me – I don't even know why he wanted to _know_ me.

I waved my hand at him and saw the girls eyes widen adoringly.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Etienne Spencer, my lovely brother," I said proudly.

Etienne nodded to the class briefly but his eyes were on me. "Can I talk to you?" there was an urgency in his tone I didn't understand.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I walked towards him.

"I need to talk to you,"

I picked up my bouquet, as stupid as it seemed, I was going to keep it. "I'll see you guys later," I called over my shoulder to the class as I followed him out of the room.

He engulfed me in a tight embrace before I'd barely gotten out of the door. "I'm worried about you, Rose," He murmured into my hair.

I wound my arms around his waist. "You don't need to worry about me,"

"Rose, I _have _to,"

"No, you don't; you just feel like you have to."

He pulled back and looked at me with the most serious look I'd ever seen on him. "Rose, you're my sister and I love you, but you don't have to act so tough all the time,"

"Etienne," I murmured, a smile playing at my lips. "I act so tough because I _am_ so tough."

He shook his head. "I know, but you're not super-human – wait, you are. So, you aren't completely unnatural so you have to let go some times."

"You sound like a therapist," I grumbled, pulling away from him. We walked down the hallway and outside. A sharp blast of cold wind greeted us as we made our way across campus.

Etienne caught my hand and twined our fingers together, lightly swinging our arms as we walked. "Where are the others?" I asked quietly.

"Back in their rooms, I wanted to find my favorite person," he smiled at me and squeezed my hand.

I sighed. "I'm…sorry about earlier, you guys caught me at a bad time, but that isn't fair. I shouldn't have been such a bi –"

"That's okay," he cut me off quietly. "I understand,"

"You want to know something?" I asked after a quiet minute. "I think you really do,"

He grinned at me. "That's because we have a relationship that goes deeper than blood,"

"I bet," I smiled kindly. He led me to a bench, just inside the cover of the trees. It was warmer in there; the large trees were breaking the wind. Even though there was less wind, I was still cold, so I curled up on Etienne's lap, feeling like I was about two years old.

He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my head. "You are much older than you should be," he said quietly.

"You're not the first person to tell me that," I replied.

"Hmm," he rumbled and we sat there, content to be in each other's presence.

"You know what?" I said after quite some time.

"What?"

"I think that I should sort of clean up some things up tonight," I declared.

"Like what?"

"I think that we should all have dinner tonight,"

"Who?" Etienne asked with confusion.

"Who do you think?" I snorted. "Lissa, Christian, Adrian, Eddie – you know, the people you brought to me,"

"I didn't do it on purpose, you know that."

"I know, but that doesn't matter now, I just think we should go out and eat tonight,"

"Hmm, you know, I think that's a good idea,"

"Me too,"

He kissed my forehead. "I'm proud of you, I'm proud to be your brother."

8*8*8*8*8*8

Etienne made me dress up.

Even after my protests and arguments, he'd still managed to get me into presentable clothes. Never mind the fact that I had to borrow them from Laura.

I ended up wearing a bright red silk shirt over a lacy black tank top and a pair of black slacks. I wanted to do things a bit my own way, so I had the shirt buttoned up to the middle of my stomach, so the top of the tank was showing. I was studying myself in the bathroom when Etienne walked in.

"You know that this is the girl's bathroom, right?" I asked, a small smile playing across my lips.

"Of course," He fluttered his eyelashes ridiculously and posed, making me giggle in a way that I hadn't in a very long time. "That's my girl," he grinned. "I have something for you,"

My brow went together in confusion. "What is it?"

"Close your eyes," I did as I was told and felt something cold clasp around my neck. I opened my eyes and stared in the mirror – Etienne had bought me a necklace. It was a thin silver chain with a heart locket. On the locket were intricate designs, swirls that I immediately fell in love with. Some part of me warned that the last time I'd been given an amazing necklace, I'd been put under a lust charm and been made a fool of, but I knew that Etienne wouldn't even _think_ of doing something like that to me.

"Etienne!" I screeched as I turned and threw my arms around his neck. "Thank you!" I exclaimed, squeezing his neck. "You obviously shouldn't have, I don't deserve it, but thank you _so_ much!"

"I didn't have to, but I wanted to," he said kindly. Then he pulled back and said, "You didn't look inside,"

My brow went together again and I slowly pulled open the locket. Inside there was a gorgeous picture of him grinning; I smiled and hugged him again.

"Thank you so much, Etienne," my voice was embarrassingly thick.

"Rose," he sighed happily and he patted my hair before he pulled away from me again. I pointed to a bag on the counter, "Put those on," he ordered.

I opened the bag and saw a pair of stylish black heels, they didn't buckle up or anything, it was the kind I loved – the ones that just had the bottom of the shoe, but your foot was held in by a ribbon.

I grinned from ear to ear. "Where did you get these?" I checked the size. "Ah, perfect for me as well,"

He nodded. "You can't know everything – most of the time." He added with a teasing smile.

I slipped on the shoes and after Etienne had forced mascara and eyeliner on me and deemed me 'perfect' we set off to meet the others, hand in hand.

8*8*8*8*8*8*8

Everyone's eyes widened when they saw me, but they only saw my appearance, they didn't know that I had a stake concealed in my black purse – Etienne had supplied that as well, he was much too good to me. I would be ready to jump into action if there was a need and I knew that there would be. Dimitri would never pass up a chance to wreck my life even more in front of everyone that mattered to me.

Etienne seemed very pleased at their shock and even more pleased with their complements.

"Uh-oh, looks like the old Rose Hathaway's coming back a bit," Christian said smirking. "Run while you can, Ivashkov,"

"You look amazing, Rose," Adrian said, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

"If beauty could kill," Lissa mused in a hesitant teasing voice. I gave her a smile to show that I was willing to clean up the shit I'd started with her, she returned the smile brilliantly.

Then, I focused completely on Eddie. I went to him and hugged him tightly. "You'll never loose me, Eddie," I whispered to him and in response, he tightened his arms around me, but he didn't say anything. That was fine, the message got across.

I went to the Academy's parking and got a van so we could all fit in it. I sat in the driver's seat, Etienne in the front passenger, Eddie directly behind me, Adrian beside him and in the very back were Lissa and Christian.

I drove into town, my eyes sharp on any potential threats. Then, my ears caught on to what the guy on the radio was saying.

"Alright, well, here's one from Three Days Grace, off their new album '_Life Starts Now_', this is '_Break_'."

Then the song started and because I'd become fond of Three Days Grace lately, I turned up the radio to hear it better.

_Tonight my head is spinning  
I need something to pick me up  
I've tried but nothing is working  
I won't stop, I won't say I've had enough_

Tonight I start the fire  
Tonight I break away  
Break! Away from everybody  
Break! Away from everything  
If you can't stand the way this place is  
Take! Yourself! To higher places!

_At night I feel like a vampire  
It's not right but I just can't give it up  
I'll try to get myself higher  
Let's go! We're gonna light it up_

Tonight we start the fire  
Tonight we break away

Break! Away from everybody  
Break! Away from everything  
If you can't stand the way this place is  
Take! Yourself! To higher places!

If you can't stand the way this place is  
Take! Yourself! To higher places!  
Break! Away from everybody  
Break! Away from everything  
If you can't stand the way this place is  
Take! Yourself! To higher places!  
Higher places!  
To higher places!  
Higher places!  
Take yourself to higher places!

I'd been drumming my fingers against the steering wheel and I found myself disappointed when the song ended.

"That was a good song," Etienne commented and I smiled at him.

"Three Days Grace is a good band," I returned.

"Since when have you been into rock, Rose?" Lissa asked from the back seat.

"Since when haven't I been into rock, Lissa?" I countered and we laughed. For once, I thought I was going to be okay.

8*8*8*8*8*8

When we walked into the restaurant, we drew a lot of eyes. _Understatement!_

People automatically glance up when they sense a new presence enter the room, whether they know this or not, but instead of glancing up and returning to their meals or conversations, the eyes stuck to us.

The young man, probably my age or so, who was standing at the little booth by the door blinked when he saw us. Then I stepped forward and his eyes widened. He studied me seeing that none of the boys were standing too close to me and seemed pleased by the prospect.

I smiled. "Is there a table for six?" I asked politely.

"O-of course!" he grabbed the menus and led us back into the restaurant and everywhere we went, the eyes followed. I wasn't unaccustomed to stares, but the Lissa seemed a bit uncomfortable to receive so many looks from humans.

I quickened my pace so I walked beside the boy. "Do you think we could get a quieter part of the restaurant, my friend isn't very good around a lot of people," I whispered to him and he glanced back, obviously seeing Lissa's scrunched up expression.

"Of course," he smiled in an over-friendly way at me, I returned it kindly. He led us into the back of the restaurant where a group of college or university guys were sitting and there was also a family of four.

I smiled to both groups kindly and turned to my friends. "Is this okay, guys?"

"If you don't mind being stared at by a group of idiots," Etienne muttered beside me and I laughed quietly, lightly bumping him with my shoulder. The others nodded but neither Eddie nor Adrian seemed happy about the group of boys.

Lissa slid in on one side, Christian beside her and Eddie on the end; on my side, Adrian went in and then Etienne followed by me.

"So, Rose," Christian said leaning back into the booth, putting his arm around Lissa's shoulders. "Are you coming back, personality and all or what?"

I met his gaze. "Not yet, I'm not finished with my 'business' yet," they all knew what my 'business' was. "So, how are things at the Court?" I asked, trying to start a conversation.

"Oh, they're okay," Lissa added, sounding disappointed.

"What she means is, it sucks without having someone to raise hell," Adrian said and we laughed together. I reached around Etienne and pushed his shoulder lightly, he grinned and winked at me, he pointed at me and mouthed, "Gorgeous,"

I smiled and mouthed, "Right back at you," And I wasn't lying. He looked good, as always. He was wearing black dress pants that fit him perfectly, of course and his brown hair was styled just the way he liked it. Under his designer coat he wore a nicely fitted black sweater that looked very good on him.

Lissa was wearing a nice fitting dark purple dress that set off her hair very well. She was wearing black heels as well, but I could smugly say that mine were much cooler.

Christian was wearing dark blue jeans and a black coat over an ice blue t-shirt that set off his eyes. I smirked at him because that was the most I'd ever seen him dressed up – ever.

Eddie was wearing guardian slacks and the black jacket, very standard; even though we were just supposed to be a bunch of friends hanging out, he believed he was on duty.

Etienne was dressed in blue jeans that fit him exceptionally well and he wore a collared long sleeved shirt – yeah, I'd picked it out. He'd also brushed his hair, but no matter, it still had its attractive unruliness, it had irritated me, but I'd smiled anyway.

I looked at the table thinking of how weird we were, all of us together. Lissa, born into Royals; Christian, from a disgraced family; Etienne, from whereabouts unknown; Eddie, who'd had a _very_ close encounter with death when we'd gotten captured in Spokane; Adrian, who was the Queen's great nephew but had no opinion on most political affairs; then, strangest of all, there was me who was so messed up with everything…

I had way too many guys – Alex, Adrian and Dimitri.

I had way too many tasks – kill Dimitri, mentor Dereck, deal with Leo and Tristin, talk to Mikhail some time, deal with Lissa and I had to deal with Adrian.

I had way too many trusts to hold – Alex trusted me, my crew trusted me, Dereck and _his_ crew trusted me.

I –

"Rose!"

I glanced up in surprise to see everyone watching me. "Yeah?"

"Well, we're going to order drinks," Christian hinted, glancing sideways and I followed his gaze to the young man who was now looking at me with a little note pad.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm completely out of it," I smiled at the guy and he grinned back. "Are you guys up for some wine?" I asked with excitement.

"Alright, my party girl is coming back, _woo-hoo_!" Etienne exclaimed loudly, throwing his arm around my shoulders.

I laughed. "You don't know how I partied," I countered and he laughed boisterously.

"Well, I'm going to find out, little sister!"  
"Don't call me little!" I protested as the others laughed at our banter.

"We're okay with wine," Lissa said nodding and smiling.

"Alright, can we get a bottle of white and a bottle of red wine please?" I asked, smiling up brilliantly up at the waiter.

"Sure thing," he wrote something down then held out his hand to me. "My name is Ash,"

"Rose," I said smiling as I lightly took his hand.

"Nice to meet you," he said, his hold on my hand lingering much longer than was necessary.

"Like wise," I replied taking my hand back. When he left, we stared at each other for a few quiet moments then we all burst out laughing.

"Rose! It's not nice to play him!" Lissa scolded, laughing.

"Yeah, Rose, don't lead him on," Etienne giggled.

"I am _not_!" I laughed wiping my eyes. "I was being _polite_!"

"Rose Hathaway is being polite?" Christian asked feigning shock. "The world is ending."

"Very funny, Christian," I rolled my eyes.

"I thought so,"

"But come on, Rose, don't you remember the old days at St Vladamir's?" Lissa pressed, leaning towards me.

"Yeah," I grinned.

"Do you _remember_ how hard-core you were?" she laughed then she turned to Adrian. "She was absolutely hilarious at the parties; she could get anyone going with a couple of words!"

"I still can, Liss, don't insult me," I said loftily.

"Ooh," she laughed and we touched hands across the table.

"And what would you get people going at, Rose?" Adrian asked, leaning around Etienne so he could see me.

I regarded him with the utmost seriousness. "Any way I wanted."

The waiter came back and set the wine bottles and glasses down for us. "Thank you so much," I grinned and touched his arm lightly, he smiled and went away. I began filling up glasses for everyone and passing them around the table. Once we all had a glass we lifted them in the air and clinked them together.

"Rose, will you take a picture with me?" Adrian asked suddenly and I blinked in surprise.

"Uh, sure," I said smiling. "Shove a bum, Etienne," I said to my brother and I crawled over him in the booth so I was sitting beside Adrian.

"Oh, I have a camera!" Lissa exclaimed, digging in her purse, she pulled out a pink digital camera. Adrian wrapped his arm around my waist slowly at first and when I didn't protest he smiled. I threw my arm around his shoulders and leaned my face close to his, grinning. Lissa had some trouble with the camera so Adrian and I waited patiently.

He turned his face sideways and whispered in my ear, "You are very beautiful, Rose,"

"Thank you, I like to think so," I replied quietly and at that moment, Lissa got the camera working and she snapped a picture when Adrian's lips were still at my ear.

"Ooh," she said happily. "I think this should be called 'A Secret to Love'," she displayed the picture to our group and we laughed.

"It certainly looks that way," Etienne said with upraised brows.

We took more pictures, Etienne and me posing differently each time the camera came our way. Once, we were both faking shocked faces at the camera, then we did a _James Bond_ pose, then there was the telephone conversation they taped, then there was the fighting one and then we did an angry one.

I also took more with Adrian, each different in their own ways. One, Adrian was kissing my cheek; another we were holding up our hand, fingers intertwined in front of our faces; another Etienne had pushed me and I'd fallen across Adrian's lap where he'd caught me and Lissa took a picture.

"Romeo and Juliet!" she cheered.

I took pictures with each of my friends, letting them all know in my special way that I was sorry for everything I'd put them through – and in their own ways, they each let me know I was forgiven.

We laughed and grinned and chatted like we were a group of normal people. It felt really good. We ordered our food and we began eating it, breaking into different conversations with each other. Etienne and Eddie were talking about guardian things, Lissa and Christian had their own things to pay attention to, so that left Adrian and me.

"How have you been, Rose?" he asked softly, putting a noodle in his mouth.

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. "I'm alright,"

"I was…kind of…hesitant to come with Lissa to see you at the Siberian Academy. I didn't know if you wanted space or what…but in the end…I just couldn't resist to come see you." He admitted and a fork of lasagna stopped halfway to my mouth.

I slowly set my fork down and stared at Adrian. "Why do you even like me?" I all but whispered.

He blinked and took a hold of my hand over the table. "Rose, you're strong, you're brave, you're not afraid of anything, you're insane…and you drive me crazy, Rose." I saw the earnestly in his eyes.

"I'm afraid of a lot of things, Adrian," I said quietly, not looking at him.

"I don't care if you're afraid of things, Rose, we all are afraid of some things, but that's not the point. Rose, I –"

_Oh my God, he cannot say it. No! Shut you're mouth! Be quiet!_ I thought in panic, but Christian saved me just in time.

"Adrian," he said in his provoking voice. "How many girls have you been with in all your time?"

For the first time, I saw Adrian Ivashkov incredibly uncomfortable.

I could've kissed Christian right then.

Seeing Adrian this uncomfortable was _very_ comical – he glanced uneasily at me and then down at the table as he mumbled something and withdrew his hand from mine.

"What? I didn't catch that?" Christian said loudly, clearly enjoying Adrian's discomfort.

"I don't know," Adrian said again, blushing bright red. We howled with laughter and Adrian's blush deepened.

"Hey –" Etienne began but he was cut off when a group of staff came to our table, they were all strangely grinning from ear to ear.

"I'm the manager, my name is Kristina and tonight we're having a karaoke contest. We went around the restaurant asking who they wanted to start it off. Most of them said the group of six with two girls; one blond and one brunette, they said they hadn't arrived that long ago and we're sure that you're the group." A girl with bright red hair announced cheerfully.

"You can't be serious," I laughed.

"Completely," she grinned at me and I grinned back.

"We're in," I said immediately, I hopped out of the booth, dragging Etienne with me.

"Rose!" Lissa exclaimed.

"Come one, Liss, it's going to be fun!" I called over my shoulder to her. I reached back and grabbed her hand, pulling her out over Christian and Eddie. The rest of the group, bemused but left with no other choice followed.

The group of staff led us back to the front of the restaurant and to a little stage I hadn't noticed before. We stumbled up onto the stage bursting with giggles and wine-drunk.

"Okay," Kristina said into the microphone and all the people turned to stare. "We've got the most requested group up here to do karaoke!" the crowd clapped and laughed. "Alright, how about you introduce yourselves," she held the microphone out to me and I took it, grinning.

"Hey, I'm Rose Hath-a-way," I made my last name three syllables and I got a lot of cheers, though, I was sure the male variety cheered louder. I bowed and handed the microphone to Lissa.

"I'm Lissa," she got a lot of cheers too and I grinned and joined the people that were clapping. I suspected that she left out her last name for a reason.

Next, my brother bellowed, "I'm Etienne Spencer," but he did it like he was an announcer so he said it like 'I'm EEEEEE-teeee-nnnnnn Spenc-_er_!' it was quiet comical, he got a lot of feminine cheers.

"I'm Adrian," the Royal said, his blush starting to fade and he looked as dashing as ever – he got _a lot_ of feminine cheers. I looked around and noticed that Christian and Eddie had slipped off the stage, or hadn't come up at all.

I took the microphone. "And that's Christian and Eddie, but they won't be performing tonight," I pouted and much to my pleasure, they got a bit of boos. I handed it back to Kristina.

"Well, we have a song for you guys, we want you to start our show with 'Into the Night' by Santana and Chad Kroeger," Kristina announced.

"Yeah!" I exclaimed and the others smirked at me.

Kristina said, "Here you go!" she and her co-workers ran off the stage handing the four of us microphones and they turned on the screen and music. I grinned and got ready to sing, I winked and Lissa and received a charming smile from Adrian; Etienne bumped his shoulder into mine and I bumped him with my hip.

_Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell  
It was love from above, that could save me from hell,  
She had fire in her soul it was easy to see  
how the devil himself could be pulled out of me,  
There were drums in the air as she started to dance  
Every soul in the room keeping time with there hands  
And we sang_

We did sing and it was hilarious, I grinned and looked out into the crowd of people, I didn't need the words.

_Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
and the voices bang like the angels sing,  
We're singing...  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night,_

Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place  
You could tell how we felt from the look on our faces  
we was spinning in circles with the moon in our eyes  
The room left them moving between you and I  
We forgot where we were and we lost track of time  
And we sang to the wind as we danced through the night  
And we sang

Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And the voices bang like the angels sing,  
We're singing...  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay, And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night  
And we danced on into the night

I started clapping, getting the crowd in on it as well. Lissa, Etienne and Adrian followed suit. I was laughing hysterically, but I continued singing.

_Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell  
It was love from above, that could save me from hell,  
She had fire in her soul it was easy to see  
how the devil himself could be pulled out of me,  
There were drums in the air as she started to dance  
Every soul in the room keeping time with there hands  
And we sang_

Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And the voices bang like the angels sing,  
We're singing...  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night

Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And the voices bang like the angels sing,  
We're singing...  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night

We finished the song and it was the happiest I'd been since I'd left the St Vladamir's. We received a standing ovation.

I pulled a very dramatic bow and slipped off the stage with my friends.

Kristina retook the stage. "Great, performance!" she enthused. "You're meal will get be on the house tonight, as well as anything else you might want."

I shook my head. "That's not necessary –" I began but she cut me off.

"It most certainly is," then she addressed the rest of the crowd. "Do we have a volunteer for the second song of the night?" the group of college or university boys came up, chucking and stumbling over themselves.

"We'll go," one of them said, he was tall and had blond shaggy hair.

"Alright, you're singing 'Break' by Three Days Grace,"

"Oh, man!" I pouted. "I want to do that song!" one of the other boys who'd been standing near me, turned. He wasn't as tall as the other boy, but he had longish brown hair that came down in front of his eyes and on the back of his neck, he had startling blue eyes.

"Then come up and do the song," he said.

"You guys are singing," I said confused.

"If you want to, come up, the guys won't mind," he shrugged.

"That's not fair," I objected.

"If I say it's fair, it is; now get up here," he grinned at me and I took his outstretched hand, going up on the stage with them. The boys introduced themselves like our group had. There was Eric, Mitch, Kyle, Sam and the boy who'd brought me up was Destrey – it was pronounced like Dest-dree.

"Hey, I'm Destrey and we're bringing back Rose Hathaway for an encore!" he said, putting his arm around my shoulders – I got a very large applause again. There were more than a few wolf-whistles and males shouting and clapping. I saw Adrian glance around with a slight irritation – I also caught the look he gave Destrey and his arm around me, I was amused.

We sang the song and it was awesome! I just loved the chorus. Throughout most of the song, Destrey and I were singing it together with either doing the same movements or looking at each other as we sang.

At a part about two minutes into the song, where it was the instrumental, Destrey and I found ourselves face to face and we sang it together, leaning towards each other.

"_If you can't stand the way this place is, take! Yourself! TO HIGHER PLACES! BREAK!_" we jumped at the same time and began swinging our heads, throwing our hair around in the air. We finished the song with a dramatic jump and a pose, back to back.

The crowd went wild.

We laughed and I chatted with Destrey after we came down and the next group went up.

"That was awesome," I laughed as we stumbled off the stage.

"Yeah, it was," he agreed laughing with me.

"So what do you usually do? Do you just jump from restaurant to restaurant?"

"Nah, we go to –" whatever he said next was lost when I glanced at the ground. I suddenly had a very brief flash of the blood spattered snow I'd seen earlier today.

"Yeah, but we had a big exam so we went out to celebrate," Destrey was saying.

I nodded and smiled like I'd heard everything he said. "Yeah, of course,"

"So what about you? What do you do?" he asked me.

I smirked dryly. "I work at an academy,"

"Oh, yeah?" he seemed surprised. "You must be older than –"

"Nope, I'm the same age, if you're eighteen, that is."

"I am." He smiled. "But how'd you get a job at an academy? It sounds pretty serious,"

"Experience got me the job," He raised an eyebrow at that but I glanced to my left, out the window at the front of the restaurant. Dimitri was leaning against the window and when he caught my eye, he tinkled his fingers at me. "Um, Destrey, I…I'll be right back," I said without looking at him and I retrieved my bag from our table without a word to anyone.

I walked out of the restaurant very quickly and shot one look at Dimitri then I walked further away from the restaurant, away from the window.

"Lissa's in there," Dimitri said and I turned to face him. "You look good," he commented.

"You're not getting near anyone of my friends," I said not even bothering with titles.

"No, I'd much rather have you,"

"You're not going to get anything,"

"Tonight," he allowed with a slight nod.

My eyes narrowed and my hand slipped into my bag.

"That was quite a performance," he said and the knowing glance he shot at my hand told me he knew exactly what I was trying to pull. I didn't waste any time, I dropped the bag and lunged at Dimitri. He met my attack full on, blocking with his body. I threw a kick at his ribs that he absorbed with a flinch, I smirked at him.

"You're a good fighter, Roza."

My name in Russian hit me hard; it would have been nicer if he'd broken another one of my ribs. I blocked that out and threw another hard kick at him, he blocked it with his forearm and grinned, obviously aware that it had hit home.

One of my punches was a bit too slow and Dimitri reached out, grabbing my arm he pulled me closer. "Roza, I don't like fighting you," he whispered and I ripped out of his hold, glaring at him with a menacing look.

"Leave here." I ordered him. "Leave right now."

"That's not –"

"_Leave_!"

"As you wish," he inclined his head and walked past me, unnecessarily close. "Goodbye, Roza,"

When he was gone, I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I checked myself over for any flaws in my outfit, there were none. I was such an efficient fighter now, it didn't even faze me now and I could walk away from a fight looking like I'd walked away from touch-ups in the bathroom.

I picked up my bag and looked towards the front of the restaurant, I was surprised to see Destrey standing there looking shocked. I walked by him and held open the door.

"You work at an academy," he murmured in shock.

"I didn't tell you what I worked as," I reminded him with a certain smugness.

He shot me a disbelieving glance and as we were going in his group was going out. "Oh, I guess I'm leaving," he said disappointedly.

"Well, give me your number," I said as I fished around in my purse for my phone. "We should talk some time or hang out,"

His friends nudged each other and shared smiles. I laughed as Destrey got out his phone. We exchanged numbers and I said goodbye to the boys and returned to the table we were first at. I slid into the booth silently.

"We were wondering where you got to," Christian said.

"I'm sorry, daddy, I promise to tell you next time I take a piss," I replied snidely and he quirked an eyebrow.

"Why didn't you tell me, Rose? We could have gone together," Lissa complained.

"I don't think I would have gotten lost," I smirked even though I knew what she meant. I filled up another full cup of wine and took it down in one long drink.

"Hey, slow down there, girl," Eddie warned.

"No way, can't slow down; my life has only one gear," I took another large gulp and my eyes slid around from one friend to the next. "Outrageous."

"That's not a speed, Rose," Lissa said in amusement.

"You're right," I agreed, pouring myself and others another cup. "How about _insane_? I quite like that one, very fitting."

"Rose is worse than Adrian," Christian said to no one in particular.

"This is true." I raised my glass to him then to Eddie I said, "I think you'll have to drive back,"

He nodded but he looked concerned so I decided to let off for a bit while they debated my sanity, though I really did want another drink. When I tried to discreetly reach for the bottle, Etienne caught me and snatched it away.

"Nu-uh, sorry, darling, but I'm cutting you off." I pouted and he'd just messed up my hair.

"Rose," Christian said with his trademark smirk, apparently he was going to have some fun. "How's your lovely student? Devin, isn't it?"

"Nope, his name is Dereck Hays," I didn't know how drunk I was, because my words were slurred together a bit. It sounded like; '_sh_-ope, shis name ish Dereshk Haysh,' I tried again. "No. His name is Dereck Hays." I was proud when it came out properly.

Christian smirked. "Has he hit you again?"

I blinked and leaned forward, no longer feeling woozy. "Yeah, in our _practices_ because I am training him for the field experience so he can _pass_."

"Unlike his mentor?" Christian shot back and I recoiled as if I had been slapped by him. Suddenly, I was pulled into Lissa's head; she was remembering what had happened at the academy after I'd left…

"_Hey, Lissa," Shane Rays called to her as he jogged up to be in step with her. "Where's Rose?" he asked and Eddie began to put himself in between Lissa and Shane. But not before Shane saw tears fill Lissa's eyes. She turned and ran off in the other direction, leaving Shane startled and Eddie to follow._

_Soon, word of Rose Hathaway's disappearance was all around the school._

_People where staring openly at Lissa, pointing and whispering about me, though, no one dared provoke her – not with Eddie there, ready to do anything to anyone that upset Lissa._

_Then the rumors started._

_I'd gone off because of pregnancy, because I was too scared to fight anymore, because I was afraid I couldn't protect Lissa well enough, because I was so pissed I went off to hunt Strigoi. Many other rumors were circulating but Lissa did her best to ignore them._

_Though, when Adrian came to visit her, she did her best not to drop as many hints about where I had gone and what I was doing. But Adrian, Royal, but smart, figured it out all on his own._

_He was worried about me, angry with me, furious even. But most of all, he was terrified, he was scared for me. He was afraid of what he would become if I never came back for him. Lissa was watching Adrian carefully, aware that he was getting drunk more often and smoking eve more frequently. _

_Not getting any word from me, only a short email now and then, but she desperately needed to see me._

_Then came graduation. Lissa was oblivious to everything that went on around her, she only knew that she, Christian and Adrian would be going to the Royal Court with Eddie as their guardian. She had full confidence in Eddie, she trusted him, but she wanted me._

_Christian, Adrian and Eddie began to worry about her, afraid she might go into her dark depression that she had before and they wouldn't know what to do if she did because __**I **__was always the one that had pulled her out of it._

_Rose. She needed Rose. She couldn't LIVE without Rose…_

I blinked and stared at Lissa with wide eyes. "I'm sorry…" I whispered brokenly to her. I bit my lip and turned away. "I'll get the car," walking out of the restaurant, I got a lot of smiles and compliments that I returned politely. When I finally navigated the car, I remembered that the key was somewhere in my purse, so I began to fish around in the thing.

"Would you like some help?" a voice said and I glanced up momentarily to see a Strigoi smiling down at me. I knew he was a Strigoi by the way he was standing, predatorily, and by the glowing red in his eyes – he was old. But he still looked about nineteen.

"Yes, I'd like some help," I smiled. "You can help me by answering the question: are you with Dimitri's coven?"

The Strigoi didn't look surprised. "He told me you were smart," he said and he leaned on the car that was parked beside the van. I took a moment to examine the car, a very nice Italian sports car – Ferrari, very sleek and red. My colour. I had an idea.

"Is that your car?"

He nodded and looked at the car proudly. "Yeah, this bad boy is mine,"

"Are you up for a bet?" I asked, a grin slowly spreading across my face.

"What type of bet?" he asked suspiciously and he shifted like he was trying to stand protectively in front of his car.

"We fight – I win, I get your car; you win, you get to kill me."

His eyebrows raised and I saw anticipation in those red eyes. "And your Moroi and dhampir friends?"

Suddenly, I feared for them, but by now, I was in control of my emotions and facial expression. "Of course,"

He grinned. "You're on," He slipped his car keys into the back pocket of his pants.

"Alright," I grinned and came to the sudden revelation that Dimitri must have sent this Strigoi to watch me. Annoyed, I thought I wouldn't really regret killing any Strigoi that was associated with Dimitri. After all, it was what I was raised to do.

We made our way to a more open part of the parking lot and stood across from each other, about five feet apart.

"I hope you had a good night, Rose," he said as if were we old friends.

"I did," I said smiling slightly.

He carried on like I hadn't spoken. "Because it will be your last,"

I shook my head, still smiling. "For you, I hope you got some good out of that car, because it's going to be mine shortly." For a moment, I saw the panic in his eyes, but it was taken over by bloodlust.

"Let's begin, darling,"

"Let's,"

He lunged at me and I dove to the side. He smiled and I began to leisurely took off my stunning black heels. "Very classy,"

"I thought so,"

He waited patiently as I discarded my shoes then, we began circling. "I'll be very sorry when you're dead, or wait. I'll turn you." He said like it was a fantastic idea.

"I'd rather be dead,"

"I used to think that when I was a dhampir too," he said thoughtfully. "But you'll get used to it,"

"I don't think so," I threw myself at him, stake in hand. I wasn't going to use the stake to kill him just yet. We threw kicks and punches at each other, dishing out and receiving hard blows. I threw a clean kick to the side of his head and it made contact but I caught sight of Eddie who was going to come up behind the Strigoi, his stake in hand.

"Don't Eddie, watch the others," I said because I knew they were there, watching in fascinated horror. I just knew it – that and that I could see them out of the corner of my eye. The Strigoi turned on Eddie and I saw that he was going to lunge so I went down and kicked out his legs, not wasting time, I pounced, landing on top of him.

"That's not fair!" he protested, trying to wriggle away from me. I dug my knee into his stomach.

"Well, if you hadn't gotten distracted, it wouldn't have happened," I said. "Fairs fair," I held out my hand. "Keys,"

He shook his head, looking desperately at his car. "Call it quits, I'll go quietly and so will you, no one the wiser?"

I thought for a moment, or, well, _pretended_ is probably a better word. "Sure," I shrugged off of him, offering my hand. He took it civilly and I went towards him, as if we were to embrace, he thought so too because his arms went around me. I plugged the stake into his heart and whispered, "I bet all or nothing and I never go back on anything," I pulled the stake out. "Sorry, darling," I imitated his voice and reached into his back pocket, pulling out the keys. I walked with him leaning heavily on me to the very back of the parking lot where there was a forest. I dumped him in it, behind a bush so none of the humans would see him.

I went back to where we had fought; I picked up my heels and turned to my friends. "Eddie's going to have to drive you guys back," I said calmly, then I just turned and began to my new car.

"Rose, wait!" someone called and I paused by the door, looking over my shoulder at them. When no one said anything, I shrugged and jumped into the Ferrari. I popped out the CD that was in there, it said Brokencyde. I thought they were a screamo band; I shrugged that off too and popped out the next one, Red Hot Chili Peppers. I loved these guys. I quickly flipped through the CD and found 'Californication'. I cranked that and swung out of my parking space so the driver's side was right up to my friends. I paused the music for a moment and said, "I'll see you there," then, with music pulsing in my ears, I sped out of the parking lot and down the road.

8*8*8*8*8*8*8

As I came up the road to the Academy, the nausea warned me that there would be an entourage waiting for me. I skidded to a halt, swinging the back end around in a circle, drawing up dirt – very dramatic, my style.  
Stake in hand, smirk on my face, I got out of the Ferrari and walked towards the line of Strigoi.

"We mean you no harm, Rosemarie," one of them said. It was a girl, she looked very small, she must have been a Moroi at one point in her life. She had little blond curls and flashing red eyes – it actually reminded of how Mia Ronaldi looked when I first saw her.

"Really," I deadpanned.

"It's true," she said desperately. "We have a message,"

"Oh?"

"It's from your lover, Dimitri!"

"Oh," I said emotionlessly. "I thought you meant my other Strigoi lover,"

"Shut up," one of the other Strigoi ordered the girl and she looked confused at my comment, but offended at the other Strigoi's comment. "Hey – that's Reggie's car!"

I raised my eyebrows. "No, that's Rose Hathaway's car,"

"No," he protested. "That's Reggie's Ferrari, what did you _do _to him, he wouldn't have given up that car if it was it or his life."

"Well, fair trade then, huh?"

Realization flashed in the Strigoi's eyes and he lunged at me, snarling. I staked him without a moment's hesitation. I might have been drunk, but I could fight under any circumstances.

I turned back to the girl. "Now, continue with your message," I waved my stake listlessly and she and the other two Strigoi flinched back.

"H-he, Dimitri, that is, not the other one, he said, 'this has to end, Rose.'" She stuttered and I had a smile, she wasn't exactly the smartest Strigoi I'd ever met.

"I agree,"

"So you'll meet with him then? Tonight?" the girl asked excitedly.

I shook my head and smiled at her in a not so nice way. "I was thinking about ending it in a different way." I looked pointedly at my stake and heard her intake of breath, I smiled. Maybe I was extra insane when I was under the influence of something. "You tell him that, kid,"

"B-but won't you even consider –"

"Now you are testing my patience, I have guests that will be coming by very soon and I do not want them to witness a gruesome scene, so I suggest," I said slowly in a quiet voice. I was extremely dangerous when I was loud and angry. But when I was calm and quiet…I was _deadly_.

The Strigoi scampered off and I walked back to my car. I leaned out the window so the guardians could ID me. Once I was in the gates I went to the Academy's parking lot and cranked the music. Leaning back my seat, listening to one of my all time favorites, 'Scar Tissue', I prepared to wait for my friends.

After all, an academy van couldn't even come close to a hot Italian sports car.

8*8*8*8*8*8

After some time, Etienne rapped on my window and I pulled out the keys and hopped out to greet them. "Good evening, I would walk you back to your guest housing, but, honestly, I think I'm going to pass out any moment."

Etienne wrapped his arm around me and I leaned my head contently under his shoulder.

"Rose," Eddie said. "The Strigoi you fought –"

"There's nothing you need to worry about, I have everything under control."

"Do you?" asked Lissa, knowing the answer.

"Well, no. But, you know, if you feel like you're under control, you're just not going fast enough."

"Then you should be given multiple tickets for speeding," Christian murmured.

"This is true, but I think it's time I crash,"

Lissa agreed. "I'm pretty tired too,"

We all went our separate ways and when I stumbled into the guardian building, I received quite a shock to see a meeting taking place.

"What's this?" I asked in surprise as all eyes turned towards me.

"A guardian meeting, Hathaway; where have you been? All guardians who weren't on duty were supposed to be here." One of the guardians said.

"Well, next time it would be good to inform me of this shit before I get drunk," I muttered so no one could hear. I plopped myself down in an empty seat at the end of the table that no one was sitting in. Alex was at the far side of the table, also at the head, but looking much more coherent than I probably was.

"What is this meeting about?" I asked not bothering to listen and figure it out.

"A coven of Strigoi being so close to the Academy would be considered a threat, Miss Hathaway," another guardian said. "We need to dispatch of them,"

I nodded in sudden understanding. "Please don't talk to me as if I am a student," I added to no one in particular.

"Is there any information on this coven of Strigoi you have to share, Hathaway?" Alex asked. "It will be needed."

The way he addressed me was a surprise, but I didn't show it. "Well, continue with the meeting and I'll tell you what's needed," I said offhandedly and Alex, seeming to understand that I wasn't at my best right then, nodded silently. The guardians, on the other hand, looked shocked that I had spoken to my superior so casually and practically told him I would tell him what to do.

"Does anyone have any idea on how we should attack?" Alex asked and one guardian, two people to my right, stood up looking fierce.

"I say we gather the guardians, put the school on lock down and raid the forest," he said confidently.

I shook my head, he caught the action. His head whipped around and he glared at me. I studied his expression and I noticed that he seemed way too emotional for just a simple hate for Strigoi. "Who did you lose?" I asked suddenly, watching him carefully. Pain flashed across his features.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, obviously playing stupid.

I rolled my eyes and lounged quite comfortably in my chair. "Who – did – you – lose?" I asked again. "Obviously you've lost someone important to you, so who was it?" I didn't miss that when I asked this, Mikhail Tanner, who was sitting four people to my left tensed and stared studiously down at the table.

"None of your business!" the guardian shouted at me.

I looked at my stake and then back at the guardian. "What's your name?" I asked softly.

"Mathew," he answered, now confused at my change of direction.

"Mathew, can I call you Matt?" I didn't wait for him to answer. "Matt, I would like to know because that information might be useful to me. Who did you lose?"

I held his gaze until he looked away. "Mmhmmther," he muttered, turning his face away.

"Pardon?" I asked, leaning forward intently as I raising my eyebrows.

"My mother!" he shouted and I slumped back in my chair looking at my stake thoughtfully.

"Hmm," I murmured as I twirled my stake in my hand slowly.

"It's obvious you don't understand anything, Hathaway!" he yelled spitefully. "It's obvious _you _haven't lost anyone!"

The stake stopped. My eyes went up. Everything was silent.

"Why do you say that?" I asked very softly.

"By the way you act!" he shouted at me, leaning over the table. "You are so _stupid_! You have no idea what it's like!"

"I don't know what it's like to lose someone or I don't know what _feeling_ like I've lost someone is like?" I asked watching him carefully with narrowed eyes.

"_Neither_!"

"You're wrong," I said quietly, my eyes going back to my stake.

He laughed harshly. "Then who have _you_ lost, Hathaway?"

Now, it was my turn to laugh. "More people than you care to know about," I answered, then I put down my walls, I would not reveal myself like this. "Now, this is supposed to be a guardian meeting, not group therapy." I snapped severely. It was silent for a few moments and Alex and Mikhail shared at meaningful look that I did not miss.

"I'm afraid that that would not be the best tactic, Mathew," Alex said finally. "We need to strategize." Another guardian stood up and I very diligently ignored the hard stare I was receiving from Matt.

"I say we keep some guardians here, put the school on lock down, and we go into the forest at the beginning of the night and search for their nest."

I shook my head.

"Is there something you have to say, Rose?" Alex asked.

"Yeah," I nodded and looked at the guardian. "You obvious are not thinking straight. Do you know how stupid that sounds?"

"Do you have a better idea?" he asked emotionlessly.

"Well, first of all, they aren't birds and they are not as stupid. Second, you don't go waltzing into a Strigoi infested forest _at night _to look for them. You'd be dead before you could make a sound. Third, if you want to go straight for their hide-out, why not search in daylight?"

"What Strigoi would come out in daylight?" he countered.

"I did not say that Strigoi would come out into the light, I just said you should search _in _daylight because then you would lower the risk of being attacked. If you found a cave or something a few miles from here, I'm sure you would be able to tell if Strigoi were inhabiting it or not." I said calmly. "But you might not want to start your search so soon, you should wait for a weather report," I added very softly.

"We already know the weather," a female guardian stated, thinking she's caught me. "The weather will be constant like this for the next few weeks."

"You're wrong,"

"Are you implying that our sources are unreliable?" she demanded primly, sitting straighter in her seat.

I snorted. "What sources? The weather network?" I rolled my eyes. "And besides, you are wrong. It will snow over night and it will stay."

"And how do you know this? Are you the oracle?"

"Yes, I am the spirit of Delphi," I said dryly. "I am in no mood to fight at the moment, just listen to me, it is going to snow and stay – don't ask how I know, just fucking listen." By now I was exasperated and I just wanted to go up to my room and sleep off a hangover.

They continued to debate over other matters concerning the 'raid' but I got up from my chair and stumbled over to the fridge. I pulled it open and peered inside. There was line after line of drinks and healthy stuff; I scrunched up my nose in distaste at the healthy things but I grabbed a bottle of root beer and ambled back over to my seat. I watched with little interest as they came to a decision. Too bad I wasn't listening so I was examining the ingredients on the root beer when everything went quiet. I glanced up to see everyone staring at me.

I looked at every guardian and sighed, setting the root beer on the table. "You can stare at me all night, I really don't care. But if you're waiting on something, you might as well just tell me because it'll take one hell of a time if you want me to guess."

"We were talking about what happened at St Vladamir's, Rose," Mikhail said to me.

I recoiled like I'd been slapped. "And why are you staring at me?"

"We wanted to know what happened," he replied.

I felt my features harden and _all _my walls went down. I knew no one would be able to get anything out of me, emotion or anything else; they'd just have to do with my words. "Strigoi attacked, we fought, they took our people, we went after them, we came back, end of story."

"Rose, we're going to need more detail than that," Mikhail complained. "How did the Strigoi attack? Were they organized?"

"They just attacked; you know they aren't good at working together."

"Yes, we know that, Rose –"

"Then what do you want from me?"

"Rose, don't be an idiot."

"Don't ask questions you know I won't answer."

"Rose." He warned.  
"Give it up, Mikhail," I snapped harshly.

"What is _with _you?" he exclaimed.

I snapped. "What the fuck do you want to know, Mikhail?" I shot up from my chair, putting both my hands on the table. "What do you want to know? How many people died? How many guardians were lost? How many Moroi? How we fought? _What_?"

He looked shocked, but it was Alex who spoke.

"Rose, calm down." His voice was firm and when I looked into his kind brown eyes my anger subsided enough for me to control myself. I slipped my hands off the table and bowed my head.

"I don't know how many people died," I said quietly. "The attack was unexpected so we acted; we put the students in their dorms and fought out on the yard. When the Strigoi managed to get into the Moroi dorm, we fought them there as well. Sunrise was coming and the Strigoi had to flee, they took thirteen of our people with them, we went after them, loosing guardians along the way. We also brought some Moroi to fight." I admitted.

"I'd heard about that, I just didn't believe it was true," a guardian murmured.

"Why did you bring Moroi?" another asked.

"Because I suggested the idea after I'd already fought with one," I said.

"_What_?"

I rolled my eyes for the millionth time and sat back down in my chair. "Do I have to read you a story or what? I fought with a fire user against Strigoi on campus. Then, because we'd lost so many people, I suggested that we bring novices and fire users. They only allowed Moroi adults and some senior novices."

"You were a novice then, why were you at a meeting?"

"Because I can get into anywhere I want when I want." I said without emotion. "I had ideas so I voiced them."

They mulled this over then someone asked, "How did you know where the Strigoi were?"

I froze for a half a second and then a witty comment came almost effortlessly to my lips, "We used the weather network,"

A few people snickered, some openly others trying to cover it up with coughs.

"Rose, we're serious here."

"And I'm serious when I say, I'm drunk and I need to sleep off a hangover. I'm also serious when I say, it does not matter how I- we knew where the Strigoi were." They didn't miss my slip.

"How did _you_ know, Rose?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Rose, we need to know,"

"Hathaway, don't play games."

"Hathaway, this is not the time to be childish."

"Guardian Hathaway, please."

I blinked; it was the first time they'd called me 'Guardian Hathaway'. I looked around for the person who'd said it and my eyes met with a female guardian with deep blue eyes. "We are going to need the information, Guardian Hathaway,"

"Yes, but none of you will understand nor am I willing to share anything on this topic."

"May I ask why not?"

"Because it is much too complicated and if I even _wanted _to tell you anything, it would take eternity to explain." I sighed.

"Why?" she asked with confusion.

"Because it is, now drop the subject, you aren't going to get anything out of me." I snapped and everything was silent once again.

"Rose, why are you so stubborn?" Mikhail groaned.

"Deal," I muttered and then I stood up. "If you come to a conclusion sometime, let me know, just don't attack without telling me, then I'll be really pissed. Goodnight." I bowed out and when I was almost out of the room, a new voice rang out.

"Where's Rose?" Etienne asked.

I spun on my heel and stared at him in shock. "_What _are you doing here?" I demanded, holding my root beer by the neck of the bottle as I held it in the air. He scrambled across the room to me.

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah, mommy dearest, I'm great," I said as I bashed him on the side of the head with my root beer. "What are you doing?"

"I was worried after you fought –" I smacked him harder with the bottle.

"Come on," I grumbled tugging his hand so we could go up to my room.

"Male and female interactions aren't appreciated even though you're a guardian, Hathaway," someone said and I turned around with a look of amusement on my face.

"This is my _brother_,"

"Oh." Matt, who'd obviously spoken, blushed. "Sorry."

I sighed and tugged him up the stairs to my room, ignoring everything else. When my door closed behind Etienne, I turned on him.  
"Why are you here?"

"I was worried,"

"Aren't you always," I grumbled, turning my back on him. "Well, I'm going to change and crash so whatever you're here for, get it over with."

"I think I'll stay the night," he said calmly, I glanced over my shoulder at him and saw he was smiling slightly.

"Because I totally invited you, right?" I asked sarcastically.

"No," he said easily. "Because I invited myself,"

I laughed, "Of course you did," he grinned at me. "Do you have pajamas?"

He shook his head. "Nope," he said, popping on the 'p'.

"Spur of the moment thing?" I asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah,"

"We share that," I said softly and I grabbed a pair of low slung black silk pajama pants from my bag I quickly shed the slacks, pulling on my own pants and I just took off the silk shirt. I climbed into my bed and looked at Etienne expectantly. He got rid of his jeans and hopped in beside me wearing his boxers and shirt.

I raised an eyebrow. "That's not exactly appropriate, Mr. Spencer,"

"And you are? Getting rid of your pants in the presence of a boy? I should be worried,"

I smiled. "Whatever,"

"Rose, about the Strigoi –"

"Hush," I whispered, pressing my fingers to his lips. "Don't talk," I rested my head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.

"Rosie's crazies but we lovzies cauzies she's cutzies," Etienne hummed to himself.

"What was that?" I demanded.

"My little song,"

I closed my eyes and rested my head. "Goodnight, Etienne,"

"Love you, little sis."

**go to next chap!!!!**


	33. Mikhail's Story

**CHAPTER THIRTY THREE- MIKHAIL'S STORY**

**I was actually going to call this chapter 'Darling Diana' over 'Mikhail's Story' or even 'We Didn't Have Anything' but the latter won as the most important part. Enjoy.**

I woke up in a warm embrace and as I tried to lift my head, I was hit with a wave of pain. _Killer headache_, I thought numbly as I put my head back down. I noticed that I put my head down on something other than my pillow; I looked down to see Etienne. _Of course_, I thought remembering everything that had happened yesterday.

_I have a Ferrari._ I smiled dryly at the thought and groaned again.

Etienne stretched and breathed in heavily, his arms tightened around me. "Good morning, sis,"

I patted his chest twice. "'Morning,"

He caught my tone. "Too much wine for you?" when I didn't answer, he laughed. "I told you so,"

"You didn't tell me anything," I groaned, rolling away from him; I stretched out on my bed and groaned again, pressing a hand to my forehead. "Oh, man," Etienne chuckled again. "I didn't used to be this bad," I said. "I could get really drunk and then I'd get off the next day with a mini headache."

"Obviously you're getting worse in your old age," he joked, rolling onto his side to look at me.

"Not true, I think they spiked the wine," I declared, raising my hand in the air and letting it flop down beside me.

Etienne laughed and got up. "Okay," he leaned down and kissed my forehead as he retrieved his pants and began to put them on.

"Where are you going?" I asked quietly.

"I've got places to go, people to see," he said, smiling down at me.

"Don't have time for your favorite person anymore?" I pouted.

"I always have time for you, baby sis," he messed up my hair and I groaned, batting away his hand. "I'm going to get you some water and then I have to go."

"Why?" I whined, staring up at him from beneath my tangle of dark hair.

He looked confused, but amused. "Well, darling," he sighed as he sat down on the bed beside me. "Obviously it has slipped your mind, but we're leaving today."

My brow went together in confusion. "What do you mean?" I asked not wanting to know the answer.

He took my hand, twining our fingers together. "We have to go back to the Court today, Rosie,"

I ignored the 'Rosie' and held his hand tighter. "No, that's no fair."

"Why not? You were so eager to get rid of us when we first got here,"

"Etienne!" I sat up too quickly and got really dizzy so I fell back down onto my pillows. "You can't leave, it's not fair."

"We have to," He leaned down and put his forehead against mine. "Don't worry, we can still talk on the phone and email each other."

I shook my head like a frightened child. "That's not the same,"

"Nothing is ever the same," he said wisely.

"That's not true," I disagreed. I was frightened, I realized, frightened of what I would become if he left me to deal with all my problems all alone, what I would become if I didn't have anyone who believed in me so much, someone who still believed I was much better than I really was.

"You're right, but I need to leave; go back to bed." I shook my head stubbornly and he sighed again. "You need to rest and I need to go, but I promise it won't be so bad,"

I felt like he was trying to sooth me before getting a needle. "Don't go," my voice was so ridiculously thick, making me sound like I was going to cry.

"You make things so hard," he moaned then he quickly kissed my forehead and he kissed my hand. He stood up, "Aw, don't look so sad, litter sister, it's okay. You'll always have me with you."

"What a line," I rolled my eyes, turning my face away from him so he wouldn't see if any tears just happened to fall. I felt my eyes get very full and I didn't show weakness, that's just who I was; Rose Hathaway was never to falter.

"No, I'm serious," He gently took my chin in his hand and turned my face back to him. A tear leaked out and slowly rolled down my cheek; Etienne looked so broken, but he wiped my tear away so gently with the lightest flick of his thumb. "Around your neck," He whispered and pointed to the locket as he smiled. "I would never lie to you, Rose," he murmured and closed his eyes for a second before getting up and walking towards the door. "Catch you later, sis!"

"Bye, bye," I murmured, but the door was already closed. I reached for my laptop and iPod. I clumsily plugged in the speakers and iPod then put it on shuffle and really loud. You'd think loud music wouldn't help a headache, but I'm out of the ordinary. Obviously.

Cranking the music, I lay on my bed, sad that they were leaving but too hung-over to do anything about it. I felt like a stone, like my veins were filled with concrete.

Some Billy Talent song was blaring through my speakers but I didn't really pay any attention to it, I wasn't really paying attention to anything. Not even my thoughts could be considered coherent.

I came to the realization that something was happening when my door opened and in walked Alex. He was carrying a case of water bottles. I wondered indolently what he was doing, but I just watched him as he set down the case at the end of my bed and tried to find the volume on my laptop. I reached over and pressed the pause button on my iPod and looked at him questioningly.

"Good morning, Rose," he said sarcastically, looking slightly flustered.

"'Morning," I muttered. "What are you doing?"

"Your brother told me you needed lots of water and practically threw the case at me before he ran out. Where is he going?"

I'd begun to get myself into a better mood, or, well, no mood. But hearing about Etienne leaving just made me depressed. I sighed dejectedly and closed my eyes, "He's leaving,"

"What do you mean?" asked Alex.

"I mean that he's going back to the Court,"

"Why?"

"Because he needs to,"

"Why?"

"Shut up, Alex." It was quiet for a few minutes before I sighed again. "Sorry, I'm hung-over and it sucks that Etienne's leaving and I really don't want to talk about it." I turned on my side, wanting to turn my music back on and just get lost in it.

"Okay…" he said then looked around the room. "Don't you know how to clean?" he asked with amusement.

"Yeah, but I choose not too; though, when I leave, it'll be spotless." I gave him a reassuring smile that was answered with a frown.

"Rose, about that –"

Suddenly, there was a girl standing in the door of my room, looking at us with some expression that was hard to read. She was a dhampir, that was obvious from her build, but she wasn't a guardian. She had long black hair and was wearing a white sweater with blue jeans that fit her exceptionally well. "Alexander!" the lady exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

Alex looked so shocked that he froze and didn't answer; I figured she was a girlfriend or relative or something so I decided to speak up. "Hey, I'm Rose, Alexander was just bringing me some water because I'm sick."

Mikhail just happened to be passing by and stopped. "You're not sick, you're hung-over," he smirked at me.

The girl gave me an incredulous look and one to the room that was very similar to the one Alex had given moments before. Then her gaze returned to me and she seemed to realize how old I was and she smiled kindly at me. "Oh, sweetie, that's too bad; are you new here?"

I nodded calmly, returning her smile. "Yeah, I'm a new guardian here,"

She walked into the room and messed up my hair. "I hope you get better, Rose; by the way, I'm Diana," she held out her hand to me, I shook it good naturedly and kept on smiling.

I watched as she placed a delicate hand on Alex's cheek and said, "He's always working too hard; we haven't seen each other in months. He proposed to me last time we went out and I just couldn't stand staying away from him any longer."

I blinked and sat up. "Wow, engaged. Bravo, buddy," I nodded to the still frozen Alex and then I looked back at Diana with an intrepid smile. "You too,"

She smiled. "Thank you so much, I've been wedding planning for the past months." She announced proudly and I smiled tightly.

"That's so great," I said to her, then to Alex – Alexander, "Go on, Alexander, go out with your fiancé, I'll cover for you."

He finally unfroze and stared at me in horror, I smiled gallantly. Alexander stood stiffly and nodded very slowly to me. "Okay…Thank you, Rose…if anyone asks, I left for a couple days and left you in charge, alright? Let's go, darling," he said to Diana and they walked out hand in hand.

I nodded. "Have fun, kids," I smirked ruefully as they left my room. _Well, now that you've met Darling Diana and many of Dimitri's Strigoi bachelorettes, I think your only safe bet is Adrian. He seems to be the only faithful one. _I smiled dryly at the thought because Adrian was notoriously known for being a player. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, falling back against my pillows.

Mikhail still stood in the door looking at the empty doorway then back at me with confusion written all over his features. "Didn't you…Alexander and you…_what_?"

A tear escaped the corner of my eye without my consent. "Nothing, Mikhail, there's nothing." I didn't know why I felt like this, I shouldn't have been feeling like this. It wasn't right; Alexander and I didn't really have anything serious. We couldn't have because I wasn't over Dimitri yet. I couldn't have – _why_ did I feel this way?

"Oh, Rose," Mikhail said quietly as he closed the door and came to sit next to me on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and I pressed my face into his shoulder.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," I said quietly, my voice was thick with undesired emotion again.

"Well, where's your brother?" Mikhail asked and I didn't know what he was trying to say, but it gave me an idea.

"Come on," I said abruptly, pulling away from him.

"What?" he asked in confusion. I was already going towards the door.

"I hope you can keep up, Mikhail," I said over my shoulder before I bolted out the door and out of the guardian building.

I saw with a start that I was right. It had snowed over night and it had stayed. There was about two inches of snow on the ground and it was a very cold welcome to my body that was in a tight tank and thin silk pajama bottoms.

I could hear Mikhail scrambling after me, but I didn't think much of it, I only had one thing on my mind.

Flying through campus, novices and Moroi shouted greetings to me, but I ignored them as well. I had to get to the Academy's landing strip. Running bare foot on cement and twigs and snow and whatever else had to be on the ground would be a killer to my feet, but I didn't feel anything then but the desire to get there. I tore through campus and I could hear Mikhail yelling after me, but I was too busy dodging students to worry about him, he could follow and wait for my explanation later.

I was almost there, almost to the far end of campus where the thing was. _Why do they have to put things to freaking far away?_ I sprinted into the landing strip like hell and I saw that they were waiting for their plane to be ready.

"_Adrian_!" I yelled loudly and they all turned to see me running towards them. I crashed into Adrian, throwing my arms around his neck and holding him tightly.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and even though he had no idea what I was doing, I think he enjoyed having me in his arms. "I'm sorry," I murmured into his neck.

"For what, Rose?"

"For being a bitch," I said honestly. I pulled back and looked him in the eye, "I'm coming back," I whispered; seeing the happiness in his eyes, I had to add, "Not today, but I'm coming back. Just promise one thing,"

"Anything," he said immediately. His eyes held complete faith and trust.

"Don't get a fiancé in the time that I'm gone, okay?"

Adrian looked confused, but he nodded. "Of course, Rose, I –"

I quickly put my hand to his mouth. "Don't say it yet," he nodded again and I took my hand from his mouth to his cheek.

"Rose?" Etienne's voice was hard. I looked up in surprise and I knew that he knew what my request to Adrian meant. "Are you serious?"

I pulled out of Adrian's arms and looked my brother in the eyes that were glowing with fury. I met them steadily and said, "It doesn't matter, I'm over it,"

"In minutes? Be real, Rose,"

"I am, completely; it's nothing Etienne, I promise." Our eyes locked and I willed him to calm down and give it up.

"You've been crying," he said emotionlessly.

"No," I denied averting my gaze.

"Yeah, that's why there is a tear on your cheek, right?" he said knowingly.

"It doesn't matter now, it's done." I said and I quickly got rid of the tear.

"What are you talking about?" Lissa asked; I'd completely tuned out everyone else. I blinked and looked at her, then Christian and Eddie. They looked completely stunned, I smirked.

"It's nothing, Liss, I just came to say goodbye," I smiled at her.

"But Etienne told me you were hung-over?" she frowned.

"I am, but do you think that's going to stop me from doing anything? I'm in charge of the whole Academy for a couple of days and a little headache isn't going to stop me from doing my job,"

"What about that Contrive guy?" Christian asked.

"His fiancé came for a visit and they're taking a vacation for a little bit, he left me in charge until he gets back." I said primly and I didn't miss how Etienne tensed, I moved closer to him and placed a hand on his arm. "I'm fine, Etienne, don't worry."

"Okay, then what's Etienne's problem?" Christian asked, knowing that there was something else.

"When did you get so nosey?" I shot back with a smile. "There's nothing more to it, Etienne's just worried that I can't handle a hangover." I joked.

Mikhail, who'd finally caught up, snorted. "If Rose can't handle a hangover then she should be dead,"

"What do you mean?" Adrian asked intent on Mikhail's answer.

"Don't you know that she's broken almost every bone in her body? Fuck, she's still recovering from broken ribs," he replied irritated.

"I haven't broken _all _my bones," I said sheepishly. "Besides, I can take it; no one needs to worry about me!" I stomped my foot and glared at Mikhail. "I am not a baby and I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself,"

"Well, that's debatable," he muttered under his breath.

"And how many times have I kicked your ass?" I shot back.

"And how many times have you done something stupid and gotten yourself hurt? Like idiotically staying outside the gates to fight Strigoi on your own? Or running out of your room in practically nothing, with _no shoes_ in snow? Or –"

"I get it!" I shouted interrupting him. "Don't sour the mood, Mikhail," I turned to Etienne and jumped on him as I threw my arms around his neck. His arms wound around my waist and he held me tightly.

"Rose, are you sure you're okay?" he asked quietly.

I nodded. "Forget about it, Etienne, it's fine." I murmured and then I said in a more gamely voice, "Now, we have to call each other at least once a day, alright? You can't just leave me hanging here, plus, you'll want to know how I'm doing, right?" I joked.

"Always," he said quietly. "Don't do anything stupid, Rose. If I get a call that you've died or had to undergo surgery, I'll be super pissed off."

"You won't get a call, I promise." I didn't say that either of those things wouldn't happen, but he didn't need to know that. Next, I hugged Lissa tightly and she looked like she was about to bawl.

"Rose, I'm so sorry for everything I've done," he whispered and I stroked her hair gently and smiled regretfully.

"It's not all your fault," I said then she nodded slowly and I moved on to Christian.

"Hey, Rose?" he asked quietly as we embraced.

"Hmmm?"

"Promise me that you won't get yourself killed,"

I didn't say anything for a moment and then I said, "You wouldn't be able to live without me then, huh? You _would_ cry into your pillow every night if I died." I remembered him making a sarcastic comment about that while we were at the feeders with Alice during the field experience.

I pulled away to see he was blushing slightly. "Promise it, Rose,"

"I won't try to kill myself, Christian; I promise that I won't do that." I evaded, he looked at me for a long time, knowing exactly what I was doing. "You're going to have to settle for that," I admitted quietly, he gave only the smallest shake of his head.

Eddie and I didn't exchange many words, but we knew what we were thinking, the only thing that he said was, "Don't die, Rose."

They had to board the plane and I watched them go sadly, standing beside Mikhail. "Lissa's grown up," he said quietly as we stared at the plane.

"Yeah,"

"So have you, but in a different way." He said thoughtfully. I didn't reply and Mikhail pursued the topic. "What happened, Rose? Why are you really here?"

"The same thing you went through," I replied softly and I felt Mikhail tense next to me.

"What do you mean?" he asked stiffly, his posture was now rigid.

"What happened with you and Ms. Karp," I said quietly, finally turning to look at him as the plane took off into the air. It was very loud and Mikhail didn't say anything for a while, then he finally responded.

"What do you know about that?"

"That Ms. Karp was a spirit user and it was driving her insane, then she turned Strigoi on purpose and you went to hunt her down." I looked him in the eye and I saw the eternal pain he was suffering. _Will I end up like that_? I wondered.

Mikhail's breathing became labored and after a long minute he said, "And how have you experienced the same thing?"

I turned my face away, slightly to the side. "I loved someone and they were turned, I'm hunting him."

"Who was it?"

After another long pause, I said, "Did you know Dimitri Belikov?"

"Yes, Belikov is a great guardian." Mikhail said confused.

"No, he was a great guardian. The raid at St Vladamir's, when we went after the Strigoi to get our people Dimitri was taken and Turned." I said bitterly. "They wouldn't let me go back for him, I could have saved him. I could have done it, I should have tried harder."

Mikhail put an arm around me. "You probably would have died," he said softly.

I nodded. "But I should have tried harder." We stood there for a long time before one of the flight attendants asked us to leave.

"Rose?" Mikhail said as we were walking back towards campus. "Was it just you loving him or did he love you back too?"

I swallowed. "We loved each other," I admitted. "But we couldn't tell anybody because he was my mentor and he was seven years older than me and we were going to be Lissa's guardians, we couldn't let anything get in the way of that." It all came pouring out of me, whether I like it or not.

Mikhail nodded slowly. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"Me too,"

We were silent all the way back to campus and then we went back to my room. We grabbed a case of pop on our way up and in my room, we turned on the music again. When Mikhail was surfing all the songs I had, he picked 'How to Save a Life' by the Fray and put it on repeat. He also made me put on my slippers that looked like those UGG boots everyone had, but they were blue and green, decorated with snowflakes and they had the top turned down with a fuzzy fabric with two little balls hanging from strings.

We put a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door and just sat around downing pop bottles until Mikhail decided to say something.

"Sonya and I…we loved each other…and I knew what she was going through, but I didn't know how to help her with it. And she would always say she was okay, she was getting better. 'Don't you worry about me, Mikhail; I'm as fit as a fiddle. Nothing to worry about, I'm just fine,' she would always say with a smile." Mikhail's voice began to get thicker and he took a long drink of root beer.

"I knew she wasn't alright, but she could convince me sometimes that she was getting better. But I was just deluding myself; I knew that whenever I saw the marks on her forehead, her scars. Or when I went to her room to find her curled up in a corner crying or just trembling, or when she went on about the 'things' that were haunting her. Following her around, _speaking_ to her.

"But she could always get me to believe her, or make me think things were going to be okay. I keep thinking now, was I a fool? Listening to her and keeping it everything a secret? Was I wrong to promise that I wouldn't tell anyone without her permission?" a tear ran down Mikhail's face and he moved on to his next bottle.

I watched him in despair, way to caught up in his story. It reminded me of what Dimitri had said after I finally confessed to seeing ghosts and of myself when I had told Dimitri that Lissa was cutting her wrists. I took a long drink from my own root beer and pushed my hair out of my face as I watched Mikhail beside me on my bed.

"I was thinking about her when I heard that she'd killed a doctor and injured patients in the infirmary. When I heard that she'd become Strigoi, I felt like I could die. Like my word was shattered and everything was falling apart." More tears came and Mikhail took another drink of pop before continuing.

"I went to the infirmary; I saw what everyone was telling me she had done. I didn't want to believe it, I didn't want to think that _my_ Sonya could do something like this, I didn't want to believe that she'd gone." Mikhail said brokenly and took a few minutes to try and collect himself.

Then he went on, "When I finally got back to coherency, I knew what I had to do. I had to find her and do what I knew she'd want done. I didn't want some random guardian killing her because she was a threat. I wanted to do it because it would be the last action we could share. The last thing we would ever do together. I know it sounds sick, right? But it's what I thought."

_Mikhail, you are saying that to the wrong person._ I thought, to me, it wasn't sick in any way.

"Sonya was Russian, did you know that?" he looked at me with bleary eyes and I shook my head. "She was Russian, though you wouldn't know it from her looks. So I thought I would go to Russia to look for her. When I finally found her, she was worse than she was before.

"She still looked the same, except for her eyes, her red eyes." Mikhail shuddered and I placed a hand on his leg. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the rest. "She was crazy," Mikhail chocked out. "She was so crazy. I found her in a forest, near the hotel I was staying at. I found her laying against a tree, playing with a gun." He shook his head, like he still couldn't believe it.

"When she heard me approach, she got up and smiled at me. 'Mikhail, it's so nice to see you again,' she said as she spun the barrel again. She knew I'd been following her and she said so too. I was so stunned, I didn't even say anything.

"She told me that she'd got special bullets made for her gun. Bullets that could kill Strigoi if it went through their hearts. She told me that she got a stake from a guardian she'd killed and had it melted down and made into bullets. I didn't believe her and when I shook my head, she got that impression.

"So she said, 'Then let's test our theory,' she smiled again, but her smile wasn't the same. _She_ wasn't the same. 'We're in the title county; let's play a little Russian Roulette.' She showed me that there was only one bullet and spun the barrel. Pointing it at my heart first, she pulled the trigger.

"The bullet wasn't in that one so she pointed it at herself, then me, then back to her and then me. Then, once she pointed it to herself again, she said, 'I loved you.' Then – oh, God." Mikhail sobbed.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything else, I get it." I said urgently to him, not wanting to know anymore.

He shook his head and looked across the room unseeingly, tears streaming down his face. "She – she pulled the trigger and killed herself. I didn't believe it would work but it did and she just collapsed, falling to the ground. She – I didn't believe her." Mikhail lost himself, sobbing and I stared at him in horror.

"Oh my God," I whispered, tears of my own falling. "Oh my God, Mikhail, I'm so sorry…oh my God…" it seemed as if I couldn't say anything else. Wrapping my arms around him, I let Mikhail sob into my shirt as I held him tightly, repeating, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…"

After a very long time, Mikhail finally lifted his head and looked at me sadly. "You didn't need to hear that,"

I shook my head. "No, I think I did,"

Mikhail looked stunned, then ashamed. "You must think very badly of me now," he said softly. "I didn't do anything when I found her, I didn't kill her myself; I was too scared."

I shook my head again and gripped his hand tightly. "Mikhail, you still went after her, you knew what you had to do, things just went wrong and happened the way they did. None of it is your fault," I whispered, in the dim light of my room I could barely see his face but I knew there was pain written all over it. "Mikhail, you _must _know that it wasn't your fault, it was never your fault."

It was so quiet and I didn't think Mikhail was going to say anything else, but finally, he said something that completely shocked me. "It's not your fault either," he said very softly. "What happened to Belikov isn't your fault."

I blinked and turned my face away. "You don't know that," I whispered.

"Yeah, I do; Rose, did you shove him into a Strigoi?" he asked me, his voice suddenly fierce.

I turned on him. "No! I would never do something like that!"

"Did you trick him into it?"

"No!"

"Then it's not your fault."

I took a deep breath; Mikhail didn't know what he was talking about, he didn't know what happened because he wasn't there. There was no point in arguing with him, he had no idea just how fucked up things were. Sighing, I shook my head slowly, looking back at Mikhail. "Do we have any beer here?"

"None that you're getting at," he said sternly.

"But we could play 'I Never'," I said hopefully. I thought getting wasted was a pretty good idea at that point.

"We could play with pop," he said.

"That's not as fun," I complained.

"You like getting trashed?" he asked me, lying down on the bed, looking at me from under his brown hair.

"It seems like a pretty good idea right now," I said easily, lying down next to him and he sighed.

"It does, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," I sighed this time.

"Let's go do something else," he said, sitting up and running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, okay,"

8*8*8*8*8*8*8

We found ourselves in the student cafeteria before lunch, sitting there with a huge piled plate of food sitting between us. Mikhail and I had put it together, but we were picking at it as we talked, because it's rude to talk with your mouth full. Not that Mikhail was taught that when he was a child.

"Rose, do I get to hear your story?" He asked around a mouth full of fries.

I looked at him, tilting my head to the side slightly. "Maybe when I get over it, okay?"

"Can I ask questions?" he'd recovered reasonably well in a short amount of time, though his eyes were red rimmed from crying, just as mine were. I hadn't decided to change so I was still in my silk pajama bottoms and black tank top that fit tightly to my bodice, if I were a student, I probably would have been called for the dress code. I'd thrown my hair up into a bun and I was still wearing Etienne's necklace, it comforted me and I promised myself that I would never take it off.

"You might not get answers," I said picking up a piece of fruit with the fork that was at the side of the plate and sticking it in my mouth.

"Why are you here instead of out in the world looking for him?" Mikhail asked, taking a long drink out of a huge water bottle that one of the staff had given us, obviously seeing how heartbroken we were.

I took the bottle from him and took a sip of my own before I answered, "Because I ran into Blake and Tory and I needed to keep them safe and this is free of charge _and _I'm a guardian now. What more could I want?"

"Privacy?" he asked with raised eyebrows before he dove in, taking the fork out of my hand and stuffing salad into his mouth.

I inclined my head. "But I couldn't let Blake and Tory kill themselves,"

"Blake's a dhampir; he should be able to take care of himself,"

I shook my head again. "They dropped out of their academy and Blake hadn't been training."

Mikhail looked up at me, eyebrows raised. "Remind you of someone?"

"At least I had a reason," I shot back at him, putting a fry in my mouth.

He set down his fork and looked at me. "And what was it?"

"Lissa wasn't comfortable, she was scared so I needed to take her away. It wasn't safe for her there anymore." I shrugged easily and put another fry in my mouth.

"That simple, huh? You didn't think of telling anyone that she wasn't safe?" Mikhail asked.

"You missed me so much?" I countered, ignoring his questions.

"It definitely wasn't as interesting without you," he said and I grinned.

"Nothing ever is,"

We ate in a compatible silence for a while until Mikhail said very quietly, "Are you okay about Alexander?"

"You really shouldn't worry about me." I rolled my eyes and set down the fork I'd taken from him. "I've told you before: I can take care of myself."

"You know," he said thoughtfully. "Some people put up walls to see who cares enough to tear them down."

"You sound like Adrian," I said, smiling a bit.

"Oh, a new object of your affection?" Mikhail asked in surprise. "I saw the little scene at the landing strip but I thought you were doing the 'how to get over a guy is to get another' thing."

I smirked. "You totally edited that, it's 'the best way to get over a guy is to get under one,' stupid,"

"Well, I like to think I'm somewhat polite." He said loftily, raising his chin.

"You don't need to pretend in certain company," I reminded him as I stole the fork and got some salad.

"I wasn't done," he pouted so I turned the fork towards him and he cleaned it off. "Thanks,"

I rolled my eyes. "You eat like a cow," I said as I got my own fork of salad.

"I'm not fat!" Mikhail protested and I laughed.

"I didn't say that, I just said that you eat like you have five stomachs,"

"It's four, idiot," he shoved me across the table and I shoved him back. "Don't _make_ me pour this water all over you."

I grinned. "Try it," he began to lift the bottle but I distracted him with a fork full of fries that he blissfully closed in on. I fed it to him and I laughed. "Don't, Mikhail," I warned. "You'll ruin my pajamas,"

He rolled his eyes and continued eating. "What's your favorite colour?" he asked.

"What?"

"We're going to play a little game,"

"Twenty questions?"

"No, one for one," he said primly. "I ask something then you ask something and you _have_ to answer every question. So what's your favorite colour?"

"Red," I answered. "What's yours?"

"Green," he looked at me thoughtfully and I was thinking that I was going to regret answering his next question. "Would you marry me?"

I blinked and lowered my voice. "Are you _purposing_ to me?"

"No," he said with a serious face. "I'm just asking, all things aside, would you marry me?" I blinked. "You have to answer."

"Uh, no, I don't think so; you're more like a brother or best friend." I said, still flustered.

"Hmm," Mikhail mused. "I feel the same way about you; ask your question."

I stared at him stunned and then I laughed. "You are almost as strange as me,"

"No where near,"

I laughed again. "If you could have an awesome sports car, which one would you have?"

"A Ferrari or maybe a Porsche," he added thoughtfully.

"Then you suck," I laughed.

"Why?" he asked with confusion.

"Because I have a Ferrari," I announced happily as I watched his facial expression.

"You're kidding!" he exclaimed.

"Nope,"

"How?"

"Not telling," I smiled secretively.

"Can I see it?" he asked excitedly leaning across the table towards me. I saw the fanaticism in his eyes, like a kid in a candy store.

"Not right now, let's eat and talk. Ask your question."

Still railed about my Ferrari, he blinked and tried to conjure a good question. Running a hand through his hair, he let out a heavy breath. "What do you think of Dereck Hays?" he asked, knowing it would be a hard question.

I sighed and leaned back. "Well…he's a lot like me, I guess. He's really fun to be around actually, but more straight-forward about certain things than I am. He likes a challenge; he's really determined and very fierce. He's going to be deadly one day, I guarantee it."

"With your training," Mikhail added with a knowing smile.

"Of course," I said flippantly, waving a hand. "So…how did you end up here?"

Mikhail's eyes went unfocused and he stared above my head. "I stayed in the forest for days, not eating, just staying with her body. Then a group of Strigoi came, I didn't do anything. They started beating me, just kicking and punching me, throwing me around. It was Alexander that came to my rescue, I guess he'd heard my screams and came running. He killed all the Strigoi and rushed me to the Academy. I was in the clinic for days. When I returned to health, he offered me a position here and how could I turn him down? I owe him my life."

I reached across the table and lightly touched the back of his hand with my fingers and he focused back on me, his eyes incredibly soft and warm. I could see him beginning to say something, but the bell ran, shattering the moment. I removed my hand as students began to flood into the cafeteria and we ate quietly.

"If you could travel anywhere in the world," Mikhail began. "Where would you go?"

I cocked my head to the side and pursed my lips. "Venice, Italy," I finally announced with a nod of my head.

"Is there a reason?"

"Because it's just so beautiful and…I've always wanted to go to a masquerade ball," I added shyly and Mikhail laughed kindly as he reached over my head to swat my bun.

"You're so cute, Rose," he sighed.

"Where would you go, Mikhail?" I asked and watched as his expression turned thoughtful.

Then he grinned wickedly, "Down under, mate!" he said with an Australian accent that I had to laugh at. But before I could say anything someone poked me in the sides and sat down beside me.

"Hey, Rose," Leo said as he grinned at me.

I messed up his hair. "Hey, we haven't talked in a while,"

"You don't think I've noticed?" he acted offended now and I laughed quietly.

"Shove an ass," someone said and Dereck plopped himself down beside me, pushing Leo over. "Hey, Rose," he smiled.

"You just interrupted our conversation," I greeted him and he took in the rest of my appearance.

"Rosie!" Jane cheered, bouncing to my side and pecking my cheek. I smiled gently at her, glad to see that she was getting over the Riley incident. "Guess what, Rosie."

"What?" I asked.

"I am not going out with Riley anymore. I totally broke it off. I figured that he obviously did do it and that I couldn't date someone who was such an asshole, much less someone who could do that to one of my friends."

My mouth fell open slightly and I stared at her in shock. "Wow…good for you!" I exclaimed. "That's a really good thing, Jane; I'm glad."

She smiled to herself, "Me too,"

Julian squeezed himself on my other side so I moved over, not caring whether I bumped Dereck or not. Tristin pulled in on the end beside Leo and Laura slid in beside Mikhail; beside her was Tommy, then Carter. I smiled at them both, but my attention was called when someone said my name.

It was Jane. "Rose? Have you been crying?" she asked and I cast my eyes down instantly.

"Of course not," I mumbled.

"You weren't at practice this morning," Dereck said quietly.

"I was hung-over," I said truthfully.

"But a lot of people told me you were running across campus,"

I was saved by someone unexpected. "Hathaway," I turned to see Matt, the guardian who was much too intense last night, standing behind me. He looked better than he did when I last saw him. He was dressed in a leather coat with a large collar and he was wearing the guardian official black slacks. His blond hair fell on either side of his face, framing his green eyes that I hadn't noticed before. "Do you know where Guardian Contrive is? I need to speak with him."

"Guardian Contrive has taken a few days off for personal reasons, he left me in charge." I informed him and I watched his eyes widen in surprise.

"Well, I guess I have to talk with you, if you're free at the moment?" it surprised me and I did a double take. Everyone seemed to be surprising me lately.

"Of course," I said as I pulled myself from the table. "I'll be back soon," I said over my shoulder before I followed Matt out. "What's up?"

He sighed and I held the door open for him as we left the commons. "Well…I actually wanted to talk to Alexander about you." He admitted and I looked at him in confusion as I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to create some protection against the cold weather. He seemed to notice this factor and he quickly shed his coat.

I smiled and let him help me into it; I stuffed my hands in the pockets and looked at him carefully. "Okay…what did you want to talk to me about? Or talk about me about?"

He looked amused, but ashamed at the same time. He angled his face towards the ground and didn't say anything for a long minute. His hair was blowing in the breeze and I took the time to notice that he was wearing a nicely fitting thermal. "I wanted to ask him if he knew anything about what you said last night," he finally muttered and I raised my eyebrows.

Sighing, I looked down at the snow, so white and pure. Suddenly, the blood-spattered vision snapped before my eyes. I brushed it away for later and focused back on Matt. "Well, you see…that's a complicated question and probably invalid because I was drunk. But what are you referring to?"

He looked at me in surprise as he said, "When I was yelling at you, I said that you didn't know how it felt to loose someone and it was obvious that you hadn't lost anyone. Then I asked you who you'd lost and you said 'more people than you care to know about'. I was thinking that maybe I was wrong last night, that maybe you knew more than I was giving you credit for."

I pressed my lips together. "Yeah, I have lost people and I really don't like talking about it. But I guess if you're trying to apologize, I forgive you. It wasn't even that bad, considering. I've done worse myself," I grinned impishly to receive a small smirk from Matt.

"That doesn't surprise me,"

"It shouldn't," I grinned at him and he held out his hand.

"Say truce and we put that little fiasco behind?" I took his hand and we shook once.

"Agreed," I bid him a good day, returned his coat and went back into the cafeteria to see Mikhail with his hands on his ears, eyes closed and chin raised defiantly. Everyone became quiet when I was within hearing range and I ignored then as I looked Mikhail until he opened his eyes.

"Rose!" he exclaimed, pulling his hands from his ears. "They're trying to interrogate me about you!" he said like a little child and I smiled slightly as I retook my seat in between Dereck and Julian.

"What are you harassing him about now?" I asked the group and they all averted their eyes, all except for Jane. I guess dumping Riley had given her some new confidence.

"We wanted to know what's wrong with you," she said easily, meeting my gaze steadily. "Some people really do care about you, Rosie, more than you think." I think I imagined the way her eyes flicked towards Dereck. Though, even if I did, I thought I detected some jealously in there. _Uh-oh, _I thought. _I feel TROUBLE._

Ignoring my thoughts, I shrugged and said, "I would never have guessed," I picked up a fry from the plate and met her eyes. "Enlighten me, what were you so concerned about that you had to involve someone else in?"

Her brow went together as she tried to decipher my tone and words; I smirked down at the table. I folded my hand, lacing my fingers together as I waited for an answer. Finally, Leo said, "We wanted to know why you looked the way you do,"

I laughed, surprising everyone, Mikhail included. "Do you really want to know?" I asked, grinning wickedly. _I'm kicking into Insane_, I thought. They nodded. "Okay, here's one: the guy I was dating, we were talking and then this girl shows up and says that the two of them were engaged and then, this is the best part; he nods and leaves with her, hardly any words to me. Funny, right?"

"Rose," Mikhail said in a warning voice, though I cut him a look that could kill and he shut up.

"Oh, Rosie, I'm so sorry," Jane whispered.

I waved my hand dismissively; I felt like I was too still, I needed to move around and as I pulled myself up from my seat, I spotted someone across the cafeteria. Riley Zeklos. I hadn't known that they'd let him out. I grinned devilishly and walked across to where he was sitting with two others, a boy and a girl. I ignored them and went right in for the kill.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Zeklos," I said politely as I sat across from him.

He looked shocked, but he covered well. "Good afternoon, Guardian Hathaway. I'm surprised to see you over here and dressed so," he added slyly gesturing to my attire.

"Not one of my best mornings," I smiled coldly. "So how are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently.

"Have you been conducting any other secret meetings that involve beating others up with magic? If you are, I must inform you that if you try that again, you will be endangering your life."

Now, he leaded forward with interest flickering in his eyes. "Because bad magic will wear down the good magic of the wards? I'd heard rumors about that, but I never believed them because the wards are so strong,"

I cocked my head to the side and made my voice angelic as I said, "I wasn't talking about the wards." I smiled as I saw my threat click in. I watched his jaw set and his eyes harden.

"I could report you for threatening me," he hissed.

I pulled up from the table and smiled again. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Turning on my heel, I walked out of the cafeteria with a smile on my face.

8*8*8*8*8*8

I found myself at the indoor shooting practices. It unnerved me slightly because of Mikhail's story about Ms. Karp, but, nevertheless, I was there and I didn't make plans on running out. But first, I texted Alexander:

_Hey, don't mess things up with your fiancé over me, okay? It wasn't a question. Don't worry about me. :P_

That should do some good, if anything, it should confuse him and he would go get married in that hour. Within seconds, I received a reply.

_Rose. Are you sure? You are ready to throw away what we had?_

I thought for a long moment before I slowly typed my response.

_I do not know what you are talking about. We didn't have anything._


	34. Goodbyes

**CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR- GOODBYES**

**Hey, guys, i know i'm such an idiot, but i have my computer semi-working now, but i still cant access my email so i dont know if anyone is still reading this story, but u know, for the peopel who are, its almost done and i'm thinking about doing another one for Spirit Bound, maybe not because i want to finish my other stories, but we'll play it by this chap!**

**"**Guardian Hathaway, I'm surprised to see you here," someone said and I glanced up to see another guardian approaching me.

"Do I know you?" I asked politely, slipping my phone onto the waistband of my pants.

"Not really, no; my name is Andrew Finish," I raised my eyebrows as I took his hand; he nodded, with a small smile. "Yes, that's really my last name,"

"Are you Finish?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No, Scottish, actually," I nodded in amusement and he grinned back. "Do you want to shoot some?"

I looked at the gun he was now presenting me with. "Uh…I don't think that's the best idea," I said, raising on eyebrow and eyeing the gun.

"Don't tell me you've never been trained with one," he said dubiously.

"Of course I've been trained with a gun," I replied indignantly. "Though, in my current mood, I think that I might accidentally shoot someone," I explained truthfully.

"Who pissed you off?" He asked, sympathy mixing in with his voice even though he didn't even know what had happened.

I liked him already. "I don't really want to talk about it, thanks though," I added with sincerity.

He smiled kindly. "If we go to a private room, will you shoot?"

I couldn't resist the childish eagerness in his expression, so I caved and agreed to shoot in a private room. "You might want a bulletproof vest," I commented as he led me into a room with a heavy metal door. He closed it behind us and handed me the gun.

"I think I trust you not to turn around and kill me, but I'll watch what I say, just in case," he added jokingly and I smirked.

"That would be wise,"

He grinned back. "I'm determined to find something that the Remarkable Rose Hathaway isn't perfect at,"

I laughed. "That wouldn't be too hard,"

"Not from what I've heard," he shook his head seriously. "You don't know how many people worship you, do you? Even the guardians respect you enormously,"

I pursed my lips and turned to the target at the far end of the room. I lifted the gun, positioning to the side, like I liked to do – though, I knew it wasn't the proper way to wield a gun, I liked doing it anyway. I shot once, easily, absorbing the impact with my shoulder; my bullet made contact with the red bull's-eye. I shot a few more times, hitting my mark every time.

Suddenly, dummies removed themselves from compartments in the walls and they began to move across the room, targets on them as well. I deftly shot them on instinct. Aiming, firing, aiming, firing, aiming, firing…and I kept going even as the speed sped up and it became more complicated.

Abruptly, all movement stopped in front of me and I angled the gun towards the ground as I turned to look at Andrew. "Did I do it wrong?" I asked innocently before I noticed his shocked expression. "What?"

"No one but me can do that here," he breathed with wide eyes.

"Oh," I looked at the ground and then back up at him. "I'm sorry, I guess,"

"You're _sorry_!" he exclaimed, his eyes excited. "Why? There's no need to be _sorry_, you should be proud! That was _amazing_!" he moved towards me and we shared an enthusiastic high-five.

"Do it again!" he cheered, turning back on the dummies. I sighed and repositioned my gun before I set off back to shooting.

* * *

After I'd finished with Andrew, I called a guardian meeting. They all gathered dutifully, but looked annoyed that it was me to call it and not Alexander.

"Alright," I said, staring them down defiantly. "Alexander has left for a few days on personal matters and he's left me in charge,"

There was the initial shock, then an outburst.

"_YOU_!"

"Impossible!"

"Despicable!"

"I will not be ordered by a child!"

I slammed my hand down on the table, loudly, making the sound echo off the walls of the room. They all shut up, as expected. "First of all, I am _not _a child. I am an adult," Someone snorted and I saw it was the female guardian who loved the weather channel. "Is there something you'd like to say?" I looked at her.

"You are not an adult," she said primly. "You are merely a child playing dress up,"

My anger spiked and I imagined my eyes flashing with fury. "I'll fight you right now, if I win, you eat your pride and do whatever I tell you to, if you win, I'll admit I'm a child and get out of here, never to come back."

I read the desire in her eyes, but also the hesitance and fear – the fear of loosing. Then she got a quip, "I'm above fighting with those lower than my caliber,"

_Snooty bitch_, I thought in annoyance. "And I'll feel really bad for you when the novices kick your ass in the field experience," I snapped back. "If you want to bitch and whine, then get your preppy ass out of here because it will not be tolerated. You're supposed to be a guardian and guardians follow the orders given by their superiors and I will be your superior until Alexander returns. Understood? Is there anyone else who wants to voice complaints? Because I'm more than willing to discuss any issues,"

"Why did Alexander leave you in charge?" someone asked and I looked around.

"Because he obviously believes that I can control you," my eyes slowly slid to Weather Woman. "Even if some of you are incredibly stupid and rely on the weather channel,"

"It was perfectly valid information," she sniffed.

"Did it snow?" I snapped and when she didn't answer I smirked. "That's what I thought,"

"And how did you know that it would snow, Rosemarie?"

I glowered at her. "It's either Rose or Hathaway," I snapped at her before I went on to evade her question. "How I knew that doesn't matter, what matters is that you're making yourself sound more stupid by each passing moment, so I suggest that you shut your mouth,"

"Or what,_ Rosemarie_?" she was pushing me.

"Oh, you _really_ know how to rub someone the wrong way, don't you? I'll tell you something – you should shut up right now or I'm going to come over there and kick your ass," I threatened.

Everyone else was silent; watching like it was a tennis match.

"In your silk pajamas and sluty tank top?" she retorted.

"Are you saying I'm a slut?" I narrowed my eyes dangerously.

"You sure as hell aren't a guardian," she faked a cough and added, "_Blood whore_,"she sneered at me, her lips turning up.

"That's it," I growled, walking around the side of the table and stalking towards her, my hands balled into fists, ready to throw the first punch. She shoved away from the table, looking determined. I kept walking towards her – until she did something unexpected.

She lunged at me.

I neatly ducked out of the way and knocked her cleanly in the mouth.

Abruptly, there were restraining arms around my waist, holding me back even though I wasn't doing anything but watching her spit blood on the floor. She came at me again, her hands curled, nails long like razors coming at my face. Unfairly, I was being held back, so I used that to my advantage and gripped my captor's forearms and lifted up the lower part of my body and kicked her squarely in the chest. She fell down on her ass with a very audible smack and I grinned down at her in a not-so-nice way.

I wasn't resisting my captor; I was just staring down at the stupid girl who angered me. It was kind of like an embrace, but not. I was filled with a dark satisfaction as I watched her spit more blood onto the floor and glare up at me with a murderous look. I lifted my hand and held up my index finger, gesturing for her to come at me again, meeting her eyes the whole time.

She launched herself at my feet and I jumped so she made contact with whoever was holding me. Knocking us both to the ground, I quickly regained balance and pulled Matt, he was the one who'd been holding me, up before turning back to Weather Woman.

She threw herself at me again and I rolled out of the way, kicking myself on top of her and holding her arm in a lock that could cause extreme pain. Though, I really wasn't causing _that _much pain. Honest.

Her face contorted in agony and I met her gaze frostily as I applied more pressure to her arm, she cried out. I got off her quickly – she looked so breathless and shocked.

"I think that qualifies as an ass-kicking," I said, then she tried to swipe my legs out from under me. I jumped again, jerking her to her feet and shoving her in the direction of the door. "Get out and don't come back until you've learned your place," I hissed at her.

Stumbling out of the door, she gave me the dirtiest look I had yet to receive. I found it amusing and laughed quietly to myself. I sighed, realizing that I _really _should have kept myself in check.

Shocking me entirely, there was laughter coming from behind me. I turned and stared at the other guardians in shock.

"I never liked her," someone said and others voiced their agreements.

I blinked. "I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've gotten a good response for beating up a guardian without any real reason,"

"You've beaten up guardians for fun before, have you, Hathaway?" someone chortled and I looked away.

"You had plenty reason," someone called. "She was a bitch and she called you a blood whore,"

I winced at the term and cast my gaze down. "It doesn't matter," I sighed and looked back up. "You guys should probably report this to Alexander,"

"Yeah, right!" someone said sarcastically. "You did us a favor,"

I sighed. "It's done now, are there any other questions about anything else? The field experience is starting tomorrow," I reminded them.

"Yes, Hathaway, it is," Matt said as he brushed off his coat. "How're you doing? Healing okay? Will you be able to fight?"

I grinned at him. "I'm always able to fight, no matter how I'm feeling," A few guardians chuckled and I smiled. "Oh, by the way, is there anything that I need to know about the field experience, things that I need to do if I were being Alexander?"

"You will need to give the instructions to the novices and explain the basic procedure and then Arnold will explain the tactics the guardians will use and all that jazz and then you will assign the packages to the novices." A guardian told me and I nodded slowly.

"Alright, so that's all I have to do?" I asked with raised eyebrows, expecting some other big thing to complicate my life.

Matt nodded. "That's all you've got to do, Rose, then you're all good,"

I grinned tiredly. "That is a good thing," then I looked at the guardians. "Oh, Alexander probably won't want me to fight the novices, so please don't tell him, okay?" I asked hopefully as I bit my lip.

They all chuckled and agreed not to rat me out. Dismissing the meeting, I smiled at the guardians as they left. Then I slowly went back up to my room and sat down on my bed. I stared down at my right hand, where the gauze still lay; I unwrapped it and stared down at my raw flesh – though, I could clearly the see outline of the heart. I closed my eyes, put on a fresh bandage and lay down on my bed. Within moments, I was asleep.

* * *

I was woken up by a freezing cup of water being poured on my face. My eyes went wide and I sat up, sputtering and blinking rapidly. I saw Mikhail standing at my bedside chocking on his own laughter.

I yelled, "_Mikhail Tanner_!"

He brushed his eyes and sat at the end of my bed, unconcerned as he chuckled. "Oh, man, Rose, you should have seen your _face_!" he exclaimed.

I kicked him hard in the back and fell back against my pillow as he yelped. "I hate you," I grumbled, pulling my covers over my face.

He flicked my knee. "No, you don't, you love me," he smirked. "Now, get up, darling, you need to run the Academy,"

I jerked upright. "Oh, shit, you're right," I scrambled out of bed and quickly grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweater. Mikhail discreetly put my pillow in front of his face as I hurriedly dressed myself.

We quickly made our way to the auditorium and on to the stage. Mikhail joined the other guardians and left me standing in the middle of the stage all on my own. I looked around nervously and the guardians made encouraging gestures.

I took a deep breath and faced the novices, the excitement was practically tangible. Suddenly, I wasn't a guardian; I was back in at St Vlad's as a student, as excited for the field experience as everyone else. I blinked and refocused looking at all the students, I wasn't nervous anymore, I was myself. I took a deep breath and quickly made some speech that I sounded at least somewhat professional and then I let a guy called Arnold do the other part.

Then came to assigning the charges, I didn't really pay attention to who was assigned who, but I knew Dereck was assigned Jane, Leo had Tristin, Laura had Carter, Madison had Tommy and Kevin had Julian.

After we'd dispersed, everyone was pleased with their assignments and I went to chat with Dereck and his crew. When I approached, Dereck had Jane tucked under his arm and she looked very content. _They should get something going_, I found myself thinking as I joined their group, slipping in beside Julian.

"Rose!" Dereck said happily. "This is going to be so great!" he enthused.

I smiled at him, "You bet, I get to fight all the time!" I had my own opinion of things to look forward to.

Jane looked at me curiously. "Do you really like to fight so much?"

I nodded and grinned. "I _love _it,"

"It's so…_dangerous_," she shuddered delicately.

"I live dangerously," I told her easily and then my eyes shifted to Dereck and the other dhampirs. "So are you guys ready or what?"

They all nodded eagerly. "I _really _hope I get to fight you," Laura said and I grinned at her.

"I want to fight all of you,"

"That would be so awesome," Leo said. "Do you think you could take all of us on and you just by yourself?"

"I –" before I could answer, I was cut of when Mikhail called my name.

"You have got to come with me," he said seriously, disregarding the novices and Moroi students around us. I looked at him in confusion, _what was so urgent that I needed to attend to right away?_ "Now, Rose,"

I sighed and looked apologetically to my friends before I went to follow Mikhail. He wouldn't let me speak until we were in a relatively empty hallway – he handed me his cell phone.

I narrowed my eyes as I slowly took it. "Hello?"

"Rose," the voice on the other end was obviously familiar, unmistakable and very strained.

"Alexander," I said, tensing myself. "Is there something that you need me to do at the Academy?" I was strictly keeping it formal; I wouldn't talk about anything even remotely personal.

I heard him sigh in frustration and I imagined him pushing a hand through his hair. "Rose – I know what it looked like when Diana came to the Academy and I need to explain to you –"

"You don't need to explain anything to me," I said emotionlessly.

"Yes, Rose, I do; will you please just listen? I need to tell you –"

"There's nothing to tell," I cut him off again. "If there's nothing that you need to tell me about running the Academy and the field experience then I must go. I do need to do other things, Alexander,"

It was so silent on the other side, for a second, I thought he'd hung up. Then I kept listening and heard his breathing and my hopes crashed. I waited politely for him to respond and when he did, he sounded so sad and almost broken, but like he was trying to hide it – I felt bad for him, for about a second.

"Rose, after what we've been through, you want to forget it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said coldly. "I need to go, excuse me, Alexander," I handed the phone back to Mikhail and walked away.

Alex and I both knew I wasn't just excusing myself and ending a phone call. I was saying goodbye.

**So, how was it? i'm kind of lacking insperation these days, but you know, i'll come around**

**pls review, even though i wont know if u did, i'll find another comp i can use to check**

**i love ya**

**alice**


	35. The Final Battle

**CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE – FINAL BATTLE **

I found myself back in my room with the company of some beer I managed to weasel out of one of the other guardians. I left my music off as I lay on my bed, not really wanting anyone to know that I was in there.

A dry smile wound its way onto my face as I thought about how easy it was to get to. I just sweet talked a male guardian and band. Men are so easy. I rolled my eyes and took a long swig and fell back against my pillows. I sighed and looked around my room. I didn't see anything interesting, until my laptop beeped. I sat up and pulled it up onto my lap to see what it was. As I opened it, I saw that it was an Instant Message from Etienne. My mood brightened considerably as I read:

E: Hey, baby! I know you're probably doing some guardian thing right now. Just wanted to say that I love you! See you!

I quickly typed back: I'm here – love you too! ; P

Etienne was quick to continue the conversation: What are you doing?

R: sitting in my room drinking.

E: ROSE!

R: what?

E: No drinking!

R: I'm an adult, Etienne.

E: And I'm your brother, now put it away! No drinking!

I rolled my eyes and changed the topic. R: what are YOU doing?

E: We're on a plane.

R: *sighs* You suck.

E: I'm sorry…are you going to be okay?

R: OF COURSE! When am I not?

E:…um, let me see…most of the time…

R: shut up.

E: Hey, I'm just concerned.

R: don't be, I can handle myself. :)

E: Rose…

R: don't do that – oh I have to go.

E: oh

E: okay – bye Rose

R: love you bye

E: love you

I quickly signed off and left my room in search of something to occupy my high-strung mind.

"What are you up to, Hathaway?" I heard a very familiar voice call as I stared through the gates and into the darkness on the other side. I didn't even turn – I knew it was Mikhail, but, more importantly, I knew what I had to do. It was my time.

I took off at a sprint to my room so I could change and prepare.

* * *

Minutes later, I found myself strutting towards the gates wearing all black: a collared black long sleeved shirt and close fitting black pants and my black running shoes with only a couple slim lines of lime green. My hair was tied up on top of my head and I wore no head band as a few stands of hair blew across my face. I looked devastating and I knew it.

My stake in hand, I was ready.

The guards didn't look surprised to see me, but they were shocked to see my expression and poise. A sweet little guard I thought was baby-cute commented.

"Guardian Hathaway, what's wrong? You look…"

_Terrified, heartbroken, masochistic, _I supplied in my head, but he used none of those.

"…not right." He finished lamely. "You don't look right, is everything okay?" he repeated with more conviction.

I brushed aside his concern and for some weird reason, I lightly ran my fingers across the side of his face and down his cheek. "I am fine. Will you please tell Mikhail Tanner and Dereck Hays that I'm so sorry?" I whispered, feeling strangely sentimental as I rested my right hand on his cheek.

He seemed to _swoon_ under my touch and became unnecessarily concerned for me. "What are you planning to do, Rose?" he asked quietly. From Guardian Hathaway to Rose – _funny_, I thought.

I slowly removed my hand and smiled gently, feeling much older than I actually was. "It's all over," I whispered and bowed my head before slipping through the gates, not looking back at everything I had just come to love.

As I walked slowly towards the trees, I thought of everything.

I'd come to love Mikhail, obviously not romantically, but like a brother – not a protector. No never a protector, l didn't need a protector and it was obvious that Mikhail still needed some support to recover from Sonya's demise in front of him. He truly loved her the way I loved Dimitri and for that, I loved Mikhail.

I loved him for being able to feel such an intense feeling, a feeling so consuming that you felt like you would shatter to pieces in a moment because you were so filled with this emotion. I loved him for being able to feel this emotion that so many others eventually denied because of commitment, because of the pain it granted you with. I loved him for being able to do the same as I.

I didn't believe that he was responsible for not being able to kill Sonya was his fault. No, Mikhail was not at fault there, that was all her. Her Strigoi life had come to an end because she wanted it to. And she loved him as he loved her. Sonya Karp did not play with Mikhail as Dimitri was playing with me; she truly loved him enough to feel the depth of that feeling through her transformation, her decent into darkness.

All she wanted was to see her lover one last time; I believed that was why she wanted him to be with her when she died. Though, I was still confused at why she would die in such a brutal why in front of him. She obviously had to know that it would cause him extreme pain, having him unable to do anything to prevent it.

Then it hit me.

She did it because she wanted him to know that he couldn't do anything to prevent it. She did it because she wanted him to know it was inevitable and she wanted him to know that it wasn't his fault.

I wanted to run back to Mikhail right at that instant and tell him of my discovery, but I knew I couldn't do that.

Mikhail had his problems and I had mine and I was to deal with mine right now.

But I understood.

Mikhail was riddled with guilt, thinking that he should have stopped her, thinking that he could have made her a 'good' Strigoi, thinking that it was solely his fault for her becoming Strigoi in the first place. But it wasn't that; I understood now. Sonya did what she did to protect Mikhail from her because she could see the way her own pain was hurting him ten times as much.

The depth of her love burns through me, reminding me that not even Dimitri and I had that deep of a connection.

_No_, I snarled inside my head. _Dimitri and I did have that connection, but that's the problem. We DID. And now we DON'T. That was the problem._

Now, Dimitri was a heartless being and he didn't feel that way about me anymore. I just had to keep that thought centered and I'd be okay. I'd make it through the fight, probably not alive, but able to kill Dimitri.

I could only hope.

I stood just under the cover of the trees and held my stake in hand, bracing myself for an attack; for I could feel nausea in my stomach all around me. I was surrounded and that was confirmed when there was suddenly a circle of Strigoi around me. They didn't attack and Dimitri was no where in sight, but I'd become so attuned to his presence so I could feel him.

"Well, Dimitri, give them permission to attack." I said quietly, sinking into a defensive stance. I was completely sober and I knew my world was about to end.

"As you wish – _attack_."

Two Strigoi lunged forward and I staked one easily, but the other grabbed me from the side, holding me in some sort of twisted embrace. I struggled in his hold for a moment before he snatched my stake out of my hand. "Hold still beautiful or I'll plunge this through _your _heart."

"My ass you will," I growled, jabbing my elbow into his ribs and reaching for my stake. He pulled away at the last second.

"Ah, ah, let's see how you'll do with a more advanced weapon." He took the stake, heedless of how it burnt him and he used his nail to sharpen the handle so it was like a double sided dagger. Interesting. He tossed it to me. "Catch, little dhampir,"

I caught it and it cut into my hand. But I didn't care. No one called me 'little dhampir' except for Adrian. I lunged at him and shoved the stake into his heart, the look of surprise on his face lasted a moment before I shoved him away from me. Others came at me and I dispatched of them, unconsciously moving deeper into the forest. Vaguely, I thought that for each meter I fought into the growing darkness, the deeper the stake cut into my hand.

Nothing mattered, only my fury and my purpose. I had to get through these Strigoi to get to Dimitri. These Strigoi would lay their lives down for him and they were doing so, I'd have to do a lot of killing before I got to him. This not so stunning revelation brought me down a bit and saddened me. I did not want anymore blood on my hands.

Not paying attention, I let my guard down a moment and was grabbed from behind.

_Damn_, I thought for a split second before I immediately began to fight back. Elbow to the ribcage, heel to the groin and grip is loosened. I grabbed the Strigoi's arm, twisted and shoved the stake through his chest too quickly before he could react.

"_No one _calls me that," I hissed as I threw myself at another Strigoi, staking them furiously. No one would ever be allowed to call me that except for Adrian because…he was Adrian. That was that. He was Adrian. I was Rose. That's all.

_Distract yourself, Rose_, I thought as the pain in my hand increased because of the double edged stake. _Let's make a story, Rosie!_ I could practically hear Etienne shout. _Alright, let's make a story…_

My name is Rose.

My name is Rose and I live in hell.

In hell, things are terrible. Very, very terrible.

_Rosie, be nice! How about you say you're on vacation_, I hear Etienne scold lightly as I staked another Strigoi. _Suck it up, bro._

In hell, my best friend is Lisa Dragomir. Lisa is my best friend and is a very high class Royal. She is the last of her family and the Queen wants her. Lisa is very popular in the high society of vampire Royals; people look to her because she is so persuasive and perfect. Or so she seems. Lisa used to cut herself, but she stopped and was put on depression pills, but she's better now. Though, other Royals still have their sights on her and the Queen especially. Lisa is a bit lost.

Then there is Adrian…Adrian is a Royal, but also the Queen's great nephew. The Queen was set on forcing Adrian and Lisa together, but Lisa loves Christian, who most definitely is one of the most respected Royals and certainly not one that the Queen approves of.

_Rose…don't be so dark, _Etienne chides lightly.

_Life is dark, kid,_ I respond.

I was distracted by a Strigoi grabbing my arm and pulling me in close to his chest. I lifted the stake and raked it across the side of his face and twirled out of his arms before completing the job.

_And my name is Rose, I live in Hell and everything is exactly at it's most possible worst and I'm hoping that once everything is over, I'll just disappear into nothingness so I won't have to deal with anything else this bad. Just disappear into nothingness so I won't have the pain, sadness, jealously, longing, fury…everything terrible that seeps down into my soul and makes me what I am._

I stood breathing heavily in the middle of forest with a sliver of sunlight shining down on me from the trees above. I stared at the surroundings, there were four more Strigoi I had to take on before I was done, it looked like. So I lifted my left hand into the shadows (one of my finest and most likely final, cocky move) and curled my index-finger in slowly towards me; a taunting gesture, daring them to come closer.

A Strigoi girl grabbed my wrist and yanked me out of the light, hissing "Not so high and mighty now without your halo, are you?"

I jabbed my elbow into her ribs and turned quickly, slitting her throat with my double-edged stake. "I don't have a halo, you should know that by now." Another Strigoi came at me and we sparred a few hits as the other two circled us, watching with anticipation. The Strigoi sustained a couple good cuts from my stake and was getting angrier by the moment. He tried to grab at my leg as I struck out for a kick, but I recoiled quickly and his hand met only air; his eyes narrowed and his mouth thinned into a straight line. I smirked back at him and full out grinned as I plunged my stake into his chest.

The other two converged on me, betting that they would have a better chance if they attacked at the same time. None the less, I hit the ground and swiped the legs from under on and had them out within moments. The surprise wore off the other and she jumped on me, prepared to rip my throat out, which is almost what happened as she lunged for my neck. Her nails raked against my skin drawing blood, which made her eyes glow an unearthly red as she bore her fangs at me.

I managed to knee her in the back the same way Mikhail had done to me so long ago. She winced and I got my stake into her chest and pushed her off of me. I pulled myself to my knees and looked around for another opponent. There seemed to be no one else, but I _felt _someone. I felt _him._

I pulled myself to my feet and leaned heavily against a tree as my breath came out sharply. "Dimitri," I whispered. "Dimitri…I've made it past your people…Dimitri, come out." I felt him come nearer and soon I could see him walking towards me, emerging from the deepest of the shadows.

"Rosa, my lovely Rosa," his voice was filled with an unusual pride and affection. "You've done well, you've killed almost all of my people, which seems to have taken a toll on you." He added, gesturing to my state. I didn't bother asking about the 'almost' but I was sure he had others elsewhere.

Almost automatically, I drew myself up to look taller and more powerful than I actually was. That seemed to be an unconscious reaction that I couldn't squelch when it came to him.

Apparently, he seemed to know this, which brought a slight smile to his face. "You never change," that struck a cord – he'd said the same thing when he was still my Dimitri.

"I've changed," I whispered harshly. "I've changed more than you could ever begin to guess Dimitri Belikov."

His face fell into an expression of sorrow and he took a step closer. "No, I know you've changed; I see it in your eyes. But some parts of you will never change."

He took a step closer to me and I straightened some more. "Something that will never change is that I will not give up."

He threw his head back and laughed and when he looked back at me, there was a new light in his eyes. "Are you threatening me, Rosa?"

"I'm only telling you the truth," I didn't answer his question outright, which he knew and the light in his eyes grew, now I could identify it. Anger, my defiance was angering him, even in the slightest; I wasn't exactly making sure his plan went accordingly. That gave me some satisfaction to see him struggling to keep up with me, a satisfaction to know I was in power, if only a little; but I was.

"Rosa," he murmured as I slipped down back onto my knees – there was no way I could possibly keep going like this. I just wanted to sleep, just to sleep it off, sleep it off until the end of eternity. "We can still fix this; we can work this out and be together, Rosa. I can save you," there was urgency in his tone as he neared me and I saw my way out. I saw my way to end everything.

I let myself slip lower and my stake slide a bit out of my hand slightly. "Do you really think that we could do that, after all that has happened?" I whispered harshly.

He stepped closer, obviously sensing that I was weakening by the moment. "Yes, I do, I do so much. We can fix this, we can _love _again."

I let a small smile creep onto my face, as if I were too tired to voice anything but also as if the idea appealed to me. And on some twisted level of my insane mind, it did. Now, I was on my knees with my right hand on the ground for balance and the act. "Dimitri," I whispered and the wistfulness wasn't really that hard to fake because, well, it wasn't fake.

"Rosa, let me save you, let me _love you again_!" he sounded so broken as he came to my side and knelt.

I smiled darkly to myself, this was so easy – _how was this so easy?_ "Dimitri, help me to my feet, bring me up onto my feet. Bring me back my pride, Dimitri." He did as he was told and gently pulled me back up to my feet, as he did, I made sure I had a good grip on my stake.

"Oh, God, Rosa," he whispered and pulled me to his chest. As he did so, I used the last of my energy to shove my right hand between us, pinning the stake there as he crushed me into his chest. He choked as my weapon met its mark, his eyes slipped down to my face, burning crimson orbs. "_You…BETRAYED…me…!_"

Seeing as I was shorter and slumped against him with the stake being double edged and all, it would only be logical for it to pierce my heart as well. Dimitri and I would die together and in unison. Don't you just love the irony of poetic justice?

"No…" I whispered, realizing my fatal mistake; but deciding I was going to take it and be please with my end. "No, I'm going with you."


	36. So Close To The End

**CHAPTER THIRTY SIX – SO CLOSE TO THE END**

**Pst!!! It's not over yet! And I'm sorry terribly sorry for not updating sooner! Forgive me ;) and this chapter is kind of short as well. But I'm still writing, my lovelies. Don't worry. Read read and tell me what you think. I had to do this from a different POV because I was sure so many of you would have wanted to know what happened in between the last event and the next ;)**

**Ily Alice 3**

_Alexander_

As I pulled into the Academy's parking lot, I thought of what I had just done; letting the scene replay in my mind.

"_Diana, I can't do this anymore."_

"_What are you talking about, Alex?" the edge in her voice had grown. She'd just finished interrogating me about Rose and what she meant to me. I'd managed to convince her that I most definitely had not been cheating on her while I was at the Academy._

"_I can't do this anymore, Diana. I can't do US, not like this." My voice was tense and I shifted myself away from her so we were no longer touching. "I…I can't be with you…anymore…I just can't do it…not like this."_

_Her voice got sharper. "What are you trying to say, Alex? Tell me right now."_

"_I can no longer be with you!" I exclaimed and I stood and began to pace in her room. I'd seen the hurt on Rose's face when Diana had said we were engaged and I couldn't stand to see that. I needed to get back to the Academy as soon as possible; I had to make it up to Rose. I had to._

"_Alexander. Stop. Look at me and tell me the truth."_

_I stared at her directly in the eye and knelt down so we were on the same level, seeing completely eye to eye. "Diana Anne Kolvoikov, I love you but I do not love you in the same way I once did. I thought you were my world; once upon a time, I love you so dearly that I would do anything for you, anything in the entire world. But now…now this has changed. I've no right to say that anymore, because it is no longer true. I do not love you as greatly as I should, as you deserve. You deserve someone so much better than me, I've betrayed you in the worst way possible and I didn't do anything to stop it or even let you know._

"_I still love you, but not as much as I used to, I love Rose Hathaway. When I met her she was just a child to me, a very, very well-known child whom was extremely talented. Rose Hathaway was known by everyone, you could not walk down a hallway in the entire Academy and not hear someone utter her name. She was so respected, she still is; all the students look up to her and admire her. She's earned her place in this world and instead of thinking of her as someone under my charge, I began to know her. Really know her._

"_Rose and I would talk for hours and hours on end, sometimes about being a guardian and what she thought of it, sometimes about friends and sometimes she would let me in enough to share the darkest times of her life with me. Rose began to be my friend, a very good friend whom I could confide in, someone I knew would never judge me, no matter what my actions. Someone who knew the darkest places of this world, but someone who was _still so good_. She has no idea how good she is and she thinks that she is so very bad; it's as if every sin she commits hits her harder than it would anyone else, but it does not affect her as it would someone else. Rose rebounds, Rose fights and she gets stronger. I admired her for her strength and her determination. I admired her because she has been to places where even the sickest people cower from._

"_Soon, Rose and I began to spend more time together and our friendship developed and I trusted her. I trust her with my life and I know she would lay her own down to save mine. I began to love her, at first it was a fatherly affection almost, an affection that a sibling or a close family member would harbor. But then it grew into more, it grew into so much more. _

"_Rose earned my respect, my friendship, my admiration and my love. Diana, I love Rose so much. Sometimes I feel as if I cannot bear to be around her because of the affect she has on me and what I will do. I fear her because of what I feel for her. I love her _so_ much. Rosemarie Hathaway claims my heart and I can no longer love you because of it. I love _her_."_

_We were silent for the longest time, just staring into each other's eyes. Slowly, tears brimmed Diana's soft brown eyes and began to slip down her cheeks. But she did not sob; she let them fall silently as they landed on the floor between us. It seemed as if her tears were slowly building a wall that would separate us, I wall I knew I would not try to force away. I wall I would not fight. _

"_Alexander," she whispered. "You must know how I feel for you; you must know that I will love you for much time to come. You must know this."_

_I nodded slowly, but kept quiet._

"_You know this and you are choosing her. Choosing one so young and so new to this world. But yet, she is vital to you. This _I _must know. I love you, Alexander Contrive."_

_That was her way of dismissing me so I silently rose to my feet, planted a light kiss on her forehead and left her house._

So as I pulled into the Academy, all I could think of now was Rose Hathaway. The women I had fallen so deeply in love with. I climbed out of the car and began walking toward the gym, where she would most likely be destroying something. On my way, I saw Mercutio. I jogged up behind him and called, "Mercutio, have you seen Rose?"

He stopped and turned around, smiling when he saw me. "Hello there, Contrive. No, I haven't seen your girl, what's she done this time?"

I laughed with him, glad to be back. "I don't know yet, but I do need to talk to her. I will see you later." With that, I jogged away and into the school. Some students called greetings to me, but none of theirs was as enthusiastic as the welcoming they gave Rose.

On my way to the cafeteria, I ran into Dereck Hays and his group.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Guardian Contrive, I wasn't paying attention." Dereck apologized sincerely and with respect. This surprised me; before Dereck would have glanced at me and kept on going without a second thought. _Rose must have really cleaned him up._ I smiled at the thought, but thinking of Rose, threw me back on task.

"That's quite alright," I smiled at him. "I'm actually glad that I've ran into you."

That came out wrong and Dereck winced as I regretted my words.

I softened my smile, putting my apology there. "Have you seen Rose?"

He shook his head slowly, a dark look passing over his face. "After she's done the field experience informative, she disappeared. But…no, I did see her. She was walking…Oh my God," his eyes widened in horror as he stared at something past me.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Leo Walker pushed through the group to come to Dereck's side. "Is Rose alright?" I could tell by the way he said her name that he, also, harbored affection for Rose; but not in the same way Dereck and I seemed to. At the thought of Dereck being with her, my lips pressed together but I watched as Dereck lifted his eyes to mine.

"She looked…she looked…son of a bitch," Dereck looked directly into my eyes and tried to send a message there, I figured because not everyone in the group knew about some of Rose's issues.

Suddenly, I got what Dereck was trying to pass on and I went cold all over.

"No…" I whispered and then focused on Dereck. "You don't think she would go, not today?"

The look he gave me told me exactly what he thought and I swore harshly under my breath in Russian. "Come with me, Hays," I turned on my heel without another word and began to stride away. A hand closed around my wrist and I looked over my shoulder irritably to see Leo Walker staring at me.

"Where ever you're going, so am I. If Rose is in trouble, I'm going to go help her." He narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice to say, "You are not the only one who cares about her and you are not the only one who knows things about her. I am coming with you."

"I can't argue this now, I need to go." I shook off his grip but didn't leave right away.

"I am coming too," Laura Tanner spoke up, stepping forward beside Leo. "If there's anything I can do to help Rose, then I'm going to do it."

"We're all coming," Madison said.

I shook my head. "There is no way I am taking the Moroi with me."

"So they stay," Leo said. "We go."

"I can't do this now, I need to go. Come if you must." Without another word, I took off at a dead run towards the guardian building with Dereck, Laura, Madison and Kevin in tow. I stalked past Mikhail, who was making himself a coffee and into the weapons room. "_Get your ass moving, Tanner!_" I shouted as I threw open the door and armed myself with a stake.

"Shit," I heard him swear and then louder. "Why? What's going on?"

"Rose!" was all I needed to yell before he was moving.

"Shit, shit, shit," he muttered as he thundered into the room, grabbing a stake. "What's she done?" he asked me in a low voice.

"You know of Dimitri, yes?"

"_Fuck_," he swore savagely. "She went without anyone?"

I caught the confused looks the young dhampirs were giving us and I shot a look to Mikhail which silenced him. With everyone armed, we quickly made our way to the gates.

Vincent, a young guardian was on guard as they were in the middle of switching shifts. He seemed relieved to see us.

"Vincent, did Rose Hathaway leave these gates today?" I demanded, staring into the gloom of the trees. I saw the bodies of Strigoi bordering the edge of the shadows and I swallowed.

"Yes, this morning, I am awaiting her return."

"Open the gates," I commanded and he immediately did as he was told. As soon as there was room, I slipped through the gates and ran towards the shadows. Dereck Hays was right beside me. I hesitated just inside the shadows, but I was only glimpsing the destruction that she had left behind. There were Strigoi bodies strewn everywhere, each one so very dead. Blood had soaked the snow, staining it red in such a violent contrast. Dereck didn't even break stride, he glanced around and tromped on deeper into the woods in search of our girl.

I followed him at a slower pace, with the others, taking in what she'd done. There was no way she could ever survive taking on this many Strigoi. She'd taken out them all, they were all dead. I walked on in awe at Rose Hathaway. This was impossible.

Suddenly, there was a chocked sound ahead and I looked up in time to see Dereck fall to his knees. "No…" he whispered brokenly. "Leo, help me," he called out weakly. I rushed forward with Leo and Mikhail to see what he did and I was not prepared for it.

There was a large body over Rose's broken form. Dereck shoved at it roughly, but it wouldn't budge. He bent his head close to the ground so his hair touched the snow. "Fucking hell," he whispered. "Look at this,"

I came up behind him and bent to see what was wrong. There was unmistakably the metal of a silver stake in between Rose's body and the Strigoi's. I sucked in a sharp breath and stared in horror.

Dereck seemed to collect himself, but was angry now. He seemed to know exactly what had happened but he also seemed able to control himself enough to do what needed to be done. "Someone help me lift _it_ off of her," he hissed, not even bothering to acknowledge that it was a male Strigoi on top of Rose.

I moved back over to the other side of the two bodies and helped Dereck lift the body off her and toss it aside. I was stunned to see the stake protruding from her chest stained with blood but the most shocking part was that the stake was double-sided.

There was a collective gasp from our group as we stared at Rose's motionless body.

_No, _I thought in horror as I knelt down slowly. _You can't be dead. You cannot be dead. YOU CANNOT BE DEAD!_

Mikhail and I shared a look and I saw that there were tears in his eyes. Everyone seemed to be taking this hard, everyone except Leo Walker who had a game plan set and with a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

"Guys, form a circle around Guardian Contrive, Guardian Tanner and Dereck right now." He ordered in a low voice as he stationed back to us. "Don't stare at her as if she is a statue, she is alive. But just barely."

My head snapped up and I glared at the back of his head. I would not let him plant false hopes in my head. "How do you know that?" I demanded harshly.

"I just do, check her pulse it is there. But you need to pick her up and we need to get her out of here right now."

Listening to him, I gently placed my fingers on her throat, searching for a pulse. I found one. It was so faint; it might as well not have been there at all. Leo was right. "She's alive," I breathed out in relief.

"Not for long, pick her up. We need to go." The urgency in his voice was hard to deny and I found myself scouting the darkness with my eyes.

"Rose, baby, Rose, come on, you can hear me. You're alive, baby; you know it and you need to show me that you know I'm here. Come on, Rose, I won't be an ass in training anymore, I promise! _Rose_!" Dereck was gripping fists of snow and dirt, half whispering half sobbing into her ear.

"Dereck, pull it together," Leo said softly, but there was no doubt that he was serious. "If you want her to live, you need to pull it together." When Dereck kept whispering to his mentor, Leo swore under his breath and turned to kneel beside his friend. He pulled him gently away from Rose's body and whispered something into his ear that seemed to set Dereck right.

Leo straightened and resumed his defensive stance as Dereck looked up at me slowly. "You get her other side while Mikhail gets her legs, we need to save her."

I nodded slowly and Mikhail got in position by her knees. "One…two…three," I counted and we lifted her up at the same time. It was as if one of us had brought her back to life with our touch.

She gasped and went rigid in our arms, her eyes opening wide but so unfocused.

"_ROSE!"_ we all screamed in unison, our eyes all on her.

"We need to move now," Leo said sharply. "_Now_."

We took his warning this time and ran Rose to the gates and they opened immediately.

"Is she alright?" Vincent asked franticly as he jogged behind us. We ignored him and rushed Rose into the clinic. People parted to let us through and they immediately took her into a room for surgery.

_My God, Rose, I'm sure you had to do this right now._ I thought vaguely as I sat down in a chair. My thoughts were blissfully blank…until a nurse came out, wringing her cap in her hands.

"Guardian Contrive," he addressed me, glancing at the group that had crowded around. "I need to tell you this…there…there is no easy way to say this." I lifted my head from my hands and stared at her. "Rose Hathaway…alright…Rose Hathaway's heart has stopped, but we are doing our best to revive her."


	37. This Was My Life?

**CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN – THIS WAS MY LIFE?**

Flashes.

Flashes of pain. Flashes of people. Flashes of light. Flashes of darkness.

Why was everything flashing in front of me? Why was everything so bright and why couldn't I see? I felt the weight of Dimitri covering me, his dead weight on my body. This fact brought tears to my eyes, that his dead weight was _dead_. The pain that the stake was inflicting upon me was so severe that I began to fade in and out. Balancing on the brink of life and death – everything was so hazy and I could see the ghosts.

They surrounded me in a haze but I didn't want them there, I didn't want to deal with them. _Go,_ my mind whispered. _Leave me be, leave me with this._ Reluctantly, they slowly disappeared, withering away into nothing. This left me strangely at peace, being alone with Dimitri in the end (aside from all the bodies, of course).

You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes as you die?

It is true.

I saw Lissa; Christian and I fighting and those rare moments where we got along; Adrian forever trying to convince me of his love; Dimitri and I in the cabin; Dimitri with me in my worst moments, telling me that I was beautiful. I saw Alexander, with his familial affection growing into something else and then us sort of dating and my times with Mikhail, how our relationship had grown into such a good friendship. My training lessons with Dereck, his flirtations, our jokes and good times. I saw Mikhail and I fighting; my training, my strange meetings with the lady under the guardian building, Myra…just everything flashing in front of me.

I saw me at the parties I used to frequent before Lissa and I ran away; Lissa and I on the run; Lissa and I back at the Academy…everything. But most of all was Dimitri, our love restrained and then finally released in the last hours of his life.

Then the memories stopped and I knew that people were around me, surrounding me – familiar people. I sensed a lot of people…people that I knew and cared about and that I cared about how I impressed upon them. But the hard thing for me was that I couldn't exactly figure out who was there.

I slowly stopped feeling things throughout my body, _which is good, right?_ I thought, liking the warm feeling spreading through my limbs, taking away the pain.

_This is good. This is so good. I die, in Dimitri's arms. This is so good._

Suddenly, there was an unbearable pain rocking through my body. Snapping my eyes open, I felt myself gasp. I couldn't see anything with my eyes, nothing at all. Everything was blurs of gray and black and my hearing, oh God, my hearing. It was like white noise but not, I could here the distinction of voices and the panic, the tension and urgency were tangible. It was like the urgency was a flashing red string of light jumping in front of my face, dancing and twisting with a yellow one. It was beautiful.

_You are insane._ The nasty voice sneered.

_Fuck off_. I responded in a polite tone and continued to watch Urgency and Tension dance so lightly in front of me, so gracefully. The elaborate moves and twists were so complicated, but I could somehow follow them, see the threads tied and loosening in synchronization. They flashed from side to side, left to right, up and down, taking diagonals and all types of angles.

And then more colours were added.

Love.

There was Love and it was a hot pink and red that sparkled slightly with passion. The vigor that it had was so full of life, so velvety and so _true_ to what it felt like. The thread came close and caressed my face but it burned; signifying the gentleness and ruthlessness of it at the same time. It was so _familiar_.

Then a midnight blue strand, so dark it was almost black, added itself to the mix.

Pain.

There was pain, sorrow, grief, anguish, torture and most of all darkness. Something I was acquainted with oh so very well. The darkness sulked towards my face slowly and twined itself through my hair and stroking my skin. It was seductive and desirable, pulling the other stands towards it slowly with slow, slinky movements. Deathly temptation.

Then another strand joined the mix and the others froze, almost as if to stare at it.

This strand was white and it moved towards the others with tentativeness. It was painfully obvious that this was Innocence.

I watched Innocence with a growing sense of sadness. It was something of mine that I had lost so long ago, something that I had no regard for at all and something I couldn't wait to loose. I hadn't treasured my innocence as I should have, I couldn't wait for it to mature and be a part of me. I wanted it gone so I could be a rebel, a legend – the great Rose Hathaway, Dare Devil Rebel Extraordinaire.

_You've gotten your wish, haven't you_? A voice inside my head asked me.

_Yes. _The devious part of me responded.

_No._ Whatever was left of my innocence and naivety answered at the same time.

I had gotten my wish, just in the worst possible outcome. I had been the major rebel at my school, the most badass guardian-in-training around, which I had loved. I reveled in how other students treated me and how those on the elementary campus looked up to me. I loved how conversations hushed in respect as I passed people in the hallway, how they all wanted to be my friends, to get to know me. I loved how boys would try hitting on me to say they had me that night, I loved how I shot them down with a witty insult the next morning and I loved how they still adored me afterward.

I was a prima in my school, St. Vladimir's was my kingdom and I ruled it. I owed the school and everybody knew it. When someone came and took the spotlight, it was only temporary and while they thought they were on top, everybody knew I was still above, just being quiet. For the time being.

My reputation got even more extreme when I'd broken Lissa and me out of the Academy. Of course, rumors circulated, but that just fed my status. And then I'd begun to slowly realize that maybe, just _maybe_, my rep wasn't all that great. Among the students, yes, of course, I was _it_. But with professional guardians and high ranking Moroi, if word of my proceedings reached them, it wasn't exactly idolized.

Though, I didn't care – not at all. I didn't think highly of the elite Moroi (except Lissa) and nor did I care about what they thought of me. This changed when I met Dimitri Belikov. At first, I didn't care about him either. So what, some hot Russian guardian here to look after Lissa with me – what should I care? At least I would have something nice to look at.

That was what I thought.

Then, Dimitri stood up for me. He took my side over and again against the headmistress at St Vladimir's for me, he defended me. He began training secessions with me, training me to be one of the best guardians. I'd developed feelings for him, nothing more than a high school girl's crush at first. Then it matured.

With Dimitri, I could be myself and I could let down my walls at times without fear of rejection. He supported me, taught me how to defend myself against the most dangerous thing walking the earth. But what mattered most to me was that he let me know him. He talked to me sometimes and shared his opinions on personal subjects and told me of his family, his past. At times, we were mentor and student, others we were just good friends.

With Dimitri, my innocence was beginning to come back. Either that or he was bringing it up from wherever I'd buried it deep inside of myself.

Watching this white stand, Innocence, it reminded me too much of him. It reminded me that I was away from him. He was no longer covering me and I was being moved. _No!_ An inner voice yelled; anguish filled me so entirely that it felt as if someone were ripping me apart so very slowly.

_Dimitri…I was supposed to end this with you…Dimitri…_

Under bright lights, shining in my eyes. Sounds of machines ringing in my ears, more pain, the distancing of me from the world – solid ground. Then the pain came back, the drugs came, pain went away and I slipped under.

I came back, gasping, eyes wide.

I heard yelling, panicked voices.

And the last thing…the beeping…

And everything went completely and utterly black…


	38. Awake And Alive

**CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT – AWAKE AND ALIVE**

**Hey there guys, another update. Kinda late, but still it's an update ;) Anyway, I named this one Awake And Alive because after I finished it, I was thinking about a song by Skillet and I thought it kind of fit. Go listen to it. it's called Awake by Skillet ;)**

**Enjoy! :D**

_One Week Later_

I groggily opened my eyes to the now familiar clinic room. I groaned as I did every other morning; then came the memories, then came the water-works.

But today, I did not cry. My eyes burned as if they wanted to shed tears, but none came. I steadied myself with a deep breath and looked at the ceiling.

He wasn't gone and wasn't coming back in any way, shape or form. I sighed and closed my eyes for a second then opened them when I sensed a presence on the other side of the door. I didn't say anything and began to hum to myself quietly, still acutely aware that someone was listening. After a few minutes, I got bored.

"If I continue to ignore you, will you stand there forever?"

After a few seconds, the door knob turned and in walked the doctor. "Rose…" she began uncertainly, "I…you are never ready for my examinations this early, you're always…" her voice trailed off and I knew what she meant.

"I'm sorry, do you what you need to do," I said.

Her eyes widened with momentary shock. "Are…are you sure?"

I nodded, slightly irritated, though not because I knew it was all my doing that she was treating me like this. "I'm not that fragile." I muttered. Immediately the Doc went into medical mode, whipping out her clipboard and professional-looking papers.

"Actually, Rose," She began in a scholarly voice. "You _are_ quite fragile, your left wrist is broken a clean break, the bone split perfectly. And this time," she looked up and met my eyes sternly. "You've managed to break _all _your ribs. You're badly cut and bruised, but you're all bandaged up." She said cheerfully.

"Just my cup of sunshine," I said sarcastically.

"Rose," she chided. "Your condition was very critical when you were brought in here, you should not be taking this so easily."

"That's Rose Hathaway for you," I said smirking at her bemused expression. I tried to pull myself up into a straight sitting position, but Doc tried to hold me back, but I waved her off. I winced a couple of times, but I did it. "So where are all my presents? Doesn't anybody care that the Great Rose Hathaway is _temporarily_ out of commission?" I joked ruefully.

"Oh, people care – _everybody_ cares. You should see the waiting room and one of the spare storage rooms."

That spiked my interest. "Really? Can I see them?" I asked eager to get off my ass and do something.

"You can't even walk, Rose."

"We're going to see about that," When she realized what I was doing, it was too late to push me back on the bed. The Doc caught me just as I fell off the edge. She steadied me and I grinned. "See? I can stand," I said triumphantly.

"Rose!" the Doc exclaimed. "You need to get back into bed; it's not good for you to strain yourself,"

"This is no strain for me," I murmured as we began to hobble out of the room.

"Rose," the Doc groaned.

"Say, Doc, I never got your name," I said to take the focus off me.

"Annabelle," she replied as we entered the waiting room. About the entire Academy was there.

They all gasped when they saw me and I laughed. "I know, I know, I'm rather hideous, not my preferred look, but it's okay." I said gamely as I hobbled over to where Dereck his crew, Alexander and Mikhail were sitting.

Actually, Alexander, Jane, Carter, Tristin, Tommy and Madison were in chair; Laura, Mikhail, Dereck, Kevin, Leo and Julian were on the floor. I went over there and used Alexander's knee to support me as I slowly lowered myself to the ground with the help of the Doc. I sighed as I leaned my head back against Alexander's knees and smirked. "So, Annabelle, when can I leave?"

She was furious then. "You can leave when I say you can! Rose, do you know how badly injured you were?" she all but shouted.

I kept my eyes on her, but I was aware of Alexander's fingers running through my hair. I was aware that Mikhail's hand was resting on my knee and that Dereck had intertwined our fingers. I discreetly scanned the gifts in the room and saw a very, _very_ large box of chocolates. "Oh, yum-yum," I said, breaking through the Doc's speech beginnings. "Can you pass that?" I whispered to no one in particular and about five hands reached for it.

It was set in my lap and I opened it up, sending the top tray around to everyone. I had a little trouble unwrapping the tray and Dereck reached over to help me. I quickly pecked him on the cheek and turned back to the Doc. "No, I don't, but tell me. I want to know," I said quietly.

"Rose," she began in a softer tone. "You were almost gone; you'd lost so much blood." She shivered slightly as I passed Mikhail and Dereck chocolates. Then I pulled out a heart-shaped one and held it over my head for Alexander. I felt his warm lips carefully remove the chocolate heart from my fingers; I smiled to myself and popped a chocolate into my own mouth.

"Rose, you had a stake in your heart, a _stake_. No, thank you," she added because I was holding out a chocolate to her.

Imagine this: an eighteen year old female guardian with a broken wrist, bandaged and scraped face, legs and arms, sitting on the floor in a hospital gown, surrounded by her friends, eating a huge box of chocolates while receiving a lecture from her doctor.

"How do you explain that, Rose? A stake in your heart and, by the way, why was the handle of the stake sharpened, it looked almost _intentional_, Rose, please explain that."

I didn't even hesitate; I was going to play her. "Which question or accusation do you want me to explain?"

"What the hell were you thinking, going out there to fight Strigoi?"

"Would you believe me if I said that I went for a walk and was attacked?"

"No,"

"How about sleep-walking?"

"Rose," her voice was stern. "We need to know,"

"If you're worried about Strigoi attacking anyone outside of the wards, you're being dumb; I will bet a thousand dollars that I got every damn one."

"Rose," Annabelle's voice was much softer now. "I know this must be hard for you –"

I quickly put my fingers in my ears and glared. "This is _not_ hard on me and I do _not _want your sympathy, nor do I need it. So, please, if I beg your pardon, shut up." It was quiet for a few seconds and I was pleased. "Okay, I _guess _that was a bit rude, but I don't want any sympathy."

"Fine, Rose, but tell me one thing," Annabelle said carefully."

"On thing and then I can go?" I asked hopefully, leaning forward.

"No," my hopes crashed and I slumped back against Alexander's knees. "But I'll give you some freedom, deal?"

"I can make freedom of my own," I muttered under my breath, Dereck and Mikhail had to smoother laughs. "Deal, what do you want to know?" I asked in a louder voice.

"Why was there a stake in your heart?" I looked into her eyes; she thought I'd tried to kill myself.

I laughed. "Surely, you don't need to worry about my state of mind, it was an accident." I laughed again putting another chocolate in my mouth, ignoring the astounded stares form the people around me.

"An _accident_?" Annabelle shrieked with disbelief and I nodded, still chewing contently as I observed her reaction. "How – _how _could it have been an accident?"

Alexander's fingers had paused in my hair and everyone was looking at me, awaiting my answer I swallowed and nodded again. "Yeah, it was an accident. Ask Alexander about how he first found me."

Her eyes shifted above me, holding the obvious question; Alexander spoke, "A Strigoi was on top of you," he said slowly. "I lifted him off and three was the stake."

"I _know _that," she said in exasperation. "But how did the stake get to your heart and why was it sharpened on both ends?"

"To the first question, I'd staked him and since I was weak, shorted and shifted off to the side, the stake was in the correct position to penetrate my own heart as his own as we fell to the ground." I looked away for a quick moment, hoping no one caught the unsteady waver to my own when I said 'my own heart as his own'. "To the second, the Strigoi thought it would be entertaining if they 'upgraded' my stake. So it was intentional just not on my behalf."

Dereck laughed beside me and we turned to look at him; he was looking at me. "As always, your excuses are flawless," he joked and several people laughed, myself included. "_But…_I'm sure many of us here want you to do something," I was curious so I gestured for him to continue. "You've got to promise that you will not go outside the wards without someone else with you."

"There is no way I can promise that," I shook my head, but seeing the stern and concerned faces of my friends, I caved some. "Alright, alright, as long as I am at this Academy, I promise that I will tell someone that I am going outside of the wards by myself, which will mean that someone will insist on accompanying me, so no worries."

It seemed as if that eased them all up. "Thank you, Rose," Annabelle said and I pursed my lips grudgingly. Being treated like a child, how degrading.

"So, anyway," I said, "How long do ribs take to get better?"

From Annabelle to the Doc now. "Months, you're stuck in that brace until they heal."

"Guardian Hathaway," Tristin said quickly and my eyes skipped over to her. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, um, how about my room?" I suggested and she nodded quickly. Immediately, Dereck and Mikhail jumped up to help me stand. I gave them both a kiss on the cheek before Tristin led me away.

When she set me on the bed and closed the door, she turned to me with a very serious expression on her face. "Guardian Hathaway, I want to heal you," she announced.

"W-what? That's great! No!" I caught myself in time. "No, no way – I will not let you!"

There was a soft knock on the door and Annabelle peaked in. "Is there a problem?" she asked, looking at me.

My eyes did not move from Tristin's. "Of course not, Doc," I answered and she nodded slowly, backing out and closing the door behind her.

"Guardian Hathaway, I owe you my well-being so I can afford to bring you yours." Tristin said in a calm voice, as if she'd thought this out.

"No, you can't afford it," I said frostily. "Do you know how much it will drain you, with my injuries?"

"I don't care, Guardian Hathaway, I want to help you." There were tears in her eyes as she moved towards me. She practically threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my waist in a gentle hug. I hugged her back as she rested her head against my shoulder. "I can't stand to see you like this, Guardian Hathaway," she chocked out.

I patted her hair. "Don't say it like that," I joked trying to ease her tension and erase her despair. "You're making me sound like a crip –" I broke off when I felt the tingle of magic spread through my midsection. "Tristin –" I began but she was already pulling away.

"There," she smiled triumphantly. "Your ribs are healed."

She grinned as I glowered. "You tricked me," I ground out.

She shrugged giddily. "So? You're ribs are better, now all you need to worry about is your arm and cuts and stuff; but I can do those later."

"No, you absolutely will not."

"Yes, I absolutely will." She countered.

"No, you've done too much already," then grudgingly, I had to add, "Thank you."

She squealed joyfully and hugged me again, when she punned back, I grinned impishly and we both laughed. "What are we going to say to the doctor?" Tristin asked, her brow going together.

My careless attitude came back and I laughed easily. "Who cares? I'll make something up," I was already running through the possible stories in my head. I was going to stick with it being a Rose Hathaway Miracle. I seemed to be getting a lot of those lately. "Now, help me out of this thing – I'm pretty sure that there's a little clasp or something on the side."

Tristin moved forward and pulled my gown open, searching for the thing that would release me from this stupid plastic thing. "Ah, there it is," she murmured to herself and less than a second later, the brace loosened and my skin could breathe again. I pulled in a deep breath, loving the way my diaphragm expanded. There was no soreness at all. I looked up at Tristin Badica and gave her my best grin.

We laughed and she pulled me to my feet as we exited the room with our arms around each other – not for support, but a friendly gesture. Everyone looked so shocked to see me walking so easily, after all, I'd walked away, leaning on Tristin for support. I grinned and game a low bow.

The best expression, by far, was the Doc's; her mouth was open, her eyes wide and the clipboard and pen limp in her hands.

"It's a miracle," I smirked at her, patting my tummy as she recovered.

"I'm going to need to examine you," she said, still slightly disbelieving.

"Then come on, Doc," I opened my arms.

"I'll do it right now, if you want to expose yourself to an audience," she nodded to my friends. "Hmm," I pretended to think about it. "Nah, I don't think so, prudency is needed some times." I took her hand and led her behind the large desk.

It was kind of awkward, but what can you do?

"Can't be real," I heard her mumble as she probed my ribcage. I grinned when she found not one crack or fracture. "I don't know _how _you did it, but I will reward you with my astonishment, Miss Hathaway." She gave me a small, slightly dazed smile. She pulled down the gown again and fixed me with a serious stare. "Rose, you went through surgery, so you'll have some scares," she waited for my reaction.

I shrugged indifferently. "Oh well," I said, but something was bothering me.

_I looked down at my destroyed hands as he worked. "This is only the start, isn't it?"_

"_Of what?"_

"_Me. Turning into Alberta. Her…and all the other female guardians. They're all leathery and stuff. Fighting and training and always being outdoors – they aren't pretty anymore." I paused. "This…this life. It destroys them. Their looks, I mean."_

_He hesitated for a moment and looked up from my hands. Those warm brown eyes surveyed me and something tightened in my chest. Damn it. I had to stop feeling this way around him. "It won't happen to _you_. You're too…" he groped for the right word and I mentally substituted all sorts of possibilities. Goddesslike. Scorchingly sexy. Giving up, he simply said, "It won't happen to you."_

Tears filled my eyes as I turned my face away. "I don't care about scars."

"_You know, there's something funny about Tasha's scars."_

"_What's that?" he asked._

"_The scars…they mess up her face," I began slowly. I was having trouble putting my thoughts into words. "I mean, it's obvious she used to be really pretty. But even with the scars now…I don't know. She's pretty in a different way. It'd like…they're part of her. They complete her." It sounded silly, but it was true._

_Dimitri didn't say anything, but he gave me a sidelong glance. I returned it and our eyes met, I saw the briefest glimpse of the old attraction. It was fleeting and gone too soon, but I'd seen it. Pride and approval replaced it and they were almost as good._

_When he spoke, it was to echo his earlier thoughts. "You're a fast learner, Roza."_

"I don't care about scars," my voice was chocked now. My hand went to my newly bandaged right hand. Something caught my attention. It was _newly bandaged_. I whipped my head back to the Doc. "Did you see this?" I demanded in a low voice.

She nodded slowly. "Yes and I stitched it so it would heal quickly and easily." Her eyes narrowed slightly as she leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Did you do that to yourself, Rose?"

I shook my head. "No…" my voice was too thick with tears, chocked by emotion. "I didn't do it…Dimitri –" I stopped talking and turned my body away completely.

"That's what you say every morning," she was Annabelle now, not the Doc. "When you cry…you always say 'Dimitri, I'm so sorry, Dimitri'." I felt her eyes on my back and I didn't respond. Shaking my head, slowly I walked to the far side of the desk, opened the gate and walked numbly back to my room.

Ignoring the voices behind me, I closed the door and sat on my bed. Slowly unraveling the thick gauze, I stared down at my hand. I lightly traced the heart as a few tears rolled down my face. "Dimitri," I whispered as one tear fell in the center of the heart. I stared at it. "Forever." I wiped my tears away just as someone knocked at the door. "Come in," I said and the door opened to reveal Alexander. I smiled at him as he stood in front of me.

Oh, how it hurt to see him.

I'd used him as a temporary substitute in my romantic life and I'd come to like him, more than I should have. And then I got broken down when his _fiancée _came in and told me of their future plans of getting married. I was just a stupid girl, thinking that if I distracted myself enough, I'd forget Dimitri for the time being.

It hurt to see him, because of what he'd done to me and what I'd done to him. He didn't even know that he was being used, he still didn't. But on a level, I wasn't only using, I actually liked him – no where did it say that you had to be in love with someone to be involved. I'd believed that most of my life, why go against it now, right? He'd hurt me too, so we could call it even, right?

Who was I kidding? I was just looking for a way to rid myself of some guilt that was crushing me.

_Focus on the now, Rose. Never loose your focus._

I blinked and looked at him, my smile slowly slipping away. He obviously noticed that I'd been crying. Alexander touched my cheek lightly (there was a bandage there). "How are you doing?" he asked quietly. I wordlessly help my arms open and he moved forward, slipping his arms around my waist as he stood in between my legs. I held him tightly, my arms around his neck as he held me just as tightly.

"I thought I'd lost you," he whispered thickly.

I pulled back a little to look at him. "You won't get rid of me that easily, Alexander," I replied and suddenly, his lips were on my own. I didn't kiss him back as I should have, as he deserved, as he was expecting. When he pulled back, I smiled sadly. "We can't, not anymore."

"I know, I…I just hoped, I wanted it so bad, Rose…I'm so sorry."

I closed my eyes and turned my face into his neck. "So am I," I murmured so quietly that there was no way he could hear me.

We pulled away from each other when there was a knock at the door. Dereck presented himself, his crew behind him. He came to me quickly, entirely ignoring Alexander. Throwing his arms around me and burying his face in my hair, he said, "Rose."

"Hey, Dereck," I said softly, hugging him back.

"You will _never _do that again,"

Translation: You will never do that to _me _again.

"I won't have to," I replied.

"Good because I'm not going to let you," he informed me.

I pulled back to look at him in amusement. "I'm supposed to be the boss, remember?" I joked.

Dereck was as serious as I'd ever seen him.

"Not this time."

When Annabelle came in, I was listening to my iPod and playing Brick. She had a sad and grave face on when I glanced up, so I decided to play it nonchalantly. "Uh-oh, who died?" looking back down at my game and continuing on with it.

"I think I might," she mumbled and I purposely lost so I could focus on her.

"What did I do now?" I smirked.

"You're depriving me of your company," she said wistfully.

"What are you talking about?" I turned off my iPod, motioning for her to sit beside me.

"You've gotten better, Rose and it's time to let you go," she sighed.

"Are you serious?" I asked disbelievingly. She nodded wordlessly. I felt like screaming like a cheerleader. "Woo-hoo!" I shouted. "Yes! _Woo!_" I was incredibly happy. I was going to throw my hands in the air, but only one made it. The Doc had handcuffed my right wrist to the bed so I wouldn't try to escape like I did with Dereck before. She wasn't going to at first, but I tried sneaking out and got caught. How was I supposed to know that she had security posted outside my door at night?

I glared at her accusingly. "It's going to take some time before I forgive you for this," I moved my wrist so the cuffs made a metallic bagging sound, making sure she knew what I meant.

She gave me a pleading look as she pulled the key from her doctor's jacket. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't let you get hurt more. You were a danger to yourself – no scratch that, you _are _a danger to yourself."

"I wouldn't have done anything," I said innocently.

"You would have left," she countered and I didn't respond. "Exactly. Rose, now you're still going to have to be careful with yourself, but there's nothing that time won't heal."

My hand went unconsciously to my neck where Dimitri's ring lay. _You're wrong_, I thought.

Annabelle studied me and placed a hand on my leg. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I quickly shook my head. "Nope, I want to get out of here." I hopped off the bed and looked around. "Do I get clothes or are you going to make me walk around in this?" I gestured to the flimsy gown.

She laughed, but I saw the concerned look in her eyes. "No, I sent Mikhail to get some clothes from your room. They're over there," she pointed to one of the chairs that was beside the bed and smiled tenderly at me. "I'll give you some privacy." She left me alone with the clothes and a mirror that I could see my bruised and broken appearance.

"Hmm," I muttered with displeasure as I turned my back to it and pulled the pair of sweats from the pile. I yanked them on quickly, not wanting to look too long as the tell-tale marks of what had happened. I pulled on the black long-sleeve, covering my abdominal and arms quickly as well, covering the marks there. Looking into the mirror, I began to smooth my hair over my shoulders; when it looked good enough, I stared at my complexion. I reached up and ripped the bandages off my face, revealing three parallel healing gashed starting about beside my nose and down and under my chin.

_Interesting_, I thought to myself, it was such a strange scar. I blinked and adjusted the neck of the shirt and gave up, there was no way I would ever conceal this without a scarf or very large turtleneck. _That's not going to happen,_ I thought to myself as I tried to brush my hair forward; which was successful because it could cover half of my face. I suppose some people who say that I was being dark, as in emo and others would say I was being shallow, shying away from my scars and imperfections. Fine, call me shallow, but I don't want to scare people away.

"_They complete her…" – "You're a fast learner, Roza." _

I ran my hand through my hair and shook it out comfortably. So what about my scars? I didn't care. I strode out of the room that I'd been living in for long enough with my old Rose Hathaway attitude evident in my stride.

"_Damn_," someone said. "Is that a limp in her walk?"

"No, man," someone else responded. "That's called _swagger_,"

My eyes found Dereck and Mikhail cracking up as they waited for me. I waved to them joyfully and laughed as Mikhail swept me up into his strong arms, lifting me off the ground. I hugged him back tightly and then moved on to hug Dereck and Alexander who was behind him – there was nothing there anymore. No emotion for Alexander; respect, yeah, of course; but no more romance there. Strictly friendly now – I'd wanted it to work, messed it up and broken it; but it wasn't only me. _I _wasn't the one with the fucking fiancé.

"Bye, Annabelle!" I yelled as we left the clinic. Mikhail took my hand on one side and Dereck took my other. I swung both my arms, swinging both of theirs. "What are we doing today?" I asked in a cheery tone.

"What ever you want to do," Mikhail responded.

I stopped suddenly, halting the others around me and putting them on edge. "What about the field experience?" I asked.

"That is on hold currently," Alexander said calmly. "Considering the recent…events and how people were affected by it, we decided it best that it be postponed until further notice."

I huffed. "You people really shouldn't care about me so much," I grumbled under my breath, resuming the walk.

"What?" Dereck asked, leaning towards me.

"Nothing," I practically sang. "It's great you guys love me so much, but we really should get this experience going, you wouldn't want them to miss out."

Strangely in sync, the all sighed,"Rose,"

**What I was saying about the song, that even though Rose has practically died. No. Scratch that. HAS died, she is still herself and she's not going to let anything bring her down. The most important line in that song, in my opinion, "I'll do what I want because it's my life" and that pretty much describes Rose - cuz she really doesn't give a fuck about what anyone else thinks or tells her to do. :D **

**I hope you liked this chapter, please review and tell me what you think. In your review please give me a little input on this:**

**For the next chapter I'm thinking of 1 - decribing some events in the field experience 2 - describing one event in the field experience that would be really dramatic 3 - skipping the entire field experience and then moving on to something i really want to do ;)**

**I'd like some input on what you guys would like. Help me out here and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH MY STORY!**

**Love ya,  
Alice 3**


	39. It's All So Slow

**CHAPTER THIRTY NINE – IT'S ALL SO SLOW**

**My dear, dear readers. I am so sorry I haven't updated in SO long. My perception of time is so twisted and it's been since August? June? That I've last updated. It seems like FOREVER. Scratch that. ETERNITIES that I've not updated. I am truly sorry, please don't kill me. I was reacently talking with someone and they've said a few things that change my prospective on many things. I will be finishing this story and I will be trying to update weekly. I am truly sorry if some of you have given up on me, but I know that I deserve that. This is a slow, small chapter and it's kind of a promise for more, better things to come and it's rather an apology as well. I am so sorry, please read and enjoy.**

I woke up to my computer pinging.

Annoyed, I groggily lifted my head and peered to see what it was doing. There was a conversation up from Dereck Hays:

D: get up

D: get up

D: get up

D: get up

D: get up

D: now

D: get the fuck up

D: hurry up

D: why are you such a heavy sleeper?

D: get up

D: GET UP

D: ROSE GODDAMNIT!

It said he was typing so I reached over and one handedly typed: Fuck off.

D: you're awake. Were you ignoring me?

R: no jackass I just woke up.

Then I signed out so I wouldn't get his messages anymore. I slipped off my bed and trudged to the Guardian bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face and looked into the mirror at my reflection. I wasn't looking so hot.

There were dark purple-blue bags under my eyes from restless sleep plagued by nightmares; my hair was a mess and it was starting to get greasy at the roots; I was ghostly pale and you could see my veins through my skin in places, especially at my throat. Thinking of the way Dimitri had bitten into my skin and drunk my blood; I shivered and continued my scrutiny of myself. I was beginning to look thinner from the lack of food I'd been consuming and my clothes looked a touch baggy. I sighed in irritation directed at myself.

_It's over now, just get over yourself,_ I thought harshly. _I can't…_another part of me responded. I closed my eyes for a moment and whispered, "In time, remember but forget," I sighed and left to get ready for the field experience.

In my room, I pulled on black sweats and a long sleeved black shirt that was easy enough to fight in. I threw my hair up into a messy bun and left with no makeup on. There was no reason to look good for anyone now.

I ran into Mikhail, who was grabbing a coffee in the Guardian building; again. _Mikhail and his coffee,_ I thought in amusement as I poked him from behind. He jumped and turned to me with a yelp as he spilled coffee down the front of his pants.

I quirked an eyebrow in amusement, "Mikhail, how many times have I told you to use the bathroom?"

"Oh, stuff it, Hathaway," he grumbled as he snatched a napkin to dab the front of his pants. "Look at what you've done," he suddenly stopped and looked up at me from under the brown hair hanging in front of his eyes. "Since this is your fault…you could clean it up…" he smirked and held out the napkin to me.

I looked at him blankly and slowly bent over, retrieving the napkin. "Sure thing," I said sweetly and his eyes widened in shock and then a happy grin spread across his face. I smirked to myself and roughly pushed the napkin on his crotch. He jerked back in surprise and I hit him a few more times before he practically ran backwards saying that he could clean up himself. "Good," I smiled at him and turned to go. "Have a nice day, Mikhail," I called over my shoulder as I exited the building.

I spotted Alexander speaking with three other guardians. I jogged over and looked at the scene playing out before me; Alexander looked a little annoyed, one of the male guardians he was talking to was really beat up with a bloody nose that looked broken and cuts and scrapes all over him. The other male guardian just looked bored out of his mind and the female guardian stood a little back with her arms crossed looking on in amusement.

I walked up beside Alexander and elbowed him. "What's going on?" I asked and everyone's gazes landed on me. "Hmm, it was only a question…" I muttered under my breath and looked away.

Alexander chuckled and looked over to the bloody guardian. "He's getting beat up pretty badly, he thinks he has a broken nose and wants to clean up before his next fight, which is…right now."

I brightened. "No problem, so I'll just go in for him,"

The other male guardian laughed and said, "Alright, two hot ladies fighting beside me, _score_!" I laughed with the other female guardian and looked at Alexander for the okay.

He nodded and ruffled my hair. "Go on, Hathaway, have fun."

I laughed a thank you and turned to my new fighting partners. "So…who are we going for?"

"We're on Ashley Lawson and George Arlington," the male guardian told me. _Great, so no one I know…_I thought sarcastically. _No fun. _

"And you guys are?" I prompted.

"I am Lena and this is Jayden," said the female guardian, Lena. She was very pretty with long brown waves tied up into a pony tail and bright blue eyes taking in everything around her with avid interest.

I nodded at them. "Rose Hathaway," I extended a hand and they laughed. "What?" I asked with confusion.

Lena smiled and shook my hand, still giggling. "I'm pretty sure _everyone _knows who you are,"

"Of course they do, if they don't, they're surely living in a whole." Jayden added; he looked thoughtful for a moment before saying, "Nah, even then they would've heard of you."

I looked away in a slight embarrassment. "I suppose so," I laughed a little uncomfortably.

Jayden seemed to notice something was wrong and he chucked me lightly under the chin, turning my face up. "Don't be ashamed, you're as famous as Arthur Schoenberg, may he rest in peace."

I lowered my head for a moment, in memory of the great guardian Arthur Schoenberg was and in sadness for the scene I'd witnessed with Dimitri. God, I missed him. Before my silence became too long, I forced a smile onto my face and looked up at Jayden. "That means a lot to me, thank you,"

He shrugged. "Simply stating the truth," he looked out through the trees and then back at me and Lena. "Now, the tactic, I'm thinking Lena goes in from the side, I wait three seconds and come from the back at an angle then Rose waits ten seconds and comes in from the opposite side. Yes or no?"

I looked at him quizzically. "How am I supposed to come in from the other side without cutting in front of them and being seen?"

He smirked at me. "Hathaway, I'm sure you can figure it out, it isn't that hard compared to some of the things you've done."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I'm fine with it,"

"Agreed, take position," Lena said firmly, shifting into Guardian mode. She and Jayden got into their spots in between trees and bushes only a few feet away. I had to travel to the other side of the quad and attack very quickly without being seen. I glanced around, trying to find the most direct and discreet route to the other side of the path that I could take. There weren't very many options. I sighed in frustration as my knee started bouncing as my time frame became more limited. I could see Lena preparing to strike in only a matter of seconds; when she attacked, I'd have about fifteen seconds to stage my advance on the two novices.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lena jump from the cover of the vegetation. _Shit_, I thought. I only had a few seconds now. I decided to take a long route and to sprint in a long circuit around the quad. I turned around and booked it through the trees and around the Moroi dorms. I stuck close to the side of the building as I counted. _2…3…4…5 _I turned the last corner on the building and had to jump a bush and pulled a roll as I landed. I finished in a kneeling position at the corner of the building. I observed the fight as I was waiting out the remainder of my time. _8…9…10…GO._

I sprang from the building side and ducked through the crowd of novices that gathered to watch the fight. Ashley had her Moroi behind her as she squared off with Lena and George was throwing kicks at Jayden, his Moroi also behind him. The two Moroi, both girls stood together clutching at each other's clothing, watching their protectors fight for them. They actually looked terrified. _This should cause a little problem,_ I thought as I pounced on the two undefended Moroi. One of them had seen me coming and screamed bloody murder. It was so loud that it hurt my ears.

"Damn, lady," I muttered as I grabbed her by the waist with one arm and I got a hold of the other's forearm.

Both George and Ashley turned on me, looking incredulous as they saw what was happening. Ashley ran at me, throwing her foot up, trying to catch me in the head but I quickly ducked, having to pull the Moroi down with me. I quickly put my face to her neck and one of the guardians called a stop to it.

I got up and offered a hand to the Moroi, who was still quite shaken up. Jayden looked at the two panting novices in amusement. "You both did considerably well, save for the part about nearly pissing your pants when Guardian Hathaway showed up." Both the novices looked at us sheepishly as Jayden continued. "Though, we can't hold that against you, in retrospect, Hathaway is a hard one." The spectators all laughed. This was an understatement. I cracked a smirk and Jayden elbowed me. He quickly finished up his speech as the crowd dispersed and I was given the rest of the day off. Boring.

Watching others participate in the field experience was boring and rather depressing. I had been there only a short time ago, focused on things as little as a field experience; I had _real _field experience now. I wasn't fighting Guardians anymore; I was fighting the real threat, the real Strigoi and the real world. I sighed and made my way to my room. I trudged up the steps in the Guardian building up to my room. I gloomily ignored people when they greeted me or tried to speak with me. Reaching the door of my room, I slowly pushed it open and closed it behind me.

I didn't understand why I was so sluggish, this was unlike me. I was upbeat, sarcastic, quick, sick-minded and with a twisted sense of humor. I wasn't this _thing_ I seemed to be now. It was almost as if I was dying, everything seemed so slow, so mellow and depressing, I wonder why?

I was so tired…I needed to sleep…

With that I curled up in my bed and drifted off with terrifying thoughts dancing at the edge of my mind…

**Ooooookay. So...that was a short awful chapter and I do know how infuriating these are, I do read stories to. ^_^ Please review and tell me what you think and remember I will be finishing this story. If any of you read my other stories, know that I am planning on completing those as well.**

**Review please and let me know your thoughts, flames welcome**

**~ xoxo Alice**

**Love you all incredibly and I thank you for your unbelievable support. 3**


	40. Redemption

**CHAPTER FOURTY – REDEMPTION**

**My lovely, lovely readers, I am so sorry! I got grounded and couldn't write for a while. I'd tell you about it, but I don't want to keep you from the story. I am so thankful for all the people who have kept with this story and I'm quite sure that not all of my readers have stayed with it and I know I deserve that. I'm truly sorry guys and just for a heads up, this chapter might have some over PG content, so you've been warned! And you'll also be surprised. Like REALLY surprised. **

**Enjoy!**

I turned around in the darkness, searching for anything, something. Any indication that I was still alive, that I was somewhere, living in some place, some evidence of my existence. It was only black. Black all around me, completely submerging me in it, it was asphyxiating. I was struggling to catch my breath, to probe the blackness for anything, if only a sliver of light.

_God, help me, I don't understand where I am, I don't understand what's happening to me, I don't understand, I don't understand…_

My thoughts grew more panicked by the moment, as time passed the emotions inside of me intensified. Agony, pain, sorrow, regret, anger, fear, jealousy…everything negative that I had ever felt in my life seemed to be growing inside me, killing me slowly, eating me from the inside.

Suddenly, I was stunned by a blinding white light that filled all my vision. When it remained there, the panic slowly began to ebb its way up once again. This was as bad as the darkness. My breaths became shallow her and I tried to dig my nails into the palms of my hands, to prove to myself that I had any real substance. I couldn't feel my hands. I looked down, I couldn't see my body.

_God, save me from this, I don't understand, I'm sorry, I am so sorry…forgive me…_

Me? Religious? You never would have thought. The white light began to fade and a scene began to form itself before me. I recognized this place, I realized, it was the Royal Court. I also recognized the people I was seeing. Vasilisa Dragomir, Christian Ozera, Adrian Ivashkov and Eddie Castrol. My friends, they were aged…they looked older, different in some way, more wise…? I studied them, trying to find any information from their appearances, their surroundings. They were laughing, they looked happy, they were enjoying themselves. A feeling of peace threaded its way into me, they were happy and they were doing well, they were fine.

I was happy…satisfied…until I heard what they were talking about…

Lissa's laugh exploded into my ears along with other sounds suddenly assaulting my senses one at a time. It felt like I was being re-introduced to the world again. "Can you _believe _that?" Lissa crackled, her eyes lit with amusement; I saw that it wasn't the amusement that had lingered there before. This was different, more like the expressions I observed on Royals and this wasn't my Lissa, I could see this now.

_Maybe I'm thinking wrong, Lissa would never become like the other Royals, she would never, ever do that…she hates them…I must be mistaken…_

"And do you _remember_ what she would _do_ at the Academy?" she crowed. "Sleeping around with all those boys, blood whoring, she was! What a nasty being, to imagine that _I _had socialized with a _thing _like that!"

The group erupted with laughter again, Christian wrapped an arm around Lissa and said, "I don't understand it either, darling, she was so awful! You could have done so much better, immensely better, darling, immensely."

_Wow…I never would have thought Christian would gain so much memory loss that he had to repeat his words only a moment after he spoke them_, I thought with scorn. I had a pretty good idea about who they were discussing at this point in time.

"Cousin, you're not the only one!" Adrian interrupted, holding out a hand to her. "To think that I wanted to _fornicate _with her, it's revolting! I am with you when you claim that you have things to regret from a point in time. My desire for her is one of them, Cousin, to the heart!"

They laughed and laughed. I tried talking myself into believing that they weren't talking about me, but I knew deep inside that they were. The only one so simply observed and contributed a few chuckles was Eddie Castrol. I eyed him suspiciously, wasn't he going to turn on me too? Wasn't he part of this disgusting, snooty attempt at Royalty?

No, he wasn't, I decided as I examined him closely. There were dark, dark bags under his eyes, sadness on his features, though it was masked very well. The way he held himself was full of fatigue; his hair was halfheartedly combed and taken care of. _At least he still takes care of his hygiene, _I thought slowly. His fingers were threaded together in his lap and one of his sleeves was slightly lifted, revealing the tip of a black line on his wrist.

Curiosity got the best of me and I moved towards him. They couldn't see me anyway and I had a feeling that even if they knew I was present, their words would only get more harsh. It probably should have discomforted me that I was going to undress someone who was once one of my closest friends, like a brother, but it truly didn't. I was too curious to think of his privacy and something was drawing me to his arm. I could feel a pull; I _had_ to know what it was.

I pushed back the leather jacket that Eddie was wearing, slipping it off his shoulders and saw that he was wearing a wife beater underneath. I pushed it down his arms, catching sight of ink on his skin; this only made me more eager. I quickly removed the jacket and stared down at the boy before me. Tattooed on his left arm was a rose, the stem winding around his muscular form. At the top, there was a blooming black rose with a banner under it. The banner read: _Rosemarie Hathaway The Memory Will Never Die_.

I shifted my gaze from the tattoo to Eddie's sorrowful eyes, "Oh, Eddie…"

As soon as those words left my mouth everything shattered. The image broke into pieces and came down around me and faded away. I could still see Lissa's old, Royally _bitchy _face and Adrian's awful snooty one and Christian's…

…Everything eventually faded out and I was once again left alone with the blackness.

I woke up to an earthquake.

"_Wake up!_"

The shout seemed to bounce off the walls of the inside of my head. It hurt my head so much. I jumped and threw the covers off and immediately scanned my surroundings. Mikhail was jumping on my bed and yelling at me. I quickly reached out and struck the back of his knees with my forearm so he collapsed. I threw my full weight onto him and straddled his stomach, from the expression on his face, I knew I looked terrifying.

"What…the…_fuck_…do…you…want?" I ground out, pinning his arms above his head.

He shifted under me uncomfortably, but not in an aggressive manner. "I was just trying to wake you up…" his voice trailed off and I glared at him.

"You had no right to come into my room and _jump on my bed_!" I tightened my hold on his wrists and he winced. "_You had no right!_" I could feel it starting within me, at the pit of my stomach and crawling throughout my body. It was slow and agonizing. When it reached my heart, I couldn't hold it in anymore. The sorrow overflowed and the tears and fiercely been trying to hold back slipped out from my eyes. It began as a slow leak and Mikhail stared at me stunned. He didn't know what to do, but he cared about me and he didn't want to see me hurt, I knew that, but it only made me even sadder.

"Oh, Rose…" he whispered and when he tried to move his arms, I didn't resist. He wrapped his arms around me and I crumpled onto his chest as he held me. "Shhh, Rose, it's okay, don't worry, baby, it's okay, you're okay…" He murmured nonsense words of comfort to me and rocked me in his arms.

Soon the steady stream of tears began to slow and the shallow sobs, turned into little hiccups and then nothing. Even then, Mikhail held me, telling me he was here, he would never leave me, he would always be a friend and that I could always talk to him. Classic lines. We sat in silence for a little while as he held me and my fingers grasped his shirt.

"What time is it?" I asked finally, my voice raw from hours of disuse and crying. I tried clearing my throat.

"It's about…5:30, I think," he responded quietly. I let him pull me into a sitting position so I was curled up in his lap, fingers still playing with the collar of his shirt. It seemed to satisfy my unease and urge to fiddle. I was nervous, how strange. "So…" Mikhail began. "What's wrong?" I don't know what it was, maybe the way he said it, the softness and affection in his eyes or his desire to help me, but I ended up telling him everything. I told him about the nightmare, I told him about my fears and how I couldn't seem to bring myself to get over Dimitri. It all came spilling out, like I could do nothing to stop it, but the weird part? I didn't want to. I felt good to have someone to confide in for once, no more secrets, nothing to hide. It was like laying myself down, naked in front of him, allowing him to see my every fault, every regret and every pain. It was so liberating.

By the end of it, Mikhail just looked at me and I only met his eyes every few seconds. I felt ashamed but good at the same time. Now that I was done letting it out, I felt foolish for letting him see so much of me. Where had my bravado gone? My badass, you-can't-touch-me act, my tough-girl? I didn't know, but deep down I felt that Mikhail would accept me and he would be my friend, through everything.

"Well," Mikhail sighed. "You've got a load on you, Rose,"

"Yeah," I responded, my voice uncharacteristically meek. "I don't really know what to do anymore, Mikhail, I'm so lost,"

"If you follow me, you will only get lost…if you try to get closer, we'll only loose touch…but you already know too much…and you're not going anywhere…" he hummed quietly.

I pulled back and looked at him. "You listen to Bring Me The Horizon?" I asked incredulously.

"Only the cool kids do," he did a poor impression of a little-kid voice and I burst out laughing. Soon, he joined in and we were both roaring with laughter. His arms loosened around me and I rolled out of his lap, shaking with giggles. We turned on my bed and laughed and laughed and laughed. Our limbs intertwined as he tossed and turned and it felt like we laughed for hours, like we were in our own world of joy and happiness...where nothing could ever touch us…

Slowly our laughter died down and he lay facing each other on my bed, simply staring into each other's eyes. Another feeling began to rise within the pit of my stomach, but it was so different than the other one. It panicked me slightly, so to forget about it, I attempted conversation.

"How did you get in here anyway?" I asked quietly, unable to tear my eyes away from him.

"You didn't lock your door," he answered just as quietly.

I glanced behind me at my door, which was closed. "I didn't? How strange…I thought I did…"

"Well, Rose, you think a lot of things, but there are some…some things you just don't know…"

I looked back at him, startled by the new tone of his voice. I looked into his eyes and saw that the same emotion building in me was also doing the same within him. "Oh, Mikhail…" I whispered and reached out to touch his cheek.

Time seemed to slow for me in those few moments as the pieces fell together. Mikhail had been broken like I had, he'd suffered the same tortures of love, seen the same horrors of Strigoi, had loved ones leave him, he'd seen his most cherished one in the most unimaginable fate possible…we were like a mirror of each other. Each agony and each feat reflected in the other and we understood each other completely. _Almost like another half…_I thought to myself. But this was different than it was with Dimitri; Dimitri completed me, he made me who I was, he taught me how to love and how to be the Guardian I am today. With Mikhail, it was like a need to be free, the acceptance and desire in his eyes were something I needed. I'd been frustrated and caged, afraid and isolated from what I needed because I didn't know what to do without Dimitri. That beautiful Russian man taught me many things and now, Mikhail was teaching me so many others.

I could see it in his eyes that we'd been going through the same battle, what I needed was what he needed and we could give it to each other.

Suddenly, the revelation ended and I was back into normal time.

Mikhail's hand snaked out and grasped mine, intertwining our fingers together. I looked at our hands and then into his eyes. They were raging with a passion that only I could satisfy and that ignited a fire within me, only fueling mine more. He rolled on top of me and crushed his lips down onto mine. I kissed him back with no restraint and by the way he fisted my hair in his hand, I could tell that he wasn't going to hold back either.

My right hand still in his hold, I trailed my left down his chest and slipped it under and up his shirt, feeling his muscular abs. And good God, did he have abs. I pulled his shirt up and he broke away only for a moment to quickly pull it over his head and off. Then his lips were back on mine and he released my right hand to grip my hip. I slid both my hands onto his chest and kissed him back as he held me. It felt so good to be held, to be wanted as an equal; not as a god, like the novices worshiped me, not like a tainted divine being that the other Guardians seemed to view me as. As an equal, Mikhail wanted me and he accepted me.

His lips trailed away from my lips, across my jaw and down my neck, both his hands now at my waist, holding me to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned my head back as he pressed into me. "_Rose_," he practically growled, tugging at the bottom of my shirt. He made quick work of removing it and I didn't stop him, when it landed on the floor beside the bed, he pulled away a little bit. As Mikhail looked at me and took in my body, I smiled at him with my best Rose Hathaway smile. "I could eat you up," he told me, only daring to breathe the words.

Holding his gaze, I reached for the remote to the iHome and I pressed play. Ironically, the song 'Eat You Up' by BoA began playing. I turned up the volume so our "activities" weren't at risk of being overheard. I smiled at him and then we were back to kissing again. Apparently, Mikhail could tell that the bra I was wearing clasped and the front so he kissed down my chest and undid it with his teeth. I had to admit, it was a serious turn on. I gently pushed against him and rolled us over so I was on top and big surprise, he didn't object. I grinned into our kiss as I discarded my bra and felt along his defined torso. _Damn… _I thought.

"Why didn't you tell me you had such a great body?" I murmured against his lips as his hands gently ran from my shoulders down to my hips. It was like he couldn't get enough of my skin, I could tell he wanted all of me.

He laughed and I could feel it in his chest, under my hands. "I wanted you to find out for yourself," he said gruffly and I loved the way his chest vibrated when he spoke. I reached down and made quick work of the button and zipper of his jeans, easily pushing those down alone with his boxers. I had felt him hard under me through his pants, so I thought I was doing him a favour by giving him a little air. He quickly kicked them off and moaned into my mouth as our hips pressed together. My pants were quickly no where in sight and now it was just bare skin on skin, nothing but Mikhail and I.

Under his touch, the feel of his hands and lips the world disappeared and I was consumed by my need for this, my need for _Mikhail_. There was nothing except for us and in that moment, I wouldn't have considered anything else.

Mikhail held me in his arms, gently stroking my hair. "You're gorgeous, Rose," he whispered, pressing a light kiss on my forehead.

I was tracing circles on his chest and I smiled. "You're not too shabby either," I admitted and his arms tightened around me. He chuckled and I fell in love with the movements of his body all over again. "You're too kind," he said jokingly.

"Nah," I peppered kisses along his collar bone and made them deeper and slower as I moved up his neck and up to his mouth. He gently, pushed me away and I pouted. "You're no fun,"

"I'm sorry, babe, but we actually have somewhere to be," he grinned down at me.

I frowned at him disapprovingly. "What could possibly be a better place than my bed?" I was teasing him and he knew it, but I watched him with satisfaction as that desire rose within his eyes again.

He shook his head firmly. "No," he muttered to himself and then to me, "Nowhere, believe me, but there's the dinner tonight,"

Now, I frowned in earnestness. "What dinner?" I inquired, perplexed.

He laughed, throwing his head back and giving me a great view of a beautiful man. "You're so cute, Rose," He kissed my forehead again and chuckled lightly. "We're having a dinner with all the Guardians and novices that will graduate this year. Don't you remember? It's kind of a formal thing," he hinted.

I still had no idea about what he was talking about. "Okay…" I said slowly, depressed that we wouldn't be able to spend more time with each other. I would have been very content if we could have just lain with each other like this for a while longer. "When is it?"

He looked over my head at the clock on the iHome. "Shit," he swore viciously and pulled away from me completely. I immediately missed the feel of his body against mine. "We have to be there in twenty minutes," I stared at him in amusement as he scrambled around my room, sloppily pulling on his clothing. He was halfway done pulling up his pants when he noticed me watching him. "What?" he asked innocently, looking at me with his head tilted to the side. There was sweat drying on his skin and the way his brown hair fell across his forehead was terribly endearing.

"Oh, nothing," I murmured as I folded my hands behind my head. "Continue, please, I'm enjoying the show,"

He rolled his eyes and resumed dressing himself with less urgency than had only moments before. He looked up at me as he was fixing the collar of his shirt. "I'm going to shower quickly and change, I suggest you do the same,"

"I could join you…" I suggested, sitting up and lazily stretching, pretending to not notice how his eyes roamed my body longingly.

He stepped back almost unconsciously and shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea," he chuckled and came over to me quickly. He pressed a light kiss on my lips and I didn't hesitate to deepen it, looping my fingers through one of his belt loops. He groaned and pulled away, resting his forehead against mine. "You're so evil," he said with closed eyes.

"I know," I said joyously and got up and grabbed a towel from my desk. I wrapped it around myself and opened the door, looking over my shoulder to see Mikhail staring after me in astonishment. "Well, go get dressed already; we have to get to the dinner. Jesus, Mikhail," I taunted and skipped into the girls bathroom.

_I feel so good, _I thought as I dropped my towel and stepped into the shower. I smiled to myself as I thought about Mikhail while the water ran over my body, erasing all traces of my…involvement…from earlier. Soon, I was full out grinning as a feeling of contentment filled me.

I was on my road to recovery.

**Sooo...what do you think? Good or bad? Shocking? Tell me what you think, PLEASE REVIEW! Let me know what you think and I PROMISE I WILL CONTINUE UPDATING UNTIL THIS STORY IS FINISHED!**

**Flames welcome with open arms :P**

**Love you all,  
~Alice xoxo 3**


	41. Finding Myself Again

**CHAPTER FOURTY ONE – FINDING MYSELF AGAIN**

**To my brilliant readers, thank you for staying with my story! You're all wonderful and I love you all to death!**

In my room, I quickly riffled through my bag and found nothing appropriate for a formal dinner I looked desolately around my room and a package on my desk caught my eye. I walked over and peered down at it suspiciously. I picked up the note on top and read:

_Rose, I thought this looked about your size and, no offense, I wasn't really sure if you had something to wear for tonight. This is for you and you can keep it!_

_~Lena_

I smiled slightly and removed a black silk dress from the box. It was stunning. I soon realized that it wasn't black, but a deep midnight blue. It had small shining threads woven into the fabric which made it shimmer when it moved, completely brilliant. I fell in love with it instantly. Glancing at the clock I saw that I had little more than ten minutes. I quickly stepped into the dress and saw that there was, thankfully, a pair of black ballet flats at the bottom of the box. I let my hair dry in waves and quickly applied a touch of mascara and eyeliner and a dash of lips gloss. I was out the door at the same moment Mikhail was passing it. We ran into each other and I stumbled back in surprise. He reached out to steady me and he smiled shyly.

I shot him a mischievous grin. "Come on, I'll race you," and I darted down the stairs and out the building with Mikhail hot on my heels. Just as we were nearing the cafeteria, Mikhail grabbed me around the waist and I shrieked and giggled at the same time. I felt his laughter on my back and I kicked my feet playfully. Mikhail managed to get us to a wall in the shadows and turned me to face him. With my legs on either side of him, I smiled down at the gorgeous man holding me in his arms. "Enjoying yourself?" I teased.

"You couldn't imagine how much," he responded quietly and he raised his face to kiss me. I leaned in and pulled back at the last moment, watching his reaction with hooded eyes. He kept moving forward, trying to press his lips to mine but I kept pulling back so there was always a breath between our mouths. He growled deep in his chest and I smiled as he tightened his hold on me in attempt to get me closer. I pulled away again. "You _torture_ me!" he whispered, his breath washing over my skin.

I kissed his lips lightly for a moment and pulled away once he started to deepen it. "I know, sweetheart, I know," I laughed and managed to wiggle out of his hold. When I tried to move away, he pressed the length of his body against mine and held me to the wall. Both his hands went up and caged me in. He buried his face in my hair and I felt his lips press lightly against the curve of my neck. "Mikhail," I said quietly, forcing my voice to stay steady, even though I wanted to crumble under his touch.

"Mmm…" he said against my and I felt his nose brush up to my jaw, just behind my ear.

It was terribly hard to think straight with his breath tickling my ear. "We do have to go to the dinner," I reminded him softly.

"Fuck the dinner, no, wait," He pulled back and looked at me with a devilish glint in his eyes. "Fuck _me_,"

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe later," I gently pushed him away and sauntered off towards the doors, well aware that I had his full attention. Eyes turned as I entered the cafeteria and I grinned that cocky Rose Hathaway grin that I hadn't used in a while. I was back in my element; this is how it was with me, I was used to this.

"Rose!" someone shouted and I locked eyes with Dereck Hays. I found myself missing his presence and I made my way over to him, responding to greetings from every direction.

I leaned down and pressed my lips gently to Dereck's cheek and I plopped myself down beside him. "How goes it with the crowd? It feels like years," I said casually as I watched them with affection. I'd come to think of all of them like siblings to me, since I'd never had any…_except for Etienne…_I thought and was saddened a little. But I'd see him soon, when this was all over and they graduated, I'd see him soon.

"Oh? What's this I see?" I looked up, smiling into Blake's eyes and I felt as if it had been an eternity since I'd seen him, let alone spent time with him. "Rose is glowing! Something tells me she is _getting some!_" I smirked that trademark smirk and said nothing. "No objection! Who is the lucky guy? And when I say lucky, I mean too _damn _lucky,"

I leaned back and met his hazel eyes with a satisfaction settling deep within me. Shrugging slightly I told them, "It's none of your business,"

Dereck moved closer to my side and slipped an arm around my waist. "Come on, guys, I think we all know who it is," he said winking. I just laughed and let his arm be, I was in too good of a mood. Everyone laughed at what he implied and I saw Mikhail eyeing Dereck's arm with a little sketch of envy from across the room.

A thrill shot through me and I pretended to be paying attention to the conversation when I was keeping tabs on Mikhail the whole time. Apparently I missed a joke and I laughed a little too late and everyone looked at me with that stupid knowing look on their faces.

"What?" I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes.

"You are _so_ thinking about it!" Laura exclaimed, howling with laughter. I wondered how hard she'd be laughing if she knew I'd just come from a hot little session with her brother?

_Oh, I'm so mean,_ I thought to myself. I smiled politely instead. "Think what you want, Laura, but your dirty mind is your own,"

"Yeah, but _your _body is the one who's doing the dirty!" she giggled and the rest of the table howled with laughter. I simply shrugged, there was no point in denying anything at this point and it was much too obvious. Before I could respond with a sarcastic comment, there was a sharp clicking filling the air. All the chatter ceased to look up at Alexander who was at the front of the room.

"First off, I'd like to say congratulations to all of the novices for doing so well in the Field Experience thus far. Not to say that you won't have more to undergo, but I think I speak for all the Guardians when I say we're impressed." They weren't really; this was just a confidence boost that would do the opposite of what he meant. The novices would get cocky and some of them would let their guards down, thinking they were already out of the fire. Oh, how wrong they would be. "This is to celebrate your successes so far and those to come! This is only a taste of the celebration after you actually graduate!" The room filled with laughter and quieted again. Alexander took on a more sobering turn. "This is not the end and you all need to keep your wits about you. This is not a time where you let it go, this is where you straighten up and sharpen everything. To let loose for a few hours is a luxury that you won't be allowed to have many times later in your life. You're here to throw your life down for others, _they come first_. Remember it always, but tonight…tonight you can forget."

The cafeteria erupted in cheers and soon the party was in full swing. Many helped themselves to the buffet and sat with friends and chattered, laughed and had the time of their lives. Jokes and shouts could be heard from all around, smiling faces and joy was so apparent it made me happy. In the contagious atmosphere, I forgot about everything that had ever upset me, I forgot about all those who I had hurt and who had hurt me, I forgot it all…forgot everything except how to have a good time.

I ate with Alexander, Lena, Jayden and a few other Guardians' whose names I promptly forgot. It was funny because Mikhail was sitting opposite me, shooting looks at me while he thought I wasn't looking. I enjoyed watching the lights of the room dance off his handsome face and shine in his brilliant eyes. We exchanged more than a few heated looks with him but I teasingly stayed just beyond his reach and each time he groaned in frustration.

I spent some time with Dereck and his crew, talking and laughing with them as well. Everything seemed good and perfect, everyone was fine and happy. _Like it should be, _I thought to myself with a small smile.

All too soon, the evening came to an end. Out of the sights of the party and joy, I was still riding that perfect wave of bliss on my way back to the Guardian Building in the cool night. I'd caught up with Blake and Tory and I'd been surprised to lean that they had been training with some Guardians, learning to protect themselves. Blake was shaping up again and Tory was fine tuning his magic. I was so proud of them that I gave them both long hugs and shouted words of praise to them.

I'd also learned that Julian had found a boyfriend! I was shocked and I insisted on meeting this boy. His name was Kyle and he was just the _cutest _thing I'd ever seen! He was so small and cute and I could cuddle with him for hours. Just kidding, he was average height, but he had a really cute nerdy quality to him. He had been wearing a stripped long sleeve with fashionably tight pants and cute glasses. He had smiled at me in the most adorable way and said, _"Hey there, Guardian Hathaway! I'm just so dang happy to meet you! I've heard so much about you from everyone!" _Kyle was absolutely perfect and Julian was so happy, which meant I was happy for him.

Lost in thought, I didn't notice that Mikhail was standing in front of my door until I practically ran into him. He looked at me with a hungry stare. "I don't want to be teased anymore, Rose,"

I took a step closer so our bodies were almost one. "Oh, really?"

"Really."

I reached behind him and opened the door. We stumbled into my room, locking the door behind us. We kissed and kissed and kissed until there was nothing else in the world.

By morning, I kicked Mikhail out of my room and dressed for the field experience. I had a few good fights with the novices, but I had to go easy on a few because I couldn't _always _win. They knew I'd been going easy on them too and many shot me grateful looks for sparing them. The Russian novices never ceased to amuse me.

The days flew by with more than a few heated moments with Mikhail and a lot of good times with my friends. I'd become civil with a lot of Guardians and I got to know their real personalities, not just their Guardian sides. A lot of them were really relaxed and very easy to get along with.

I'd been ducking Tristan all week so she wouldn't be tempted to trick me into a healing again. So now, as I walked down the hallway lost in thought, I wasn't paying attention and provided her with the perfect opportunity to corner me.

"_Finally_!" she said with exasperation as she stalked towards me.

"Tristan, you don't want to do this," I warned, sliding with my back against the wall.

"Oh, believe me, I _do_," and then she pounced. First, she went for my face and because I tried to dodge her, she pressed her full hand against my face. For a few moments, it was rather hard to breathe as I felt the magic flow through me, but then it was gone. I saw her grin of triumph as I tried to struggle away without hurting her. Her grip was surprisingly strong for a Moroi and next she went for my neck and collar bone. Finishing those in record time and not even looking phased, she reached down and pressed her fingers against the hole in my jeans' pant leg. I felt the scars on my leg heal slowly and I discovered that it was only making her more tired by trying to fight it. So with no other choice, I gave in and let her literally work her magic.

Once she pulled away I felt better than I had in a long time. She only looked slightly tired as I stared at her in awe. "Thank you so damn much, Tristan," I threw myself at her and hugged her tightly. Instead of hugging me normally, she went up to hold my head gently in her hands.

"_Let the pain be gone, let your emotions remain at bay; allow yourself to move on, allow yourself to have better days. Cleanse all the darkness from your mind, leave all the sorrow; only let sadness take you in kind, may you have a better tomorrow._"

I pulled away and looked at her sweat shined face. "What was that?"

"I think I just healed you," she said somewhat breathlessly.

"Yeah, you did," I responded in confusion.

"No, I mean _healed_ you," she grinned slowly. "Your mental state, I mean, Rose. Everyone can see that you're still struggling in some moments and that you're getting better but I just sped up that process…or at least I hope I did. But don't you see how amazing that is? You'll be as good as new and everyone will be able to meet the _true_ Rose Hathaway before all that crap ruined your life! You can move on,"

I looked at her for a long time then I turned my face away and closed my eyes, probing my mind. I felt a renewed serenity in my mind, a peace that hadn't been there before. I didn't forget anything but I was able to think and see it all now without pain and without the sorrow becoming so strong that it was hard to breathe. It was like it was with Mason, I was sad that things hadn't turned out the way I wanted them to, but I realized that there was nothing else I could do now but accept it. I owed so much to that girl and I would never be able to repay her. I grinned so widely at her and threw myself at her again. "I can_not_ believe you, you crazy ass Moroi!"

She laughed and grinned at me. "I'm a bit tired, accompany me to the feeders?" she asked hopefully.

I nodded. "Of course," we linked arms and made our way to the feeders' quarter. As I watched Tristan treat herself and restore her strength I thought about my life and that maybe…just maybe…I was on my way to being the way I was before. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall, waiting for her to finish. Once she did, Tristan licked her lips and gently pressed her lips against the feeder's cheek.

"Thank you," she murmured and made her way to me. "Let's got to lunch, shall we?"

I agreed and as we made our way to the cafeteria, I could almost pretend that I was back at St Vlad's and I was perfectly back into that roll of the rebel I used to be. But I didn't want that and I wasn't that anymore. I was more responsible and I was grown up. I smiled and found myself content with the situation I was in; there wasn't any other way that I would have it in that instant. I was _happy_. When Tristan pulled me into the bathroom and shoved me in front of a mirror, I wasn't just happy as I saw the full extent to her work. I was _ecstatic_.

There wasn't a single mark on my face, nothing. It was perfectly unblemished, not a thing out of place and _definitely_ no hint of many scars that should be there. "Oh, damn, Tristan," I stared at her gratefully as some of my vanity came back to me. "I will never be able to thank you for fixing my face…"

She laughed with joy. "You don't need to thank me, Rose, I was so happy to do it for you!"

I stared at my reflection and smiled a brilliant smile. My own voice floated back to me…

_"You know, there's something funny about Tasha's scars."_

_"What's that?" he asked._ "

"_The scars…they mess up her face," I began slowly. I was having trouble putting my thoughts into words. "I mean, it's obvious she used to be really pretty. But even with the scars now…I don't know. She's pretty in a different way. It'd like…they're part of her. They complete her." It sounded silly, but it was true._

_Dimitri didn't say anything, but he gave me a sidelong glance. I returned it and our eyes met, I saw the briefest glimpse of the old attraction. It was fleeting and gone too soon, but I'd seen it. Pride and approval replaced it and they were almost as good._ _When he spoke, it was to echo his earlier thoughts. "You're a fast learner, Roza."_

I wasn't in pain as I had been before when I thought of Dimitri or his voice. I would honor who he was and I would never forget. I would always keep apart of him with me.

_Forever,_ I promised myself.


	42. Love Struck

**CHAPTER FOURTY TWO – LOVE STRUCK **

_Alexander Contrive_

I sat across the long table and eyed Rose who was sitting in the seat the furthest away from me. I saw the secret smiles that she exchanged with Mikhail. I saw the way her eyelashes flickered seductively at him and the way she flipped her hair. I saw the way he shifted his weight anxious for the meeting to be over, I watched his lust-darkened eyes taking in every part of her.

And I couldn't help but wonder just _how_ much his eyes had taken in.

I didn't want to think about it but it was the only thing on my mind. I'd left Diana, in the hopes of running back into Rose's embrace. But I'd lost both of them, two beautiful women and such strong souls. Both exquisite and I had proved to be so undeserving of either of them. But even know, when I knew I didn't deserve her, I couldn't restrain the shot of envy that ran through me as I watched their little game right before my eyes. I couldn't keep my anger from rising when I heard Guardians and novices alike talking about her with lustful words and desiring eyes. There was nothing else I could do. Everyone worshipped the ground she walked on…just as I did.

"Guardian Hathaway," I called to her, unable to stand it anymore. I just hand to get in the way. Call me a cock-block but what else could I do? I wasn't simply going to observe as others seemed content to do. "Do you have anything you'd like to add?"

She looked at me with wide, innocent eyes. From my experience with her, I knew that Rosemarie Hathaway was _far _from innocent. She cocked her head to the side and smiled slightly at me. I forced myself not to let my eyes follow the movement of her hair or watch the smooth curve of her bare neck. She was looking especially good today in a pair of black skin tight jeans and a button down red silk shirt. She had let her hair dry is soft rolling waves down her back and left her face vacant of make up. She was also sporting slick black runners and a lacy black tank top underneath the silk shirt. There was no point in forcing her to obey the Guardian dress policy because we all knew she wouldn't and in all honesty, I didn't want her to. I enjoyed the show too much.

"Well…I think that maybe the Guardians could get more involved," Rose said and I blinked at her.

"How would you suggest we do that?" I inquired, leaning forward on my elbows.

She shrugged and righted her head. "We could merge with the novices more, let loose a bit at the appropriate times…blend with them, let them know that they can still be humans when they graduate." Seeing the looks of some of the Guardians, she went on flippantly. "Hey now, don't you look at me like that. I know more than anyone that life isn't a game and that yes, you do need to be serious _to an extent. _But we need to show the novices that they don't always have to be made of stone, perfect slabs of emotionless defenders even if it's what the Moroi want. Honestly, I think that the Moroi would be more comfortable with their Guardians if they acted more like people, were more sociable and easier to communicate with. An event such as this, the celebration of their _graduation_…that's a big thing for them that they only get to experience once. I didn't get to have a graduation, but ever since I was little, I always imagined going out in a flash, a huge party with all my friends and all those Guardians that I'd grown up looking up to and training with. I think we should gift them with the same thing that I and every other dhampir have fantasized. We could make this a dream come true for them,"

Her speech was answered with silence. Then Ivan said, "My lord, Hathaway, who knew you had such a feminine side to that reckless killing machine you are!" the Guardians rumbled with laughter and Rose joined in, good spirited as always.

Shrugging, she shot him a grin. "Don't try telling me that the little girl isn't just _dying _to bang her way out of that closet, man," and the laughter rose with each volleying joke and shot that was given and received. Soon the banter ended after I brought them to order after Mikhail had said something a little _too _suggestive for my liking.

"Let's focus here," I said sharply and they quieted, turning to me for guidance. "Who all is in favour of Hathaway's idea?" All hands rose and chuckles were passed around. It was unanimous. "So it's settled, we will relax and let loose a bit to make this a big deal for our novices." Everyone looked pleased and I was proud of Rose, not for the first time. "Alright then, dismissed,"

As they exited the room, I remained seated and watched them all leave. I did not miss how Mikhail made a beeline for Rose. It irked me in a way nothing else could. By god, couldn't that man find something else to do with his time? He didn't have to dote on her twenty four seven! That was simply ridiculous. Not that that wasn't what I was doing, but it was different when he did it. As he was nearing her, I stood and called, "Rose, a minute please,"

She looked over to me with a confused look on her face. Mikhail said something to her and she winked and began walking in my way with a smile gracing those gorgeous lips. I knew that that smile wasn't for me, not anymore, but a man could dream. "Yeah?" she asked casually, as if nothing had ever happened between us.

I clapped a hand down onto her shoulder and squeezed gently. "I'm glad you're here with us, Guardian Hathaway, your ideas are a breath of fresh air,"

She full out grinned at me. "Well, you know, I try," we laughed and I tried to ignore how my hand on her skin felt.

"Rose –" I began on impulse, but she cut me off.

"I'm sorry, Alexander, but I've got to run, but I'll see you later?"

Without waiting for me to respond, she took off out the door and I saw her tail of dark hair vanish up the stairs. I would always regret what happened between me and Rose…if I could ever be worthy of a woman like her god help me.

_Mikhail Tanner_

I paced my room impatiently, agitation in my mind. As if I could pretend to ignore every wistful glance Alexander shot in her direction. As if I could ignore how his eyes followed her every movement with a stalker-like obsession. I saw the way his dark eyes watched Rose with longing. I saw every wistful glance shot in her direction, every lustful gaze. I owed the man my life, but this wasn't something I was willing to give up for him. He'd let her down and hurt her and now he'd lost her. We all knew that he wasn't going to get her back.

Ever since Rose had arrived at the Siberian Academy, I'd been there for her. That person who was always at her back, ready to wrap myself around her and protect her from everything that threatened her was _me_. Not Alexander, who had lusted after her, had her and then betrayed her. I would never be one to treat Rose Hathaway like garbage as he had. She deserved so much better.

I couldn't say that she deserved me because I knew that she didn't. Rose was above me, even if she would never admit it. At this moment in time, Rose and I fit together and moved perfectly as one. We understood each other as two broken pieces put together making a whole. That was the only way I could honestly describe my relationship with Rose Hathaway. I knew, in my mind, that this might only be a fling or that there was a possibility that she may choose to stay with me. I wouldn't cheat myself into imagining that she would stay with me and I wouldn't depress myself by thinking of her leaving me. I would live in the moment with her. That's all I could do and there was nothing else that I'd wish for more.

I could only imagine what Alexander was saying to her right now. Spilling his heart out to her or maybe only reveling in her presence for a few brief moments? What else could he have to say to her? I knew he'd tried to apologize and she had told him that she accepted his apology, but all of us knew she was still hurt by it. She had trusted him and then found that that he had been _engaged_. I had suspected that they'd been involved but I brushed it off as a close friendship because I'd _known _that Alexander had been engaged to marry Diana. How he could have done that to both of them, I didn't know. They were both stunning woman. But if it came down to it, I would have chosen Rose over Diana too. Rose had so many qualities that beautiful but shallow Diana lacked.

I sighed and leaned against the window, gazing out into the dark night. I crossed my arms and let my breath out slowly onto the cool glass. Condensation formed on the window and I stared at it in wonder watching it slowly fade. Would my relationship with Rose become like that? Start off so strong in the beginning and then slowly fade and wither away? What would I do if it came to that? Did I truly care for Rose enough to be completely distraught if we broke it off? Were we even together and did I honestly have a right to claim her as my own?

Just then, the door to my room opened and shut behind me. I could almost feel the ripple in the atmosphere as the object of my affection and the only girl on my mind for weeks entered my room. I heard her make her way across the floor to stand behind me and I did not move. It took all my self-control not to shiver with delight as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

All my earlier thoughts of despair were slowly fading away, becoming a distant memory in her arms. I was still trying to clutch at those thoughts, so I wouldn't allow myself to get too close to her…

Every thought was lost as she pressed her lips just under my ear and whispered, "Wanna have some fun?"

Oh God, how I adored Rose Hathaway.

_Dereck Hays_

Jane wrapped her arms around me and cuddled into my chest. Almost unconsciously, I responded by curling my arms around her shoulders. We were in her room, in the Moroi dorm and coincidentally, on her bed.

"Do you like guarding me, Dereck?" she asked me in her quiet little voice as she made her head comfortable on my chest.

"Of course I do, you know that," I told her and she tightened her arms around me in contentment. I was a charmer and I wasn't afraid to admit it. I knew I had Jane Ivashkov wrapped around my finger but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. Those gorgeous locks of blond hair and sparkling pools of jade she possessed for eyes were only some of her amazing qualities. Like her amazing body…not to mention that _ass_…

Just kidding. I respected Jane…most of the time. Not that I was saying that she was _un_attractive, because she definitely is, it's just…I don't know. Whatever, as if I care to explain _why _Jane Ivashkov claims affection from me.

"I really like you, Dereck," she said slowly and I knew she was drifting off to sleep. "You're my protector…mine…"

"I really like you too," I said automatically.

"Really, do you?"

"Really, I do,"

"Good…" I felt her body go slack with sleep and I bit my lip in confusion. I had just told Jane that I really liked her…but why was I picturing Rose while I said it? Picturing _Rose _in my arms, _Rose _calling me hers and_ Rose _being adorable with me? Damn, I am one sick bastard…_poor Jane_…part of me thought while the other said, _poor you, man, you have to choose between Rose AND Jane…_

But did I really have to choose? Two beautiful women and they were both always with me…did I have to choose one or the other? Come on, the stunning and frightening Rose Hathaway or the cute, timid but stubborn Jane Ivashkov, what would you choose?

You should choose not to choose. Exactly what I was going to do.

Contentment riddled through my body and I lazily let Jane snuggle into me. My like was so damn good.

_Leo Walker_

As I watched Tristan drink from the old male feeder, I pursed my lips. _I _wanted to be able to do that for her. I knew that it would impair me and if a situation came about where I had to protect her, that wouldn't be ideal at all. I wanted to give her everything that she needed and that I couldn't do this for her definitely rubbed me the wrong way, considering this was the one thing that she needed the most. I could give her love, protection, comfort, a shoulder to cry on, endless funds for shopping, but I couldn't sustain her with the only thing that she needed the most.

I found myself thinking about Rose and how she could help Tristan and I. Did she really know all that much about being shadow kissed? Did she know how to help us or would she try to turn us into a mental hospital? No, I knew Rose wouldn't do that. If anyone would have sympathy to others questioning a state of mind, it would be Rose. We all knew how many times we were unsure about her sanity.

Tristan pulled away from the feeder and kissed his cheek gently as he smiled with adoration. A shot of envy streaked through me but I pushed it away and smiled at my charge. We left the feeders' quarters and Tristan linked her arm with mine. It made me happier than I could explain.

I held faith in Rose, hope that she could help us and somehow find us a way to keep away the fits of insanity that threatened Tristan's mind. It was terrifying. What was worse was that I didn't know what to do. I hoped for Rose and I hoped for Tristan, most of all, I hoped for us.

_Be our savior, Rose, please be the one who can stop this…_

_Rosemarie Hathaway_

Lying in bed beside Mikhail, I watched his chest rise and fall with each even breath as he slept. His soft brown hair fell across his eyes and forehead in the most endearing fashion and his pink lips were parted slightly. Mikhail's arm was draped lightly around my waist, one of his legs in between my own. We twined together and it was hard to tell where one of us had begun the other ended. I remembered thinking the same thing of Dimitri, but this was a different. Mikhail and I were good for the moment and we were just enjoying what we could give to each other as we fought through this. No one knew what was in store for us. I wasn't sure I wanted to know either.

I gently brushed the hair away from his eyes and smiled to myself as he sighed in his sleep and moved closer to me, his arm tightening for a brief moment. He was so cute and so terribly sincere. Sometimes he was overprotective, but the way he did it just endeared me to him more.

Was I in love with Mikhail? No, I didn't think so, but I definitely had feelings for him. I adored him, that was for certain and I wasn't sure what I would do without him.

_Well, there is no point in wallowing over what you don't know,_ I thought to myself and made a decision to live in the now, like I had before. Just let things run their own course and not attempt to control them. Que sera sera. What will be, will be.

His eyes fluttered open and he smile sexily up at me with hooded eyes.

Mikhail.


	43. Bliss

Chapter Forty-Three - Bliss

**I know, I know, it's been forever and non of you probably thought I was going to update. I really am sorry. It's been brutal over here. Enjoy**

_Rose Hathaway_

Walking in the quad in the early morning, the _actual _morning – with the sun – was peaceful. I held my face up in the direction of the sky and let my skin soak up at much vitamin D as I could. It was a rarity that I could get away from everything to have a few simple moments to myself. The days had passed and Mikhail and I had continued, surprisingly. I wasn't sure what our expiration date, but I had a feeling that I'd find out soon enough. Graduation was steadily approaching and I knew that as soon as it was over, I'd be going back to Court and I'd have to face all the things that I'd been running from. I'd have to se Lisa, Christian, Etienne…_Adrian…_

I pursed my lips and shoved the thoughts away for now. I couldn't afford to let myself be down about something that wasn't here yet. I had as much of a game plan as was necessary. Make it through Graduation, pack up your shit and get back to Court. Everything after that would be strictly improvisation.

My leisurely stroll was something that I had adopted in recent days. I'd never really been able to just walk with ease, at least not recently. There were still wounds healing throughout my body, but those were purely emotional. I was nearly completely better, but you can't really decide for yourself that you're alright, that you're suddenly ready to move on. I knew well enough about that. Getting involved with Alexander probably wasn't one of my best ideas, but it was roaring fun. But it was also just a way to forget about everything that was knocking front and centre in my mind. I knew that Mikhail wasn't exactly the ideal match for me, that we probably wouldn't run off and get married, have crazy monkey sex and live in the human world. The crazy monkey sex was a possibility, but only for a short amount of time, seeing as I was leaving and he was presumably staying here. And we all know long distance is bullshit. I was contented with him now. It was pure bliss waking up next to him in the mornings and I really did feel alright when I was around him. I felt like he understood me and I knew that we were helping each other.

I knew that everyone would either be just getting to bed or fast asleep by now and that I probably should as well, but I didn't feel tired. I felt restless. The kind of restless that running wouldn't do any good, the kind that physical exertion would do nothing to help. I found myself ambling into the Guardian Building and up into the corridor that Mikhail stayed in. I found his door and let myself in without a knock. This would have been a bad idea if I was easily embarrassed, considering his current state.

The boy had obviously just gotten out of the shower because his hair was damp and sticking out in random directions from a quick towel dry. There were droplets of water running down his muscular back and he held the towel in front of him, I presumed he was drying off his face. I didn't mind and took a good long look at that boy's rear end before he turned around.

Upon my entrance, he half turned and I bit my lip. There was just something so incredibly sexy about a guy fresh out of the shower wearing a pleasantly surprised look on his face. And that hair, that messy hair was so terribly endearing it almost made my heart hurt. **(A/N: Oy, heads up for a little M rage here. Lemon, if you wish to pass it, there will be bold writing to show the end).**

"Hey you," he said and I didn't respond. I just went right up to him and pressed my lips to his. He made a small sound of surprise in the back of his throat, but wound his arms around my waist as mine made their way around his neck. When we finally pulled away for air, he looked into my eyes and said, "Someone's in a good mood," I bit my lip and watched him through hooded lids. I didn't have to speak to get my point across. His hands trailed lightly down my chest, undoing buttons on their way. He peeled off my shirt and looked pleased to discover that I wasn't wearing anything underneath.

I tangled my right hand in his hair and pulled him down for another kiss and things picked up quickly. He made quick work of my jeans and he stripped me of my panties. His hands were roaming my body as I was kissing his neck. His hand ran up my back and to the nape of my neck. A growl vibrated in his chest as he ripped out the elastic that had been holding up my hair.

"I thought my hair looked good today," I murmured. I had actually put some work into the bun that was reasonable and stylish at the same time.

"It did," he consented as he backed me into the window. The cold glass was a shock on my heated skin and I jumped, coincidentally pressing my body into Mikhail's. He groaned at the contact and pressed against me. I loved the feel of his skin on mine and threw my head back as his kissed down my neck, along my collar bones and down to my breast. He nipped at my right nipple and teased me with his tongue as I tried to suppress a moan. I knew he knew it because his eyes flashed up to mine as his hand slowly travelled in between my legs. He taunted me by skimming his fingers along the insides of my thighs, but not entering me. I bit my lip in a guilty pleasure, but also frustration. I gasped as he took my breast into his mouth and dug my nails into his back. He licked and sucked and nipped and then moved to tend to my other breast, all the while still teasing at my entrance.

"_Mikhail,_" I said breathily and his eyes met mine as he slowly slipped a finger inside of me. He was such a horrible tease and I loved him for it. He kissed back up my neck and peppered my face with pecks as he slowly moved his finger in and out of me. Soon, he added a second as he hovered right before my lips, not kissing me. I loved the feel of him, I loved how he teased. But I was getting frustrated. I gripped the back of his neck and pulled him in for a long, promising and furious kiss and I could tell he loved it.

Suddenly, he pulled away from me. His fingers and mouth absent from my body and I felt barren. And hurt. He saw the look on my face and placed a tender kiss on my forehead before he whispered in my ear, "A little background music," which I understood as _'Something to cover up the noise of what's coming'._

As I watched his lean form bend over his deck, connecting his iPod to his docking station, I squirmed. I was soaking and raging with desire for him. _Now. _I crept up behind him and ran my finger tips along his sides, his hips and down just above his member. I felt him shudder and smiled as his hands paused in their work. "Come on, Mikhail, put on that music," I murmured into his ear before I kissed right below it. I let my hands trail across his lower abdomen and let my smile grow as I felt his body quaking with desire. I moved more to the side of Mikhail and skipped my right hand down onto his rapidly hardening member. I took a hold of him lightly and listened to his breathing hitch and glanced at his hands to see them shaking. "Mikhail, come on…" I teased as I ran my fingers up and down his length.

"Oh God," he said shakily as he quickly finished with the music. I barely noticed, but I did notice when he began to turn towards me.

"Don't move," I whispered as I watched him through my lashes. I slowly began pumping my hand along his length, watching him all the while. His eyes met mine as I administered these actions onto him. I took pleasure in his dilated pupils and his taut body. I smiled again, knowing that it was me that was doing this to him. As I began to move my hand faster along his length, he seemed to have had enough.

He groaned as he gripped my shoulders and threw me onto the bed. He didn't waste any time as he plunged right into me. He thrust into me and knotted his hand into my hair. I quickly picked up his pace and moved with him, straining to keep quiet. Even though there was cover-up music, I was still vaguely concerned about the other Guardians over hearing, particularily the ones who roomed on either side of Mikhail's room. My thoughts soon drifted away from any worrying as Mikhail picked up the pace and I found myself staring into his eyes. We were both breathing heavily and approaching our climaxes and we both knew it. I gripped Mikhail's left hand in my right and his right forearm in my left hand and deftly switched our positions so I was the one on top. I saw the heated approval in his eyes and thrived on the whispered praises he showered me with as I rode him. He fondled my breasts as I gripped his shoulders. I couldn't even hear the music now, the sound of our skin slapping together was music enough. Mikhail moved his hands to my hips and helped strengthen my thrusts and also contributed with his hips.

"M-Mikhail..." I uttered just as I hit my climax in the same instant he reached his. I felt him release inside of me and _damn_, if felt so good. We road out our orgasims together and after we came down, he shifted us so we were on our sides, facing each other. He began to pull out when I wrapped a strong leg around his waist. "I'm not done with you yet,"

"God, you're amazing," he whispered before he ravished my body with kisses and licks. He slowly began pumping in and out of me while we were lying on our sides. It was so intimate. As we were reaching our climaxes for a second time, he wrapped an arm around my back and pressed me plush against his chest. This time, I couldn't hold back the moan that ripped itself from my throat as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. I could have sworn that he said, "I love you," but I thought I must have imagined it. I was lost in the ecstacy of the orgasim and his words weren't as important as they probably should have been. I was worried, but determined to push it aside for later.

**(It's over, kids)**

That night, Mikhail and I stayed up talking and laughing. We swiped some beer from the Guardian's stash and drank pretty consistantly. We had frequent burst of passion and it was an evening of extreme pleasure, to say the least. He played with my hair and I traced nothings into the skin of his chest as we began to fall into a sleepy state. He murmured something and kissed the crown of my head as he pulled the covers over us, but I didn't hear what it was. Before I passed into my slumber, I just felt completely blissed out. Everything was alright and I was sleeping next to a beautiful boy. What could be better? I snuggled closer to him and fell into one of the easiest sleeps of my life.


	44. Author's Note

Dear Readers,

I do know that so many of you have stopped reading this fic and rightly so. I got terribly busy and what not and let it slip away. So, as is no surprise, the story will not be completed or adopted. My computer got wiped, deleting the previous chapters I had prepared, but they're gone. The story, loosely, was going to have this elabourate celebration for the graduation and Alexander would have made it very special for Rose. Dereck, at the end of the night, would ask Rose to be his other half in guarding Jane. Rose would say no and return to the Court. Obviously, she has some unsolved issues there and they aren't entirely solved, but they are discussed and on the mend. Rose starts to take it slow with Adrian and everything looks like it's getting better. There was a picture perfect ending, but there was going to be a little cliffy. Nothing to worry about now.

Thanks for sticking with the story as long as you did, you sexy beasts.

Much love,

Alice


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